MARRIED!

"I Law Chee Sim, take you Lim Zhanyu to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I hope you know that right from the start it has been you, it is you and it will always be you. Today I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live." - my wedding vow for Love.

 Officially Mrs Lim. :')

ROM Preparation

Actually there's nothing much to prepare for ROM.

I settle for something which I wanted; a pool garden theme! ^.^

ROM is only for our immediate family. I've sent in appeal to allow my Uncle to come in to Singapore to join us and I'm seriously crossing my fingers hoping that they can approve that. =( **Please Please Please**

He's my only Uncle and he's just like my father. So I hope he can be here to witness my happiness and give me his blessing personally on this special day.

Counting down to ROM, 9 more days!

Things which we have done so far:

1. Gown and suit fitting
2. Booked venue
3. Reserved JP
4. Filed marriage
5. Ring pillow and pen arrived
6. Wedding Shoes for both of us 
7. ROM documents verification
8. Hair "Grooming"
9. Hand bouquet, pre-ordered. =) 
10. Groom's corsage, pre-ordered. =) 

Things to be done: 

1. Wedding band, to be done by this week. 
2. Manicure and Pedicure, to be done by this week. 

More or less done! We have somehow or rather adopted Xiaobai. She's kind of part of the family now. Growing up so fast that it's so scary. She was barely a month when she came over and now she's two months old and took her first vaccination already. 

Xiaobai and her toy at about one month old. LOL

Two months old with her raw bite and socks. HAHA.

Momsie bought her the bed and collar that comes with a leash and she loves them! 

Sometimes I feel, getting married can bring a couple closer together or it can break them apart. Because sometimes when I'm preparing all the weddings stuffs, doing all the researches and liaising with different people yet have to juggle my work at the same time, the stress level is something I've never experienced. Even though work has it's own level of stress but planning wedding, it's a totally different thing. 

As I am aware of how important wedding is to me, well okay, it's important but not that important. To a lot of people, getting means having an official status as "wife". As important as people sees it, it's not the official status I want. I just want us to be happy. I've mentioned to Love before I don't mind us not getting married, staying together, being together and happily ever after. Haha. People must be thinking "stupid woman why want to do this to herself?" Well, because I can. Because to me, marriage doesn't mean happily ever after. Yes, it's once in a lifetime. But it doesn't guarantee happiness. I know what I want for us. I want us to be happy and us being together again is already a huge miracle which I'm happy about. I'm contented to be with the man whom I love with my life. And knowing that he loves me just as much is good enough. People may say I'm silly, I'm dumb and ridiculous. Well, this is my life, you can have your opinions and views but I don't care. Yes, I'm stubborn like this. And I like that I'm stubborn. Stubbornness has been a good and bad thing for me. But I still like me being stubborn. =p 

So if I can choose, I would rather not get married, just be together happily and live our lives being silly and happy. Hahahaha. Or maybe just go to Barcelona and get married there, just the two of us. Lol. But I can't do so I have to deal with this. As much as I want to get things over and done with, it wouldn't be over until next year October. Well well well. I can do this! 

Half way there already and I gotta admit that the initial stage really is a big headache cause too many options and choices and Love is so 'chin chai' until I'm so annoyed! But after I told him how I felt things got better. Hahahaha! Quite often I was so annoyed and pissed off that all I wanted to do was to call off the wedding. Cause to me, getting married and preparing for wedding makes us unhappy and that's not what I want! If getting married and preparing for wedding is the root of our unhappiness, I don't want it. That's why getting married is not exactly that important to me compared to other girls. Being together happily is what is more important to me. A piece of paper will not make me happy. 

But well, I'm glad things got better after I told Love how I felt. Cause I think it's important that we both lay our cards on the table, being all honest and truthful in this relationship, that's what I want. And I know this man, will do all it takes to never lie to me. Because he loves me this much. To him, I'm that important that he can forgo his friends. Haha. Well, of course I don't need him to do that cause most of his friends are mine. We have too many common friends. Lol. 300+ friends in common since secondary school days, what else can I say/do right? Haha.  We have too many things in common already..

Seemingly in this relationship, Love has been the giving in party while I'm the taking in party. I don't deny, because that's true. Love give in a lot to me because he don't want to argue with me. Well, not exactly argue, more like bicker. HAHA. But I also won't deny that I love to disturb him just to see his reactions. =P Like I will tell him once in a while that I will 離家出走 and go back to my place and he will be like ' Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ' and I'll start laughing like some crazy woman. hahaha. Okay our own inside jokes. Hmm.  Anyway he gives in to me most of the time and I know it's because he doesn't want me to be unhappy. He hates all kinds of arguments with me and he will try his best to stop all of them as soon as he can though sometimes he have his temper and would go mad too. But MOST of the time, he gives in.. But well, having said that, I do give in to him also okay.. just not MOST of the time. =P Because I love to be pampered by him and he pampers me too much. LOL. 

Anyway, 9 more days to being a MRS. Am I nervous now, nope. Because I'll be on that day itself. LOL. I don't usually feel nervous until the very last minute. Horrible woman, I know. But my dearest fiance somewhat inculcated this habit to me, take my own sweet time. -.- HAHA okay, I should improve on that. 

Now that almost everything is settled, I hope to have ample rest until next weekend. I don't want to look like some zombie in the morning when I go and meet my MUA at the Bridal Shop. 

MRS LIM, kind of not used to it. Love tested it on me and I felt so alien to that. I guess it takes time. =) Love has started telling people that I'm his 太太 and having to hear him say that over the phone, it sounded quite weird. LOL. 

10 Oct.

Today is Kris's birthday.
That also means it's Bevan's birthday.

Needs VS Demands.

Sometimes it got me thinking if I actually demand things from Love. 

Needing his attention, is that demanding?

Needing his TLC, is that demanding?

Needing his quality time, is that demanding? 

But, all these are needs that I can never buy using money. 

If all these can be bought, problem could be pretty much solved easily and there will not be a need for boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. 

Sadly, it can't and that's why it becomes a need. 

Just like human needs to eat, it's a need. 

All these needs are what I need to maintain our relationship and I view them very importantly. 

So often he's on his phone playing game and I felt so neglected but I've been keeping numb because I thought as time goes by, I could get used to it. But I'm sorry, I can't.

I don't spend 24hrs with him even though we live together for the past one year plus, so I treasure every minute I see him after my work before I go to bed. He doesn't sleep the same time as me because of his sleeping habit (he usually sleeps after I get up for work) and working hours so when I come home after work, he's always wide awake while I'm drained from work. The only time our "time zone" is the same is during weekends. Of course I tried to accommodate by staying up late to spend more time with him but I realized this way only made me more tired. And being tired was a "good enough" reason for Love to nag at me to ask me to quit my job and stay at home. Reason and excuses I give myself for keeping numb. But I can't hold this for long. Because I know myself that I need to be heard before I eventually erupt in a much worse manner. 

As much as I want to be like the last time me, to accommodate to him, to do what he loves, to learn to love what he loves, I can't do that anymore. I have my own mind and I cannot bear to bring myself back to be like the old me. 

Yes, Love is like no other people, no other guys. He have all my attention and basically anything he asked of me to be. But one thing I cannot compromise is the few hours of quality time and attention that I need. 

Which girl doesn't need attention? Or in fact, which HUMAN doesn't need attention? It's just a matter of "HOW MUCH". I don't require Love's attention all the time but at least when I'm with him, make sure I will have his full attention. 

Perhaps he's the only guy whom I would seek attention from. I don't do this to any other of my ex-boyfriends. Okay, except for Francis because at times I rely on him a lot, especially whenever I don't feel good about anything and I don't really feel like talking to anyone else. 

So yes, it's only towards Love I behave like this and I don't know why. I used to be so independent and I don't even need anyone to be with me to do anything. But things are different now. I start to rely on Love a lot, mainly his presence and this is a very very bad thing for me. At least that's what I feel.

How often do you see an independent girl being so reliant on someone? Barely. 

But he made me one. 

So after having said so much, I just hope that guys sometimes should really understand that girls needs attention from them. Like those full, undivided attention. 

我的白馬王子!

我的白馬王子。

The only man who deserves the whole of me, the whole of my heart and the whole of my life. ❤️

So excited for our ROM already!!! Can't wait! >.< 

Love collected my first ever Taobao shopping! Teehee! So happy now! Can't wait to open it!! =D 

Irony of having license.

I love my husband. >.< 

But have a license means he's getting lazier. To drive. =( 

Wedding.

O.M.G

Been rather busy about all the wedding stuffs.

I will update soon on what we've done so far!

So exciteddd for our ROM already! TEEHEE.

Thankful.

