I Can't..

I thought I could slowly let you go..
I thought I could slowly forget you with a sub.
I thought I could keep my feelings for you.

But when I saw you last night..
I just want to drop everything and run into your arms.
I doubt I can ever run away from you.
You will always be that someone special in my eyes.
So special that the moment I see you, there's nothing else I want in this world.
I wouldn't mind being lost in your eyes for the rest of my life.

Pack Of Bullshit.

Needed a thumbdrive to let me store my photos which I'm gonna print. 

Happen to use the one that you put the slideshow in. 

Itchy hand opened it and saw what you wrote inside. 

Give you a chance? To destroy my life.

Never abandon me even if the whole world did? Bullshit.

Give me a life that I want? A life that you want me to have no life. 

Hold my hand forever? You had the chance, but you destroyed it, or I should say, your friends. 

We've been through a lot? Not exactly. Not enough for you to listen to me rather than your friends. 

Want to be part of my life? You did and you got out of it! Congratulations! :D

Anyway, the slideshow was a duplicate of what you've given to another girl so I guess I was just a backup plan. Maybe I should view things this way so that I can feel better. Shouldn't have been touched by that slideshow back then. It was a mistake, huge mistake. 

I want to watch all your friends fall. And I will because they deserve it. :) 

And now, it's time I continue to go and print my photos to be place in my office. :)

Gonna bake rainbow cake later. It's something that Mr.I like and I want to master it before his birthday! :)  

Hugs & Kisses.

Everytime I type 'xoxo' to you I wonder if you know What that means.
Everytime I greet you goodnight I wonder if you know I hope you'll dream of me.
Everytime I calls you 帅哥, I wonder if that makes you smile.
Everytime I calls you on the phone, I wonder if you know hearing your voice makes me smile.
Everytime you work until so late, I wonder if you know I stayed up and wonder if You're home.
Everytime you said You're tired, I wonder if you know I can be your pillow.
Everytime you smile, I wonder if you know I'm so Happy to See your smiles.
Everytime you talk to me about your work, I wonder if you know I'm so proud of your achievements.
Everytime you clinch a deal, I wonder if you know How Happy I am for you.
Everytime You're there when I needed you, I wonder if you know How thankful I am to have you with me.
Everytime when I watch you drive, I wonder if you know I feel it's a kind of happiness for me.
Everytime I get to See you, I wonder if you know I feel so peaceful and calm.

You are such a wonder.
And I wonder if you know.

And I miss you so.

Habit.

Since I started this new job, I seems to have inculcated a new habit.

I don't really like to look at my phone or expects my phone to ring as often other than seeing texts from Mr.I or when 'right here waiting' is ringing. Other than that I hope my phone doesn't have any sound.

And I came to realise how much time I spent in office everyday. It's almost 12hrs on daily basis. Or I aid to say yes it 12hrs and sometimes more. Mr.I said it's good cause I'm still young and I should spend my time working. -.- he's turning me into a workaholic like him. -.-

But I love my job! Just the way he loves his. So I understand why he said that. :)

Okay, goodnight. Tomorrow will be another long day. I hope to leave work on time though. XD 

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Replaced.

Mom bought me diamond bracelet and necklace this year as birthday present. Additionally she bought a Pearl pendant for me as fortune teller said I lack of water and godma said Pearl is good for people who is lack of water and it helps to tame me in terms of temper.

My loves bought me a Chanel earring cause they know my mom got me necklace and they want me to wear what my mom bought for me. How thoughtful can they be right?! Super love them. I know it's a pricey present since it's only shared among 3 of them. Thank you loves! - Sharon, Francis and Kenneth. Thank you all so so much. Thank you for buying me something from Chanel so that I can replace the Chanel necklace that I had. Yes, it's now sitting back in the box and in my drawer. I've never touch it since I got mom's present. Now that I have another Chanel I'm please to say he's totally replaced. I know my friends care a lot more about me than his. And I know my friends just want me to be happy, whatever I do or whoever I'm with, they showered me with undying supports. Thank you! :D

As for him, he can continue to live with his cheating friends who made him into a cheater and continue cheating his whole life. And he can continue to be with his group of immature, egoistic and nosy friends. Birds of a feather flock together, that's so true. And I know no matter what, he and his friends WILL always think and say they're right. seriously? Right my fucking ass. This world doesn't revolve around only you. Get this into your head. A bunch of useless egoistic guys who only like to put girls down just because they have a dick. Guys think with their dicks and that's just perfect to describe them. I'm sorry to be crude but this is them in my eyes and it will never change.

Okay I should stop raging Cause Mr.I once told me that I shouldn't be. :)) YES, EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MR.I NOW, I KNOW. But I can't deny just the thoughts of him can make magics work on me. To me, he's a magician. And you know why magician does? They make things that seems impossible possible. And they make people really happy just by watching them. :)

They say that if you're a good friend you have good friends who will be there for you always. But it's Not a two way traffic all the time. I'm glad at least I have some friends like this and this three friends are good example. No matter What happens/happened they are always there. I'm thankful for all that I have now.

Be it my job, my friends or Mr.I. 

I'm super thankful for what I have now. 

Setbacks either make you or break you.

I guess it made me. ;)

Gonna have lunch with Mr.I's parents tomorrow. I hope his brother can come. I haven't seen him in a longggggg time! Gonna give his cute mom a call later. :)))

I love my life now. ♥

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Appreciation.

Other than thank you I really don't know what else to say to you.

Thank you for coming down last night and sending my sister, my niece and nephew back to Malaysia. Without your help I think it's a huge problem to us.

Thank you for always never saying No to whatever I asked.

Thank you for offering a job to my sister in your company and I know you're just trying to help her and take care of her needs.

Thank you for sparing a thought for my family.

Thank you thank you thank you.

And I can never be any happier and thankful now that mom has been so concern about you. What have you been doing and how have you been doing..

:')

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

30th May.

Today is 30th May.
It marks the day I had my tattoo done 4 years ago..
Happy Birthday, 1.4.

No One Else But YOU.

Welcome to my world, where alcohol numbs all emotions.

I've not drunk text anyone in years. Not even to my recent ex. But I did that to you. I almost drunk dial you. And I almost teared. This shows how much I miss you and I guess I don't have to say anything more. :( So yes, you mean a lot a lot to me and I believe it's not just a one or two days thing that I have this strong feeling for you. This feeling has always been there, never left. Somehow I figured that I've been trying to force myself or convince myself that I don't feel for you for the past few years which indeed I failed miserably. :( We can't control how we feel, maybe at some point I managed to curb my feelings for you but I doubt it's entirely. Because I can never love another the way I loved/love you. This feeling is now too strong to hold back or curb anymore.. :( What am I to do now.... Sigh.

My weekend was spent being so really busy with work due to some problems. I foresee more coming to me now since this is gonna be more and more shit. :( Well, I know I can do this! :) 加油 Kat! 

Other than working, I spent it with my family cause it's Mom's birthday tomorrow and we spent the whole day with her today to S.E.A Aquarium. We will be heading to Adventure Cove next week. :) Darling girl was out today as a surprise for momsie and indeed she got surprised! :) And the dolphins are out already! I'm so happy!!! They're so adorable! ^.^ The day was great! After having to wake up early in the morning at 730am to settle work stuffs and cooking mee sua for momsie and family, now I'm really tired.. :( Gonna take a shower and head to bed. 

Anyway, side track.. I met up with someone lately and was told about some stuffs. Stuffs which I've expected and knew will be happening. Chances of you blaming me for this failed relationship and all kinds of nasty things that you're going to put across to your side of people, I expected all these because your ego is high. Way to high to even tell anyone what you've done to me.. All those rules and regulations that you set and things you said to me or did to me.. Will you even come clean with everything? No you won't. Because of your ego and pride. I don't blame you for your character being like this because I've known you well enough to know that somehow it was your parents who in some ways spoilt you. Being the only son at home and maybe your parents dotes on you that's why they spoilt you without knowing they did. I don't blame them either. End of the day it was you.. You could have learn by yourself if you have been through a really tough life. But somehow I feel, your life haven't been tough enough. Your life have not been tough enough to let you learn. I suppose you need to have a hard fall in order to learn but I hope your fall will not be that bad to not let you stand up again. You haven't tasted the worse phase of your life whereas I did. I wish you the best of your life and I hope you can learn to be yourself when you're facing other people because too much of faking yourself can hurt yourself so much. Though hiding might be a good way to not let people hurt you but hiding too much can make you become a person you're not. And I hope your lesson will befall on you soon enough to let you grow up and mature. As much as I want to hate you for being such a coward when it comes to this relationship, I guess I can't do that. I'm angry with you for being such a loser because you only listen to your friends, yes this has never and will never change. I will never change my impressions of your friends anymore. What they've done and said, I wish karma befall on them for the rest of their live. I've never done anything to hurt them but the way they choose to hurt me and bring me down, I hope karma never let them off easily because they deserve a good treatment from karma. Karma is watching them all, now is not the best time to find them but sooner or later, karma will find them. And I hope when karma do find them, it's gonna be so bad for them that it will torture them both mentally and physically, far worse than what I've gotten. Because karma is a bitch. 

My life has been moving on well.. Things have been going well as well even though not all things go the way I want them to be but surely, all will fall into places as time goes by. I'm sure. :) 

A Lovely Dinner.

Thank you for the belated birthday dinner and I really enjoyed myself. :)

Thank you for keeping your words to bring me there at night, it's really beautiful.

Thank you for everything. :)

I Should learn to appreciate all these little actions.

We both saw shooting stars that night and it's a wonderful thing to be seeing it with you.

I've always love our talks. Haha. :)
I'm missing you already.
How can this even happen. Sigh.

We both are getting so busy with work these days... :/

I wish we could have more time but.. :(

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Happy May!

I've been busy with work lately. 

Barely even have time for anything, not even meeting up for dinner. 

Loving this job but it's tiring me out. 

Good and bad in some ways. 

But I will get through this, definitely. 

Birthday was a mess. 

Many people turned up and I'm happy about it. 

Got totally wasted. LOL. 

But it was fun, somehow. HAHA. 

I'm happy that Mr.I turned up cause he doesn't like club actually. 

Thank you for turning up for my birthday. :) 

Too wasted to take many photos. 

I'm sad that I lost my favourite pink blazer and birthday present from Cindy cause left it in the club. :( 

Thought I could have chance to get it back but I couldn't. :( 

Side track, so yes, life have been rather monotonous due to work. I didn't make any dinner arrangements with anyone cause most of the time I work until late and I don't want to make people wait for me. Everyday is basically just work and then home and then sleep and then the routine repeats. Weekends are mostly spent resting or if I have time and not feeling so tired, I would meet up with Mr.I or some friends. But most of the time, I slept my weekend away. :\ I miss Mr.I but.. Sigh.. Tons of reasons for us not meeting up lately. The last time I saw him was on my birthday celebration and it felt like forever since I last saw him. :( 

But one thing I'm happy about right now is that finally my mom is being acceptive towards Mr.I and she's being so open in talking about him now!!!! It felt like some kind of achievement! It's like finally after so long! :) It's a huge step for mom, I know. But I'm really thankful that she's finally opening up.. It's like a moment I've been waiting for.  :) 

Of so many things that has happened, I've been feeling rather down. A lot of things in my mind. Not much on my relationship with Mr.I but my friends. Though Mr.I is one of my concern but I care more about my friends. Especially my best friend. 

To my best friend:

You have your views and opinions. You can think all you want and judge all you want. I'm disappointed with your attitude towards me without even asking me for any clarifications. You look at things on the surface and not knowing what is happening exactly. I know you do read my blog and therefore I'm writing here to you. I don't know since when have you became so hostile towards me that you choose not to let me know what's happening in your life. I remembered I used to be the only one who could view your private blog but now it seems like I can't even see your public blog. You locked it and I know, I've asked but you said you don't want to let people read and somehow my sixth sense told me you grant access to some people except for me. No idea what was all these for but correct me if I'm wrong. I'm still the same but maybe to you I've changed. Yes, I may change but towards you or any of my friends, I didn't. I thought it was your breakup that was affecting our friendship cause you wouldn't want to talk about it as we both broke up the same time and you're afraid that it might affect me. If that was your worries, please don't even think that way. Like my mom told me, I shouldn't even broad over someone who doesn't really love me after all. You think Eric really loved me? I don't think so. Cause if he did, he wouldn't choose to listen to all his friends and push all the blames to me, even until today. His friends said I don't repent but none of them did any self-reflections either. All those people who put me down, do you think now they will speak of me in good way? No, they won't. They're probably still watching every of my moves on my facebook and talking about what I've done (eg: I'm going out with guys, I've moved on so quickly, I'm a bitch, I'm a slut, I'm a fucked up girl, I'm a whore etc etc). This is them. Do I have to stoop myself to their level and make myself look like an idiot, like them? It's a fact that Mr.I has been with me, helping me in a way or another to get pass this tough period and I'm happy around him, as simple as that. He makes me happy, isn't that all that matters? Some of the things you've heard may be true, some may be rumoured. But whatever it is, you know me best. At least that's what I thought but maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe like what I've told Maria, your definition of 'best friend' is not the same as me. It's just one-sided. All I can say is that I'm lost about this friendship, I don't know where is this going and I don't know what are you thinking or intending to do. All I've been told is ' give her more time, she needs more time ' and that's what I've been doing. Yet whatever that comes to my ears, is not just yet that simple as ' give her time '. But what I know is, I've never judged you even though sometimes you do things which I felt was not right. You don't like to be judged, I know. But now that you judged me, how am I supposed to react? We don't always get things the way we want them to be and I understand. I don't expect you to be like me, being all strong and calm in handling situations because I know what's your weakness. I don't expect you to treat me the way I treat you because I understand people prioritise differently. But I hope you understand, whatever shit I've been going through, I choose not to let it out completely because I don't want to affect the people around me. It has been long enough since the breakup and maybe you're still broading over it but I'm done with it. That's our difference and I hope you respect that we deal with things differently so don't judge me just because I'm done with a lousy guy who doesn't love me and doesn't know how to love or what is love. I'm open for talks so if you need to, you can always talk to me. But I guess you will still choose not to. I'm CS, the CS who won't let anything put me down. 

So yes, just as everyone thought that I'm always feeling happy, there are times that I'm sad and unhappy. Of course, definitely not over Eric. I'm better off without him now and my life is back on track. I'm back to who I really was and I'm happy about that. I have a lot of friends who care about me, worry about me and is always there for me. I don't need someone who rely on his friends to decide his future and I won't be sad over that. In time to come, I know I've done my best but he would regret not putting in his 100%. He used to not want to let people know he has a girlfriend for whatever reason it may be, I don't know and now he doesn't need to hide. I wouldn't say I never doubted him of cheating on me cause when he started to hide things from me, I started suspecting. When he refused to let people know he has a girlfriend, I started suspecting. Why on earth would a boyfriend not wanting to let people know he has you a girlfriend? Why on earth a boyfriend wouldn't tell another girl who is interested in him that he has a girlfriend? Why on earth a boyfriend would just literally shake your hand away while crossing the road just because he's scared people would see? Why on earth a boyfriend want to delete call list for no apparent reason? Why on earth a boyfriend want to delete texts? Why the need to hide? Hide what? He's never done anything to make me trust him and he claimed that ' he don't know what he need to do ' Well done. Setting all those rules and regulations to me, and in the end he's not able to keep up with his own rules and regulations then it became my fault. He didn't tell his friends that he set all those rules and regulations and all his friends thought I was the one who's being demanding and unreasonable, this is what a boyfriend would do? A boyfriend who doesn't protect his girlfriend, that's what you call as good boyfriend? A guy who's older than me but doesn't act his age. I know that guys mature slower than girls but he's too much. Friends influence a person's character and I strongly believe in that because his friends are.... no comments. Tsk. I'm happy this is over. 

I'm happy I'm done with this. Like Mr.I said, he's my 负担。