USS.

Exam is over. And I'm glad I can do it. Now marketing result is scaring me. ): please bless me. ):

USS tomorrow and I hope it's gonna be good. And please, weather don't be shitty. ): I need to meet Geoffrie tomorrow to get the camera! :|

Shoot tomorrow morning and I gotta wake up at 7am yet I'm still awake. Sigh. ):

Time to sleep. Goodnight! (:

Xx

I don't know if I made the right choice by listening to my heart. Because sometimes my heart fail me too many times.

Man & Woman.

- When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom. 

- We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone. 

- Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings about her day, and her husband, thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems. 

- When our partner resists us it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approach. 

- A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results. 

- A woman's sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.

These are quotes from ' Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. ' 

You know there are difference in men and women and in general, women since the ancient time has always been the one who's giving the good and taking the shits. Why? Because women in the past are not allowed to have higher education than men. It's unfair to begin with? But now it's different, women do much better than men in almost all aspects. Other than fucking around. Okay, I'm not stereotyping here but it's kinda like a fact that almost all guys are desperate. If not, there will not be whorehouses around and there won't be rape cases isn't it? -.- And a lot of my guy friends tell me ' 10 guys, 9 of which are never innocent and the only one who is not is gay. ' LOL

Hmm. How true is that? I don't know. But if that can come from a man's mouth, I doubt it's fake. This week is passing too quickly. ): I feel like I have no time for anything. Why am I so packed with things when I don't want to? T.T My schedule is packed all the way until probably 7th Nov. -.- And that sucks. 

I need one week where by I'm totally off from everything. Or maybe a month. Just to go home after work then sleep by 10pm. I need that so much! ): 

Yesterday was just yet another day. I'm feeling super tired now because my 大姨妈 is here. FML. USS on Sunday is already half ruined. ): Much less to mention my photoshoot on Sunday morning too. ): Hates it when I have menses and everything else is happening at the same time. T.T 

Queen asked me some questions this morning. And no, it's not what she's thinking but I guess maybe she just gotta somehow get used to this. 

And by the way, yesterday felt like a Sunday and I had like ' Monday ' blue. ): 

I miss Baby Jeorgina. ): 

I wanna go back Malaysia! 

Exam in 2 days. 

Good luck Kat! :D

I trimmed my own fringe. How is it? HAHAHAHA.
My eye bags very bad, I know. ):

Happy Birthday Felix. Brownie from Shida!

Super thick chocolate. 

And yes, I had a piece. :\ Everyone knows I don't eat chocolate except for white chocolates.
But for Birthday wise.. I'll give face la. (:

For A Change.

Esplanade Concert Hall.

My loves.

"No photography allowed" - The security said. But fuck it, I recorded the entire concert. HAHA.

Waiting for Conductor to be on stage.

So niceee!

Love my black hair. (:

Love!

Hearts.

Yami Yogurt.

Kris's.

She bought Ukelele.

My 'MAN'.

HAHAHA.

Gaga and Perry? 

Panorama. 

Look at Jeorgina.

Super cute! (:

Jason send me a photo of snow in Scotland! (:

Queen bought me this. ); Sigh.

Things have been changing lately. I guess I'm becoming more independent and I've learnt to realize one thing. Love is just a bonus is my life. Honestly, I don't know how important that is in my life right now. (I'm not saying that I don't love my Boyfriend or whatsoever). It's just maybe, things happen too often that right now, I don't feel much even when we don't talk for a week. There's a lot of things that has been going on, not just recently but accumulated since the past one year we're together. 

He lost my trust. I've been fighting with myself to trust him like I used to but I guess I pretty much failed in that because I suspect a lot. He may tell me a thing but I might not even believe that.  He said a lot of things to me, promised me a lot of things and asked me to believe in him. I trusted him once, I believed him twice and I guess I'm just not gonna have faith the third time. 

