Baby Plans.

Now that ROM is over. People are asking us when are we gonna have Monster Z. LOL. 

Not so soon I believe. We still have our Photoshoot next year April followed by our customary in October. I suppose baby plan will be after customary. So now, let me have a small break because one xiaobai is headache enough!  

But I can't deny how much she made us love her. :')

Watching xiaobai growing up slowly everyday and learning things everyday.. It's very amazing and we love to watch her. Everyday we bring her down for a walk and she definitely loves it. Seeing her so happy it makes us happy too. ^.^

 

Ever since she came, the house is noisier but happier. A lot more laughter and everyday everyone will look for her. She somehow became everyone's priority. It's like she's a baby and needed our attention so everyone will give her the attention she wants. Funny it may be but yes it happened.

 

She's not some expensive dogs but August found her at the woods. Vet said she's a Mongrel but she doesn't even look like one. We all thought she's a Labrador mix. Whatever it is, it doesn't really matter to us. We saved her and we feels that she's perfect the way she is. I just hope she's gonna grow up well because somehow I feel her eyesight has some problems. Not sure if it's because she's young or it's natural.

 

Okay, back to my topic. Can't stop talking about her once I start. Hahahaha.

Baby plans.. probably 2016. =)

MARRIED!

"I Law Chee Sim, take you Lim Zhanyu to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I hope you know that right from the start it has been you, it is you and it will always be you. Today I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live." - my wedding vow for Love.

 Officially Mrs Lim. :')

ROM Preparation

Actually there's nothing much to prepare for ROM.

I settle for something which I wanted; a pool garden theme! ^.^

ROM is only for our immediate family. I've sent in appeal to allow my Uncle to come in to Singapore to join us and I'm seriously crossing my fingers hoping that they can approve that. =( **Please Please Please**

He's my only Uncle and he's just like my father. So I hope he can be here to witness my happiness and give me his blessing personally on this special day.

Counting down to ROM, 9 more days!

Things which we have done so far:

1. Gown and suit fitting
2. Booked venue
3. Reserved JP
4. Filed marriage
5. Ring pillow and pen arrived
6. Wedding Shoes for both of us 
7. ROM documents verification
8. Hair "Grooming"
9. Hand bouquet, pre-ordered. =) 
10. Groom's corsage, pre-ordered. =) 

Things to be done: 

1. Wedding band, to be done by this week. 
2. Manicure and Pedicure, to be done by this week. 

More or less done! We have somehow or rather adopted Xiaobai. She's kind of part of the family now. Growing up so fast that it's so scary. She was barely a month when she came over and now she's two months old and took her first vaccination already. 

Xiaobai and her toy at about one month old. LOL

Two months old with her raw bite and socks. HAHA.

Momsie bought her the bed and collar that comes with a leash and she loves them! 

Sometimes I feel, getting married can bring a couple closer together or it can break them apart. Because sometimes when I'm preparing all the weddings stuffs, doing all the researches and liaising with different people yet have to juggle my work at the same time, the stress level is something I've never experienced. Even though work has it's own level of stress but planning wedding, it's a totally different thing. 

As I am aware of how important wedding is to me, well okay, it's important but not that important. To a lot of people, getting means having an official status as "wife". As important as people sees it, it's not the official status I want. I just want us to be happy. I've mentioned to Love before I don't mind us not getting married, staying together, being together and happily ever after. Haha. People must be thinking "stupid woman why want to do this to herself?" Well, because I can. Because to me, marriage doesn't mean happily ever after. Yes, it's once in a lifetime. But it doesn't guarantee happiness. I know what I want for us. I want us to be happy and us being together again is already a huge miracle which I'm happy about. I'm contented to be with the man whom I love with my life. And knowing that he loves me just as much is good enough. People may say I'm silly, I'm dumb and ridiculous. Well, this is my life, you can have your opinions and views but I don't care. Yes, I'm stubborn like this. And I like that I'm stubborn. Stubbornness has been a good and bad thing for me. But I still like me being stubborn. =p 

So if I can choose, I would rather not get married, just be together happily and live our lives being silly and happy. Hahahaha. Or maybe just go to Barcelona and get married there, just the two of us. Lol. But I can't do so I have to deal with this. As much as I want to get things over and done with, it wouldn't be over until next year October. Well well well. I can do this! 

Half way there already and I gotta admit that the initial stage really is a big headache cause too many options and choices and Love is so 'chin chai' until I'm so annoyed! But after I told him how I felt things got better. Hahahaha! Quite often I was so annoyed and pissed off that all I wanted to do was to call off the wedding. Cause to me, getting married and preparing for wedding makes us unhappy and that's not what I want! If getting married and preparing for wedding is the root of our unhappiness, I don't want it. That's why getting married is not exactly that important to me compared to other girls. Being together happily is what is more important to me. A piece of paper will not make me happy. 

But well, I'm glad things got better after I told Love how I felt. Cause I think it's important that we both lay our cards on the table, being all honest and truthful in this relationship, that's what I want. And I know this man, will do all it takes to never lie to me. Because he loves me this much. To him, I'm that important that he can forgo his friends. Haha. Well, of course I don't need him to do that cause most of his friends are mine. We have too many common friends. Lol. 300+ friends in common since secondary school days, what else can I say/do right? Haha.  We have too many things in common already..

Seemingly in this relationship, Love has been the giving in party while I'm the taking in party. I don't deny, because that's true. Love give in a lot to me because he don't want to argue with me. Well, not exactly argue, more like bicker. HAHA. But I also won't deny that I love to disturb him just to see his reactions. =P Like I will tell him once in a while that I will 離家出走 and go back to my place and he will be like ' Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ' and I'll start laughing like some crazy woman. hahaha. Okay our own inside jokes. Hmm.  Anyway he gives in to me most of the time and I know it's because he doesn't want me to be unhappy. He hates all kinds of arguments with me and he will try his best to stop all of them as soon as he can though sometimes he have his temper and would go mad too. But MOST of the time, he gives in.. But well, having said that, I do give in to him also okay.. just not MOST of the time. =P Because I love to be pampered by him and he pampers me too much. LOL. 

Anyway, 9 more days to being a MRS. Am I nervous now, nope. Because I'll be on that day itself. LOL. I don't usually feel nervous until the very last minute. Horrible woman, I know. But my dearest fiance somewhat inculcated this habit to me, take my own sweet time. -.- HAHA okay, I should improve on that. 

Now that almost everything is settled, I hope to have ample rest until next weekend. I don't want to look like some zombie in the morning when I go and meet my MUA at the Bridal Shop. 

MRS LIM, kind of not used to it. Love tested it on me and I felt so alien to that. I guess it takes time. =) Love has started telling people that I'm his 太太 and having to hear him say that over the phone, it sounded quite weird. LOL. 

10 Oct.

Today is Kris's birthday.
That also means it's Bevan's birthday.

Needs VS Demands.

Sometimes it got me thinking if I actually demand things from Love. 

Needing his attention, is that demanding?

Needing his TLC, is that demanding?

Needing his quality time, is that demanding? 

But, all these are needs that I can never buy using money. 

If all these can be bought, problem could be pretty much solved easily and there will not be a need for boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. 

Sadly, it can't and that's why it becomes a need. 

Just like human needs to eat, it's a need. 

All these needs are what I need to maintain our relationship and I view them very importantly. 

So often he's on his phone playing game and I felt so neglected but I've been keeping numb because I thought as time goes by, I could get used to it. But I'm sorry, I can't.

I don't spend 24hrs with him even though we live together for the past one year plus, so I treasure every minute I see him after my work before I go to bed. He doesn't sleep the same time as me because of his sleeping habit (he usually sleeps after I get up for work) and working hours so when I come home after work, he's always wide awake while I'm drained from work. The only time our "time zone" is the same is during weekends. Of course I tried to accommodate by staying up late to spend more time with him but I realized this way only made me more tired. And being tired was a "good enough" reason for Love to nag at me to ask me to quit my job and stay at home. Reason and excuses I give myself for keeping numb. But I can't hold this for long. Because I know myself that I need to be heard before I eventually erupt in a much worse manner. 

