One Last Day.

Truth be told I miss you.
Truth be told I'm lying.


Ohh yes, last day here today.. -.-
Hmm, should I feel happy? I don't know.
Cause going back there only reminds me of unhappiness.
Well, I still have to go back there. My Queen is waiting for me at home. =)

Alright, I realise I can't hide from my Queen about what happened for long. Cause eventually, she'll find things fishy. So yeah, I'll still have to tell her what happened. -.-

Anyway, tomorrow is gonna be another long day. Cause I'm going to go and pray for my Cousin. Gonna remove his coffin from the tomb and bring him to the temple after a ceremony. It's been 12 years since he passed away. Hais.. After that I'll follow my cousin out to JB then I'll go home on my own unless my cousin is fetching me home. =)

OHH! I think I might even start work on the interview day itself. So yeah, no time for meeting ups until weekends eys. =) And people, stop asking me what's my number. I can't remember what's my prepaid number. =\ I'll message those who asked for my number. =X When I'm back of course. =)

I HAVE YET TO PACK MY STUFFS! GRR! I'm so lazy. The thought of packing stuffs made me feel so tired. =\ But ohh wells. -.-

I'm gonna pack my stuffs now.
See you people soon. =)

Sorry.

Hmm, will sorry mean anything anymore when you've heard it a lot of times?
When one is not even remorseful after apologies?

Hmm, maybe I'm the stupid one who always accept apologies from the same old person. And not only that, being nice enough to forgive and forget and giving chances one after another. Cool. Smack me please. -.-

Anyway, no point. =)
Cause Sorry from the same person, now means nothing to me.

This is not hatred, more of ' sick-of-it '. AWESOME. Who created it? Ha.

I'm hearing what BDS Symphonic Band is gonna play for their SYF on the coming Wednesday. I feel so proud of them. Really, from the bottom of my heart. I feel like tearing when I'm listening to the piece.. I feel that I'm such a failure. I didn't bring my band to this standard and made them being look down by the Chinese Ochestra in BDS. But now, I'm sure CO is definitely scared of my band. Cause my band now, can definitely own them flat flat. This competition, they're aiming for Gold and I'm sure they can do it this time. With the Piece they're playing now, and the standard they have.. They surely will succeed. And I'm sure, CO's conductor is gonna definitely shut his fucking mouth and my band gets Gold this time. Plus the one I'm hearing now, is their not-so-good-time-playing. So now, I guess they're very very prepared, so definitely is gonna be much much better. =) Happy for them, Really. ^^

Anyway, the past few days, I've been slacking and Emo-ing after helping my uncle at his saloon. Just now went out with Ling Hui, An Tong and Ling Hui's uncle and cousin. Alwyn wasn't in Kahang so he didn't join us. Chatted etc and was then talking about celebrating birthday......... Jordan offered to celebrate together.. =\ I don't know if I wanna really celebrate it. =\ Was thinking of going Clubbing and let loose. LOL. 21st birthday in Club, NOT BAD WADD.hurhur. Well, I'll discuss with my Queen first. =)

GOOD NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHO IS WAITING FOR ME TO GO BACK!
I..
WILL..
BE..
GOING..
BACK..
ON..
SUNDAY..

but by the time I'm back, it should be night time I guess. Cause I'm going for job interview on Monday..

Ohh, I think I didn't tell you all what happened. Why the sudden of going back and looking for Job.

Firstly, I got rejected by RP during the DAE. ( Blow #1 ) Am trying to appeal again to see if I can get through. Hopefully I can. If not, i don't know when can i study again. Cause I still wanna throw my Diploma Cert at someone. -.- This is my aim now.
Secondly, my Queen is sick. (Blow #2) So she might need a sum of money to go for operation. Hopefully she's fine. This is the reason why I wanna go back to work first, earn money and save up for my studies cause if RP really don't want me, I'll go for private. I'm determine to get my Diploma Cert. Wait and see for that someone who looked down on my Os cert. I'll definitely throw my Diploma Cert at you. -.- Now, I just hope my Queen is okay. I don't really care about anything else.

Yeahs, I'm going back. So don't miss me too much. =)

Alright, I'm gonna upload BDS's piece to my iPod. =)
Hmm, thoughts are running through my mind and it's sort of killing me bits by bits.
Or rather, I'm stupid enough to grief over it.
Ohh wake up Katty. =)



Love that be easily replace,
Can be easily destroy.

Missing doesn't cure.
So the only way to cure,
is not to miss.

Thanks.

Thank you Shawn, Tai Tai and Maria.

