today back here.. i have a lot of feelings.. and thoughts. perhaps i think too much.. but well.. maybe only when you're leaving a place that you stayed for very long then you'll think that much bahh.. unknowingly, i stayed in singapore for ten years.. and next tuesday.. i'm going back to malaysia.. which is what i don't want.. the last time i went back to malaysia was in january.. and that's for three days.. only a short holiday i should say.. but this time.. i don't even know how long am i going back for.. well, if i have a choice.. i wanna come back on wednesday!!!! that's only IF i have a choice. anyways.. i'll know it later when i go to ICA to check it out. all i can say is i brought this upon myself.. quit school.. quit the job. well, i'm stupid.. like what bev said i am. he's always right about me. but i guess i realised it too late. no point regret i guess. yupps. let me do a short recap on the ten years i've been in singapore. well.. bear with me yeah? gonna be a long entry.. (: if not.. stop reading here and go to other sites. (:
1997 - lonely, adapting to my new life.JUNE 1997.. i came to singapore. i can't speak english for nuts and had a hard time learning it from scratch. really from scratch okay!! though i know ABC. but i can't read and speak!! lols. how funny when i recall.. always fail for all the test and exams. only pass my chinese. cause malaysia study everything in chinese mahh. so my chinese foundation is strong. (: but it's my only forte. which is bad lahh. well.. struggling with my primary 2 in singapore. and i got bullied by the malays!! cause i can't speak english.. so they always speak english in front of me.. :( and i remembered i don't sing national anthem last time. but my form teacher make me sing.. and guess what? lucky they're in malay.. cause malaysia study malay too. if not.. i'll be dead mann. and the malay i learnt was those super basic malay words.. like kaki.. mata.. hahas. funny.. really funny. anyways.. thanks to my tuition teacher.. i improved in my english.. at least i can read them. hahas. really thank her a lot. if not for her.. i think i'd have given upp on myself.. hahas. well.. it's still nice to know a group of friends.. chinese of course.. who were nice to me and NEVER bully me. hahas. (: they teach me and guide me with my works.. nice right.. (: hahas. and until now.. we're still contacting kkay!! (: sweet right. ten years already.. hahas. (: they mean a lot to me.. (:
1998 - a better life.1998.. started my school off with the same group of MALAYS!! arghh.. i remember i was in 3D cause of my bad result. hahas. and because P4 is the streaming year.. i told myself to work super hard to get into at least the B class next year.. so i could get the better teachers next year. (: and i really work super hard to that goal. everyday without fail.. i'm a good girl.. going home after school and study after dinner. cause last time was in afternoon section. so school ends around 6:30pm. and it's only a five minutes walk to my house. it's DAMN NEAR. hahas. cool right? hahas. i remembered i had countless of tuitions cause i told mummy i want more. so basically i'm having tuition EVERYDAY! until my tuition teacher ask me to take a break. hahas. but the break was for her i guess.. i told mummy to buy me tons and tons of assessment books cause i was really serious about my goal.. and true enough.. hard work paid off. (: hahas. and i was posted to 4B for the next year!! i was hell happy when i saw the report book.. i ran straight home to show mummy my tremendous results. hahas. (:(: hahas. it was really a better year and life's getting better i guess. (:
1999 - cca, streaming.this year.. was more involve with cca.. which was called ECA last time.. i was in the modern dance and angklung (is it spelled this way? can't remember. hahas.) group. it was made of some bamboo.. and you make sound by shaking it. it's nice. damn nice. because this year was the streaming year.. mummy was quite against me joining both. she wanted me to choose one. but i insist both because i actually really like both. both is my interest and hobby. i like dancing.. i do chinese dance when i was in malaysia.. and i like music a lot.. so i don't wanna give upp both.. so i promise mummy that i'll still work hard in my studies.. she was convinced.. so she let me have both.. yupps.. and to keep my promise.. i study everday after i reach home.. by then.. i was in morning section.. so the lastest i go home was 1:30pm. usually i'll take a nap after lunch and study all the way until 9:30pm then sleeps at 10pm for school. i can say i was really an obedient girl last time.. well.. who isn't? hahas. i was really a mummy's girl and i dare not go against my her... and lucky enough.. i did well for my streaming.. got into 5B. hahas. GREAT year mann. my studies was on track and i was quite confident for P5. and i started to love studying.. very much.. to the extend that if i don't study for one day.. i feel damn weird. hahas. cool right? yarh.. 1999..
