tired. :(

worked for a day and i'm already worn out. energy level dropped to ZERO! super tired. and i was the last to reach home! which is like 6am when i reach home?

my partners were telling me if i can't wake up on time tomorrow i can forget about going to work. cause i'm suppose to be still on MC. -.- well, i suppose i can't wake up. i'm so tired.

okays. gonna sleep. nights everyone. i shall see what time i wake up later.

good luck to myself.

and, not forgetting..

HAPPY 70TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY MY BOY. i love you. (:

*dedicating this blog to my boy.. ^^

chinese song.

change song. just feeling kinda upset by the sudden unhappiness in me recently. :( hais.

chinese song this time. by jay chou.

enjoy.

我不配 - JAY CHOU

这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气谁被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协

是我忽略你不过要人陪
这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美我不配

for the guy who's far away.

i don't know why must there be a sudden change in your attitude towards me when you get to know about me and him. aren't you suppose to be supportive, somehow? instead of giving me the ' ignore ' attitude? why do you have to make things seems so bad? we were so close, as friends. please, don't because of this and ignore me. it hurts to see you treating me like this. you're a special friend. you know it yourself.. so stop. stop giving me that hostile feeling. i can't stand it. can't we just like before? talk like before? joke like before? we are friends, aren't we? why make it as though you're hating me?

once you forsaken my feelings for you and being so harsh to me. now that i sorted out my feelings and wanna pursue my feelings back for him and you're giving me this attitude, what is wrong with you? or should i say.. what is wrong with us? why are we like this now? i'm not trying to tell you i'm still clinging hopes for you. no, it died since 07 March 2008. you distinguish it. thanks for waking me up from this dream. yes i've been dreaming. dreaming to be with you in the future. but it will never come true. it'll never be de javu. cause you will never accept me again. that's why i choose to let go and be friends like what you wanted me to do. but why are you like this now? didn't you once said as long as i'm happy, you're fine with it? didn't you said you don't mind me being with him? yes i know this is not the first time me and him patch. but what can i do? i still have feelings for him. yes, call me fickle minded or whatsoever. but don't treat me the way you're treating me now. can't you just stay by my side as a close friend? as a brother? can't you? why do you have to make it as though we're gonna be enemies? why? don't do this to me times and again. it hurts, it really does.

please, i'm pleading you not to do this to me. i don't know when you'll be reading this.. but i hope when you do, feel how i feel. i know all these while it's not only me who's having a hard time. but to once loved a person like you, till i'm going crazy yet i have to forgo the feelings is not easy as well.. please understand my feelings. be in my shoes and feel how i feel, boy. don't treat me this way.

please.....

back to work? ha.

hmm.. gonna go back and help out later. i guess probably gonna start doing that often cause i think cathay also short of partners. -.- ha. well.. it's true. what can i say anymore? i'm just trying to help them as much as i can bahhs. since they're still paying when i'm not working. hais. i'm not gonna be in the system for long.. i don't have the heart to tell my store manager. since the day i joined the system on 21st August 2007, i loved cathay. but now this accident.. caused me not able to be with them anymore. though i already had plans to leave long ago. but now that they're still treating me so nicely.. i don't know if what i'm doing is considered heartless or not. but the fact that doctor said i can't stand for long hours in the future is true. :( hais. somebody please, tell me i'm not doing the wrong thing. :( i need supports.

yesterday's event was a success. everything was good. the customer enjoyed our service. enjoyed our demo. enjoyed our presence. (: i'm glad everything went on smoothly. ^^ yeahs. have yet to get the photos from vivian.^^ hang on people!! (:

working later from 6.30pm - 4am. not going to skating today, which i usually does. but ohh well.. too bad bahhs. :(

hais... i'm tired. dota-ed just now. ^^ fun.. but a bit too tired to play again. hahas. gonna sleep. replenish my energy level again! (:

nights people!!~~

my boy is sick today, having fever. :( :( hope you're feeling better now.. i love you boy..

Red dot museum event.

yesterday was chloe's birthday. though i wished her happy birthday already.. but well, again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHLOE. (: hope you enjoyed your day.

and, today i'll be attending the red dot museum event at maxwell road. yeah. with the skaters. (: but i won't be demo-ing. will be Marshalling. hahas. with a cute uniform they provide us with. (: hehees. will take some photos and post them up yeah? (: no worries. ^^ photos will be with vivian though. hope she send me soon. hahas. but well, i'm glad i'm helping inline cuture again yeah? (: hehees.

hmm.. sunday is paya lebar runway.. hahas. hopefully everything goes well.. more than 200 of inline culture family is going.. instructors, freestyle club, skate club, demo team, team elite.. everyone is going. so happy to see everyone! (: hahas. last year was also 200+ but i wasn't there cause i was working.. but this year is gonna be more i heard. hahas. cool~ can't wait for sunday! (:

next week is gonna be a happening week man. almost everyday is a birthday for someone i know. hahas. 27th is my mom's birthday. 29th to 31st is my friend's birthday. and the 1st of june is my sister's birthday. busy birthday week yeah. hahas. cooL~ pocket is gonna have holes. -.- hahahahaha.