As much as I want to be like the last time me, to accommodate to him, to do what he loves, to learn to love what he loves, I can't do that anymore. I have my own mind and I cannot bear to bring myself back to be like the old me. 

Yes, Love is like no other people, no other guys. He have all my attention and basically anything he asked of me to be. But one thing I cannot compromise is the few hours of quality time and attention that I need. 

Which girl doesn't need attention? Or in fact, which HUMAN doesn't need attention? It's just a matter of "HOW MUCH". I don't require Love's attention all the time but at least when I'm with him, make sure I will have his full attention. 

Perhaps he's the only guy whom I would seek attention from. I don't do this to any other of my ex-boyfriends. Okay, except for Francis because at times I rely on him a lot, especially whenever I don't feel good about anything and I don't really feel like talking to anyone else. 

So yes, it's only towards Love I behave like this and I don't know why. I used to be so independent and I don't even need anyone to be with me to do anything. But things are different now. I start to rely on Love a lot, mainly his presence and this is a very very bad thing for me. At least that's what I feel.

How often do you see an independent girl being so reliant on someone? Barely. 

But he made me one. 

So after having said so much, I just hope that guys sometimes should really understand that girls needs attention from them. Like those full, undivided attention. 

我的白馬王子!

我的白馬王子。

The only man who deserves the whole of me, the whole of my heart and the whole of my life. ❤️

So excited for our ROM already!!! Can't wait! >.< 

Love collected my first ever Taobao shopping! Teehee! So happy now! Can't wait to open it!! =D 

Irony of having license.

I love my husband. >.< 

But have a license means he's getting lazier. To drive. =( 

Wedding.

O.M.G

Been rather busy about all the wedding stuffs.

I will update soon on what we've done so far!

So exciteddd for our ROM already! TEEHEE.

Thankful.

I do a lot of self reflection and I have always been. 

I think about how people treats me and how should I treat people with what kind of attitude. 

Very often, I came back asking myself, 'is it worth it? Why am I so stupid? They don't even bother or care.' 

Yeah, this applies to anyone in my life. 

I came to realize that a lot of people misunderstood the meaning of "being there for someone" and somehow I feel people abused it. 

I can't say it all in words now but I just want to say that I'm very very thankful for having Love at this moment. Very thankful he was the one who was involved in walking me out from that shit relationship with Eric, the biggest mistake in my life. I used to think falling in love with Love back in 2002 was the biggest mistake in my life but later I realized that to let Eric enter my life was in fact the biggest mistake of all. 

Every night I look at Love's back facing me and him, facing the computer screen busy working yet he still have to give me the attention I need to lay next to me so I could fall asleep before he continue with his stuffs again, I told myself that marrying this man, is the best decision I ever made and I know I will still tell myself the exact same thing even when we grow old. Sometimes he had to sleep in with me, just to make sure I'm able to sleep but he ended up falling asleep together with me yet he will still wake up half way through and continue with his work. 

No complaints, just nonstop of showing me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. Just because I told him before that I'd be scared when I wake up half way through and I don't like that feeling. He respect that and he will do all he can to make sure I have a sound and safe sleep. The man who would do anything for me, not every girl get to have one. I count my blessings everyday because I feel so fortunate now. 

They said happiness have to come from within yourself if not you'll never be happy. I agree, I'm optimistic about life and I think it's very important already. Yes, relationship is important to me. Any kind of relationship. Kinship, friendship or a love relationship. They are bonus to my happiness now and I'm so thankful for all of then who are atill around. =) 

Update soon!

The only thing I ever changed for the past one year is that I no longer care as much anymore. 

10 Years Ago Back And Now.

10 years ago....

One morning, we were walking to school like every other day since it's our daily routine. Just when we reach the back alley before the playground, you kneel down, handed me the dolphin ring and asked "will you marry me in the future?" and I said I would. 

10years later....

You proposed to me. We are engaged and having plans for our future. 

