Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #4.

1. I'm thankful for E who helped me a lot! :)
2. I'm thankful for E bringing me to movie, finally!

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #3.

today I'm thankful for falling sick cause I finally get to sleep a lot. :)

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #2.

1. i'm thankful for my friends who has been watching out for me and remembering me. :)
2. i'm thankful that my boyfriend showed supports for my decisions. :) 
3. i'm thankful that baby jeorgina is at my house now and she makes me happy. :) 
4. i'm thankful that my online parcel arrived to me safely today! :) 

So yeap.
today is ending and these are the thoughts in my mind.

I feel extremely happy today for some reasons.

• in the morning when E asked me to guess which team won last night's semi-finals. I guess correctly even when i didn't watch the match. *super zai feeling* cause i even guess the number of scores correctly though it's a penalty. :D
• i saw ferrari carplate 33. It has been a while!
• i saw lamborghini carplate 9999. It has been a long while!
• i'm happy that my impromptu decision to go BKK in august is all going well and i have 8000baht with me now! >.< HEHE. 

I don't know why but i'm worry about my own future. 

i'm worry about what's not even in my life just yet. 

somehow i'm afraid to make decisions.

but in this cruel reality, we're force to make decisions. 

i hope days in the future will be better. 

i need to leave where i am now. 

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For Everyday.

So, as I was saying on my Twitter(d0lphiin), maybe if we all learn to think about what to be thankful of everyday, life will be happier. 

my sudden thought of this cause i was reading Kaykay's blog and she mentioned about Xiaxue's blog post about The Secret. 

Kaykay said we should be thankful everyday, as mentioned in The Secret. 

So now i decided to try to think of something to be thankful for everyday. 

So in a way, I could fill up this space at least! :\ 

So today..

1. I'm thankful for my mother's health being all good now. she's my biggest pillar of strength and i cannot imagine my life without her. her life has not been very much smooth sailing and now all i hope is for her to be healthy and strong.
2. I'm thankful that my boyfriend of 2 years still loves me (though i don't know how much he loves me now cause it might be like, lesser). for all the times i felt like shit, it was all because of him. but if not because of him, i wouldn't have been where i am now. i wouldn't have studied and want a better future.
3. I'm thankful for my girlfriends(Kris, Lynn, Maria, Vivian), all of them who stood by me and know what are the ups and downs in my life yet still walked me through them. without the girls, i guess i would probably be stuck in my past. 

yeap.

that's all for today. 

I love my family, my boyfriend and girlfriends. 

like i once said, i've not been contacting a lot of my guy friends. 

i think it take two hands to clap. 

since my absence doesn't matter to them, so will theirs. 

life's a bitch and it gets harder as you grow. 

i've learnt it and is facing it well enough i guess. 

good luck people, learn to love life! :)

Happy Birthday Eddy!

Pretty Eddy!

I met up with him for lunch and check-in the hotel with him first.

The living room!

The bed!

Bath room!

Shower and tub!

The pazio that we didn't use.

Busy putting the champagne into the fridge!

Addressing to him.

Toilet!

He join me. haha.

what's this?

lubricant and condom. LOL

instructions on how to use them.

View from their mini pool!

I can see MBS here!

Swissotel!

Ready to swim!

decorated with balloons!

Champagne party must have champagne balloon!

Wall.

Nerd chunli. LOL

Brownie as birthday cake!

school boy with chun li.

school boy with the girls.

one more.

and more.

i love L & myself at the back. LOL

oh shit, i'm left alone. 

the boys.

Wahahaha lucas's leg!!

opening his first present!

TADAH, wheels. 

hahaha

surprise!

he and the bobbies girls.

preparing him!

LOL

siao char bor.

one of his task.

promoting armpit shaver to one stranger. LOL

pornstar poses. LOL

rehearsing for super bass. 

Okay, I'm lazy too update my blog. -.-

This post is a month late. 

So, it was Eddy's birthday last month on 30th.

he booked a hotel room at bugis/city hall area named Naumi. 

he booked the pazio executive room which was not bad. 

situated on the 4th level of the hotel, with a pazio, that's all.

the swimming pool is a mini infinity pool which was at the highest floor, 10th floor overlooking swissotel, and can see a bit of MBS. haha. 

we were asked to dress according to the theme as geek/nerd/mismatched. 

i dressed as a nerd mismatched chunli. 

we went out for dinner at marina square's cafe cartel. 

for some reason, we were just feeling tired and restless while waiting for food. LOL

i guess the over-excitement from hotel to marina square burnt our energy. 

but i swear i was feeling super embarrassed at the beginning cause other than dressing up for party/halloween, i don't even do that!

okay, i admit, i'm too old for all this dressing up party. -.- 

but all in all, we all had fun! hahaha

though we got chased out cause there were too many of us. 

i stayed with them until about 1-1:30am? 

poor Boyfriend was waiting for me at home. 

eddy was asked to do a lot of task etc before he eventually could get his birthday present. 

i hope this going to be 30 old man is happy on his last 2 birthday!

apart from all these, life has not been that fantastic. 

i don't know if i should love 2012 or hate 2012.

too many things happened and somehow i guess, i'm not as happy as before.

i've been questioning myself lately, 'when was the last time i smiled happily and unknowingly?' 

i really don't know. 

i'll update soon.

take care everyone.