primary school holidays are here. and i suppose my mom is going back to malaysia soon. probably the second week of june bahhs. hais. she's been bugging me to go back and visit my grandma. naggy woman. -.- i'm not free my queen. (: hehees. have a lot of things to do yeah. (:

anyways, met up with him just now. send him home and i went to katong IC shop to try the outfit for tomorrow's event. the outfit was awesome. but he's not going tomorrow. only 6 male skaters are choosen. and 4 girls are choosen for marshalling. and i'm lucky to have been choosen! (: back to his place to have dinner with him. then back to his place again after dinner. was kinda pissed when i left his house. cause of his grandma. his grandma is really getting up my nerves. for so long i tolerated her, given her the respect of an elderly.. but she completely give me a 'face' which is like so damn unfriendly. is as though i did something wrong. well, the only wrong i do is probably going to HER house to find HER grandson. and it's so whatever and lame to get angry over this cause me and her grandson is in a relationship yet she behaves like my dad, a child. it's HER grandson who asked me to find him there. it's HER grandson who wants me to meet him there. then why the fuck give me a fucking face when i didn't even do a shit. it's like KNNPCB lahh! was moody all the way. didn't talk to him on the train. don't feel like. i know it's not his fault but.. somehow i'm just angry.. with his grandma? tolerated her nonsense and craps for so long. and now i voice it out. perhaps i cared too much about everything.. him.. his family.. maybe i shouldn't even care at all. maybe it's best if i'm indifferent...

sometimes, it's doesn't give you any benefits to be a good person. and instead of getting benefits, you loses out a lot. which is what we call, unfairness. sucks to be in this world. sucks to be born here. and sucks to face all these fucking shits. well, sucks to be me.


宝贝，我知道不是你的错可是我们毕竟在一起那么久了。
年年都要我忍，要我忍多久？
我不是机器人。。我有感觉，时间久了我会累。
我不希望将来我们会应为她而分手。
忍她已经不是一两天，忍耐是有限度的。
希望你能体谅我的心情，体会我的感受。
我不希望我们哪天又会分开。。
那种痛，我承受不了了。
打从心地的想爱你，不要让我再失去你。
宝贝，我爱你。

i'm so irritated by blogger's photo uploader!

fucking irritating lahhs. cb. -.- tried uploading photos but it took like an hour yet nothing, NOTHING is uploaded. fuck the uploader. cb. knn. this is freaking not the fucking first time already. idiot. making me wait like some moron. whatever. fuck.. -PISSED!-

well, updating my blog for steph.. she wants to know what has been happening in my life when she's far away.. that's why i'm updating my blog now.. in fact the reason why i blog lesser is because i started writing diary again. so i find myself having to write everything in my diary rather than blogging it down. sorry people. i'll update more okays? (:

it's been two months since steph left.. i miss her. reading her blog once in a while and knowing she has been drinking.. i'm worried. cause she's overseas. anything happen to her i won't be able to be there.. i just hope she'll be back sound and safe. i hope to see her real soon.. like what i told her.. i hope i can be a jumper so i can jump to her now. (: but too bad i can't. girl, i know you'll be reading my blog. i just hope you will know how much i miss you. it's been so long since we last met. don't worry about me. he's treating me well.. i hope you can see the changed him and accept him as a new person. i really hope so. give him a chance to show you he's really treating me right.. (: don't worry about me. (:

have been having some thoughts about my skating life too.. ever since i had my accident until now, that i'm back to skating, somehow.. i can feel it myself that i've lost a lot of my strength and power for sliding. no longer like before. i talked to vivian.. about leaving team elite cause i find myself no longer fit to be in the team.. but she say steven will not let me leave the team.. she say steven has his own reason why he wanna keep me in the team. well, what could the reason be? my purpose of joining the team is not for anything but because of friendship. because i've been with inline culture for so long. it's not for the benefits. i love inline culture and will always do.

losing so much of my strength and power, and surprisingly, i managed to do some slides. not perfectly good but managed to somehow execute them. i'm happy, i'm glad. but am i really ready to go further? am i ready to go for competitions? am i fit for everything? sometimes when i massage my ankle, it still hurts. and sometimes when i just wake up from sleep and i try to walk, the ankle feels pain too. i want to go back to skating. i miss skating and sliding. i miss representing inline culture for competition. but i can't do all these at the moment.. what should i do? i want to get back my strength and power like last time. i want back everything. and i mean, everything. i wish... it'll be soon.. i don't have time to waste.. the opponent team is getting stronger and stronger day by day. it's time to buck up..

and my work.. having not able to work for the past few months and adding on with another 5 more weeks of hospitalisation leaves. i don't know if i still can work for Starbucks. my commitment level has been dropping.. and i'm feeling so listless. i took such a hard time to build up my commitment level and now everything is gone. everything changed since that accident. OMFG. this is so hurting. i lost so much from an accident.. :( hais. and i suppose i'm getting a new job soon since my ankle doesn't allow me to stand for long hours. doctor already said it'll at least take another half a year to one year to fully heal. it's like, WHAT THE FUCK WHY NEED SO LONG?!!? hais. but no choice, what happened already happen. live with it bahhs, kat. i just hope everything will go through smoothly now.

