Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #2.

1. i'm thankful for my friends who has been watching out for me and remembering me. :)
2. i'm thankful that my boyfriend showed supports for my decisions. :) 
3. i'm thankful that baby jeorgina is at my house now and she makes me happy. :) 
4. i'm thankful that my online parcel arrived to me safely today! :) 

So yeap.
today is ending and these are the thoughts in my mind.

I feel extremely happy today for some reasons.

• in the morning when E asked me to guess which team won last night's semi-finals. I guess correctly even when i didn't watch the match. *super zai feeling* cause i even guess the number of scores correctly though it's a penalty. :D
• i saw ferrari carplate 33. It has been a while!
• i saw lamborghini carplate 9999. It has been a long while!
• i'm happy that my impromptu decision to go BKK in august is all going well and i have 8000baht with me now! >.< HEHE. 

I don't know why but i'm worry about my own future. 

i'm worry about what's not even in my life just yet. 

somehow i'm afraid to make decisions.

but in this cruel reality, we're force to make decisions. 

i hope days in the future will be better. 

i need to leave where i am now. 

Thoughts Of a 24 Year Old.

So, what does a 24y/o really feels? 

So I suppose this is gonna be a long post so yeah, if you're not ready to read, don't.

When I was 12y/o, I envy the adults. 

Because they get to travel and they get to do many things they like. 

I never really enjoy being at home all the time and just studying. (yes, my life was really just studying at the age of 12 cause I can't go out) 

I hear people talking about their sisters or brothers going overseas and enjoyed themselves etc etc. I envy them. 

Because I am the eldest at home and I don't get to have any siblings to share experiences like this with me. 

So anyway, thoughts of a 24y/o. 

I just turned 24. And I seriously feel very very lousy about myself. 

I could have finished studying my degree and is a degree holder by now. 

But no, I've been bumping around in life, wasting my time doing things that's not helping my future. 

Nobody wants to grow up, I'm sure. 

But when your age hit you on your birthday day, you're doom. 

Because this happens to me. 

I'm starting to panic about my life, my future and my forever. 

Too many things in life we need to make decisions and ponder over what may happen after we make a decision.
Okay, maybe for me at least.
There are a few factors in my life I consider important.
Let me just break them down slowly and talk about each issues that I'm having worries with.

#1

Since young, I should say my Queen pinned a lot of hopes on me. 

Because I'm someone who could study well and do well. I'm not that stupid when it comes to studying. But hell yes, I'm too strong headed and stubborn that it cause me to make wrong decisions in life. Out of impulse, because I want to break free from all my Queen's controlling, I forsake my education for a love that wasn't worthwhile. Well, many people would say every relationship is worthwhile and all the yadayada but nope, not in my eyes now. Maybe back then it was but now it's none other than just a very wrong move. We make mistakes. And my past for all that has happened, was MY mistakes. 

If I had continue my studies back then and not withdrawing from my poly, I wouldn't be struggling now. 

I want so much to continue my education to degree but hell no, I can't do it without my PR.

I'm really trying my best to get my PR ASAP. 

Because I have so many things in line of which I couldn't even start doing until I get my PR. 

But the first thing I'm gonna do after I get my PR is to enroll myself into my desired degree programme. That's my top priority now. Singapore is a paper society and it's kinda like a MUST that we have to constantly upgrade ourselves or else we would be eliminated from the society. 

Truth be told, this is reality.

As much as I seriously hate reality but there's no way we could avoid it. 

I've come to learn that in life, we need to make friends with reality so that we won't be hurt by reality because reality is cruel. As long as you're not friends with it, you're bound to be kill by it. 

So sad but true, this is life. 

#2

I grow up in a family full of mother love. My parents divorced and my mother remarried. But I had all the mother love that one ever needed from a mother. 

And I strongly believe that my Mom, played the part as a father as well. 

She's the one who discipline us, taught us about life and the value of it. 

