Moving On.

Time to wipe away the tears and carry on my life.

What comes may.
No point crying over spilled milk. =)

I wanna be happy, that's all.


Last night i went out with my friends. My friends were moody, so am I.
But apparently, I feel that I'm happier than them. Don't know why.

Yes, I'm sad.
But like I said,
No point crying over spilled milk.

My friends told me, 船到桥头自然直.
Yeah, so why should I be bothered.
It's not I don't cherish.
It's not I don't treasure.
I don't owe anyone a living.

Went out with Alwyn, Ling Hui and An Tong. But Ling Hui and An Tong went home earlier. So it's left with me and Alwyn. We went rounding in the car and chatted until 4:30am. He sent me home and yeah, I slept at 7am. Mind is running a lot of thinking and I'm telling myself to get over it. Don't worry about me. Cause I'll be fine. I wanted to tell my Queen what happened, but still, i couldn't bring myself to do that. Contemplating for hours, with my handphone on my hand, whether or not should i destroy the impression my Queen had on him. Giving myself a second chance, I told myself not to.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. But I'm just doing what my heart tells me to. Pains are pains. But I decided not to be so cruel. Afterall, I couldn't pass myself, yet again.

Probably there's a future, or maybe there's not even anymore. As long as I think I couldn't get over, I don't think I'll do anything about it.

And last night, something hilarious happened,

xxx said :
如果我想问的是我有没有这个资格喜欢上你呢?

And my reply is :
如果你是这样问我,我只可以说我不可以让你不喜欢我.可是你也知道他在我心中的位置有多高.就算我接受你了,心中不是你.那对你我都不公平.

Yes, I literally rejected him with that message.
Cause this heart,
is not meant for anyone else.

He asked me, If anyone could take over his place in my heart.
Maybe in the past there would be someone.
But that someone, is gone.
And now, this heart won't open up for anyone else.
It's sealed tightly, for the moment.

Gives You Hell.

Tell me, how do you fix a broken heart times and again?
I found out that no matter how hard i try to fix it, it broke again.

Chances after another.
Apologies after another.
Yet, Times and again the same things happened.

Not to say,
The same thing happen again this time.
I wasn't the one who initiate.
So don't question me anything.
I don't like to be question.

Well, basically we both did nothing wrong.
That's all i'm gonna say.





When you see my face
Hope it Gives You Hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Updates.

OKAY!
I'm still alive and kicking. =\

Let me just update k.
I'm in no mood to write about my feelings and thoughts.
Cause if i were to, the entry will be draggy. -.-

Back to where I've stopped.

FRIDAY
Wake up at 8:30am. Went to saloon to help out. =) as usual. Short handed, so my granny ask me to stay and help.. =\ After that went to usual place to eat with An Tong, Alwyn and my cousin. Headed back to my uncle's place after cause don't feel like going LAN. But after that we went out again. -.- Slackkk. And Alwyn send me home after.

SATURDAY
didn't sleep the whole night. was talking to Alwyn ( SMS ) and busy playing my Harvest Moon. cause i have to wake up at 6am so i rather not sleep. Alwyn came to pick me up for breakfast at 5:45am. -.- then he sent me to saloon to meet up with my uncle etc. cause we went to 扫墓. you know, the day everyone will go clean the tombs of their loved ones/relatives? yeah, I felt so emotional when i got there. Cause it just reminds me of my cousins.. =(( Well, it's close to 10 years since i last went there. hais.. Then back to saloon at 10am, help out etc. Took a nap in between cause BTH! -.- Went to LAN after that with An Tong, Ling Hui, my cousin and Xing Yi. Alwyn join us after. Then wanted to play snooker but gave up cause of the long wait. So decided to be good girl and go home. =)

and TODAY!
Woke up at 8:45am. Saloon at 9:15am. Today had a gathering with almost all my cousin from my father side. -.- Gathering of the LAW(s). COOL EYS! =) thanks to my cousin for organizing this and of course, fetch me early in the morning for this. =) Then today almost the whole i'm with my paternal side. OHH! my cousin bought a new dog. -.- Golden Retriver. Five months old. Damn cute. haha. Cause when i see the two dogs playing together, damn FUNNY! The Retriver just uses her palm to ' piak ' the Smaller one. -.- Damn joker. =\ Then went back to the saloon in the evening. Cause my cousin going back to JB already. =(( Hais. and Yes, i became a pig after. Wake up at 8pm. -.- and now, I'm at Uncle's place. Gonna go out later. Everyone is here for karaoke session. LOL.

okay, MY TURN TO SING.
BYEEEE~~~

Rainbow After The Rain.