I used to have a lot of things in my mind, filled with him. I wanted to build a future with him. I wanted to live the rest of my life with him. I wanted to, you know, love him until the day I die. But you know what? I stop having such thoughts since don't know when. Maybe like beginning of 2011? I don't know. We fought a lot, we argued a lot. We got upset, we cried and we broke each other's heart. And it seems like it was just yesterday that these happened.

And probably this continued and as days go by, it eventually made me not believe in everything due to all the suspects. I feel different. I don't feel the same anymore. I don't know if I'm capable of going back to who I was a year ago. I doubt a lot of things that's around me. I hate changes actually, but I'm getting used to this. Just somehow I'm afraid, I'm only gonna get used to everything until right now and not anymore. 

There are a lot of things to consider when 2 person start a relationship. There might be a few things to consider when you want to end a relationship or sometimes, you don't even need to consider. I hate thinking but I've been thinking recently. Is there a solid reason for me to hold on? Is there something so important for me to believe again? 

I guess the problem is me. My constant suspicion has led me to who I am now. And the unwillingness to forget about what happened before. Subconsciously, I've learnt to not believe at all and this is kinda the down side of being in a relationship. I don't know how long can I prolong this and I don't know how else am I gonna love. I'm not running away, I just don't know what else could happen. Too much shits happened and I'm not taking those shits. 

I'm not exactly facing it either because I know, even if we create a conversation to talk, nothing can really be solved regarding trust issues. And without trust, there's gonna be a lot more other things/people I'm gonna hate about/around him. And those are the things, that can easily trigger my missiles. My Boyfriend always tell me that other than him, no one else can tolerate me. But I've yet to tell him, if not for you, I wouldn't not trust you and it wouldn't lead to me suspecting everything thing you say/do. I remember I was the sweetest girl that my friends said when we just got together and look what happened now? Tsk. Things happen for a reason. You may be the one who can tolerate me but please don't forget you are also the one who said those nasty things to me before as well. We quit in a way. I said things that constantly break your heart and you said things that makes me change. We made a difference in each other's life. 

And it seems like you're guilty of what happened in the past thus you put up with me. So, for how long are you gonna sustain this? For how long are you gonna pamper me this way? For how long are you gonna give in to me until? You make me feel that everything is temporary. I'm sorry that I'm making you feeling shitty but I guess this is what I really want to tell you. 

As much as I want to be with you, but how can I be with someone whom I can't trust? 

Everything that seems not so important to you seems to be smack right super important to me. And that's our difference. We have too much a difference and we're not exactly willing to compromise. We have our temper and you know if either one of us don't give in, it's gonna be never ending. And that's probably one reason why you're always giving in to me. Because you know my temper is much worse than you. 

I'm finding reasons to believe again but I guess I won't really find one.

I'm great! Don't worry about me. (:(: 

XXX

A Secret Affair.

This is my daily active group chat.

This is what happened after like say about half an hour. -.- I got spammed every morning. zzzz.

Remember the game I was talking about on the previous post? This is part of the plan.

This is just a dream.

This is reality.

Animals can help one another. Human don't. See where are all the humanity?

The only lecturer thus far, who managed to make almost half the class leave during break time. Because he talk bullshit too much. -.-

Every morning I'm being spammed the same group of people. -.- It's getting earlier and earlier until I can't take it, off the group notifications already. -.- My phone went bonkers. Wth! -.- 

Last night's lesson was about Prada, LV and some stupid shoes brand. We were all wondering, are we studying Economics or are we studying Marketing? -.- This lecturer is one of a kind, seriously. -.- I left the class during the break, just like many others. But it's the first time that I walk out of the class like that. But.. I really don't learn anything from him, at all. -.- And you know what? I seriously think I need some help with Economics. -.- This lecturer is gonna get his review badly done by me. -.-