=====================

Suddenly I was thinking about that day when I was talking to Chew about Sharon's proposal cause Longqiang did told me before that the ring he got for her is the ring she wanted. I was telling him that it would be so nice if Love had asked me before buying. At least that would save him a lot of money! =( but well, I had my surprised proposal. I'm contented. But Chew came up with this idea. He told me "eh you tell him this one rehearsal nia. Ask him balik propose." HAHAHA. never have I thought of that but I think that's a pretty funny thing to say to Love and I want to see his reaction so I told him. Well.. His reaction was. 

"Okay can. But when I ask you, I will say 'will you marry me, again?' I must emphasize the again. Aiya~ why must propose again?! Next time I buy one more for you la!" 

Hahahaha! I love love love love to tease my beautiful man. The man who will never say no to my requests. The man who will do what it takes to fulfill my requests. The man who would do anything and everything just for me. My beautiful man. 

How nice would it be if Love could propose to me every 10 years. ^.^ hahahaha. I must tell him this. Lol! He would probably say he would. LOL! 

I guess what Love said is true. 

愛一個人和喜歡一個人不一樣。

I think I can differentiate them now. =) 

I guess I've only loved one person my entire life because I would sacrifice anything, including my life for Love. Even when it's the freedom which I've fought so hard with my mom for when I was younger and when I'm with Eric. 

I can never treat any other guys the same. Not even Eric, whom I'm with for 2.5years. I can never bring myself to sacrifice anything more for him. Which makes me realized that I probably didn't love him back then. It was just like or maybe I did loved him but it will never be to the extend I have for Love. And he will never get this treatment from me no matter how long we are together. He's not even one who can give me butterflies in my tummy since we were together actually. 

But Love is different. He still makes my heart skip a beat, makes me feel shy, makes me feel happy like a little girl, makes me fly, give me butterflies in my tummy. I can never get tired of looking at him, talking to him, listening to him, watching him etc etc. He activated every kind of positive feelings in me. He created all kinds of emotions in me. My sun rise and set with him. That's the kind of impact he has on me and it's never ending. Because my love for him is more than the love I have for myself. And he's the only man who can make me feel and behave this way. 

I believe how much you're willing to sacrifice or do for someone can show how much you love that person or how much that person actually means to you. 

For our case, we are both very important to each other and we know it. =) 

Reunited.

Remark: photos are not in sequence. 

So I have done quite a lot of things in one month. Lol. Well, who doesn't? -.-

Life has been on track, as usual. Except that I feel I always done have enough rest, always feeling tired. But I think that's a norm too so.. Life is the same. Haha. 

Mom's birthday just passed and I know she's very happy cause it's the first time my Uncle return to Singapore after 17 years. The last time he was here it was for my aunt's death. This year he's back here cause granny is hospitalized. Sigh. suddenly it hits me that I should really watch what I eat everyday. I should be more health conscious. Sigh. 

I haven't been spending time with my family. Super fail daughter/grand daughter/niece/sister. I think I get real lazy after staying together with Love. Lazy to go out, lazy to do anything. Lazy to talk to people, lazy to meet up with people. Everything is bounded at home. Everyday other than work, I'm home. Hahaha. Super 宅女. But well, I love my life now. Living in my own world kind. Don't bother about anything else. People tell me friends are important. Of course I don't deny some are. But what faith am I left with when my own best friend treat me this way? I don't believe in that anymore. And that's probably why I stop going extra miles for people. Because I get nothing in return. I still do, for people worth my time and efforts and it's very very limited. Sharon is definitely one of them. Haha. 

Oh I forgot to mention that I've booked a Bangkok trip for Love's birthday this year! Woots! We are gonna be flying on SQ!!! So excited already!!! ^.^ 

Attended Mona's wedding lunch with July, Rainy and Sharon. It was a beautiful wedding. I can see how happy and blissful Mona is. =) and she's the most beautiful person that afternoon. ^.^ haha mine will probably be next year. >.<

I'm so happy for Sharon as well!! Longqiang finally proposed to her!!! She wait until her neck long already! Finally can be Mrs Sia! Hehehe! Congrats darling!! We can discuss about wedding together! And we can go to wedding fairs etc together! ^.^ 

Side track a little. Finally I'm not so lazy and got my ass moving. Created the wedding plan master list and Shortlisted some JP for our ROM. Next will be the ROM venue which I've been looking at it. Somehow or rather I don't intend to make it big for ROM. Just want something simple and for our family and some really close friends. Anyway, we will be getting the dates sorted soon. 