Nope, it's not.

Was blog hopping and saw my cousin having this ' friendship problem ' thingy. Something they called it ' blog wars '. HAHA. I WILL NOT DENY i did that before. Because blog can be such a nice place to bitch about my unhappiness sometimes. so, why not? AND, it's MY blog. If you don't like reading what i've written, Fuck Off? Cause it's never meant for you to read? Neither do i sent you any invitation? Ha. Don't be a joker and make a fool out of yourself by getting Pissed Off reading my blog.

As I've stated, PLEASE READ <<============== left hand side.

=)

Yesterday was spent, eating at the usual place. Then hopped onto Alwyn's car together with my cousin, Ben and An Tong and off we are to my Aunt's place. Went there to get my stuffs and went over to Uncle's place. -.- Alwyn say i'm moving house. -.- LOL. then slack at my Uncle's place until about 11-ish and I hopped onto Alwyn's car. Went out with Ling Hui and Xing Yi. Had supper at this place i don't know the name. -.- then Ling Hui and Xing Yi went home while Alwyn send me home. It was 12-ish then. -.- PSP all the way until about 3am? couldn't sleep until 4-ish? -.- I'm having sleeping problems. =\

TODAY, was spent at my Uncle's saloon in the Day and went to pasar malam at night with An Tong. Then head to the usual place for a drink and to LAN shop. -.- Dota one round. =S then An Tong send me home. =\ Alwyn just called me to apologise for not going out with us just now. LOL. so silly. needn't to. Well, he was busy. So why the need to. haha.

and NOW, i'm gonna sleep.
goodnight.

I've lost weight.
Lost of appetite and sleeps.

Updates.

Okay. Let me just update a little.

Firstly,
Yes, I'm back in Malaysia for those who don't know.
I'm back here for a week plus already. I came back with my Queen and princesses.

And secondly, let me update.

For the past one week plus, I'm staying at my Aunt's place. Slacking, rotting and getting emo. -.- Of course not when my Queen was here. Queen left last friday back home cause my little princess has ballet the next morning. Yeah, so I'm left alone with my Aunt, Uncle and Nephew. I was sick last Friday. Running fever and so I stayed home. Sleep the whole day.

Saturday ( 21/03 )
I woke up in the noon. Forgot what time. then slack at home the whole time until night time, I went out with An Tong. Went to play LAN and Dota a while. But before that, had like dinner/supper with him and my other two friends. Ling Hui and Alwyn. After supper I went back to my Aunt's place to put the bike and Alwyn pick me from my Aunt's place. Then we head to the LAN shop. 1v1 with Alwyn Dota for a match. I won him with my razor. My Razor rocks. And he was using Axe. LOL. Okay lame. At least he cheered me up a little. Ling Hui and An Tong left earlier. so left with me and Alwyn. Just before leaving, my Primary School friends called my name. -.- Chen Xiang Yi and friends. -.- Okays, I've not seen them for a long time. But i remember them. Chatted a while cause Alwyn was on the phone. Xiang Yi offered to pick me up the next morning for breakfast, but i rejected. I don't really know him well and i won't go out with him if my cousin, Wind is not there. After a while of yadayada, he still bugs me to go breakfast with him. Irritating piece of shit. -.- Of course, i can't be bothered with him. Alwyn send me home after. =) That's all for that night. Ohh! I PSP until 6am. -.-

Sunday till Last night, almost every night is the same thing. -.-
SO yeah, i don't wanna repeat stories. Just that Xiang Yi is out of the picture. =\

Update soon bahh.
Bye.
Lazy.

It Could Have Been...

A memorable day today.
But you made it impossible no more.

A number so close, so dearly to me.
Yet I felt like it's so far away from me.

It's no longer the same.

Butterflies.

I'm crowded with guys here.
But I don't feel butterflies in my tummy.

Been away for a week already, how time flies.
But no matter how many days I'm away,
I was never contacted.

A promise is no longer promise.
And truth is finally telling me they're lies.

Congratulations.

To all medalist for 2009 Rookie Cup.