I just watched the secret proposal on Facebook not too long ago.. It's a super sweet and touching one. The girl was totally caught off guard and the guy is super sweet. It's kinda like some ideal proposal that touches all the girls' heart and melt them totally. (: You know, it's rare in Singapore that guys actually spend time planning such romantic moments. It's like the trend now is: Courting - Finally get together - Dating - Ballot house - Get house - ROM - Wedding Dinner. THERE'S NO LONGER A THING AS PROPOSAL AS PART OF THE PLAN. And that's saddening. Usually it's the proposal that spur up the sparks to want to do more things for each other. But not anymore. And I think, I won't plan to do anything more than now until a proper proposal is done and I accept the proposal. Yes, I'm a hard nut to crack but what makes you think I'm so cheap to deal with? -.-

Maybe the last time me will do everything without expecting anything in return. After much shit happened, I changed. So yeah, I'm not gonna be the idiot who's gonna just keep giving whatever I have and in the end I'm still gonna get hurt. I've learnt to be pretty selfish and I'm sorry to say that because if no one cares about me so why should I even care for them? I only care about people whom I feel worthy of my care.

Having so much said, people are always telling me the same god damn thing ' what makes you think that you're worthy for people to do so much for you? ' hmm.. so what makes you think that other people is worthy for me to do so much for them? Vice versa. You treat people the way you want to be treated. Yeah, I treat my friends really nice, I listen to them, I bring them out etc etc. Those that I don't do that to = not worthy. Understand? I choose my friends but my friends may not choose me. Likewise, people choose me and I might not choose them. This is life, suck it. The amount you offer will never be the amount you get back. This is reality. 

I'm meeting Sharon tonight for pancake. And I can't wait to go home to see Baby Jeorgina! She's heading home this Saturday! ): 

Real Steel tomorrow and my weekend is packed! (: 

There's a few things I need to do. -.- 

1. Trim my bloody annoying fringe. 
2. Be slim as soon as I can because I have a shoot soon.
3. STUDY FOR EXAM. 
4. COUNT DOWN TO USS HALLOWEEN NIGHT, 10DAYS.

Update soon.

XOXO

When Will China Have Some Humanity In Them?

Don't doubt, it's my bruise. It's a heart shape. -.- Weird. And please ignore my hair. 

From Rainy. (:

Every bag have different crystal bits. I got Yellow and it says, 财源廣进. Money money come to mama. Hahaha. (:

So it's Wednesday today. Midweek. I've successfully made myself a nice sandwich for today. (: It has ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and a little bit of mayonnaise spread on the bread. Tadah, my yummy and filling lunch! I'm gonna make it a habit to make sandwiches for lunch every week like 3 times, alternate day. (: Unbelievably filling. It lasted me until 4:30pm! And now I'm munching on my apple. Haha. I'm feeling super healthy today! (: YAY. 

I have a lot of feelings in me recently. I'm thinking if I should make it go public or private. Maybe I should just leave all these feelings in my private because I realized, nobody really cares in the first place. I guess it's PMS time. Yeah, I guess I'm beginning to doubt. Doubt people, doubt words, doubt everything. Yeah.. Life.. I know. (: 

ALRIGHT! (: 

Let me stay focused. I need to study for my Econs. 

And nothing else really matter other than giving my family a good future. 

So yeah, I'm not gonna really bother and I'm gonna continue to care lesser. (: 

Time to pack up and get ready to school. 

It's a rainy day I hope it doesn't make me a gloomy me. (: 

Wanna play a game? (: 

Yeah, have I mentioned I like you? (;

Your time is precious, so is ours.

The poor 2 years old toddler from China. 