She's the one who taught me how to iron my own clothes, wash my own school shoes, fold my own clothes, pack my own bag and any other housework that at the age of 9, not many would do. Yes, I know how to do a lot of housework which many of you don't know. All thanks to my mother. 

My mother had a hard life since I came over to Singapore and it only started to get better after I started working. 

But I still have two younger sisters to worry about. 

I can only say that my mother met the wrong guys all her life. 

My father was already a very big mistake. And yes, my step dad is not any better. 

My mother thought he was different but no, he was in fact, worse. He know nothing about life and he doesn't care about this family. All he cares about is gambling all day and night, getting himself into debts and making my step granny pay for him. 

No, I will never fork out a single cent for anyone who gamble. NEVER. 

I wish so much for my step aunt in hong kong to come back to Singapore, take my step granny away and leave my step dad to learn his lesson the hard way. 

But my mother always tell me to leave it. 

Can you imagine, a house full of ladies having to face the loan sharks etc? While when the one who is in debt just kept hiding in the room, ordering my granny's maid to continue buying 4D/ToTo for him? Useless piece of shit. 

I never had faith in guys, much less to believe in guys because of my own father and step dad. 

And now, other than my two younger sisters and my mother, I couldn't care less about anything else. Not even my step dad. 

I cannot afford to let the woman who used the whole of her life, loving me, teaching me, guiding me and being there for me to be upset all the time. 

Grandma said that every child have to return what your parents have done for you. But in my eyes, it's ' every child have to return what your mother has done for you. ' 

She went all out for me, and it's time I let her start to enjoy her life. 

She deserve so much more than just facing the walls at home. 

I love you mother.

It's just my pride and ego is too high a time I wouldn't tell you.

#3

I'm someone who's full of love for the people I love.

I grumble a lot to my Boyfriend. How much I wish I'm dead and how I hope the world would come to and end and I even grumble about having him as my Boyfriend, that he's lousy etc etc. I don't deny because I really did that. 

Nobody will truly understand the relationship I had with my Boyfriend. 

So full of love and hatred at the same time. 

Nobody has the right to judge us even though you might be our individual close friends.

Nobody has the right to tell us what we should do to our relationship no matter what it may be, good or bad. 

My Boyfriend is the best guy I ever had in my entire life.
He's my everything, he meant the world to me.
He knows me well enough but not that perfect.
He knows I love him to kiss me on my forehead and hug me to sleep every night.
He knows I love to eat Steak and Mee Hun Kuay from Lorong 5 and he knows I hate to eat all kinds of onions.
He knows I love kids and he loves my sisters and niece too.
He knows everything about my past and he helped me a lot to recover from all my hurts.
He knows I have to drink coffee every morning or else I'll have headache after I pass a certain timing.
He knows that I love to watch romance or comedy movie and he's always watching them with me though what he loved was action and scary movies.
He knows what I love and what I hate. 

He knows a lot about me, there's just too many to mention.
But at the same time, he doesn't know a few about me.
He doesn't realize that every sentence he made has a different kind of impact on me.
He doesn't realize his present in my daily life is different when it's just vocal.
He doesn't realize I need to constantly feel that I'm special to him.
He doesn't realize I will get really upset whenever he don't give me the attention I need.
He doesn't realize that I'm upset when he doesn't care about how I really feel.
He doesn't realize with everything he used to hide from me, the more insecure I feel towards him.
He doesn't realize that to me when it comes to relationship ' Honesty is the best policy '. 

My Boyfriend have flaws, so do I.
But I love him, just like the way he loves me.
I know he loves me, a lot.
But too many things happened between us and we're still trying to fix things right.
At this point of time, I wouldn't say this relationship is perfect cause no relationship is ever perfect for whatever that seems to be perfect was all well-planned. 

#4

I have a lot of friends since I was a teenager. 

Maybe because I'm noisy and chatty that's why they came to make friend with me.

But 80% of my friends are all guys, no doubt. 

I have a lot of friends who can share my joy with but when it comes to sorrow, it's just that few people whom I'll turn to. 

I somehow distanced myself from a lot of my friends, especially the guys. 