Thanks for trying so hard to cheer me up. Especially Shawn. =D
Thanks for the effort, really appreciate them a lot.

Shawn was really trying his best to make me smile and cheer me up. =)
Thanks for the be-early invitation to stay at your place for the 11th event. =)
Thanks for the joke video to make me smile and talking to me almost everything you see me online just to crack jokes for me to smile. =)

Of course, Tai and Maria too. Thanks for the encouragements and Words that soothes my heart. =)

Thank you guys.
I love you all. =)

Moving On.

Time to wipe away the tears and carry on my life.

What comes may.
No point crying over spilled milk. =)

I wanna be happy, that's all.


Last night i went out with my friends. My friends were moody, so am I.
But apparently, I feel that I'm happier than them. Don't know why.

Yes, I'm sad.
But like I said,
No point crying over spilled milk.

My friends told me, 船到桥头自然直.
Yeah, so why should I be bothered.
It's not I don't cherish.
It's not I don't treasure.
I don't owe anyone a living.

Went out with Alwyn, Ling Hui and An Tong. But Ling Hui and An Tong went home earlier. So it's left with me and Alwyn. We went rounding in the car and chatted until 4:30am. He sent me home and yeah, I slept at 7am. Mind is running a lot of thinking and I'm telling myself to get over it. Don't worry about me. Cause I'll be fine. I wanted to tell my Queen what happened, but still, i couldn't bring myself to do that. Contemplating for hours, with my handphone on my hand, whether or not should i destroy the impression my Queen had on him. Giving myself a second chance, I told myself not to.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. But I'm just doing what my heart tells me to. Pains are pains. But I decided not to be so cruel. Afterall, I couldn't pass myself, yet again.

Probably there's a future, or maybe there's not even anymore. As long as I think I couldn't get over, I don't think I'll do anything about it.

And last night, something hilarious happened,

xxx said :
如果我想问的是我有没有这个资格喜欢上你呢?

And my reply is :
如果你是这样问我,我只可以说我不可以让你不喜欢我.可是你也知道他在我心中的位置有多高.就算我接受你了,心中不是你.那对你我都不公平.

Yes, I literally rejected him with that message.
Cause this heart,
is not meant for anyone else.

He asked me, If anyone could take over his place in my heart.
Maybe in the past there would be someone.
But that someone, is gone.
And now, this heart won't open up for anyone else.
It's sealed tightly, for the moment.

Gives You Hell.

Tell me, how do you fix a broken heart times and again?
I found out that no matter how hard i try to fix it, it broke again.

Chances after another.
Apologies after another.
Yet, Times and again the same things happened.

Not to say,
The same thing happen again this time.
I wasn't the one who initiate.
So don't question me anything.
I don't like to be question.

Well, basically we both did nothing wrong.
That's all i'm gonna say.





When you see my face
Hope it Gives You Hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Updates.

OKAY!
I'm still alive and kicking. =\

Let me just update k.
I'm in no mood to write about my feelings and thoughts.
Cause if i were to, the entry will be draggy. -.-

Back to where I've stopped.

FRIDAY
Wake up at 8:30am. Went to saloon to help out. =) as usual. Short handed, so my granny ask me to stay and help.. =\ After that went to usual place to eat with An Tong, Alwyn and my cousin. Headed back to my uncle's place after cause don't feel like going LAN. But after that we went out again. -.- Slackkk. And Alwyn send me home after.

SATURDAY
didn't sleep the whole night. was talking to Alwyn ( SMS ) and busy playing my Harvest Moon. cause i have to wake up at 6am so i rather not sleep. Alwyn came to pick me up for breakfast at 5:45am. -.- then he sent me to saloon to meet up with my uncle etc. cause we went to 扫墓. you know, the day everyone will go clean the tombs of their loved ones/relatives? yeah, I felt so emotional when i got there. Cause it just reminds me of my cousins.. =(( Well, it's close to 10 years since i last went there. hais.. Then back to saloon at 10am, help out etc. Took a nap in between cause BTH! -.- Went to LAN after that with An Tong, Ling Hui, my cousin and Xing Yi. Alwyn join us after. Then wanted to play snooker but gave up cause of the long wait. So decided to be good girl and go home. =)

and TODAY!
Woke up at 8:45am. Saloon at 9:15am. Today had a gathering with almost all my cousin from my father side. -.- Gathering of the LAW(s). COOL EYS! =) thanks to my cousin for organizing this and of course, fetch me early in the morning for this. =) Then today almost the whole i'm with my paternal side. OHH! my cousin bought a new dog. -.- Golden Retriver. Five months old. Damn cute. haha. Cause when i see the two dogs playing together, damn FUNNY! The Retriver just uses her palm to ' piak ' the Smaller one. -.- Damn joker. =\ Then went back to the saloon in the evening. Cause my cousin going back to JB already. =(( Hais. and Yes, i became a pig after. Wake up at 8pm. -.- and now, I'm at Uncle's place. Gonna go out later. Everyone is here for karaoke session. LOL.

okay, MY TURN TO SING.
BYEEEE~~~

Rainbow After The Rain.