Not very sure about the placings. But roughly know some?
Yeahs, just the top few. -.-

Anyways, still Congratulation. =)

Though i'm away, at least i have the heart to even update myself with this.

By the way, i don't know if i'm going back anytime soon.
Cause i don't think i'm in any mood to see that SOMEBODY.
Fuck off for the moment.

Anyways, i want all OUTSIDERS to shut their fucking mouth. I don't care how old are you. Should you lose my respect for you because of all these small matters, don't blame me. Because you're eating up my private life. I know who you are. So STFU. Thank you. And i do know you read my blog silently.


That's it.
Bye.

Don't.

ask me why or anything.

cause,
SOMEBODY doesn't allows me to tell anyone what happened.
SOMEBODY is not happy with me for telling my friends what happened.
SOMEBODY wants me to bottled up everything until i die.

yeahs, then my 21st birthday this year,
the first birthday wish will be,

LET ME DIE THE NEXT SECOND.
thank you.

Goodbye.

To everyone.

I'll be missing in action.

Last Night.

Yesterday was Rookie Cup.
Weather was fine all the way....
Err, it still rained, heavily. Hais.
I thought it won't rain. -.-

Anyway, there wasn't any Women Category, so me and Lynn took part in the Opens Category. Yeah, out soon after qualifying. -.- ha.

After it rained, we went to chill at Mac. And after that, I left for home while the rest of the team head back to ECP. Darn tired. =\ Back home, bathed, use computer for a while, then slept for 2 hours. Head to Prince's place after i wake up cause Ang called me to work at E2 for him today, opening the shop for him. And it's like, 8am. LOL.

Today worked at E2 from 8-2pm, then C3 3-9pm. Basically, worked whole day. Both sides needed people, so i'm kind. I helped. Lol. Okay, it's lame. -.-

Now, i'm back home.
And, tomorrow i'm gonna run away. Tabao all my things and run away. =)





Last night as i was falling asleep,
i felt water on my cheek.
And the next thing i know is,
I fell asleep unknowingly.
I hope i was just dreaming,
but no, i'm not.

Helpless.

I feel like,
a heavy rock is tied to me and i can't move anymore.

I wanna untie the heavy rock, so i can be relieve.

I'm so tired.
Of everything.

Can I?
Can I just let go of everything?

Cause the reasons are not reasons.
Cause i already don't know what else to do.

And there's nothing much i can do.

My Marriage

How will you choose your Mr Right?

No matter how many men you have beating a path to your front door, when it comes to picking Mr Right, you'll listen to your parents. Not only will you become weary of all your suitors, deep down you don't quite trust your own judgment.
( this is slightly true, cause i always listen to my queen. -.- )

Who will be your future Mr Right?

Your future hubby will be lovely and sweet, but a little immature - possibly even a spoilt brat! This guy will trigger your maternal instinct. You'll always be willing to watch his back and clean up his mess. He might be the same age as you are or even younger.
( THIS IS SO FUCKING TRUE! )

When will you get married?

You will be very determined and thorough in choosing a spouse. You'll study every detail about your man before saying yes to a life of love. You will eventually make a good choice, but you'd better be sure that he's willing to wait that long.

What sort of wife will you be?

If your hubby is crazy enough to ask you to do silly things, you may as well have fun with him. You'll make a fun-loving wife.

Will you and your husband have a good time together?

You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends.
( omg, like no? cause i think our life will be monotonous. cause nothing else but skating? fuck. )

What will your children be like?

Your kids will be quiet and won't give you a hard time - they'll be a joy to have around. However, you should teach them to be stronger and more confident in themselves. Otherwise they might grow up to be losers.
( my kids will rock big time. who say they're losers? -.- but of course, quiet and obedient. =) )

How loyal are you?

You are a cool chick! You pretend not to care about the many men you attract, but they just keep coming back for more. When you are married, you won't be a loyal kind.
( WTF ? then my husband will be worse. -.- )

try it:
Marriage Test

PMS

I'm having PMS.
Fuck Off.

Changes.

It's been quite a while since i really update my blog. -.- My bad.

OKAY!

