Pieces Of Me..

It was haunting me again last night. 

When was the last time it actually visited me. 

Oh, not that long now that I come to think about it. 

On that day when I found out about that rocketmail logged on your computer. 

And that face you showed me when I questioned you.

The face that was trying so hard to hide things from me but to no avail because I opened up that inbox and saw what was inside. 

Disappointed was the only word that could describe my feelings. 

How many times do you have to breach my trust for you? 

How many a times you need my tears to keep haunting me? 

I'm unhappy for all I know.

And you've never in any ways try to make me feel better. 

Why is it that you choose when to make me happy? 

Why is it that you can't keep things on a constant and let that live forever the same way? 

I'm tired of keeping up with your pace and following your steps. 

You just keep walking and walking without taking a look at me who's behind you, trying so hard to follow every of your steps so that I could be near you, trying so hard to keep up with you so that I don't lose you. 

I'm exhausted.

I'm tired. 

The smile on my face is fading.

You're making it fade. 

Stop giving me all the short-lived happiness and give me something real and solid. 

If you can't give me what I need, why do you even bother to reassure me that you will and trying so hard to make things work when I wanted to give up? 

Don't do this to me. 

Smiling from the bottom of my heart. :)

It has been so long..
Since I feel this way..

I'm smiling, I'm wanting, I'm feeling..
This feels so different.
And I just love how I really feel now. :)

Thank you!
xx

Being Fair?

You don't like me going out with people you don't like, not even in group.
Then why are you doing that?

Doesn't make it a valid reason even if she's your friend's girlfriend.
I don't give a shit who she is.

' Don't like means don't like la. '
This is what you taught me.

FOLLOW MY RULE AND DO WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO DO.

Just don't speak a word. I need the silence.

Yours Truly.

My happy pill. :)

Cheese bun! :)

My last module's lecturer!

:)

My awesome classmates for the past months!

10months passed. It's so fast. Look how time flies. :) 

Enjoyed my entire studying times and I guess I love being just a student instead of having to work at the same time. :) Would definitely love to be in touch with them next time! :)

No idea why.. No idea why are you doing this.. Didn't I already said I won't do it? Why are you harping on it and going non-stop about it even when I said I don't think I wanna continue the conversation? Why do you have to kill the conversation which was all okay? My day started well. But why? I'm not angry, I'm just upset how you never ever realize that every word, every sentence that you make, affects me.

23rd Dec 2011.

Talking about what happened that day, just really pissed me off.

I'm in a super lousy mood now.

Finance Director?

Fuck you la. You're nothing but a piece of shit.
Without your brother you think you can sit at that seat or not?
You'll probably be struggling somewhere out there.

Everyday come in to office late, leave office early.
When your brother not around then you don't even come in.
Only putting up a show in front of your brother.
Really feel like voicing it out to your brother that you don't even perform well or set a good role model yourself and you expect your staffs to listen to you? -.-

No one respect you at all.
I wonder if you know it.
Only people who wanna bootlick you is being nice to you.
Bloody fucker.

Trash!

Day 6.

Today is the day. :)

Heart is feeling so much lighter than before.
I saw your friends having this person on their facebook.
I hope you're not gonna be like them.

Day 4.

Lunch that I didn't even finish half. -.- Waste money lor! -.-

My dinner! At least I managed to eat 3/4 of it! :)

Mudpie. Didn't even eat like 1/4 of it cause those who knows me know I never liked chocolate! LOL.

My loots from yesterday! >.< 

Paragon's Toilet. <3

Shidaaa! <3

Counting the number of days in fact didn't make me feel any better. ): 

I need something to distract me further. Sigh. 

Avatar tonight and I really can't wait! :):) 

CATS babies and TeamKukup and with other people as well. :) 

It's gonna be massiveeee! :) 

Filter tomorrow, I won't be going. Sunday's photoshoot at 8:30am and it almost slipped my mind. 

Shoot tomorrow morning at 10:30am as well. Need to wake up at 8! 

I'm trying to keep myself busy so I have no extra time to think about other things! ): 

Exam in one more week. Good luck Kat. Time to mug after tonight! 

Day 3.

Worries so I went to pray. :)

Dinner last night! :)

Trimmed my eyebrow! :)

Face condition seems bad. I need to do more mask! 

The fear in me is making me weak.
I need to get over this.
I need to let everything go.

I can't seems to sleep well these days. I need proper rest.
I just hope you know, how uneasy it is for me during times like this.
Why is it that you can't be like what he did?

I know I shouldn't compare but this is what I really feel.

感觉有点。。

累了。
努力的挽回可是为什么一直觉得今天所付出的以后不会有回报？

不求回报。
以前的我是个不求回报的人，可是经历了那么多的事让我不得不不求回报。
但是我求回报到我自己很累。

好想回到从前那个什么都不管，敢爱敢恨，轰轰烈烈的去爱的我。
好想有一个可以让我好好找回自己的地方。

好想有一个可以永远紧紧抱着我的人来疼我。
):

Saying goodbye hurts.

