NO!

From Sharon Darling. :)

My stupid pimple and dark circles and eyebag. -.- 

My Korean classmates are damn sweet! ;)

Carebear from Kris Darling! :)

I choose this! :)

My look today. Look like some sick people. -.- 

Didn't even put eyeliner cause I'm having shoot tonight! Leaving the rest of the makeup later! :)

As my title says, NO! I don't think I'm anorexic! -.- I just don't feel like eating and if I force myself to eat something, I will feel like vomiting? I mean I will still eat something when I'm feeling hungry.. But the problem now is, I DON'T! -.- Sigh. It's going almost 2 days of no solid food since Tuesday's lunch, which was my not-finished-chicken-rice. -.- I just feel very thirsty most of the time and my tummy is always feeling bloated. -.- I never liked water so most of the time I will drink coffee. BOO. I think this can go on until Saturday when I finally meet my girls for steamboat. -.- Gosh. I swear that steamboat is gonna be so not worth it for me! Cause I'm probably gonna just keep drinking the soup and not eating much. GRRRR. But it'll be worth it to be spending the eve with my two most important girls. :) 

Baby Jeorgina's Birthday is in Malaysia this year.. But I doubt I'll be going back cause it's kinda rushing for me. :\ Queen is going back later today with the two girls and I'm not gonna spend my eve squeezing with people in Malaysia going back. And I don't wanna rush out on 26th to meet my girls for dinner. So yeah, giving it a miss this year. So, I'll be going to Vivian's house for the Christmas party instead! :) Can't wait for all the good food and drinks! :) It was 2009 since I went to the last Christmas party! :) Feel like baking something! Maybe I should stayover? HAHAHA. I'll decide soon! :) 

I'm hoping for this two weekends to be good. :) and I hope 2012 will be a good start. :) Many shoots have been arranged! And I'm pretty excited! :) Hope I can continue to lose my weight until like I'm back in Secondary School. HAHAHA. >.< I think I'm gonna cut my hair after Chinese New Year. Haha! :) 

Don't know why but my heart is kinda feeling heavy. Haven't been wanting to go out in large group. First time in so many years, I rejected to meet you all in late nights. I guess I'm starting to give up trying to maintain that friendship we share. Yes, you all been through all the tough times with me. Bring me out of darkness and be there when I needed you all. But really, why must it always be me who take the initiative to call you all before we can finally meet? I'm tired of being the one who have to always do that. Because it's always me fitting into the timings that you all want and it's always late at night. Ever spare a thought for me that I have got work the next day? Always telling me a time to meet but end up always not being able to make it and cancel it last minute or always call me like half an hour before hand and expect me to be free to meet? Really, I'm not like you all.. I don't have that much of free time to keep waiting and waiting. Your time is precious but so is mine. You all have your priorities and so do I. I hope you all know that I'm not someone whom you all look for just cause you all are bored. I hate that feeling. I hate to be put as an option when I put you all as my priority! You all still can call me out, if you all still remember me? But no, I'm not gonna be like before anymore. I'm not gonna be the one who's gonna call you all anymore. Enough is enough. I'm done being Miss-Nice towards you all for the past almost 4 years? My tolerance towards you all has finally reached. 

Update soon.

And YOU! Honestly I have no idea why I keep thinking about the you last time. Not now but more like last time. Rewind. Too much rewind these days. Hate every single part of my house that has you in it. I hate the minute I open my eyes I still see the photos there. I hate the minute I walk to my hall and I saw that photo there. Looking back at those photos reminds me of the good old days. Good old days before I feel different, which is more than a year ago. Seriously I hope you can get out of my mind now. The last time you. The you when we went to Batam and Bintan. The you when I still would want to go that extra mile for, that I would accept anything for. But you lost it all, just in one night. I guess maybe it's time to pack everything that has you in it. I need to do that soon, real soon. 

For A Change.

Esplanade Concert Hall.

My loves.

"No photography allowed" - The security said. But fuck it, I recorded the entire concert. HAHA.

Waiting for Conductor to be on stage.

So niceee!

Love my black hair. (:

Love!

Hearts.

Yami Yogurt.

Kris's.

She bought Ukelele.

My 'MAN'.

HAHAHA.

Gaga and Perry? 

Panorama. 

Look at Jeorgina.

Super cute! (:

Jason send me a photo of snow in Scotland! (:

Queen bought me this. ); Sigh.

Things have been changing lately. I guess I'm becoming more independent and I've learnt to realize one thing. Love is just a bonus is my life. Honestly, I don't know how important that is in my life right now. (I'm not saying that I don't love my Boyfriend or whatsoever). It's just maybe, things happen too often that right now, I don't feel much even when we don't talk for a week. There's a lot of things that has been going on, not just recently but accumulated since the past one year we're together. 

He lost my trust. I've been fighting with myself to trust him like I used to but I guess I pretty much failed in that because I suspect a lot. He may tell me a thing but I might not even believe that.  He said a lot of things to me, promised me a lot of things and asked me to believe in him. I trusted him once, I believed him twice and I guess I'm just not gonna have faith the third time. 

