Forget What We're Told, Before We're Too Old.

Okay, I know I'm like leaving this space dead but yeah, I'm not really free to update and when I'm free, I don't feel like updating. -.- Anyway, blogging today's feeling according to the title of this entry.

" Forget what we're told, before we're too old. "

Having this deep feeling from within, after some thoughts of the past and yes, I couldn't agree less to when we loses something, we regret. Yet when we regret, we cannot get back. Be it when we were little and we were mischievous and shouted at our grandparents and now they pass away or when we loses someone we really loved, only to see them being with someone else happily and then forgetting you. We cannot turn back time. ' What it used to be ' Yes, USED TO BE are the keywords. I'm sure there's some sort of mistakes here and there in between that makes the 'used to be' to become 'no longer'.

When we loses someone close to us like our grandparents/relatives, we often then realized how much hard times have we given them and then we regret. Lately, my grandma was in Singapore for about a week. I looked at her, she aged. The wrinkles on her face, the double chin, she seems to have become thinner. And that upsets me.. Cause despite her not very strong body, everyday when I ask her ' 婆，你有煮饭吗?' and she will say ' 只要你想吃，我就煮给你吃. ' and for the past one week, she woke up everyday just before I left home for work and go to the market to buy the ingredients she needs for cooking. She even cooked dishes that I haven't tried before. And having to sit beside her and watch TV drama with her, looking at her tired eyes but yet still wanna watch her TV, somehow I'm feeling heartache. I wondered to myself, how long more am I gonna watch her when she's watching her TV. How long more am I gonna be able to eat her home cooked dinner? How long more can I still call her ' 婆婆 '? Suddenly, I'm afraid. I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of losing people I love.

Then suddenly, I realized I made a lot of mistakes in the past. And I told myself, from now onwards, I'm gonna take every chance I have to tell people I love how much I love them. (:

Yes, I have a very good life. Cause I have great friends and companies. I have a very outgoing personality that allows me to make friends easily, just like with a snap of my fingers. But.. this life I lead won't last me until the day I stop breathing. It will, eventually comes a day whereby I have to wake up to reality, knowing that I have to move on, move ahead with my life and do what I'm suppose to do and not just hanging here like what I am now doing what I used to do. It's like, moving on from songs that reminds you of people. Just like Right Here Waiting reminds me of Zac. No Promises reminds me of *. and a lot more.. I think the most heartfelt song I've ever listened this year was ' Starts With Goodbye - Carrie Underwoods. ' That song, walked me through a very tough time.. Walk me through a time I was so lost, the time I lost my smiles and everything..

I need to put aside all my past.. I have the tendency to think of my past when I listen to certain songs and I'll start to miss my past. I.. need to have a new playlist. I need to remove away old songs in my iPod or maybe.. Moving those old songs to another playlist. ): It's not very good to be so sentimental.. I need to learn to be less sentimental..

Just not too long ago, I threw away more than half of the clothes in my wardrobe. I used to want to keep those clothes cause they're either present from other people or it actually meant something. After so many years of ' collection ', I decided to just throw away.. It only meant that I'm willing to let go of those memories.. There are a lot more things I'm gonna throw away.. and yes, they are things which mostly reminds me of my past. I will.. Slowly throw away things...

And I've been telling myself to forget what used to affect me. Yes, I'm someone who can forget but not really forgive unless I receive sincere apology. And even if I do forgive, I can't trust. Yes, I'm learning to be open my heart and have a bigger heart..

我不要做一个心胸狭窄的女人.

P/S: You know where my heart is, you know ILY.