This is bad.
I really fell.
I really loved.

And this is hurting so badly.

祸从口出.

She never learn. 

Even with an age that is older than me, a mind that SHOULD be older than me. 

But nope, she never. Never learn the seriousness of whatever that she's saying. 

I'm beginning to hate her and her presence. And that's a really bad start. 

I don't care whose girlfriend she is. 

But when I start hating her, I will have all kinds of excuses and nothing is ever gonna change it unless I change it myself. 

Why do I have this feeling in me? 

A feeling that I'm gonna regret what I did now. 

Unblock them on my facebook but somehow I feel like I'm doing it on purpose instead. She wants to tag tag tag, I'll show her her tags are no threats to me. At least I'm not a person who fish in her own pond. I wonder, have she ever fished out of her pond before? TSK. Okay, I'm nasty here. Hold it, Kat. 

I've got a better life than her. Seriously. MEHHHHHHHH.

I kinda like my public blog now that not many people visit everyday. :) 

My daily views dropped from 100+ to only a few everyday. Depressing if I'm a blogger. But contented as a normal person. :) 

And somehow, your words are ringing in my mind. What am I to do to you? You failed me in the past. Going back to where it went wrong will only make me look so much more stupid. But somehow I can't forget. Everything just seems so clear now. Why? Why did you ruin that love I had for you? Why did your words come so late? Why? WHY? WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT SAYING SORRY TO ME?! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. 

The Past.

Read the posts from my private blog that consist of all the things that happened before and after. I saw the change in me.. A huge change.

Things were really different back then.

It's funny how I actually still would look back to the past. Looking at what I've posted back then is just like sprinkling salt onto my wounds.

Dumb.

"Find a love that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest."

"Find a love that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest."

Godma always tell me that. I've always envied Godma for having Godpa with her, really. Godpa told me once'女人是拿来疼的，如果找不到一个可以用一辈子都疼你的男人，不用紧，daddy疼你！' Godma was with Godpa since she's 17 and they're still so loving until now. Honestly, Godpa really dote on Godma a lot. He work hard all his for them. When I heard what Godpa told Godma last time when I was having this heart to heart conversation with Godma back few years ago, I never did expected a guy would say those things. And what's more shocking to me is that even until now Godpa uphold what he promised Godma. To find such a guy nowadays is probably close to impossible. Godma told me before, '如果再给我重新选择，我还是会选daddy'. You know, it's never easy to make a woman to be able to say this sentence without any regrets. But Godma said she never regretted being with Godpa, much less to mention being married to him. How I wish I have this kind of feeling and saying this kind of thing. Godpa must have made Godma felt really special to him.. :) It's just all envy when I look at them. 

23.12.11

Some of us.

26.12.11

27.12.11

Credits: Sam Song

Credits: Sam Song

Standing at a crossroad, don't know which direction to head to. 

Been questioning myself lately. 

1. ' Love you enough to change for you, or, Love you enough to let you go? ' 

There are so many things in this life, or rather in my life that I can't accept. People tried to change me over the past almost 6years and I never allowed that to happen. Now that you're requesting for me to withdraw from what was in life for the past almost 6 years and you think it's easy? It's not. It will never be. I asked myself, is it worth it? Maybe it was for the last time you. But now? I don't know. I would have given up a lot of things for you without you talking all the terms and conditions. Have I love you enough to make such a huge sacrifice in my life? Or have I not love you enough to make this change for you? 

2. " Hold on or Let go? "

What am I holding on to? The memories? The past? The old you? Or the current and present? What had become of you and what had become of me? What happened to us? Can't really believe what had changed us. Can't believe everything could change just in one night. What am I not willing to let go, seriously? What's there left to hold and what's there not to let go? I've been trying hard to think and at least giving myself a reason to hold on and not to let go. But why do I keep feeling that what I'm holding on to now is the old you and what I'm letting go now is the current you? I don't like this, really. In fact I think I'm hating it.  

3. " For how long can this situation carry on? "

Honestly, I have no idea how am I gonna keep this going in me. I don't know what else can I even look forward to. I don't know what else am I to even seek for in this. I'm kinda feeling really lost. I don't really wanna lose myself for all these.. But what am I to do? Can those memories stop rushing in and giving me such a tough time? 

Anyway, my Christmas this year was great and well spent with those lovely people. Thank you. :)

A Little Something.

Smile is the best medicine.

Kris, Lynn, Terry, Francis, Jek, Tai.

I don't say, doesn't mean I don't feel.

You know sometimes the problem with being who we are, hurts others in a way or another. It may not be directly but it just hurts. Queen always tell me never to use my heart to treat other people because not everyone will treat you with their heart. But Queen, you forgot that it was you who taught me to use my heart to understand a person. So how am I suppose to not treat other people with my heart? 