Anyone with a pure golden heart will not leave a girl of only 2 to die on the road with a pool of blood. Seriously. She's only the age of my Baby Jeorgina. If anything like this happens to Jeorgina, I'm ready to just kill anyone. She could have been saved if the first driver got down to take a look at her and bring her to the hospital rather than stepping on the motherfucking accelerator to flee the scene. He's a motherfucking bastard. This incident is in China. Great, my impression of China and their people has never been good. They're ruthless, they're cruel, they're heartless and they're uncivilized. Everything bad is them, this is my impression of them. They abuse animals. And now, seeing such a small kid being ran over, they don't help and still keep saying all those motherfucking lanjiao shits. ' Never see her ' ' my daughter is frighten so I left '. FUCK YOU ALL. CCTV SHOWED THAT SO MANY OF YOU NOTICED HER BUT NONE IS HELPING HER. Motherfucking heartless people. I hope China's population stop growing because even if they do grow but they don't help one another, they're just destroying a lovely life. Stop doing all these shits, China. You all have lost humanity. Seriously. I look down on you all, from the bottom of my heart. And I believe there are many of me out there feeling the same. 

The Sun Goes Down, The Stars Come Up..

I'm back from Batam. It's the 3rd time I've been there and yet, there's nothing new for me. -.- I don't know but maybe Batam is just not really the place for me now cause I'd rather explore new places. Anyway, I was hoping it to be some kinda lazy and relax trip. But ended up it was quite a packed and unscheduled trip. Lol. 

Okay, let me summarize now. (:

First Day:

Met up with the rest at Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal but because I laze on bed and woke up late. I rushed my assignment the night before until 4am. -.- Couldn't get them done earlier of the day as I had eye infection and went to the doctor after work and once I reached Boyfriend's house, my phone kept ringing until it's like 8:30pm. I had to make like forever amount of calls. Okay, back on track. So we reach Tanah Merah at 9:45am and the rest went to check-in while me and Boyfriend went to get a bite. I had to take my medicine so no choice. -.- And my morning was kinda ruined by phone calls again. Damn annoying I swear, couldn't even go on trip with peace. And certainly, I'm hating that. Hating every moment that anything has to ruin my weekend. GRR. And so we get in the gate at 10:25am cause the ferry is at 11am. So about 10:45am, we started going in the boarding gate and guess what? It seems like primary schools nowadays doesn't educate their students with moral education because they don't even understand what does ' queue ' stands for. They really think they're in Indonesia, no need to queue just chiong in? Fuck you aunty and uncles, you're in this motherfucking country call Singapore whereby a lot of people queue and if you don't, people will say you. Bloody idiots. -.- So we finally reach Nongsapura at about 11am, Indonesia time. And people from Batam View picked us up and send us to the resort. After we settle our stuffs, went for the welcome drink at the lobby and we make transport to go to Nagoya Hill where we had our late lunch at A&W then went for shopping at Hypermart after booking our massage across the road. Thai Massage it was supposed to be but nope, it's not. We got conned. -.- After massage we went to walk around for a bit before settling at A&W for waffles while waiting for the uncle to drive us back to resort. (: HEHE. Went back to our rooms to put things down and we head to the Kelong Seafood nearby for our late dinner. The food is okay.. but it's by the sea and it's quiet so I quite like it. Haha. After that we have buggy driving us back to the hotel and we all went to shower then have a drink before we sleep. (: Slept at 2am.

Second Day: 

Woke up at 8am. -.- Supposed to go breakfast BY 8am. I was too tired! -.- So yeah. After breakfast we slack at the lobby area before going back into our rooms to rest a while. I think I slept for an hour before I got an attack from them to get out of my bed to go to the beach. -.- Went to the beach, walk a little, I'm perspiring like mad! So when a few of them went to play jet ski, the rest of us went back to the hotel and then went back to the room to shower and laze around. LOL. Then we head to meet the rest at lobby for our lunch before taking the ferry. I was quite full actually, from the breakfast. :\ So yeah, we took the ferry at 2:20 and reach Singapore at about 4:30pm. We went home straight after. Boyfriend came to my house for a visit and we had our dinner at Astons, SSC, together with DM. Yeah.. Back home about 10ish and spent some time with Jeorgina before I eventually go to bed at 2am. -.- So late, I know. GRRR!