Googled today and I realized there are some dates to be fixed other than ROM and AD(actual day). Need to have a date for 過大禮 and 安床. Hmm. We will get them sorted all at once I believe. And we are gonna give Ivy's friend some support by going to her shop to let them handle all our 過大禮，安床 and 嫁妝 stuffs. ^.^ 

Alright, ending tonight with a last photo. 

You will be, always. 

"I wan your life to be much better then before. Most importantly I wan u to be happy that's why I wan to be with u."

I love how you always go that extra miles for me just to see me happy, smile and be carefree. You showed me that ny happiness is more important than your own and you cherish me with what you have. Thank you for being so assuring in this relationship. Thank you for being so patience with me. Thank you for enduring me when I'm emotionally unstable. Thank you for never letting us drift apart. Thank you for pulling me back to you when all I wanted to do was to run away. Thank you, for never giving up me and this relationship. Thank you for showing me how much I really mean to you. 

I love you, forever and always. 

Friends/Foes?

Recently I've been told that my ex colleagues are interested about my life, about Love and I and about his ex-girlfriend, Lynn Tan. It got me worried because I hate people whom I'm not very close to to be suddenly so concern about me or my life. I mean if you're not so close to me but you're stalking me quietly and I don't know, that's fine. I wouldn't be bothered. But asking people who are close to me about me, a bit over?

To be very honest, I don't think I need to explain so much for a girl who just want to gain sympathy from people by telling them her own side of imaginary stories. She has caused me to lose my best friend of 12 years, I really couldn't care less anymore. So long as she doesn't take away my family, me (which is quite impossible because in mind, I'm a very strong person) and my fiance (her ex boyfriend whom she ditched).

You know I don't sympathize people who only start doing things when shit got real and things are in a total mess. "TOO LATE", has it ever occur to her, or anyone with the exactly same situation? I tried not to picture Kris to be in the same picture as her, but somehow I just cannot. Or perhaps that's why she judged me like everyone else. That's fine because Love told me "It's their mouth, we cannot control. we just need to be happy together and that's what I want you to be that's why I want to be with you." I don't care how people look at me or us because people who knows what's going on will know what it really is. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

Stop trying to poke your nose into my business if you're not close to me.
I don't like it.

I'm sorry if you happen to find out about my blog and read this post and probably find me very offensive but I'm just stating my stands very clearly because I don't think you all are that stupid not to find out.

Don't poke your nose into my business for the sake of doing it, especially when you're not close to me.

Think Positive.

If you fail never give up because FAIL means First Attempt In Learning
 END is not the END ..means EFFORT NEVER DIES.
 If you get NO as an Answer remember NO means Next OPPORTUNITY .Think positive .Love is Inspiration

I've always loved how Capt Lee encourage us in work from time to time. =)

19 May Horoscope

Taurus: Special attention to and from a partner is what you should be trying for today. Set aside some private time so no one else can get in the way of the feelings you want to share. You need to use your imagination to make your love life as sensational as possible. The energies are working with you to give your fantasies a real boost. So if you can get your brain cells moving, you should be able to think up some wonderful ideas to amuse, delight, and seduce your latest heart throb. Remember that flattery will get you everywhere if you use it with that fine skill you have worked on for some time. Execute the plan you created and watch your loved one turn to putty at your feet. Enjoy the benefits of a hard day’s work.

14 May Horoscope

Taurus: If you have been feeling upset and resentful over certain events that have transpired recently then use this opportunity to take a step back, and see it all from a new and different perspective. Today’s energies will help you to see a difficult relationship situation in a new light. Listen closely to any small, persistent messages you may receive because they will add up to a bigger picture in your relationship. Now, don’t try to understand it all at once, just let the pieces of the puzzle put themselves together until everything is clear. All will be revealed in the end with a little patience. When everything is revealed then use humor to help heal this rift. When it comes to the wounds of the heart, nothing is better.

Running Away

Sudden urge to go overseas alone. 