I do a lot of self reflection and I have always been. 

I think about how people treats me and how should I treat people with what kind of attitude. 

Very often, I came back asking myself, 'is it worth it? Why am I so stupid? They don't even bother or care.' 

Yeah, this applies to anyone in my life. 

I came to realize that a lot of people misunderstood the meaning of "being there for someone" and somehow I feel people abused it. 

I can't say it all in words now but I just want to say that I'm very very thankful for having Love at this moment. Very thankful he was the one who was involved in walking me out from that shit relationship with Eric, the biggest mistake in my life. I used to think falling in love with Love back in 2002 was the biggest mistake in my life but later I realized that to let Eric enter my life was in fact the biggest mistake of all. 

Every night I look at Love's back facing me and him, facing the computer screen busy working yet he still have to give me the attention I need to lay next to me so I could fall asleep before he continue with his stuffs again, I told myself that marrying this man, is the best decision I ever made and I know I will still tell myself the exact same thing even when we grow old. Sometimes he had to sleep in with me, just to make sure I'm able to sleep but he ended up falling asleep together with me yet he will still wake up half way through and continue with his work. 

No complaints, just nonstop of showing me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. Just because I told him before that I'd be scared when I wake up half way through and I don't like that feeling. He respect that and he will do all he can to make sure I have a sound and safe sleep. The man who would do anything for me, not every girl get to have one. I count my blessings everyday because I feel so fortunate now. 

They said happiness have to come from within yourself if not you'll never be happy. I agree, I'm optimistic about life and I think it's very important already. Yes, relationship is important to me. Any kind of relationship. Kinship, friendship or a love relationship. They are bonus to my happiness now and I'm so thankful for all of then who are atill around. =) 

Update soon!

The only thing I ever changed for the past one year is that I no longer care as much anymore. 

10 Years Ago Back And Now.

10 years ago....

One morning, we were walking to school like every other day since it's our daily routine. Just when we reach the back alley before the playground, you kneel down, handed me the dolphin ring and asked "will you marry me in the future?" and I said I would. 

10years later....

You proposed to me. We are engaged and having plans for our future. 

=====================

Suddenly I was thinking about that day when I was talking to Chew about Sharon's proposal cause Longqiang did told me before that the ring he got for her is the ring she wanted. I was telling him that it would be so nice if Love had asked me before buying. At least that would save him a lot of money! =( but well, I had my surprised proposal. I'm contented. But Chew came up with this idea. He told me "eh you tell him this one rehearsal nia. Ask him balik propose." HAHAHA. never have I thought of that but I think that's a pretty funny thing to say to Love and I want to see his reaction so I told him. Well.. His reaction was. 

"Okay can. But when I ask you, I will say 'will you marry me, again?' I must emphasize the again. Aiya~ why must propose again?! Next time I buy one more for you la!" 

Hahahaha! I love love love love to tease my beautiful man. The man who will never say no to my requests. The man who will do what it takes to fulfill my requests. The man who would do anything and everything just for me. My beautiful man. 

How nice would it be if Love could propose to me every 10 years. ^.^ hahahaha. I must tell him this. Lol! He would probably say he would. LOL! 

I guess what Love said is true. 

愛一個人和喜歡一個人不一樣。

I think I can differentiate them now. =) 

I guess I've only loved one person my entire life because I would sacrifice anything, including my life for Love. Even when it's the freedom which I've fought so hard with my mom for when I was younger and when I'm with Eric. 

I can never treat any other guys the same. Not even Eric, whom I'm with for 2.5years. I can never bring myself to sacrifice anything more for him. Which makes me realized that I probably didn't love him back then. It was just like or maybe I did loved him but it will never be to the extend I have for Love. And he will never get this treatment from me no matter how long we are together. He's not even one who can give me butterflies in my tummy since we were together actually. 

But Love is different. He still makes my heart skip a beat, makes me feel shy, makes me feel happy like a little girl, makes me fly, give me butterflies in my tummy. I can never get tired of looking at him, talking to him, listening to him, watching him etc etc. He activated every kind of positive feelings in me. He created all kinds of emotions in me. My sun rise and set with him. That's the kind of impact he has on me and it's never ending. Because my love for him is more than the love I have for myself. And he's the only man who can make me feel and behave this way. 

I believe how much you're willing to sacrifice or do for someone can show how much you love that person or how much that person actually means to you. 

For our case, we are both very important to each other and we know it. =)