Nope, it's not.

Was blog hopping and saw my cousin having this ' friendship problem ' thingy. Something they called it ' blog wars '. HAHA. I WILL NOT DENY i did that before. Because blog can be such a nice place to bitch about my unhappiness sometimes. so, why not? AND, it's MY blog. If you don't like reading what i've written, Fuck Off? Cause it's never meant for you to read? Neither do i sent you any invitation? Ha. Don't be a joker and make a fool out of yourself by getting Pissed Off reading my blog.

As I've stated, PLEASE READ <<============== left hand side.

=)

Yesterday was spent, eating at the usual place. Then hopped onto Alwyn's car together with my cousin, Ben and An Tong and off we are to my Aunt's place. Went there to get my stuffs and went over to Uncle's place. -.- Alwyn say i'm moving house. -.- LOL. then slack at my Uncle's place until about 11-ish and I hopped onto Alwyn's car. Went out with Ling Hui and Xing Yi. Had supper at this place i don't know the name. -.- then Ling Hui and Xing Yi went home while Alwyn send me home. It was 12-ish then. -.- PSP all the way until about 3am? couldn't sleep until 4-ish? -.- I'm having sleeping problems. =\

TODAY, was spent at my Uncle's saloon in the Day and went to pasar malam at night with An Tong. Then head to the usual place for a drink and to LAN shop. -.- Dota one round. =S then An Tong send me home. =\ Alwyn just called me to apologise for not going out with us just now. LOL. so silly. needn't to. Well, he was busy. So why the need to. haha.

and NOW, i'm gonna sleep.
goodnight.

I've lost weight.
Lost of appetite and sleeps.

Updates.

Okay. Let me just update a little.

Firstly,
Yes, I'm back in Malaysia for those who don't know.
I'm back here for a week plus already. I came back with my Queen and princesses.

And secondly, let me update.

For the past one week plus, I'm staying at my Aunt's place. Slacking, rotting and getting emo. -.- Of course not when my Queen was here. Queen left last friday back home cause my little princess has ballet the next morning. Yeah, so I'm left alone with my Aunt, Uncle and Nephew. I was sick last Friday. Running fever and so I stayed home. Sleep the whole day.

Saturday ( 21/03 )
I woke up in the noon. Forgot what time. then slack at home the whole time until night time, I went out with An Tong. Went to play LAN and Dota a while. But before that, had like dinner/supper with him and my other two friends. Ling Hui and Alwyn. After supper I went back to my Aunt's place to put the bike and Alwyn pick me from my Aunt's place. Then we head to the LAN shop. 1v1 with Alwyn Dota for a match. I won him with my razor. My Razor rocks. And he was using Axe. LOL. Okay lame. At least he cheered me up a little. Ling Hui and An Tong left earlier. so left with me and Alwyn. Just before leaving, my Primary School friends called my name. -.- Chen Xiang Yi and friends. -.- Okays, I've not seen them for a long time. But i remember them. Chatted a while cause Alwyn was on the phone. Xiang Yi offered to pick me up the next morning for breakfast, but i rejected. I don't really know him well and i won't go out with him if my cousin, Wind is not there. After a while of yadayada, he still bugs me to go breakfast with him. Irritating piece of shit. -.- Of course, i can't be bothered with him. Alwyn send me home after. =) That's all for that night. Ohh! I PSP until 6am. -.-

Sunday till Last night, almost every night is the same thing. -.-
SO yeah, i don't wanna repeat stories. Just that Xiang Yi is out of the picture. =\

Update soon bahh.
Bye.
Lazy.

It Could Have Been...

A memorable day today.
But you made it impossible no more.

A number so close, so dearly to me.
Yet I felt like it's so far away from me.

It's no longer the same.

Butterflies.

I'm crowded with guys here.
But I don't feel butterflies in my tummy.

Been away for a week already, how time flies.
But no matter how many days I'm away,
I was never contacted.

A promise is no longer promise.
And truth is finally telling me they're lies.