Thankful.

I do a lot of self reflection and I have always been. 

I think about how people treats me and how should I treat people with what kind of attitude. 

Very often, I came back asking myself, 'is it worth it? Why am I so stupid? They don't even bother or care.' 

Yeah, this applies to anyone in my life. 

I came to realize that a lot of people misunderstood the meaning of "being there for someone" and somehow I feel people abused it. 

I can't say it all in words now but I just want to say that I'm very very thankful for having Love at this moment. Very thankful he was the one who was involved in walking me out from that shit relationship with Eric, the biggest mistake in my life. I used to think falling in love with Love back in 2002 was the biggest mistake in my life but later I realized that to let Eric enter my life was in fact the biggest mistake of all. 

Every night I look at Love's back facing me and him, facing the computer screen busy working yet he still have to give me the attention I need to lay next to me so I could fall asleep before he continue with his stuffs again, I told myself that marrying this man, is the best decision I ever made and I know I will still tell myself the exact same thing even when we grow old. Sometimes he had to sleep in with me, just to make sure I'm able to sleep but he ended up falling asleep together with me yet he will still wake up half way through and continue with his work. 

No complaints, just nonstop of showing me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. Just because I told him before that I'd be scared when I wake up half way through and I don't like that feeling. He respect that and he will do all he can to make sure I have a sound and safe sleep. The man who would do anything for me, not every girl get to have one. I count my blessings everyday because I feel so fortunate now. 

They said happiness have to come from within yourself if not you'll never be happy. I agree, I'm optimistic about life and I think it's very important already. Yes, relationship is important to me. Any kind of relationship. Kinship, friendship or a love relationship. They are bonus to my happiness now and I'm so thankful for all of then who are atill around. =) 

Update soon!

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #7.

There are so many things that I'm thankful for, really. 

So many that I don't know how should I start naming them. 

Okay, I've not been updating on my thankful post cause I was away over the weekend and was very sick last week. Coughing non-stop and didn't get better until I change my medication.

So, let me begin some of my thankful posts. 

I said I would write at least one a day so I hope this few thankful posts helped to cover the past few days. :) Hehe. 

Well, I update on Twitter(@d0lphiin)  and Instagram(@d0lphiin) more often now. :) 

Here comes..

1. I'm thankful having E with me all these while, be it good or bad, happy or sad, excited or disappointed. I'm thankful to be spending every moment with him. :) 
2. I'm thankful for having a bunch of friends who are always there, no matter how long have we not been in contact.
3. I'm thankful for E being thankful for having me for the first time last week when he texted me at 3:22am in the middle of the night when I was asleep already. :) 
4. I'm thankful for the doctor changing my medication and making me feel much better from my sickness. 
5. I'm thankful for Baby J accompanying me to the clinic last week when I was really ill. I feel so much better to be seeing her smiling and talking to me. :) 
6. I'm thankful for falling sick this time cause I finally get to rest properly with all the drowsy medications. :)
7. I'm thankful for the Kukup trip over the weekend cause it take my mind off a little. :)
8. I'm thankful for the heart to heart chat with C during the trip. Somehow the conversation got me thinking, about me, my life and my love. 
9. I'm thankful for my skin condition showing improvement! :)
10. I'm thankful for E putting aside his work/emails just to talk to me for a while before I go to bed last night. :)

Okay, I'm thankful for everything that I'm thankful for.

I woke up this morning feeling really blessed.

Blessed for the amount of friends I have who really cares for me.

Blessed for all the good things that happened in my life.

Blessed for having such an imperfect perfect family.

Blessed for my imperfect, perfect Boyfriend. 

Feel so blessed that I couldn't resist myself texting my boyfriend and telling him that I love him. 

Yeah, I'm totally random and unpredictable. 

But I'm happy being like this. 

Indeed, setting different level of expectations for different people helped to make me happier. 

There are people who's just gonna keep failing you even though they keep preaching to be successful or doing better. 

I've learnt not to even bother what people is doing to their life anymore. 

Selfish I may seems to be, it's not I don't care, I just learnt to care lesser. 

In life, we shouldn't be comparing ourselves with anyone else other than our old self. 

Tough to learn because people judge. 

I will be me anyway. :) 

I'm getting happier everyday.

I have so many things to be thankful for! :)

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #6.

1. I'm thankful that Baby J is still in Singapore cause she made me smile from ear to ear. :)
2. I'm thankful for the cooling weather cause I could sleep well without perspiring at night.
3.  I'm thankful for all my medicines cause they helped to make me sleep better too though i'm getting any better but worse. :\ 

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #5.

1. I'm thankful for falling sick cause E showered me with a little bit more attention.
2. I'm thankful for having Baby J here cause E will spend more time with us rather than his game.
3. I'm thankful for E spending the whole day with me, doing nothing.  

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #4.

1. I'm thankful for E who helped me a lot! :)
2. I'm thankful for E bringing me to movie, finally!

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #3.

today I'm thankful for falling sick cause I finally get to sleep a lot. :)

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For #2.

1. i'm thankful for my friends who has been watching out for me and remembering me. :)
2. i'm thankful that my boyfriend showed supports for my decisions. :) 
3. i'm thankful that baby jeorgina is at my house now and she makes me happy. :) 
4. i'm thankful that my online parcel arrived to me safely today! :) 

So yeap.
today is ending and these are the thoughts in my mind.

I feel extremely happy today for some reasons.

• in the morning when E asked me to guess which team won last night's semi-finals. I guess correctly even when i didn't watch the match. *super zai feeling* cause i even guess the number of scores correctly though it's a penalty. :D
• i saw ferrari carplate 33. It has been a while!
• i saw lamborghini carplate 9999. It has been a long while!
• i'm happy that my impromptu decision to go BKK in august is all going well and i have 8000baht with me now! >.< HEHE. 

I don't know why but i'm worry about my own future. 

i'm worry about what's not even in my life just yet. 

somehow i'm afraid to make decisions.

but in this cruel reality, we're force to make decisions. 

i hope days in the future will be better. 

i need to leave where i am now. 

Think Of Something To Be Thankful For Everyday.

So, as I was saying on my Twitter(d0lphiin), maybe if we all learn to think about what to be thankful of everyday, life will be happier. 

my sudden thought of this cause i was reading Kaykay's blog and she mentioned about Xiaxue's blog post about The Secret. 

Kaykay said we should be thankful everyday, as mentioned in The Secret. 

So now i decided to try to think of something to be thankful for everyday. 

So in a way, I could fill up this space at least! :\ 

So today..

1. I'm thankful for my mother's health being all good now. she's my biggest pillar of strength and i cannot imagine my life without her. her life has not been very much smooth sailing and now all i hope is for her to be healthy and strong.
2. I'm thankful that my boyfriend of 2 years still loves me (though i don't know how much he loves me now cause it might be like, lesser). for all the times i felt like shit, it was all because of him. but if not because of him, i wouldn't have been where i am now. i wouldn't have studied and want a better future.
3. I'm thankful for my girlfriends(Kris, Lynn, Maria, Vivian), all of them who stood by me and know what are the ups and downs in my life yet still walked me through them. without the girls, i guess i would probably be stuck in my past. 

yeap.

that's all for today. 

I love my family, my boyfriend and girlfriends. 

like i once said, i've not been contacting a lot of my guy friends. 

i think it take two hands to clap. 

since my absence doesn't matter to them, so will theirs. 

life's a bitch and it gets harder as you grow. 

i've learnt it and is facing it well enough i guess. 

good luck people, learn to love life! :)