Firstly, I've been working part-time at Inline Culture C3. Well, not that bad.
Secondly, I've been having trainings. For both Dota and Skating.
Thirdly, I've been lack of sleep. Thus, making me so grumpy at times. Cause of Dota. -.-
Fourthly, I tried the new X-Slider. And I totally hates it. Cause i fell on it twice, caused me abrasion and blue-black. Yeah, well done you fucking X-Stupid.
Fifthly, Rookie Comp is coming Saturday. It's gonna be crowded again, with cheerings and jeerings. -.-
Lastly, I wanna Dota! -.- Terry Buddy said I've improved! ^^


Anyway, read through blogs. Happy and Sad. I really start to disbelieve in friends no more. Of course, not my really close ones. Steph, Sherine, Marie, Kris, Pris and some others. These are friends who will really stand by you no matter what happened. They don't ditch you for anything. Of course, those that are not worth keeping. No point being so nice to them. People who caused you problems, bring shits to you, made you lose another friend, doing shit behind you, one sentence - Why should i even give a fuck about them? TRUE? Yes it is. Should there be any reason, or rather i call it an excuse to keep all these useless friends with you, please try to convince me with it. I swear you'll never succeed. Cause I'm so gonna put you down with the ' reason ' you gave me.

Read a few Blogs and owners are mentioning the Past. All is about their secondary school life. Honestly, I do miss my Secondary School life please. =) I miss playing my Flute and Piccolo. I miss training with my Mass. I miss Marching. and Of course, FULL BAND! =)) Miss the day being rebellious and shout at Teachers. Miss going to Principal Office to drink Coffee. Miss being scolded by DM. -.- Of course, miss all my classmates and the memories we had together. My temper during my Secondary school life, was already very bad. Over the years, It seems like my temper will only rise because of one person. -.- needless to say eys. Of course, when i'm angry with other people, I REALLY AM. Cause i don't usually throw my temper at friends. So if you realise I'm not even talking to you, it means i'm really pissed.

Ohh well, This is me.
I don't give a fuck about you when you mean nothing no more.

Anyway, Tomorrow is Prince's Off Day. Plans for tomorrow is to go Malaysia with Prince to find my cousins. =) She had her stall up and we're going to give her some support. =) heh. Food stall. selling my Favourite as one of her Menu List. =) Probably Prince's Brother is going with us too. =))

Okays, i'm so lazy to blog for now.
bye. I'll be back soon! ^^

Aching.

My whole body is aching! =((

I think i Dota too much already. whole body become stiff and like, aching. =(( hais.

Last night Dota for about 12 hours again. This is crazy. I'm seriously going insane over Dota. Wth. -.- shit. GRR. But it's funny how we play Dota. haha. Bomb Bomb! LOL. We play all the different Modes. hahaha. -ARDMNENGFRSC. lolol. -test -fun. Haha. -lvlup24, -gold 99999999. get all the godly items and had like numerous of TRIPLE KILLS, MONNSTER KILLS, GODLIKE, HOLYSHIT. lol. damn funny. The throne were taken down by the creeps instead of us. haha. We just literally stand in front of the enemy's town waiting for them to revive and kill, revive and kill. damn funny. Terry ended up with 151 kills. LOL. so imagine how fun Dota can be. LOL.

apart from my happiness like this.. hmm...............

hmm. I have some thoughts to write. I'll write on the other side.


Sometimes i wonder,
Why life can't be the way we wanted it to be and let it last forever.
When i thought that i'll never lose something in any ways,
I never realise it already left me slowly.
Memories can't be erased.
Just that in the future, it won't exist no more.

Home.

Prince said I'm stuck at home for too long. -.-
so I decided to step out of the house, and I'm back to Queen's Place. =)))
yeahs, so I'm still at Home. LOL!!

I'm just so lazy to go out can. -.-

Firstly, I'm not working and it sucks cause NO MONEY. -.-
Secondly, I'm used to staying at home. =/
Thirdly, I've been playing Dota so often that i don't wanna leave my Com. =X

Okays, so now, It's not a good thing to stay home? -.- But staying at home = No need to spend money. HAHA.


OHH! My Handphone Line has been terminated For You Guys Infor. =/ cause i'm not working. and my Queen is not willing to help me pay the bills. =((( So, anything Please call my Prince to look for me. =) Or i'll get a prepaid card soon. cause it sucks to be uncontactable. GRR. but, i'll only give the number to people whom i wanna give. =)

OKAY, DOTA TIME.

ohH! Prince said he wanna go KTV with Wilson they all tonight. -.- GRR.