Mind over body or body over mind? Mind over body for me. I suck at this but this is just me. I always keep things to myself and until I can't take it anymore, then I let it all out. Queen always tell me that she's there for me, there to listen to me but sometimes I feel, there are things that I can't really tell her. Not because I don't trust her but because I know what she's gonna say is not what I want to hear. Selective hearing, yes. Everyone does that. I've not been very honest with myself for this one year. I've not been truthful to myself for this one year. And almost all the time, I tried to put on a smile. But I guess I'm tired doing that already. 

I have my Twitter to rant to. I have my private blog to blog about shits that happens, I have my best friends whom I tell almost everything to. But I always forgot about myself. I always forgot that end of the day, I only have myself. I only have myself to hold, I only have myself to answer to, I only have myself to depend on. 

People judge me and I never cared. People said I'm unreasonable and I never bothered. People said I'm willful and I can't be fucked. People said I'm difficult but who are they to judge? There's only one person who can judge me in this entire world. And that's none other than my Queen, the one who gave birth to me and raised me up. The one who spent my 23-going-on-24 years of life with me, teaching me the values of life and guiding me to walk the right path. The one who will be there to cry with me when I'm at my lowest point and the one who will be there to share with me at my happiest time. 

Other than her, no one in this whole wide world has the right to judge me. If anyone of you want to judge me, you can go ahead. Because I always believe in Karma. Karma's only a bitch if you are. You judge me now, Karma will make you pay double of what you've done. Maybe not on you but your kids/family in the future. 

I don't know how many people actually have dejavu but I do. And it really does happen. In this two weeks, two of my dreams became real. I always know that sometimes when I dream and I don't remember after I wake up, it will happen one day, it's just the matter of time. This two dreams, I had them early this year. I remember because the whole scene and place was familiar. Even the conversation seems planned. I hope dejavu stop knocking on my door cause I'm kinda freaking out by how many of them are coming true. 

And now it seems like surviving a day with two cups of coffee is do-able. 

One day, just one day. You'll regret what you've done at the spur of the moment. You'll regret saying what you've said and regret doing what you've done. Because you never realize that what you've done at the spur of the moment could cause what you never want to happen to be happening. 

How many people live their life with regrets? Plenty. 

And for once I feel, I've never regretted living my life the way it is now. 

You? 

We Control A Thing Called 'Second Chance'.

NYE with lovelies last night was great! 

The view I woke up to this morning. (: 

Looking good! :)

Yeap, I was at MBS! :)

I went with her.

And her. I don't know why my face look so big but mehhh. -.- 

Got ready for work already! :)

Okay, I'm trying to compare my face's 'roundness' compared to last time. -.-
and YES, my eyelashes are pretty now! :):)

Not feeling very good lately.  So I tried to do stupid things to cheer myself up. 

It only happens once a year: New Year's Eve. It's a time when hopeless can be romantic, and a resolution can become a revelation. And when one night can change everything. - Movie, New Year's Eve.

In 365 days, what are the things that you've done and you're proud of it? What are the things that you've done and you regretted it? In 365 days, how many days do you actually live, having that smile on your face? 

2011 has not been really nice to me. Encountered many things and done quite a lot of stuffs as well. Nothing in this world is gonna be smooth forever and we know it. But let's just face it, not all of us can face what is really there for us. 

There are too many things in this world that we cannot accept. There are too many things in life that we're unhappy about. 

After watching the movie NYE, somehow or rather, I had some weird feelings in me. You know, in this kind of movie, it's always happy ending and it makes you go awwwww~~ all the time, especially typical girls who love romance shows. Then it's like, 'why isn't my boyfriend like the actor?' I don't really have that feeling last night. It's more like, NYE is just... A new year, a new start but the same old you. 

Some people just never learn, never change. They will never change. Not until they really lost something that important to them. I always tell my friends that if every couple hit the ' meet the right person at the right time ' then maybe we're all gonna be happy and everyday is gonna be valentine's day. But nah, that's not what reality is. 

For once, I actually do hope for world to come to an end. It may be really selfish because not many people actually think like me. I'm not someone who like to have changes in my life. Yes, I'm someone who lives with familiarity. But my life started changing since 2008. And I guess I've never really been adapting to it well. I guess, I'm still trying to.. 

I'm not happy. That's what I want to say. I don't know how long is this going to last but I hope it's not gonna be too long. 

Suddenly, I wish I'm back to Malaysia for like maybe 3months, stay out of contact with everyone here in Singapore. I missed when I was younger and I'm protected so much. 

I've been isolating myself from a lot of people and only going out with selective people. I don't know why but I'm closing up, again. It felt like back in 2008 and all I want to do was just locking myself in my room, off my phone and just sleep my days away. 

To be or not to be. That is the question. 

To give or not to give. That is the decision. 

I hope tomorrow's lunch will be good. 

I hope tomorrow night will be another great night. 

I can't wait for next Friday already.

It's yet another beginning of drink, drank, drunk days. 