Not The First Time.

you always think you're right.
you always think I think I'm right.
you always think I'm picking a fight.
you always think I'm finding fault with you.
you always think everything you do is okay.
you always think that whatever you do is 'okay wad'.

but no.
I've asked a few girls.
what you think and do is fucking not right.

spending the whole of last week's weekdays on your game I already never say anything ( I think I'm very kind to obey my 'you can play during weekdays when I not with you' when I was staying at your house ) but too bad you crossed the line on weekend.

I don't care whether or not are you watching EURO but fact is even when you can't fucking stream the channel you still play the game. for all I know, I slept way earlier than you everyday.
you start playing game after dinner, no?
you want to play or watch or whatsoever, you make sure you have enough rest. if you don't have enough rest, I really don't expect myself to be facing a 'tired' you. just like you said you don't like me giving you a black face cause I'm tired.

we agreed that weekend we are supposed to spend time with each other.
but look at what you're doing. - diablo.
you said you won't neglect me but end up what were you doing the whole time? - diablo.
yeah you gave me that few seconds of attention cause I was looking at you and you ask 'why? what?' you call that attention?
and end up you ask me 'why am I suppose to spend time with you?'. - this is what I get from such a lovely boyfriend. bravo.

we were supposed to go back to my house but end up you kept playing your game, dragged the time and knowing I won't wanna go back late you ask me at 8+ 'you still wanna go home?'
so now you know how to play with time and fucked me around is it?

just because I kept quiet, doesn't mean I'm okay with what you're doing.
if I make noise you say I get angry easily.
if I kept quiet, you said I never tell you.
can you be anymore selfish than now?

all you think about is you yourself and you. it's not me and you, we or us.

you just always never spare a thought for me.
you just always never think about how I will feel.
you just always never remember anything you said before.
you just always never mean what you said/did.

you're always right in your opinion.

you expect me to put myself in your position. but have you ever put yourself in mine?

yeah, I put myself in your position.
of course I would be happy to do what I wanna do.
of course I wouldn't want my girlfriend to stop me or get angry with me with game stuffs.
of course I'll be glad if she could join me in the game.

but you've never put yourself in my position.
since you don't then I'll tell you, as usual. (cause you don't give a fuck about how I feel.)

so now game is more important than me?
so now game could cause you to break our agreement to spend time with each other and allowing you to ask me this fucking stupid, moronic and idiotic question of 'why am I suppose to spend time with you?'
so now game replaced my position?
so now, you're telling me I'm nothing compared to your motherfucking game?
so now cause of your game you decided to say I'm unreasonable when you yourself is indeed and in fact spending so much time on it?
so now you wanna continue to pissed me off, argue with me and quarrel with me over something that's not even existing in real life? something that you can't even have physical contact with?

you said it was just a game.
then why is it that you want me to stop clubbing and I could do it but when I want you to do something for me, you always find me excuses?

this is just gonna be another beginning.
I will not stop doing things for you anymore since you won't do that for me.

you expect me to be selfless when you're so selfish?

honestly?
bullshit and fuck you.

Changes.

things are changing and i hope it's for good. 

you started a new job and i hope that gives us a chance to correct the mistakes you've made in your previous job. 

not literally job wise but more about you and me. 

i'm happy now you're having more time to keep me company even during office hours. 

and i'm happy for how open you are to me regarding about how you feel. :) 

thank you, because i need that.

let's make this new beginning for you a new life for us. 

you have my supports, that's for sure.

but please, don't ruin the trust i'm trying to put on you now. 

i don't know what the consequences is gonna be the next time you breach my trust. 

you know i have trust issues, so don't add on to it.

make me believe, not doubt. 

don't make me stop loving you.

because i really do. :)

this whole week has been non-stop.
seriously you are not brainless.
why are you always doing things that will make me unhappy even when you KNOW i will be unhappy.

what the fuck was all these for?

fuck you seriously.
fuck you.

犯贱.

every word seems to be a lie.

everytime i go into your whatsapp chat and it's 'online'.
the first thing that comes to my mind is ' that fucking diablo group chat again is it ' or ' is it hilda or stephanie you're talking to '.
fucking don't know how to trust you.
cb.

how can he just treat it like nothing happen and talk to me like it's just so normal?
i don't get it.

everytime things like this happen, make this love I have for him weaker.

i can't trust his words.
he said he would do this and that.
but i don't see him doing any.

and i'm tired of waiting and waiting, like what he always want me to do.

wait.
until the day i die i'm still gonna be just waiting.

Serious Thoughts.

Times like this are times I hate the most. 

To think about what should I do to this realistic situations. 

Everyone hope for a fairytale life, a fairytale love and those happily ever after endings. 

But this is not what it is in real life. 

I'm caught in between.