2000 - distractions.. the year started off great but ended not very good. i was doing well for the first half year.. until i was too into my eca.. i lose concentration on my studies.. i know it was bad.. but i thought i could cope.. until i see my mid year reasults. i collaspe. cause it shows my results DEPROVED!!! and that's when i panic like mad. i cried and stuffs. confide my mummy and she ask me to drop one of the eca. actually she wanted me to drop angklung cause we have to go back on saturdays for training.. but i choose to drop dancing. cause i think i still like music better.. so i followed my heart.. yes it did help.. and i felt a great relieve after seeing my CA2 results.. at least everything was balanced upp. well, maybe i have high expectations of myself.. but it's me last time.. really, i realised eca was a distraction and lucky enough.. i managed to stop it. (: hahas. nevertheless.. i got into 6B successfully. (: hahas. despite the bad result in mid year. hahas.
2001 - flung. disappointments. my first love.PSLE year.. and guess what.. hahas. i was so playful.. very very playful.. plus that year.. my primary school actually merged with another primary school and the location change.. it took about 30-45minutes to go school everyday.. plus walking distances and waiting for transport.. yupps. everyday was playing like, basketball and soccer after school.. stay out until 7-8pm when school end at 1:30pm. well, i admit i turn bad.. i started to argue with mummy and stuffs. and lazing around at home.. not studying etc. i got lazy.. i wasted basically the whole year!! i sleeps in class etc.. and only prelim's result wake me upp.. by then.. it was left with about one and a half months to PSLE. hahas. started my actual studying since then.. but i guess it's too late. didn't score well for my PSLE. scored like, 203 for it and it sucks!! though i got into express stream.. but i used to score like freaking 300/400. haix.. four subjects.. chinese, english, science and social studies. hahas. i was damn disappointed with myself.. and i was posted to bedok south secondary school.. a school i didn't wanna go!! a school that was chosen by my mom. i wanted to transfer to damai.. cause my first boyfriend, linting.. was posted there. and i hope i can be in the same school as him. (: hahas. i still can remember the date we were together. 10 october. hahas. kris's and bev's birthday. how cool. lols. but in the end i couldn't transfer. :( how sad.
2002 - a new year, a new me. a new start. zac.a totally new environment for me. -bedok south secondary. WELL, i didn't like this school at first!! until i met my group of girlfriends.. jazren.. kamae.. amelia.. sarah and mabel.. thanks to them. hahas. first half of the year was peaceful. hahas. due to my playfulness.. lols. i was still very playful then. hahas. i choose band as my cca cause i like clarinet!! but i was posted to flute instead!!! lols. okay lahh.. i like flute also. hahas. but not long after school starts.. me and linting got drifted apart.. cause of different school and different in schooling time. he was in morning and i was in afternoon.. a little weird.. but yarh.. it's like that. so i initiated the break upp. and so we break upp. i know he's upset. but i don't like this kind of relationship.. so i put an end to it. he asked for patch.. but i rejected him.. i'm sorry.. but this is not what i want.. well.. you may say i'm still young or something.. hahas. i got a crush on my band senior named iskandar. yes he's a malay. but he's the nicest guy ever. in my sec1 life lahh. (: he's so sweet. he's from flute session. and he's the one who taught me how to play flute. (: and he's a great player!! whenever he plays his flute.. i got mesmerized by him.. totally. he comes to every practise and i see him every week. hahas. the crush lasted for quite long. hahas. still young arhh. lols. well, i need to keep my recap short.. ohh mann. hahas. i was told he likes me too but we didn't got together.. how sad right? :( and that time.. i actually 'played' with a guy's feeling. foowen.. i didn't like him.. but i was with him for about one month? then i break upp with him. lols. i can't even remember when i was with him. LOL. and i was single all the way until jul 14.. zac confess to me.. it was rather shocking.. cause i thought he would like my friend.. hahas. my friend was crazy about him that time. damn funny. and zac ask me to be his girlfriend.. guess what.. the whole story is damn FUNNY!! one week later.. which is the 24 july. i was like.. playing hide-and-seek with zac. i was running away from him and he's looking for me. cause i'm suppose to give him my reply one week later. and cause of some reasons.. i was with him.. and this is how he got into my life. it's damn funny. now when i recall.. everything seems so funny. HAHA. well.. results for sec1 is still on track. hahas. (:
2003 - band syf. going strong. moved house. gone case.i moved house to yishun. from bedok to yishun okay!! though i disapprove it very much! but i have no say.. hais.. this is damn sad lahh.. my studies drop like mad.. it's like throwing a ball upp to the air then when it drops.. that's how my results drop. why? cause i was so in love and so concentrate in my band. because it's the first time going for syf.. i put in 100% of my heart to get ready for the competition. and i spend a lot of time in band room and of course.. with zac also. we were still going strong by then.. honeymoon period wadd. lols. yupps. was very loving back then.. writing love letters everyday.. hahas. (: yarh.. was so into band until i totally neglected my studies.. failed damn badly.. and here comes my bad days.. :( hahas. streaming year and did damn badly. it was damn close to dropping to normal or repeat.. it's was that bad.. hais.. and this year.. it brought me, mabel, nicole, shina and viki closer. (: hahas. still lucky enough.. i got into 3C. -.-
2004 - slacking. break ups. unstable. band is LOVE!hahas. band was my all time favourite!!! hahas. (: i become the drum major. how cool. (: and since then.. i put in even more time in band rather than any other things. not even my studies. nor zac. this year.. i gotta know steph, marie and sherine. initially.. they hated me cause of zac. until i finally approach them and found out zac has been saying a lot of bad things about me to them that causes them to hate me. well, he tarnished my name. :( but thank god i managed to clear my name and now, the four of us is super close. (: hahas. also.. this year.. is a tough year for me and zac.. he has become so possessive.. much more than before. until i was scared of him. and we quarrel basically EVERYDAY!! our writing of letters stopped. and he started to spend a lot of time at east coast. and after which a lot of people come telling me that zac flirts around at east coast etc. at first i didn't believe. and stupidly.. i lost confident.. i nearly committed suicide because of him.. 31 july. i'll never forget. and it's my sister's birthday!!! lols. very stupid. lucky i'm still alive!! (: hahas. and we broke upp on 1 nov. soon after he ask me for patch when he's attached! how bastard.. o.O i rejected him.. until 18 dec.. he beg me for a chance.. i was soft hearted.. so i patched with him. well.. it didn't feel like before. but still.. i try.. and again.. I FLUNG MY STUDIES!! cause i simply can't be bothered. all i care was my band and nothing else. =_= how silly. hahas. (: yet lucky enough.. i got into 4C. LOLLLLL.
2005 - rebellious. band syf. skating.yes i got rebellious.. very very rebellious. going against my mom and quarrel with her.. why? for my freedom. lols. started smoking and etc. getting worse and worse. hahas. i even fought with my band teacher for band camp. argued with principal over band stuffs. lols. how funny. but we successfully recruited 60 members for sec 1 CCA orientation. COOL. break record. so far no one beats my batch. hahas. as for my Os.. i did the same when i was in P6. so you should know what happen lahh. hahahahas. (: well.. i did badly for Os. cause all i cared was? BAND. hahas. was really a band freak then.. hahas. again.. worked super hard for the syf.. the last year.. was a happening year.. hahas. did all sort of crazy things. total madness. hahas. guess what? my class was painted with the seven wonders of the world. hahas. " future classroom " hahas. (: COOL. and left bedok south like that. how funny. the only thing i can't bear was my band. the band that i put so much efforts in.. hais.. :( but still.. i gotta leave... :'( and i left.. and i started skated this year.. speed skates. lols.