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. 

I can do this. 

P/S: If you can't make me fall for you again like the way I did before.. I'm sorry but I guess there won't be any changes to this current situation.

先苦后甜.

Lost weight? ):

No more tummy! (:

Slimmer face? 

I've been saying that I need to lose weight etc etc. And I procrastinate about going on diet as well. Well, I guess the recent issues really gave me a good chance to lose weight. Since after CATS-Classified, I lost about 5-6kg? From the time I said I wanna lose weight back in I think, August/September, I've lost a total of 10kg. But from August - CATS-Classified, I never really go on diet etc so my weight was up and down and most of the time, I eat what I lost. So yeah, never really put in much efforts. -.- 

CATS-Classified was on 25th November. I started going on diet since the start of this month. My appetite now has really grown to super tiny. I survived on liquid stuffs most of the days. And eat only a meal a day. Plus lately my mood was not really stable and that affected my appetite. So basically, I eat only one meal a day, it's either lunch or dinner and I can't complete my meal. Don't ask me why but yes, I have no appetite. And I just broke my record of not having any solid food for 24hours yesterday. And yes, I wasn't hungry and only had my first bite just now lunch. Had like one egg prata and I thought I could finish my cheese one too but after 3 mouth and I'm done. Too full to continue. -.- Yeah, I hope to lose another 8kg more by December 31st! And that makes every week to lose about 3kg! Well, I think it's do-able cause I did that in the first week! (: 

Feeling a little guilty cause I didn't spend much time with my cousins since they came to Singapore on Sunday! ): I've got class yesterday and today! ): They're leaving tomorrow already!! But I'm glad that they went to USS on Monday and enjoyed themselves! It's been a really long time since this twin cousins of mine came to Singapore together! They're all grown ups now and it's really tough for them to leave my hometown together end of the year or during June holidays cause the salon will have a lot of customers and usually my Uncle wants them to help out. ): So yeah, it's a rare chance that they can come over together. Queen brought them to Bugis yesterday and they're going to Marche today! ): Marcheeeeeee! A pity I have class tonight! If not I'll join them! ): 

ANYWAY, I'm glad I've finally got rid of 10kg of FATS. Whatever you all wanna call it. -.- Whoever calls me a fatty last time YOU WATCH ME. I'LL SLIM DOWN AND LET YOU SEE. Bloody idiots. I think if you don't see any bones on me you're gonna call me fat already. So I think whole of Singapore, there are a lot of fatty/fat people around. Seriously, calling a girl Fatty is the worst thing you can do. Especially if you're a guy. Once or twice is okay, but when it's more, I don't think it's anything funny anymore. -.- 

Okay, Good Luck to me and Business Stats today! ): 

Update soon! :) 

Byebye! 

If this is the way you want things to be, I got your message. I don't expect you to expect any changes without any changes to this current situation. If this is not what you want, show me. Your words are worthless.  

Thoughts.

It's 1:21am now. I'm still wide awake. Can't sleep. =\ Many things have been running in my mind recently. I don't know how to describe the feelings in me now. Hais. =S

Anyway, just a quick update on my life bahhs. Like I said, life has been very much of the same. Woke up in the morning, get ready and met Pris Love to go to work together. Haven't been doing so for some time already. Cause I always dilly-dally thus go to work myself. It's nice going to work with her. And of course, I do know how lonely she felt when she go to work alone. Cause I too, went work alone. =\ Had lunch at temple today. Had my usual Mee Hoon Kuay. After work, I went home with Rose and Sandy. Cause they both live near me. Home about 6:30pm. Then slack at home for a while watching ' Journey To The West ' with Princess Geline and TeckTeck. Then waited for Princess JiaYi to come home and head to Granny's place for dinner. Meanwhile, Dennis, Huiyun, Huiyun's Boyfriend ( I don't know his name ) and Nicole came to my place to pay Princess Geline a visit. Then they left for dinner and Mahjong session at Nicole's place. While I play Dota and wait for my Princesses to be ready. Head over to Granny's at about 9pm. Back home about 9:45pm. Watch ' Journey To The West ' all the way until now. Am suppose to be sleeping but I just can't sleep. =x

Hmm.. I've been thinking a lot recently. About friends, family, and a certain someone. Miss a lot of friends, relatives, as well as that certain someone. So near yet so far, that's the nearest I can think of to describe my feelings now.