Baby Bryant!

And so, my Monday was really really blue. Suffered from fatigue and I need some food satisfaction so Emilyn and I went to IKEA and decided to pamper ourselves with food! :D Yes, we had 20pieces of meatballs, we had our cheese baked fish, chicken wing and Emilyn had this super sinful cake! HAHA I only had like 2 small mouth of it! It's too sweet for me to take! But the lunch definitely makes me a happier girl! :D Hehe. 

Baby Bryant came to office today! For the very first time he's seeing his Daddy's office! (: He look so different from the first time I saw him! So cute now. He knows how to smile already. His eyes are beautiful and the double eyelids are so deep! So is his eyebrown! So prominent! (: Okay fine I love kids. But he really looks like his brother. (: And he bring that Beh feeling. (: Super cute. 

Ending my post here. I hope I have more things to update about.

Bleahs. Exam next Saturday, pray for me. I'm working on it. But I seems to be lost still. Sigh. 

Things to do:

1. Buy some groceries from NTUC later.
2. Prepare my lunch before I sleep.
3. Finish reading two chapters of Economics tonight.
4. Look forward to USS next Sunday with lovely people!!! :D:D 
5. Stop spending extra money. 

Boyfriend said I've been spending a lot recently.  -.- Okay, I shall eat bread every meal.

P/S: When trust is broken, how do you fix it?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISSSSSSSS! ^.^

" Never Give Up " - This is so me. (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE. (:

Walk pass this place so I decided to buy for her.

Did I sleep down? LOL

Kris Darling's birthday on Monday and I met up with her, together with Tai and Eddy for dinner at Dan Ryan's. It's my first time there, it's pricey but kinda worth it to go once in a while. The food there is nice. But I doubt I will go back there on any normal days. >.< Haha. I met up with Tai first after I bought the cake and Garrett for Kris. Haha. After dinner we went to Arab Street for sheesha and I left after an hour as Mr Old Man is at home waiting for me and I don't wanna keep him waiting. :\ Back home, tired so showered and slept. 

This whole week was rather a busy and rushing week I should say. Assignment is due on the 15th and now I'm not even half way done and honestly, I find my Econ's lecturer is kinda a bullshitting most of the time. -.- I guess I have to depend on myself and my Basic Econs's knowledge to boost my final score ba. Sigh. Saddening. -.- Grrr. 

I'm going Batam on Saturday. Skipping class, AGAIN. Super unwilling but left with no choice. I'm not very excited over the trip actually. More like, that 'sian' feeling. Mainly because I've been feeling really tired from whatever that has been torturing me, consuming my time etc. I even had the intention to back out last minute for the trip. That's how looking 'forward' I am towards the trip. Or maybe I've been going on trip this year until I'm sick of going on trip. -.- And that's pathetic. I'm feeling home sick recently. I miss my Queen, princesses and my bed more often than I think. Maybe because I have been hearing things that I don't wanna listen before I sleep at night. Or maybe I feel that home is still the place to be. 

So many people graduated from their courses and photos are all on facebook. I'm so jealous, too jealous. If I hadn't waste my time on useless people, useless things, I would have gotten my degree as well. Now that I have to drag it for another 2 years. Waste time, isn't it? -.- I've been constantly blaming myself for the big mistake I've made; which is to flung my O levels for a guy who isn't worth it. Sucks to be me. -.-

Sigh. I haven't been in my best of mood lately I guess. Mood swing. Moody. -.- Okay, mind is blank now. Update soon. 

I don't think I can ever be Rose. 

If only I can have a love this strong. But it won't because I don't believe that so much anymore.

Now you know why I'm a Princess.

Yes, YOU.

Thank you.

Treasure your friends.

This morning, at Boyfriend's house.

Sometimes, it's nice to have views like these. 

Okay, bye. 

XOXO