Between getting back to who I used to be and choosing to be with who I love. 

I love E, that's for sure. 

But I love myself too. I want myself to be happy too. 

E makes me happy, no doubt.

But he makes me unhappy too and it's happening too frequently these days. 

I'm unhappy. This is a fact.

I don't understand his unnecessary actions and I will never understand why he never for once put himself in my position and think about how I will feel before he do anything and despite me telling him so many times before. 

He keeps asking me to change, change my temper change my attitude etc etc. 

Sometimes I feel, all I need to do is maybe just change a boyfriend. 

I don't know how many times do I have to tell or say him before I eventually get what I hope to see in him. 

I don't know how many times do we have to argue or quarrel just because he keep doing the same damn thing. 

I don't know how many times do we have to get into cold wars just because he pissed me off, didn't managed to coax me and I don't feel good and I refuse to speak. 

I don't know how many times does he have to tell me ' you need to control your temper. ' when all I know is that my temper was well controlled these days and I only erupt when it comes to him. 

I don't know how many times does he have to tell me ' you need to stop getting angry so easily. ' when I only get angry with him because he just refuse to think about how I will feel before he do anything. 

Why do I have to put someone who doesn't spare a thought for me when he's doing something as my  priority? 

Why do I have to tolerate him ALWAYS telling me ' I forgot ' whenever he fails to spare a thought for me? 

I believe I deserve a lot more attentiveness from a guy. 

I believe there's someone out there who will be able to give me the kind of attentions and needs that I need. 

I'm questioning myself.

Do I really need to have a partner with me? 

I don't know. Maybe and a yes or no. 

And if it's a don't know, why?

If it's a maybe, why?

If it's a yes, why?

If it's a no, why? 

I just feel really tired that things are just like being put on a repeat. 

It's not me who repeatedly doing the things but I'm repeatedly being unhappy about the same kind of things. 

Yet I get blamed for being not able to control my temper, and I get angry easily and I don't tolerate well enough? 

I think my tolerance level is super high already. 

Given it to any other girls whose tolerance level is just normal, I think the amount of arguments and quarrels could have doubled or tripled. 

It's not difficult to make me happy. 

I just wanted him to always put himself in my position to feel what I will feel, is it that difficult? 

He expects me to spare a thought for him but yet he never did. 

And when I get angry he will tell me all those things. 

Honestly, for what piss me off in the first place?
You can't handle my anger then don't let that happen, isn't it simple?! 

Having your partner to shake off your hands just because his friends is around is something NO ONE will ever like. 

Stop being so fucked up and I'll stop being a bitch. 

It's a two-way thing. It takes two hands to clap.

Really, what the fuck was that for?

I really don't understand.

Parcels of life: Missing the different groups of friends.

I miss Taiwan, that's needless to say.
Freaking miss every bit of it!

I miss V & S the most. Been so long since I last saw them! ):

My CATS girls. I'll be meeting them soon! :)

Skaters.. 

I miss this three tiny pretties. ): 

V & S. Miss talking to them and feasting! 

Team Kukup. 

My Classmates.

I miss, yes, Avatar.

I miss partying, and a bit of drinking.

My seconday school friends that I last met in December. ):

My nephews.

My little precious Baby J. ):

Last but not least, my beloved E. 

Maybe I'm hitting an age whereby I think a lot. 

About the past, present and future.

I miss certain parts of my past. 

I adores every part of my present.

And I'm feel excited about my future. 

I don't know why but somehow what is revolving in my life is pretty much the same therefore whatever I say seems to be repetitive. Oh well, maybe because I'm aging. 

I've not been socializing these days or rather, I'm catching with my current friends. 

I have a lot of friends.

Friends who will always be there for me and love me in all kinds of situations. (I've figured some who would)

Friends who will party and play with me. (I've figured I have a lot)

Friends who will only find me when they need me. (I've figured some as well)

Friends who just call themselves your 'friend' for the sake of it. (I've deleted them off as well) 

So you see, out of the 1000+ friends on my facebook. (I do really know them) 

I don't even think half of them are people who would really be there for me. 

Honestly, I've deleted a lot of 'friends' at the beginning of the year.

Those whom I kept are there for a reason. 

I used to mind pretty much when my friendlist decrease.(I don't know why but I just get annoyed) but now, I don't even care. Because to me, only the true ones stay. 

So whoever is still keeping me on their facebook, thank you. :) 

I've been trying hard to keep friends, selectively. 

I've been rather mindful about the people I mix with, I talk to and tell things to. 

I guess the person I talk the most to and tell the most things to now is E.

He's like my boyfriend, my best friend, my soulmate and my confidante. 

Of course, other than him I have other friends whom I share almost everything with. 

I just feel that nowadays I'm isolating myself, to my limited friends. 

People who constantly cross my mind and I want to see them. 

Or like people who at least make a little effort to want and meet me.

Okay, I realised I've been blogging a lot about E. 

Can't blame me cause my life is hugely revolving around him now. 

Suddenly, mind went blank. 

Okay, update soon. 

Can't wait for the weekend! :)