Friends;
Everyone have their life to carry on and not all of them can always meet up. Even with a message to ask ' Hey how are you? ' Yes it does feels nice but I can't see them. I miss my primary school friends especially. =( Met a few of them in clubs but didn't really catch up. I miss those days when we had BBQs, Chalets or maybe just a simple dinner or outing. I miss catching up with everyone of them. I've met up with some secondary school friends recently. Yes it's nice. Steph, Marie, Sherine, Mae, Jaz, Sarah, Amelia, Mabel. Yes all girls. And I've yet to meet someone deary to me, Kristeena. Kris had some problems recently and she contacted me. I'm glad she had me in mind when she's in need cause it shows that I'm still important to her. Thanks for showing that and I too, do care a lot about her. Though we didn't meet up frequently, but somehow we never forget each other. If you ask me, how many true friends I have. Yes I have, that a few. And majority are girls. Yeah in your mind you could be thinking ' Wtf Kat got girls as her true friends? I thought should be some guys. ' Hmm, I do have guy friends who are close to me and I tell them everything about my life. Probably, hmm, three? Terry Buddy is definitely one of them and of course, Ben. As for the last one, I think everyone knows who. None other than Bev. These people, are the ones I truely treasure a lot. Ohh well, Maybe you won't believe, but I don't care whether you do. Cause you're not me and you don't know me. =) Friends are the one that keep me going and of course, without them, Kat wouldn't be here today. I think only my close friends know why I said this. =) At the same time, I miss some skaters. Like, Maria, Shawn, Shyler, QQ, Jordan, Walter, Ken, Lynn, Zhu, JoonJek and some others. Miss them joking around and stuffs. But I don't really miss skating. Just miss hanging out with them. =) I don't even remember when was the last time I put on my skate and like, skate? Oh on the day I got my injuries. Haha. That's pretty long if you remember. Haha. Ohh well. -.- I miss some Malaysia friends too. Miss all the tea time at night, chatting about life and bitching about the villagers. Hahahaha! Hmm, I wish they're right here with me now, by my side. =(

Relatives;
My Malaysia relatives of course. I miss my two nephews, Elvin and Edwin. Miss Cousin Karen and all my other Cousins. =( They have not been to Singapore for some time and I wish they're here too. But no, they can't. I wanna go back soon! Go back and visit them, spend some time catching up with them and of course, going out! Though my Uncle is a little strict, but I know it's because he cares. It's not easy for him too cause he can't come over to Singapore and whenever I got myself into shit, he can only worry at the other side of this world. He can't see me, can't help me but only hear my voice. I remember when I got into my Bike accident last year, he called me on the phone, sounding so damn worried. Kept asking me how am I feeling, can I endure the pain etc etc. I know he's worried but there's nothing I could do at that time. Kinda feel like a let down. I've not let my family really not worry about me all these years. It's only recently, when life's getting better, then they worry lesser. It's a good sign isn't it? =) But yeah, I do hope that there's one day they completely stop worrying about me. =) Uncle told me ' Yen, I just hope there's someone who's matured enough to take care of you and that you're happy and I'll be glad. Woman are meant to be taken care of, remember this. ' He told me this on the trip when I had a long stay in Malaysia. It's nice of him. He's been working hard all his life, raising his kids, being a responsible father, son and a business man at the same time. It's not easy for him. Having to take care of the whole family is not easy. But at least now he shown me something. That with his determination to hold on, he achieved what his dream. =) Of course, a successful and useful dream. =) My two nephews, they're sick and I can't even see them. The thing with me is, I worry too much. =( With the swine flu cases getting more and more, I'm more worried. Both of them are still so young. Immune system is definitely not as strong as adults. But what can I do? Helpless, just like my Uncle when I got shit in Singapore. Sometimes I wished, Singapore and Malaysia are just ONE country. But how can that ever be possible? Never. Life sucks till this extend. -.- Cause of helplessness.

That certain someone;
I don't know if I should feel sad that we're like now or I should be happy that things are like that. Being a optimist, I would tell myself that Yeah things are better off that way, which I've been telling myself. Cause I don't wanna push and I'm not. =) Am not gonna be like the past no more. Things are different now. I just wanna let time prove. But I've never left. I'm just a call away. No matter how long have I not contacted that person, I'll be there when I'm needed. But at the same time, I don't wanna feel like I'm fool and being made used of. Cause I'm not like that and that's not what I want. Alternatively, being a pessimist, I'd think that we shouldn't be just like that and started getting emotional etc. But no, I'm not like that. Yes I have times when I'm upset. But soon, time will just bring that unhappiness away. Cause I believe. I read a book, it says ' When you believe, everything is possible. ' I know getting upset won't bring me anywhere but further away. Thus, I'm not. Or maybe, I seldom get upset. =) For now I've got a lot of friends with me. Friends who share good times with me. ^.^ And that's more than enough. Jealousy? Who don't have? It only depends on whether or not do you want to show/say it. I choosed to keep everything for now. Cause when you really trust a person, jealousy will get lesser. =) It's not that I'm no-feeling or what. But I trust. I choose to trust instead of getting jealous. =) I've not tell that certain someone how much I missed him etc. But I guess that person do know. Certain things, are better left unsaid. If I could choose to do one thing between us, I'll let the time tell. I don't care how long it's gonna takes. I just wanna prove to myself that he's worth it. And he really do worth the waiting.. Stubborn I am, but what can you do? I may seems like I'm making myself in a very miserable state but in fact, I'm not. =) I'm happier that things are like that now. I rather time just stop and doesn't tick anymore. I can sense that the patience I've lost back almost 4 years ago is coming back. =) Patience is all I need now.. =)

It's 2:13am.
And I suppose it's time to sleep.
I've got work later and gotta go for an interview at Clark Quay after work.
All the best to myself! =)

Ohh Queen said she's gonna help me with something. =) Hahaha. Till then.. ^.^


Some photos to end the entry bahhs. =)

Outing with Mummy Ting. =)

Mount Faber! ^.^


The view is so nice! That's Sentosa!! ^.^


=)





Goodnight readers. =)

Updates and Boredom. -.-

1st July 2009, Wednesday.

