A Little Something.

Smile is the best medicine.

Kris, Lynn, Terry, Francis, Jek, Tai.

I don't say, doesn't mean I don't feel.

You know sometimes the problem with being who we are, hurts others in a way or another. It may not be directly but it just hurts. Queen always tell me never to use my heart to treat other people because not everyone will treat you with their heart. But Queen, you forgot that it was you who taught me to use my heart to understand a person. So how am I suppose to not treat other people with my heart? 

Mind over body or body over mind? Mind over body for me. I suck at this but this is just me. I always keep things to myself and until I can't take it anymore, then I let it all out. Queen always tell me that she's there for me, there to listen to me but sometimes I feel, there are things that I can't really tell her. Not because I don't trust her but because I know what she's gonna say is not what I want to hear. Selective hearing, yes. Everyone does that. I've not been very honest with myself for this one year. I've not been truthful to myself for this one year. And almost all the time, I tried to put on a smile. But I guess I'm tired doing that already. 

I have my Twitter to rant to. I have my private blog to blog about shits that happens, I have my best friends whom I tell almost everything to. But I always forgot about myself. I always forgot that end of the day, I only have myself. I only have myself to hold, I only have myself to answer to, I only have myself to depend on. 

People judge me and I never cared. People said I'm unreasonable and I never bothered. People said I'm willful and I can't be fucked. People said I'm difficult but who are they to judge? There's only one person who can judge me in this entire world. And that's none other than my Queen, the one who gave birth to me and raised me up. The one who spent my 23-going-on-24 years of life with me, teaching me the values of life and guiding me to walk the right path. The one who will be there to cry with me when I'm at my lowest point and the one who will be there to share with me at my happiest time. 

Other than her, no one in this whole wide world has the right to judge me. If anyone of you want to judge me, you can go ahead. Because I always believe in Karma. Karma's only a bitch if you are. You judge me now, Karma will make you pay double of what you've done. Maybe not on you but your kids/family in the future. 

I don't know how many people actually have dejavu but I do. And it really does happen. In this two weeks, two of my dreams became real. I always know that sometimes when I dream and I don't remember after I wake up, it will happen one day, it's just the matter of time. This two dreams, I had them early this year. I remember because the whole scene and place was familiar. Even the conversation seems planned. I hope dejavu stop knocking on my door cause I'm kinda freaking out by how many of them are coming true. 

And now it seems like surviving a day with two cups of coffee is do-able. 

One day, just one day. You'll regret what you've done at the spur of the moment. You'll regret saying what you've said and regret doing what you've done. Because you never realize that what you've done at the spur of the moment could cause what you never want to happen to be happening. 

How many people live their life with regrets? Plenty. 

And for once I feel, I've never regretted living my life the way it is now. 

You?