Self Doubting.

Sometimes I guess it's inevitable to self doubt.

Doubt the abilities and capabilities that I have to keep what's so dear to me with me. 

I suppose I need to have an open heart to welcome whatever negative things that might come my way, even when things look so perfect now. 

A Dream Come True.

Okay, I really neglected my blog. Actually so is my dayre. I'm getting lazy to update. I haven't completed my Taiwan trip entry with Love. =\ I'll try to do it soon. Haha. 

So, today I return with the next phrase of my life..

I'm engaged..

To the man I would sacrifice my life for. =) 

Everything is still so surprising for me even until now. It's just a dream come true. The man I wanted to marry since I'm 16.. Too unbelievable. 

It was a successful surprise proposal which I wanted. I'm thankful for those who played a part in it and all keeping me in the dark! Can't believe there was almost 20 of us yet I'm the only one who doesn't know anything. Thinking back, I think I'm quite silly not to realize what was happening when Love dressed so formally which he don't normally do. Though I asked him why he wear until so nice but he told me it's for my birthday so I didn't think too much. He was smart enough to propose on that day cause I wouldn't have thought too much into it since it's a combine celebration for Wilson and I. Haha. 

So I'm soon-to-be a Mrs. We haven't set any dates yet and somehow we're taking things slow. Not in a rush anyway.. We have a lot of things to do from now on.. I need to give Love more time too. We haven't select our wedding band too.. Probably when Love is back from Vietnam next week. But he's gonna be busy with work so I guess we have to make some time for all these stuffs. 

Bridal fair next week and I'll be going with Livia to accompany her since her fiancé won't be in town and Love said he will go with us. Haha. =) BOWS wedding fair is coming too so I guess we might just go down to have a look too. Haha. 

Dates have yet to confirm but I guess it's good to be prepared for all these? ^.^ 

I feel my birthday this year is overrated. Love is over the top by proposing and giving a Tag Heuer watch on top of the proposal ring. We went to alter the ring size cause it seems too huge for me and since I'm on diet.. I'm afraid it can't fit once I slim down. =\ so I told Love that I want to alter it. It's gonna be a 10-14days wait for the alteration to be done. 

It's the first time since we're together that Love is going overseas for a few days and I'm not used to this. I'm okay with me being the one overseas but not the other way round. It's weird waking up not having Love next to me since we've been staying together. I'm back at my place today since he's away and it's Mother's Day so I can spend some time with momsie. I haven't been a good daughter because I've been spending too much time with Love. >.< 

Anyway, on top of the engagement, my PR has been granted on my first try! I'm so happy and excited!!! Finally I've gotten my PR!! It has been in my list for the longest time! Hahaha. It's a good thing now because Love and I are gonna view houses and get one soon. Love wants to get resales flat cause he doesn't want to wait for BTO and he feels that resale flats are bigger in space. He was told of a 5A flat at tampines is on sale so he wanted me to view it with him. We will do that when he's back from Vietnam as well. 

Seems like there's so many things to be done but I don't seems to have enough time!!! =( 

I haven't been meeting up a lot of people because of work and my personal stuffs but soon I will...... Make time for people. I've been staying at home with Love too much until I MIA from people. Hahahaha. Typical 重色輕友. I don't deny I am. But only for Love I would. I've never given any other guys this treatment. Heh. 

Okay I'm tired. I should sleep now. Goodnight! 

Dayre.

http://dayre.me/d0lphiin

I have been updating on dayre instead. 

Short and sweet entries. 

But I'll still come back here whenever I feel like pouring my heart out. =) 

Dear YOU.

Again, I'm disappointed with you. Very disappointed. But I've said all I could and explaint all I can. This is what you choosed and I completely respect that. 

Having to hear from other people that it's you who wants to close up yourself from me somehow made me firm with my decision. 

You were my best friend, a friend whom I regard as more than a friend, more like a family, a sister I never had. But today, I decided, I'm letting this friendship go. I'm not gonna make anymore extra efforts to make things better. I believe I've given you enough time to sort whatever is in your mind and I've given you the due respect that a friend should be giving. 