I used to have a lot of things in my mind, filled with him. I wanted to build a future with him. I wanted to live the rest of my life with him. I wanted to, you know, love him until the day I die. But you know what? I stop having such thoughts since don't know when. Maybe like beginning of 2011? I don't know. We fought a lot, we argued a lot. We got upset, we cried and we broke each other's heart. And it seems like it was just yesterday that these happened.

And probably this continued and as days go by, it eventually made me not believe in everything due to all the suspects. I feel different. I don't feel the same anymore. I don't know if I'm capable of going back to who I was a year ago. I doubt a lot of things that's around me. I hate changes actually, but I'm getting used to this. Just somehow I'm afraid, I'm only gonna get used to everything until right now and not anymore. 

There are a lot of things to consider when 2 person start a relationship. There might be a few things to consider when you want to end a relationship or sometimes, you don't even need to consider. I hate thinking but I've been thinking recently. Is there a solid reason for me to hold on? Is there something so important for me to believe again? 

I guess the problem is me. My constant suspicion has led me to who I am now. And the unwillingness to forget about what happened before. Subconsciously, I've learnt to not believe at all and this is kinda the down side of being in a relationship. I don't know how long can I prolong this and I don't know how else am I gonna love. I'm not running away, I just don't know what else could happen. Too much shits happened and I'm not taking those shits. 

I'm not exactly facing it either because I know, even if we create a conversation to talk, nothing can really be solved regarding trust issues. And without trust, there's gonna be a lot more other things/people I'm gonna hate about/around him. And those are the things, that can easily trigger my missiles. My Boyfriend always tell me that other than him, no one else can tolerate me. But I've yet to tell him, if not for you, I wouldn't not trust you and it wouldn't lead to me suspecting everything thing you say/do. I remember I was the sweetest girl that my friends said when we just got together and look what happened now? Tsk. Things happen for a reason. You may be the one who can tolerate me but please don't forget you are also the one who said those nasty things to me before as well. We quit in a way. I said things that constantly break your heart and you said things that makes me change. We made a difference in each other's life. 

And it seems like you're guilty of what happened in the past thus you put up with me. So, for how long are you gonna sustain this? For how long are you gonna pamper me this way? For how long are you gonna give in to me until? You make me feel that everything is temporary. I'm sorry that I'm making you feeling shitty but I guess this is what I really want to tell you. 

As much as I want to be with you, but how can I be with someone whom I can't trust? 

Everything that seems not so important to you seems to be smack right super important to me. And that's our difference. We have too much a difference and we're not exactly willing to compromise. We have our temper and you know if either one of us don't give in, it's gonna be never ending. And that's probably one reason why you're always giving in to me. Because you know my temper is much worse than you. 

I'm finding reasons to believe again but I guess I won't really find one.

I'm great! Don't worry about me. (:(: 

XXX

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISSSSSSSS! ^.^

" Never Give Up " - This is so me. (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE. (:

Walk pass this place so I decided to buy for her.

Did I sleep down? LOL

Kris Darling's birthday on Monday and I met up with her, together with Tai and Eddy for dinner at Dan Ryan's. It's my first time there, it's pricey but kinda worth it to go once in a while. The food there is nice. But I doubt I will go back there on any normal days. >.< Haha. I met up with Tai first after I bought the cake and Garrett for Kris. Haha. After dinner we went to Arab Street for sheesha and I left after an hour as Mr Old Man is at home waiting for me and I don't wanna keep him waiting. :\ Back home, tired so showered and slept. 

This whole week was rather a busy and rushing week I should say. Assignment is due on the 15th and now I'm not even half way done and honestly, I find my Econ's lecturer is kinda a bullshitting most of the time. -.- I guess I have to depend on myself and my Basic Econs's knowledge to boost my final score ba. Sigh. Saddening. -.- Grrr. 

I'm going Batam on Saturday. Skipping class, AGAIN. Super unwilling but left with no choice. I'm not very excited over the trip actually. More like, that 'sian' feeling. Mainly because I've been feeling really tired from whatever that has been torturing me, consuming my time etc. I even had the intention to back out last minute for the trip. That's how looking 'forward' I am towards the trip. Or maybe I've been going on trip this year until I'm sick of going on trip. -.- And that's pathetic. I'm feeling home sick recently. I miss my Queen, princesses and my bed more often than I think. Maybe because I have been hearing things that I don't wanna listen before I sleep at night. Or maybe I feel that home is still the place to be. 

So many people graduated from their courses and photos are all on facebook. I'm so jealous, too jealous. If I hadn't waste my time on useless people, useless things, I would have gotten my degree as well. Now that I have to drag it for another 2 years. Waste time, isn't it? -.- I've been constantly blaming myself for the big mistake I've made; which is to flung my O levels for a guy who isn't worth it. Sucks to be me. -.-

Sigh. I haven't been in my best of mood lately I guess. Mood swing. Moody. -.- Okay, mind is blank now. Update soon. 

I don't think I can ever be Rose. 

If only I can have a love this strong. But it won't because I don't believe that so much anymore.

Now you know why I'm a Princess.

Yes, YOU.

Thank you.

Treasure your friends.

This morning, at Boyfriend's house.

Sometimes, it's nice to have views like these. 

Okay, bye. 

XOXO