I'm home basically the whole day? Yeah. Doing nothing. Other than playing a bit of Dota at home. Cause I was bored. Haha. Been like so long since I last touch Dota. Err, a bit boring now. No longer as enthusiastic as last time. =X Last time play almost everyday and it's long hours. But now, play one game, bored of it. -.- Last time used to hear all the ' Double Kills, Tripple Kills, Unstoppable, Monster Kills and Holyshits ' until I'm so sick of it. Hahaha. Play with AI+, less than 5 minutes, ' First Blood '. But now, I'm so rusty. =S I even forget which items to buy to assemble the other item. -.- Gosh. That shows how long have I not touch Dota okay! =) I used to own people with Razor, but now I can't do well with Razor. -.- Hmm, lost all the skills? Haha. Yeah. Tried out Terry Buddy's super Troll. But I don't know how to use it. Gave up half way. T.T Maybe Dear Friend knows. Ask him to teach me next time. =)) Hahaha. Okays, ROT at home the whole day. Vincent asked me if I wanna go St James, but am lazy to go out. So yeahs, didn't go. -.- Slept like, the whole time from 7-10pm. Then head to Granny's for dinner/supper. -.- Back home about 11-ish and slept about 2am? Haha. 

2nd July 2009, Thursday.

Woke up in the afternoon about 2pm. By my beloved Queen. Damn I hates it when people disturb my sleep. Grr. She keep calling my phone. I almost hang up on her. So irritating. Omg. Then got ready and know what, HEAVY RAIN. -.- So I played Dota for another while. -.- Until about 3:30pm, went to fetch my two younger Princesses with Queen and Princess Geline. Then head to Granny's to have lunch. Took a nap at Granny's after lunch. From about 4:30pm to 7pm. -.- Yes I'm a pig. And am gonna be one soon. Sleep, eat, sleep, eat. Don't become pig is fake one. Wth. After dinner, went home with Princess Geline and her Prince. Then clean the house a bit. Total mess. Omg. Then play Dota for a while, am effing bored okay! Then watch DVD with Queen. Bathe and gonna sleep soon. It's 3am. =X

Life has been quite monotonous. 

Life has been quite bored.

Life has been quite tiring.

Probably due to no work.

Probably due to laziness.

Probably due to the lack of proper rest. 

I think I need to meet new friends.

I think I need to know new people.

I think I need to have better programmes other than clubbing/drinking. ( Nope, no skating. -.- )

I think I need to start doing other things. 

Yupp.

Causes,

Reasons,

Solutions.

It's now up to me to decide what I wanna do next. =) 

Somewhat, somehow, 

deep in me,

I know I ain't that happy afterall. 

Just that little part of me. 

But no, it ain't the past that is haunting me.

It's now, and future..

Updatesssssss.

Been away for weekends.

Yes, it's my Second Princess, Geline's Wedding. Her big day. The rest of the things, fuck off. -.-

Priority is my family. Nothing else matters. Not even skating or clubbing. =)

Alright!

19th June 2009, Friday.

Worked half day. Then met QQ at Lavender MRT. The two stupid KUKUs suppose to be there by 1pm. -.- end up reach at 1:15pm. WTH. When I told them not to be late cause the bus cannot be late one. Worse is, ALL LATE. WTF. Was a bit pissed for that fact cause I got work and I can manage to reach there on time. But the rest? -.- Almost flared up but I told myself to control. My Princess's friends also. Tell me they're meeting up 1:45pm at Lavender. Yeah right. -.- Reach 2:35pm. The bus uncle was so god damn pissed. -.- Yeah, bus left at 2:45pm. We delayed the bus. Reach Kluang at about 5:30pm. By then my cousin and my Queen are already at Kluang waiting for all of us. Then did a bit of shopping and about four cars came to pick us up. =) back to Kahang and buffet time! =))) Walk around, entertain people, drinking etc. Back to Aunt's place about 2am. Sleep 3am. =\ Darn tired.

20th June 2009, Saturday.

Woke up about 8am, by Jaslyn and Dennis. -.- Then get ready etc and go to my Uncle's place by 10am. Groom reach the place together with his 11 brother's cars waiting to get into the house. AHAHAHAHA. Darn funny. =) Made them wore adult pampers and eat funny things. =\ Yeah, played with them for an hour before they can get to my Princess. =) Then serve tea etc. Dinner was much more happening. =) Sang a song together with my cousin and dedicate it to my Princess and her Prince. =) End of the dinner, my Brother-In-Law's friend open the car booth and blast music with his 6 basses and 8 speakers music system and everyone got darn high I swear! -.- Darn cool. Singapore won't have this kind of thing, I swear. In the first place, you can't even modify the car until that extend, lose out. Secondly, you'll get complaint for making so much noise, lose out. HAHAHA. Lousy. Too bad. After dinner, rush back to Singapore. The part I hate most. Don't even feel like leaving.. But for those who wanna go back, I choose to go back lohhs. If not, I wouldn't be rushing myself and got myself so effing tired. -.- To be nice, I said I'm going back for Runway. But to be crude, I'll just say I'll stay for my family. Runway is nothing compared to my family. -.- But well, I choosed to be nice. Yet, I didn't bother to wake up the next morning for Runway. HOW COOL. I'm too tired.. Cannot blame. Runway is once in a YEAR. But my Princess's wedding is once in a LIFETIME. So yeah, Runway is just a cake compared to my Princess's big day. =) Priority = FAMILY. =)

21st June 2009, Sunday.

SLEEP THE WHOLE DAY. And shit the whole day. WTF. It's like upset Tummy the whole day lahh fuck. -.- Laosai. Grrrr. I can't remember what happened. =x

22nd June 2009, Monday.

On leave cause tummy really not feeling well. =( Too much alcohol recently I guess. Have been having diarrhoea. and yeah, slept the whole day too. Supposed to have JCI's PIT course but was canceled. -.- I was there already so I actually went down to Barnone for a while to see Aziz before he left for Germany. Aziz can sing really well. Really really well.. =) He can be a singer! Seriously! =D The first song he sang was ' Angel ' then followed by two other songs and end with ' Stop and Stare ' . OMG two of them are my favourites! =)))) darn cool. Drank a bit and home about 1am. Slept 3am.

23rd June 2009, Tuesday.

Worked. Then home after work. Met up with Jaslyn and Dennis for dinner at S11. But before I even meet them, I was so hungry I ate. -.- So I went to drink water nia. Kenny joined us at S11 and after that we went to Yishun Dam. =) Slack and chill until about 11pm then Dennis send me home. =) Slept 1am. =)

24th June 2009, Wednesday.

Worked. Then after work met up with Terry buddy at Mustafar and get some books from him. Then pass the book to Sean to pass to Bev. Yeah, nothing much. Home after that. =) Tired! Slept after I eat. GRR. Fatty soon. No more Katty. =(

25th June 2009, Thursday.

Worked. After work went to a friend's BBQ and then slack etc. Drink and talk and do stupid stuffs. -.- Home about 3:30am. Thanks to my friend's dad for sending me home. 

26th June 2009, Friday.

Sick. Had migrain and didn't go to work. Think I haven't been resting well. That's why.. =\ Took Queen's Anarex and KO the whole day. -.- The medicine is like sleeping pill to me. Wth. It's actually for muscle relaxing and pain release. Yeah my migrain did go away but it turn me into a pig. -.- Managed to wake up for a while at 2pm then went back to sleep again at 3pm. -.- Until 5pm. Pris love keep trying to call me and get me but I couldn't get up. I'm sorry love. =( Went to Chinatown to meet Pris love and Junna. went to do Pedicure and Manicure. I'm so loving my Pedi and Manicures. =) Did the Gel Manicure. Looks really lovely. =) And I've got two flowers on my Pedicure. HAHAHA. Signed up a package from the shop and I'm gonna bring my Queen there next time! =) Spent $300 there. =S Darn Expensive. But oh well, it's worth it. =) Met up with Sean and Angel Darling when I was having my dinner. They had some issue cause of some stuffs. Hais.. I don't know what to do also. Tried my best to keep them happy and bring their mood up. But it seems helpless. And I really don't know what to do.. =( Stayover at Sean's cause Angel Darling feels better with me around. 

27th June 2009, Saturday.

Woke up at 9:30am. Then found out both Sean and Angel Darling is not around anymore. -.- Sean went to work and Angel Darling got driving. So I stayed in the room and use the computer for a while then went back to sleep. -.- Angel Darling called me about 11:15am and ask me what I want from Old ChangKee. Then I went back to sleep again. -.- Darling came back and calls me a pig. Lol. Laze in the bed while Darling go and bathe etc. Then went downstairs to have our little brunch. Then talk to Darling a little. Then I get changed and head to my place. Spent about 3hours at my place. =x Darling waited for me to bathe, get ready etc. =\ Sorry I took so long. I was procastinating. =S Talk a bit, walk here and there a bit, eat a bit, talk a bit, then slack a bit etc. You know lahhs.. Girls.. =X Then helped Darling to dressed up and did a bit of make up for her. Hope she likes it. =) I'm not a professional. But at least I tried to do what I can. Then head to Marina Square to get a book for my Princess Geline. Then head to Plaza Singapura to get the ring. =) While waiting for the engravement, we had our dinner at my favourite curry chicken rice! =) Basement. =)) Then went to Watson to get some cosmetics. =\ Met Kenny there then slack a while and wanted to go over to Double O. But fuck the door bitch. -.-  We were only 3 minutes late. They doesn't wanna let me use my Girl Card. -.- So yeah, left and head for St James instead. -.- Reach St James at about 11:45pm. Then got in, slack a while. Queen called me from Malaysia and told me some stuffs. Was really very much affected after that call. But am trying hard to keep that feeling away and still stay bubbly in front of Kenny and Darling. I don't know what happen, Darling just suddenly seems to be shunning me. I asked her things, she just keep shaking her head. Thus I tell them say I wanna make a call to my Princess Geline. Went out to smoking area to make the call, holding the Jug of Vodka Cranberry. Talking to her and drinking. After the call, went back to find Kenny and Darling. Something happened and it turn out really nasty. I got more unhappy and started drinking.. Drinking really a lot. Drowning myself with alcohol.. The next thing I know is, I was in toilet for almost 2 hours. Vomiting. -.- Yeah, two hours. I'm sorry if I got anyone worry.. After that met up with Dear Friend.. Club closed at 5am. Left with Dear Friend.. In the car while we're on the way back to Dear Friend's, I told Dear Friend what happened.. And Dear Friend told me some stuffs too. It's just a darn bad day for the both of us. Hais.. Back to Dear Friend's and chatted for a while.. It's an emotional day for the both of us eys. Hais.. Slept about 6:30am? Don't really know. 

28th June 2009, Sunday.

Woke up about 5pm, I think? Then went downstairs and saw Dear Friend's sister and aunt swimming. Went over and talked to them. Dear Friend woke up about 6pm. Dinner at Dear Friend's and watch the movie ' Red Eye ' until about 9:30pm. Then watch some other shows until about 10:30pm. Went to study to use computer and watch the movie ' Bolt ' on computer. So cute. Hahaha. And at the same time, we're doing some quizes online and competing with each other to see who score better. HAHAHA. So funny. =) But it's nice isn't it. LOL. Entertaining each other. =) Then Dear Friend's hungry so he drove out to get some cup noodles. Then went back and continue watching ' Bolt ' and I left about 1:30am. =X home about 2:10am. Message Dear Friend I'm home etc. Didn't intend to sleep.. So I did chores until now, 5:20am. -.- 

Okay, so much of my life. -.- I'm so darn lazy to update nowadays. -.- 

Weekdays = Work. Weekends = Slack/Party. -.- As simple as that. 

Wanna ask me about skating? I know nuts now. Don't really bother as much as last time. 

For I realised, I'm no longer like the past. The reason why I started skating is for the fun of it and enjoyment. Skating is a hobby, a passion. Not a mission to me. 

I don't wanna compete anymore. I'm leaving the competition ground. I'm not gonna step into that competitive ground anymore. 

I shall now declay that I'm gonna retire from competitions. Whoever wanna win, win all you want. I just wanna enjoy skating as a sport, as a hobby. 

I don't wanna feel like I've got a task to accomplish, a mission to complete. Team Elite? Yes it's a good team. But since my heart is no longer with the will to train and go for competition, I'm not gonna bring the Team's name down by staying in the Team. I'll tell Steven soon that I'm gonna leave the Team. He can give my vacancy to someone else. I just wanna do some casual skating. It's not I don't like skating. I do like, but I don't like to compete. I just like to go Demos like what Demo Team used to do. Having fun and like, enjoy each other's company. I don't wanna feel pressured by the competitions and get myself so nervous just because I'm in the Team and I need to go for competition. I know what I want now. And this is Final. I'm not gonna repeat myself anymore. Staying in the Team won't bring back the passion I used to have towards comepetition. Thus, leaving the Team is a better choice. =)

And on the other note, regarding Sean and Angel Darling. Both are my friends and I don't want them to end up so unhappy. I think I tried too hard to help them resolve their problems until I'm like, getting into deep shit. I should just mind my own fucking business and not to care so much. I realise everytime I try to be a nice friend, nice person, I get myself into unneccessary troubles. I'm sorry Angel Darling. If any of my actions seems undecent to you. I was just trying to help.. But now since I can't be of any help, I'm gonna stay away from everything. I'm sorry for not gonna offer anymore helps. I can still be there listening to you two. But please, don't expect me to be a messenger or whatever anymore. I don't wanna be caught in between.. I'm not trying to be harsh but I just need to state my stands. I don't wanna make things worse. Hope you two will understand. =)

*You know I'll never wanna leave you alone. I just wanna be there for you.

Even if it takes forever to know you, understand you, I'll still be there. 

Because I never wanna let you be alone.