12 years.. 12 years of friendship is nothing compared to someone you barely even know. I got your message. 

You feel injustice for her, 你为她感到不值. You listen to her story and choose to doubt me in return by believing her. Because of what? You feel you've been treated the same way? Or you feel that she's like you, regret for what she's done and she deserves a second chance? To be honest, she had her second chance and she destroyed her second chance herself. If she wants to blame me, I have nothing to say. If she feels that she deserves him more than I do, show me. If she's capable of keeping him, go ahead and ask him to be with her. 

"If you want to be with him so much, ask him to break up with me." This is what she told me before and yes, I did told him that before. But I told him, if he feels that he don't love her anymore then don't be with her. You said the same thing to me before and now you tell me "你为她感到不值"? Whatever happened to 'he should break up with her'? 

I have a complicated love life in the past but I'm done with that. I don't want that life anymore, am I wrong to go for what I want? You don't have the courage and determination to fight for what you really love, is that why? I just don't want any regrets. I don't want to regret what I could have done in the future, like you. You have so many 'could have(s)' but never did. I don't want to live with regrets and fucked up my own life. 

I'm angry, very angry. Angry for the fact that my best friend takes pity on someone she barely even know and bought her story as some pathetic girl being bullied and needs sympathy. I have a strong character, I have an independent self. But that doesn't mean I don't need to be taken care of and cared for. After all I'm still human and I need to be loved. 

The person who's in the wrong will never admit that they are. Have you? Will you? Have you ever felt that you relationship failed was because of yourself? We're you remorseful? Do you know what went wrong? You were never there since the day Eric left. You never helped in the process of this recovery from this fucked up guy. Who was there? Not you. We both broke up on the same day last year and I wanted to be there for you yet all you did was to push me away. Further and further away. Is that my fault? 

I'm upset, very upset. You had no idea how many times have I cried because of you, because of this friendship. But I've straighten out my thoughts. I'm giving up, I'm leaving, I'm letting go of this friendship. 

What is the point of me holding on to a friend who doesn't treasure this friendship as much as I do, as much as I valued her? Don't. Don't tell me sorry at this time. Don't send me requests on Facebook listing me as your sister when you obviously forgotten about me, this friendship and all that we've shared because of one stranger you just knew. 

Don't tell me anything now because I don't want to hear anything anymore. 

"好马不吃回头草" yes I did told a lot of people this back almost 6 years ago and a lot of people told me the same thing. Right now, I would say that this 回头草 I ate is the best thing I've ever eaten. I had my doubts when things started. It wasn't easy for me, nor him. I didn't trust him at the start. We came a long way to gain this trust again. And now that we're both doing fine, people want to ruin it? Why is it that whenever I have something pleasant in life, someone have to destroy it? Just like Eric and his fucked up certain friends. 

Ruin it for all I care. Destroy it for all you want. It's not like this is the first time someone do this to me. Tell her I said this and get her to do something about it. I'm not as cunning and scheming as her. I'm straightforward. I don't twist my words the way she do. I'm a Taurus not a Capricorn. Neither am I some Libra who likes to have a messy and confused life. I'm not afraid to be alone again. I'm not afraid to face this practical and realistic world by myself again. 

I'm done with these shits and that's it. I'm leaving for good. 

Goodbye to you, my 12 years of bestie. 

Irony

Ironically, the more you give your heart to someone, the more power they have to tarnish it. 

Sometimes it's not hurt hurts. But more of 'am I up for it?' kinda feeling. 

I love you, that's no doubt. Since day 1 we were together back in 2002. And I know you have no intention to hurt me this time other than providing me with the best you could. 

Problem is me I suppose. Am I able to keep up with the constant changes? Am I ready to concede defeat and lose myself all to you again? Am I ready to give you all I have now? I'm held back by my own wild thoughts and things that I've thought too far ahead. 

A stable and comfortable life, you're already giving me these. A man who loves me, yes you are. 

What is wrong with me? Feels like I'm like Christian Grey. Fifty shades of fucked up. 

Arghhh! I'm not saying we're not getting along well. We're very good together. Just that my mind is kinda fucked up. =(