I felt it was okay because somehow my absence doesn't make much difference to them so yeah, I learnt that it's okay to distance myself from them. 

I've somehow developed the withdrawal syndrome that a lot of people is facing. 

I don't feel like going out.

I don't want to meet new people.

I don't want to spend my time out of my house.

I just want to stay at home, be with my family and my Boyfriend.

People always say that when one is in relationship, they forget about their friends. 

Think about it in a logical mentality..

Are you not like that? Think twice before you answer. 

Everyone is the same. So yes, I couldn't care less about what other people is gonna say or gossip about me anymore. 

My circle of friends became limited.

I only hang out with the same people all the time and the rest of the time, I'm at home with my family or Boyfriend.

I'm fortunate to have those friends who have always stood by me. I don't have to mention their names because they're always in my heart. 

So thank you girls. :) 

A lot of things will come to my mind whenever I start looking back on what have I done to achieve something and this is the part that breaks me up. 

I've done nothing to achieve anything.

Have I gotten the education that I wanted? No.

Have I work hard enough to earn more money? No.

Have I done anything that's significant enough to make my life different? No. 

Have I given my mother a good life? No. 

What have I done all these while? 

Wasting my time going out with friends. 

Wasting my time partying and drinking.

Wasting my time bumping around living each day not fully utilized.

I don't know what my friends around me feels about their life at the age of 24. 

But this is what I feel. 

Time is moving too fast and I just don't have enough time, I feel.

It makes me feel like dying just so I could restart my life cause now I know what I want.

I feel fucking useless, really. 

And I guess it's gonna take a lot for me to get over this. 

I'm getting old, I know. 

And it sucks.

I just have to learn to suck it up and start to embrace my cruel life from now on. 

The changes in me and the future for us.

Will there be a day that you give me all your time? 

I don't like it when I feel like I'm being left alone. 

I dread going to work nowadays because that's the place I feel so ever alone. 

Know you're online and you're not talking/replying to me. 

I never like that feeling. 

I feel like I'm back to the me who was with Z. 

The me who care too much, worry too much and think too much.

I've been feeling too down lately. 

Feeling too upset. 

Half the time my eyes are watery and warm.

The other half of the time they're tired and swollen. 

I'm feeling tired, mentally and physically. 

Losing the attention and time I used to have and I don't like it. 

E suggested to stay together so that at least we have the night for each other since during the day time he's so busy with work. I don't know why but part of me is reluctant to do that. I guess I'm affected with the fact that he used to keep telling me that I'm living off him at his place made me not want to go to his house to stay. I told him to stay at mine instead and he asked why. I told him because of what he said last time and he laughed it off. Is it that funny? I don't think it is. 

Queen knows about me not wanting to go to his house to stay and she's being understanding to let him stayover now. He wasn't allowed to stayover at my place last time when my family is at home cause Queen said Stepdad would mind. But after all that happened, she gave the green light. 

Queen told me to take turns to stay at each other's place. I shook my head. She asked why and I said I don't want. Something's amiss and she sensed that. She didn't questioned but she just said '一定是有什么事，不然你不可能这样。看你那死样子，以前都不会这样!' Yeah, she knows me best. I just don't like to be told I'm living off someone. 

Had a talk with Sharon early today.. 

All about money..

Talking about our degree course, houses next time, the renovation fees, furniture, wedding, wedding photoshoots etc etc. Just thinking about it, the amount is huge enough.. 

Then I realised, I'm not that young anymore.. 

And I realised, I'm ready to settle down now. 

Subconsciously, I've somehow prepared myself for the future, just that I'm unsure of myself last time. 

Being quite a family-oriented person, I know it myself that I can't never live being alone without my family. And me being me, I've somehow considered E as part of my family since don't know when. 

Sharon and I both know that we have a dream to have our own cosy home. 

We both know what we want and we know how we should do things to make it happen. 

My days of playing is over and now it's time for my future.

I've played enough and now it's time to build my future. 

It's time to take note of BTOs, Wedding Packages, Wedding banquet, Honeymoon places etc etc. 

This is a phase in life. 

And I'm at the stage whereby everything, everybody around me is settling down. 

And it affects me. 

I'm no longer 18,19. 

I need a brighter future for my future. 

Not staying stagnant and doing nothing big enough to let me shine. 

Money cannot buy everything but money can fulfill your dreams. 

And I only know, without money, life's worse than being dead. 

Goodbye nightlife.

Goodbye playing time.

Goodbye luxuries.

We will meet next life. 

:)

先苦后甜.

Lost weight? ):

No more tummy! (:

Slimmer face? 

I've been saying that I need to lose weight etc etc. And I procrastinate about going on diet as well. Well, I guess the recent issues really gave me a good chance to lose weight. Since after CATS-Classified, I lost about 5-6kg? From the time I said I wanna lose weight back in I think, August/September, I've lost a total of 10kg. But from August - CATS-Classified, I never really go on diet etc so my weight was up and down and most of the time, I eat what I lost. So yeah, never really put in much efforts. -.- 

CATS-Classified was on 25th November. I started going on diet since the start of this month. My appetite now has really grown to super tiny. I survived on liquid stuffs most of the days. And eat only a meal a day. Plus lately my mood was not really stable and that affected my appetite. So basically, I eat only one meal a day, it's either lunch or dinner and I can't complete my meal. Don't ask me why but yes, I have no appetite. And I just broke my record of not having any solid food for 24hours yesterday. And yes, I wasn't hungry and only had my first bite just now lunch. Had like one egg prata and I thought I could finish my cheese one too but after 3 mouth and I'm done. Too full to continue. -.- Yeah, I hope to lose another 8kg more by December 31st! And that makes every week to lose about 3kg! Well, I think it's do-able cause I did that in the first week! (: 

Feeling a little guilty cause I didn't spend much time with my cousins since they came to Singapore on Sunday! ): I've got class yesterday and today! ): They're leaving tomorrow already!! But I'm glad that they went to USS on Monday and enjoyed themselves! It's been a really long time since this twin cousins of mine came to Singapore together! They're all grown ups now and it's really tough for them to leave my hometown together end of the year or during June holidays cause the salon will have a lot of customers and usually my Uncle wants them to help out. ): So yeah, it's a rare chance that they can come over together. Queen brought them to Bugis yesterday and they're going to Marche today! ): Marcheeeeeee! A pity I have class tonight! If not I'll join them! ): 

ANYWAY, I'm glad I've finally got rid of 10kg of FATS. Whatever you all wanna call it. -.- Whoever calls me a fatty last time YOU WATCH ME. I'LL SLIM DOWN AND LET YOU SEE. Bloody idiots. I think if you don't see any bones on me you're gonna call me fat already. So I think whole of Singapore, there are a lot of fatty/fat people around. Seriously, calling a girl Fatty is the worst thing you can do. Especially if you're a guy. Once or twice is okay, but when it's more, I don't think it's anything funny anymore. -.- 

Okay, Good Luck to me and Business Stats today! ): 

Update soon! :) 

Byebye! 

If this is the way you want things to be, I got your message. I don't expect you to expect any changes without any changes to this current situation. If this is not what you want, show me. Your words are worthless.  

When Will China Have Some Humanity In Them?

Don't doubt, it's my bruise. It's a heart shape. -.- Weird. And please ignore my hair. 

From Rainy. (:

Every bag have different crystal bits. I got Yellow and it says, 财源廣进. Money money come to mama. Hahaha. (:

So it's Wednesday today. Midweek. I've successfully made myself a nice sandwich for today. (: It has ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and a little bit of mayonnaise spread on the bread. Tadah, my yummy and filling lunch! I'm gonna make it a habit to make sandwiches for lunch every week like 3 times, alternate day. (: Unbelievably filling. It lasted me until 4:30pm! And now I'm munching on my apple. Haha. I'm feeling super healthy today! (: YAY. 

I have a lot of feelings in me recently. I'm thinking if I should make it go public or private. Maybe I should just leave all these feelings in my private because I realized, nobody really cares in the first place. I guess it's PMS time. Yeah, I guess I'm beginning to doubt. Doubt people, doubt words, doubt everything. Yeah.. Life.. I know. (: 

ALRIGHT! (: 

Let me stay focused. I need to study for my Econs. 

And nothing else really matter other than giving my family a good future. 

So yeah, I'm not gonna really bother and I'm gonna continue to care lesser. (: 

Time to pack up and get ready to school. 

It's a rainy day I hope it doesn't make me a gloomy me. (: 

Wanna play a game? (: 

Yeah, have I mentioned I like you? (;

Your time is precious, so is ours.

The poor 2 years old toddler from China. 

Anyone with a pure golden heart will not leave a girl of only 2 to die on the road with a pool of blood. Seriously. She's only the age of my Baby Jeorgina. If anything like this happens to Jeorgina, I'm ready to just kill anyone. She could have been saved if the first driver got down to take a look at her and bring her to the hospital rather than stepping on the motherfucking accelerator to flee the scene. He's a motherfucking bastard. This incident is in China. Great, my impression of China and their people has never been good. They're ruthless, they're cruel, they're heartless and they're uncivilized. Everything bad is them, this is my impression of them. They abuse animals. And now, seeing such a small kid being ran over, they don't help and still keep saying all those motherfucking lanjiao shits. ' Never see her ' ' my daughter is frighten so I left '. FUCK YOU ALL. CCTV SHOWED THAT SO MANY OF YOU NOTICED HER BUT NONE IS HELPING HER. Motherfucking heartless people. I hope China's population stop growing because even if they do grow but they don't help one another, they're just destroying a lovely life. Stop doing all these shits, China. You all have lost humanity. Seriously. I look down on you all, from the bottom of my heart. And I believe there are many of me out there feeling the same. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISSSSSSSS! ^.^

" Never Give Up " - This is so me. (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE. (:

Walk pass this place so I decided to buy for her.

Did I sleep down? LOL

Kris Darling's birthday on Monday and I met up with her, together with Tai and Eddy for dinner at Dan Ryan's. It's my first time there, it's pricey but kinda worth it to go once in a while. The food there is nice. But I doubt I will go back there on any normal days. >.< Haha. I met up with Tai first after I bought the cake and Garrett for Kris. Haha. After dinner we went to Arab Street for sheesha and I left after an hour as Mr Old Man is at home waiting for me and I don't wanna keep him waiting. :\ Back home, tired so showered and slept. 

This whole week was rather a busy and rushing week I should say. Assignment is due on the 15th and now I'm not even half way done and honestly, I find my Econ's lecturer is kinda a bullshitting most of the time. -.- I guess I have to depend on myself and my Basic Econs's knowledge to boost my final score ba. Sigh. Saddening. -.- Grrr. 

I'm going Batam on Saturday. Skipping class, AGAIN. Super unwilling but left with no choice. I'm not very excited over the trip actually. More like, that 'sian' feeling. Mainly because I've been feeling really tired from whatever that has been torturing me, consuming my time etc. I even had the intention to back out last minute for the trip. That's how looking 'forward' I am towards the trip. Or maybe I've been going on trip this year until I'm sick of going on trip. -.- And that's pathetic. I'm feeling home sick recently. I miss my Queen, princesses and my bed more often than I think. Maybe because I have been hearing things that I don't wanna listen before I sleep at night. Or maybe I feel that home is still the place to be. 

So many people graduated from their courses and photos are all on facebook. I'm so jealous, too jealous. If I hadn't waste my time on useless people, useless things, I would have gotten my degree as well. Now that I have to drag it for another 2 years. Waste time, isn't it? -.- I've been constantly blaming myself for the big mistake I've made; which is to flung my O levels for a guy who isn't worth it. Sucks to be me. -.-

Sigh. I haven't been in my best of mood lately I guess. Mood swing. Moody. -.- Okay, mind is blank now. Update soon. 

I don't think I can ever be Rose. 

If only I can have a love this strong. But it won't because I don't believe that so much anymore.

Now you know why I'm a Princess.

Yes, YOU.

Thank you.

Treasure your friends.

This morning, at Boyfriend's house.

Sometimes, it's nice to have views like these. 

Okay, bye. 

XOXO

Mr.Right.

I did this little test just not too long ago.. It's rather amusing. LOL
Whatever that is in RED is my own opinion.

How will you choose your Mr Right?

No matter how many men you have beating a path to your front door, when it comes to picking Mr Right, you'll listen to your parents. Not only will you become weary of all your suitors, deep down you don't quite trust your own judgment. (not exactly true because my mom will let me make my last call)

Who will be your future Mr Right?

Your future hubby will be lovely and sweet, but a little immature - possibly even a spoilt brat! This guy will trigger your maternal instinct. You'll always be willing to watch his back and clean up his mess. He might be the same age as you are or even younger. (LOL. My ex are! one which is same age and the other younger. not the current one though. true or no to this?)

When will you get married?

As soon as you fall in love, you'll want to grab your man and hang on to him. You will probably marry very young, so it would be wise of you to think carefully before committing. (i'm not very young already. I wanted to marry my ex boyfriend when i'm 21 though. hahahaha)

What sort of wife will you be?

If your hubby is crazy enough to ask you to do silly things, you may as well have fun with him. You'll make a fun-loving wife. (i make an awesome wife. hahahahahaha! xp)

Will you and your husband have a good time together?

You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends. (good life)

What will your children be like?

Your kids will be very naughty. They will often get into trouble but you will have a great time bringing these fun-loving kids up. They are lively and smart. (of course they will be. I'm smart. lol)

How loyal are you?

You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband. (hurhur so much for being friendly eh. i'm just bring NICE.)

Emilyn and I went for pray last Friday! (:

Boyfriend and I at Grand Mercure for James's birthday dinner. (:

Boyfriend and I at Charlene and Delson's birthday chalet!

6 bottles of wines unopened and 1 already open. Lol

Minced meat! (:

Soup! :D

Papa Richard!

Scott! (: He messed up the place. HAHAHA.

Stuart trying out the drink that his Papa made!

Happy Birthday Angie! (:

9th Oct 2011. 

I saw this when I was going down the stairs and it's climbing up from the canal slowly. LOL.

Our dinner after a long, dry, boring talk. -.- 

Total bill. a BOMB.

My annoying Boyfriend.

Princess Jiayi's.

Princess Jiamin's.

Boyfriend's.

Mine. But I can't finish it. :\

Queen's.

五香.

Fishcake! 

Otah! :D

Princess Jiayi's  soup! (:

Stuart is so seductive and sexy. LOL

Last weekend was rather fun-filled. Met up with a lot of people and had a really good time with them. Dinner, chill out, chalet, BBQ, alcohol, movie and slacking. Not forgetting my Queen made me went for this stupid talk which is rather dry. -.- The speaker should slow down his speed of talking because there's kids there and the kids might not get what he's saying. -.-

Had a dinner on Friday with Boyfriend and his friends at Grand Mercure hotel at Roxy Square for his friend's birthday then went to Vie bar for some drinks. I only had a full pine of Hoe Gaarden and I'm feeling sleepy after that. I don't know why but each time I drink beer I'm bound to become like that. -.- So yeah, I hate beer. I would love a Vodka Redbull or Vodka Cranberry or Vodka Sprite instead of any beer. LOL. <3

Saturday was class in the afternoon and then went to Charlene and Delson's Birthday Chalet and head over to Vivian's house for Movie. (: The night was good cause I love seeing the people I saw that day! :D

Sunday was having to wake up early and went to this stupid and boring talk by some organization that provide learning skills etc to teens and kids. -.-

My week was pretty much dry and boreddddd.
Okay, I'm tired. Time to do my stuffs now!  :D
Byebye.

XOXO