2006 - sliding. poly. clubbing.got into ngee ann poly by luck. hahas. yupps. and i started my sliding since april. wow~ it has been a year already. since i learnt slides. COOL. hahas. (: basically.. slacking still.. even after i got into poly.. i didn't put in my heart to study.. though first semester was alright. did well.. but second semester was a bad one. really a bad one. i was lazy to go school and stuffs. late for school.. ohh my godd. i'm bad. hais. i was so into skating until i want to skate like almost everyday? hahas. well, by then me and zac.. wasn't stable again.. quarrel over the slightest thing on earth.. even when we come to an agreement of not quarreling anymore.. we still quarrel.. and most of the time we quarrel.. break up is always mentioned.. either by me or him.. i guess both of us is tired. we're holding on for the sake of holding on. which i think is quite pointless lahh. though i do can't bear to let go.. but to carry on like this is hard also. can say my heart is half dead by then. plus his possessiveness is all back. and i can't stand it.. just that i kept quiet. well, if i had voice out long ago.. i guess we would have ended long ago. clock is tickling.. human is changing. i changed, i admit. so does zac. well.. it's obvious. (: and this year.. i went for Inline Skating Certified Coach (ISCC) course. hahas. came in fourth out of 30 plus people. done inline culture proud ehhs? (: hahas. and there starts my coaching life. lols. but it didn't last lahh. for some time only. cause i don't like to do enquiries. hahas. sick and tired of it. hahas. (: LOL. and my clubbing life started.
2007 - BEV. quit school. work. quit. malaysia.started off my year by ending the relationship with zac and started with bev, the most wonderful guy ever! (: he's hot, he cute, he's sweet, he's nice. he's EVERYTHING. cause he's BEV! (: and i love the days being his girl. feel so loved and wanted, for the first time after like, years? he basically rock my world. (: but it ended when he got back to australia. and also i ruined it. as for the reason.. i blogged down before. and don't really feel like mentioning it now. :( hais.. if i could turn back time.. i swear i'll never do that. i swear.. 12jan.. i stopped school.. 9feb.. i started work.. 10april.. i quit. well.. and now.. i've gotta go back to malaysia cause of the permit stuffs. hais.... this is damn sad. and i'm left with only four days.. i'll have to go back next tuesday.. this is shitty. damn fucking shitty. argHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! hell for me. whatever.. AND MY CLUBBING GOT EVEN MORE.
i've been living in singapore for ten years.. now ask me to go back.. is like abandoning me in some deserted area.. leaving myself to die. -gOne.- for the past ten years.. above is a short recap.. well.. some is short cause i only remember vividly. those i know more.. i'll write more. sorry.. pardon me. and i've decided.. SATURDAY I WANNA GO ST JAMES FOR THE LAST TIME.. :( i'm gonna miss clubbing. malaysia.. where is the club i also don't know lohh. hais. i doubt there are nice ones. :(
well.. i know to some of you.. you think clubbing cause the change in me. yes i don't deny. but not exactly is clubbing. like bev told me before.. things change.. people change. i change due to my situation. i change due to what has happened. sorry.. i'm like that.. nowadays.. i can't spend time with my friends due to their tight schedule.. don't really feel like going to rink cause it reminds me of zac. not the memories with him.. but what bev told me. and i don't wanna stay at home and see that bitch ' sister ' of mine. all these.. makes me unhappy. i don't wish to vent my unhappiness anywhere else.. so i choose something else.. i choose to vent them on alcohol.. vent them in dance floor. drink till i'm high. dance till i'm tired. so at least at the end of the day.. i released my unhappiness.. and i'll feel better. and so at least when my friends see me.. i'm all ready to be the happy kat they used to know.. it's a tiring life i'm leading.. but so? i just wanna be happy.. i know all of you wants me to be happy. i choose to be happy this way.. i feel better. i'll take care of myself.. don't worry.. i go club in one piece.. i'll be back home in one piece. especially to my girls.. don't worry about me.. i'm old enough to take care of myself. (:
lots of feelings.. but i guess it's time to end this super long entry. update tomorrow. hope i can bring back some good news from ICA later. (:(:
