10 Oct.

Today is Kris's birthday.
That also means it's Bevan's birthday.

Needs VS Demands.

Sometimes it got me thinking if I actually demand things from Love. 

Needing his attention, is that demanding?

Needing his TLC, is that demanding?

Needing his quality time, is that demanding? 

But, all these are needs that I can never buy using money. 

If all these can be bought, problem could be pretty much solved easily and there will not be a need for boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. 

Sadly, it can't and that's why it becomes a need. 

Just like human needs to eat, it's a need. 

All these needs are what I need to maintain our relationship and I view them very importantly. 

So often he's on his phone playing game and I felt so neglected but I've been keeping numb because I thought as time goes by, I could get used to it. But I'm sorry, I can't.

I don't spend 24hrs with him even though we live together for the past one year plus, so I treasure every minute I see him after my work before I go to bed. He doesn't sleep the same time as me because of his sleeping habit (he usually sleeps after I get up for work) and working hours so when I come home after work, he's always wide awake while I'm drained from work. The only time our "time zone" is the same is during weekends. Of course I tried to accommodate by staying up late to spend more time with him but I realized this way only made me more tired. And being tired was a "good enough" reason for Love to nag at me to ask me to quit my job and stay at home. Reason and excuses I give myself for keeping numb. But I can't hold this for long. Because I know myself that I need to be heard before I eventually erupt in a much worse manner. 

As much as I want to be like the last time me, to accommodate to him, to do what he loves, to learn to love what he loves, I can't do that anymore. I have my own mind and I cannot bear to bring myself back to be like the old me. 

Yes, Love is like no other people, no other guys. He have all my attention and basically anything he asked of me to be. But one thing I cannot compromise is the few hours of quality time and attention that I need. 

Which girl doesn't need attention? Or in fact, which HUMAN doesn't need attention? It's just a matter of "HOW MUCH". I don't require Love's attention all the time but at least when I'm with him, make sure I will have his full attention. 

Perhaps he's the only guy whom I would seek attention from. I don't do this to any other of my ex-boyfriends. Okay, except for Francis because at times I rely on him a lot, especially whenever I don't feel good about anything and I don't really feel like talking to anyone else. 

So yes, it's only towards Love I behave like this and I don't know why. I used to be so independent and I don't even need anyone to be with me to do anything. But things are different now. I start to rely on Love a lot, mainly his presence and this is a very very bad thing for me. At least that's what I feel.

How often do you see an independent girl being so reliant on someone? Barely. 

But he made me one. 

So after having said so much, I just hope that guys sometimes should really understand that girls needs attention from them. Like those full, undivided attention. 

我的白馬王子!

我的白馬王子。

The only man who deserves the whole of me, the whole of my heart and the whole of my life. ❤️

So excited for our ROM already!!! Can't wait! >.< 

Love collected my first ever Taobao shopping! Teehee! So happy now! Can't wait to open it!! =D 

Irony of having license.

I love my husband. >.< 

But have a license means he's getting lazier. To drive. =( 

Wedding.

O.M.G

Been rather busy about all the wedding stuffs.

I will update soon on what we've done so far!

So exciteddd for our ROM already! TEEHEE.

Thankful.

I do a lot of self reflection and I have always been. 

I think about how people treats me and how should I treat people with what kind of attitude. 

Very often, I came back asking myself, 'is it worth it? Why am I so stupid? They don't even bother or care.' 

Yeah, this applies to anyone in my life. 

I came to realize that a lot of people misunderstood the meaning of "being there for someone" and somehow I feel people abused it. 

I can't say it all in words now but I just want to say that I'm very very thankful for having Love at this moment. Very thankful he was the one who was involved in walking me out from that shit relationship with Eric, the biggest mistake in my life. I used to think falling in love with Love back in 2002 was the biggest mistake in my life but later I realized that to let Eric enter my life was in fact the biggest mistake of all. 

Every night I look at Love's back facing me and him, facing the computer screen busy working yet he still have to give me the attention I need to lay next to me so I could fall asleep before he continue with his stuffs again, I told myself that marrying this man, is the best decision I ever made and I know I will still tell myself the exact same thing even when we grow old. Sometimes he had to sleep in with me, just to make sure I'm able to sleep but he ended up falling asleep together with me yet he will still wake up half way through and continue with his work. 

No complaints, just nonstop of showing me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. Just because I told him before that I'd be scared when I wake up half way through and I don't like that feeling. He respect that and he will do all he can to make sure I have a sound and safe sleep. The man who would do anything for me, not every girl get to have one. I count my blessings everyday because I feel so fortunate now. 

They said happiness have to come from within yourself if not you'll never be happy. I agree, I'm optimistic about life and I think it's very important already. Yes, relationship is important to me. Any kind of relationship. Kinship, friendship or a love relationship. They are bonus to my happiness now and I'm so thankful for all of then who are atill around. =) 

Update soon!

The only thing I ever changed for the past one year is that I no longer care as much anymore. 

10 Years Ago Back And Now.

10 years ago....

One morning, we were walking to school like every other day since it's our daily routine. Just when we reach the back alley before the playground, you kneel down, handed me the dolphin ring and asked "will you marry me in the future?" and I said I would. 

10years later....

You proposed to me. We are engaged and having plans for our future. 

=====================

Suddenly I was thinking about that day when I was talking to Chew about Sharon's proposal cause Longqiang did told me before that the ring he got for her is the ring she wanted. I was telling him that it would be so nice if Love had asked me before buying. At least that would save him a lot of money! =( but well, I had my surprised proposal. I'm contented. But Chew came up with this idea. He told me "eh you tell him this one rehearsal nia. Ask him balik propose." HAHAHA. never have I thought of that but I think that's a pretty funny thing to say to Love and I want to see his reaction so I told him. Well.. His reaction was. 

"Okay can. But when I ask you, I will say 'will you marry me, again?' I must emphasize the again. Aiya~ why must propose again?! Next time I buy one more for you la!" 

Hahahaha! I love love love love to tease my beautiful man. The man who will never say no to my requests. The man who will do what it takes to fulfill my requests. The man who would do anything and everything just for me. My beautiful man. 

How nice would it be if Love could propose to me every 10 years. ^.^ hahahaha. I must tell him this. Lol! He would probably say he would. LOL! 

I guess what Love said is true. 

愛一個人和喜歡一個人不一樣。

I think I can differentiate them now. =) 

I guess I've only loved one person my entire life because I would sacrifice anything, including my life for Love. Even when it's the freedom which I've fought so hard with my mom for when I was younger and when I'm with Eric. 

I can never treat any other guys the same. Not even Eric, whom I'm with for 2.5years. I can never bring myself to sacrifice anything more for him. Which makes me realized that I probably didn't love him back then. It was just like or maybe I did loved him but it will never be to the extend I have for Love. And he will never get this treatment from me no matter how long we are together. He's not even one who can give me butterflies in my tummy since we were together actually. 

But Love is different. He still makes my heart skip a beat, makes me feel shy, makes me feel happy like a little girl, makes me fly, give me butterflies in my tummy. I can never get tired of looking at him, talking to him, listening to him, watching him etc etc. He activated every kind of positive feelings in me. He created all kinds of emotions in me. My sun rise and set with him. That's the kind of impact he has on me and it's never ending. Because my love for him is more than the love I have for myself. And he's the only man who can make me feel and behave this way. 

I believe how much you're willing to sacrifice or do for someone can show how much you love that person or how much that person actually means to you. 

For our case, we are both very important to each other and we know it. =) 

Reunited.

Remark: photos are not in sequence. 

So I have done quite a lot of things in one month. Lol. Well, who doesn't? -.-

Life has been on track, as usual. Except that I feel I always done have enough rest, always feeling tired. But I think that's a norm too so.. Life is the same. Haha. 

Mom's birthday just passed and I know she's very happy cause it's the first time my Uncle return to Singapore after 17 years. The last time he was here it was for my aunt's death. This year he's back here cause granny is hospitalized. Sigh. suddenly it hits me that I should really watch what I eat everyday. I should be more health conscious. Sigh. 

I haven't been spending time with my family. Super fail daughter/grand daughter/niece/sister. I think I get real lazy after staying together with Love. Lazy to go out, lazy to do anything. Lazy to talk to people, lazy to meet up with people. Everything is bounded at home. Everyday other than work, I'm home. Hahaha. Super 宅女. But well, I love my life now. Living in my own world kind. Don't bother about anything else. People tell me friends are important. Of course I don't deny some are. But what faith am I left with when my own best friend treat me this way? I don't believe in that anymore. And that's probably why I stop going extra miles for people. Because I get nothing in return. I still do, for people worth my time and efforts and it's very very limited. Sharon is definitely one of them. Haha. 

Oh I forgot to mention that I've booked a Bangkok trip for Love's birthday this year! Woots! We are gonna be flying on SQ!!! So excited already!!! ^.^ 

Attended Mona's wedding lunch with July, Rainy and Sharon. It was a beautiful wedding. I can see how happy and blissful Mona is. =) and she's the most beautiful person that afternoon. ^.^ haha mine will probably be next year. >.<

I'm so happy for Sharon as well!! Longqiang finally proposed to her!!! She wait until her neck long already! Finally can be Mrs Sia! Hehehe! Congrats darling!! We can discuss about wedding together! And we can go to wedding fairs etc together! ^.^ 

Side track a little. Finally I'm not so lazy and got my ass moving. Created the wedding plan master list and Shortlisted some JP for our ROM. Next will be the ROM venue which I've been looking at it. Somehow or rather I don't intend to make it big for ROM. Just want something simple and for our family and some really close friends. Anyway, we will be getting the dates sorted soon. 

Googled today and I realized there are some dates to be fixed other than ROM and AD(actual day). Need to have a date for 過大禮 and 安床. Hmm. We will get them sorted all at once I believe. And we are gonna give Ivy's friend some support by going to her shop to let them handle all our 過大禮，安床 and 嫁妝 stuffs. ^.^ 

Alright, ending tonight with a last photo. 

You will be, always. 

"I wan your life to be much better then before. Most importantly I wan u to be happy that's why I wan to be with u."

I love how you always go that extra miles for me just to see me happy, smile and be carefree. You showed me that ny happiness is more important than your own and you cherish me with what you have. Thank you for being so assuring in this relationship. Thank you for being so patience with me. Thank you for enduring me when I'm emotionally unstable. Thank you for never letting us drift apart. Thank you for pulling me back to you when all I wanted to do was to run away. Thank you, for never giving up me and this relationship. Thank you for showing me how much I really mean to you. 

I love you, forever and always. 

Friends/Foes?

Recently I've been told that my ex colleagues are interested about my life, about Love and I and about his ex-girlfriend, Lynn Tan. It got me worried because I hate people whom I'm not very close to to be suddenly so concern about me or my life. I mean if you're not so close to me but you're stalking me quietly and I don't know, that's fine. I wouldn't be bothered. But asking people who are close to me about me, a bit over?

To be very honest, I don't think I need to explain so much for a girl who just want to gain sympathy from people by telling them her own side of imaginary stories. She has caused me to lose my best friend of 12 years, I really couldn't care less anymore. So long as she doesn't take away my family, me (which is quite impossible because in mind, I'm a very strong person) and my fiance (her ex boyfriend whom she ditched).

You know I don't sympathize people who only start doing things when shit got real and things are in a total mess. "TOO LATE", has it ever occur to her, or anyone with the exactly same situation? I tried not to picture Kris to be in the same picture as her, but somehow I just cannot. Or perhaps that's why she judged me like everyone else. That's fine because Love told me "It's their mouth, we cannot control. we just need to be happy together and that's what I want you to be that's why I want to be with you." I don't care how people look at me or us because people who knows what's going on will know what it really is. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

Stop trying to poke your nose into my business if you're not close to me.
I don't like it.

I'm sorry if you happen to find out about my blog and read this post and probably find me very offensive but I'm just stating my stands very clearly because I don't think you all are that stupid not to find out.

Don't poke your nose into my business for the sake of doing it, especially when you're not close to me.