okay, i wanna start playing dota now.. have been playing dota by the way.. getting the hands of it. (: bevan, just you wait k? i'll play with you one day. (: *training in progress*


宝贝，谢谢你这三个礼拜对我的体贴与温柔。
希望一切不会就此告一段落。
希望一切会更顺利，
希望我们会一直开心。
我爱你！

SINGAPORE FLYER!! (:

went to singapore flyer on sunday. hahas. enjoyed myself! (: thanks to my loved ones. hehees.

don't have much to blog about these days.. don't know what to blog. have been lazing around.. mom don't allow me to go back to work first. cause she scared my ankle will swollen again. i can understand that lahhs. but this can't go on mahhs. hais... :(

hmm.. okays. i'm so lazy to blog now. byebye.

happy mummy's day! (:

as usual.. i bought present for mummy. yupps. hardly have dinner with her cause she never like having dinner outside.. plus she don't like having dinner at home cause she say we need to clean up the mess after eating. -.- actually i bought the present for her last month. hahahahas. so nice of me right? to still remember! (: hehees.

yupps. as usual.. weekend i'm skating. yeah. trying hard to gain back my strength. but ohh well.. not very good yeah. and my dota sessions are getting more. cool~ -.- hahas. but i only know how to use one character. which is ' oh well, the story goes.. ' hahas. not bad lahhs. hahas. i'm training k! (: hehees. ^^

nothing special.. yeah.. just feeling very tired cause i don't really have enough rest. and kinda feeling sad cause my baby boy went back already. :( gonna so miss him.. :( hais. i'm gonna miss him hugging me. miss him accidentally hit me.. miss him crying. miss his everything. how i wish he's my son. hais. so gonna miss his laughters. his cute-ness. his little little actions. :( so far, i've never feel so attach to any of my cousins. but he is the first. cause he's the first who will really 'look' for me. cause he regconise me. he will want to be by my side. makes me feel like wanting him so much. he's only 2 months old. yet he's so smart. gonna miss this smart little cutie. :( hais. sad. feel so attached to him. :(

hais.. :( feeling so down. :( sobs sobs. :( have been tired.. but i don't know why i have energy to play dota still. -.- wierd. hahas. bevan, at my skills now, i won't be able to beat you one lahhs. i just started like how long ago? -.- one week? hahas. you sure win me de. (: let me train more first k? then i play with you lahhs k? (:

okays. i think i shall play dota.


宝贝，我爱你。

紫欣最近好累... :(

have been busy working the past two days. store is down with partners. and i've gone back on shift to help out. honestly speaking, my ankle hurts again. :( hais.

the sudden pain makes me don't know what to do now. i don't know if i should tell my manager about it or not. my mom ask me to tell my manager.. but.. if i do so and stop working.. there'll be not enough people.. hais. how? :(

** 宝贝，我现在只希望你会在我身边， 成为我精神上的资助。
我不希望自己再次怀疑你， 不希望自己再不开心。
请你让我完全相信你，不要让我失去信心。
除了你，我什么都不要想。
不要再把我捧上天，又打入谷里。
我的心已不能再承受了。
应为我累了。。。

what should i do now? hais. i'm so tired. everyday after i reach home, my baby boy is waiting for me.. i could hardly even sleep properly.. i could hardly even rest enough and i have to get up and get ready for work.. :( hais.. what should i do? i'm so tired..

i just want a shoulder to lead on, to rest and sleep well for a night.. i just want to have a good rest.. cause i'm just too tired.. someone, hug me please.

kat is really tired..

dance of the dragon.. 龙之舞

okay. yes i watched dance of the dragon! fucking crap. nonsense.

rate : 1/5

TOTAL BORING-NESS. waste money. i almost fell asleep during the movie. haha.

crap. okays. yes! A LOT of people wished me happy birthday. hahas. the very first was zaid, from my workplace. hahas. then so on and so on.. AJ wished me the cutest.. ' HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS ' hahas. so cool right. (: i'm the little princess and will always be. =] see so many people dote on me! (: hehees. *bleahs. don't jealous, cause no matter how you jealous, you'll never be me. =] hahas.

okays. update from thursday yeah..

thursday i woke up around 1pm.. called jaslyn.. then she came my house at around 3pm.. slack here.. then after i bathe for my baby.. and after i get ready, we leave my place at 6pm, when we're suppose to meet at 6pm. HAHA. then cab to plaza singapura. hahas. meet up with the skaters. then go to cathay to collect the movie tickets first. the back to plaza singapura to meet the rest.. had ajisen ramen for dinner. hahas. just so nice bumb into the WG members. and seductive members. (: had some chats. then went for a smoke.. back to ajisen.. then had the dinner.. hahas. after dinner slowly walk to cathay to meet some of those who went straight to cathay at the lan shop. took some photos.. haha. but all with jasmine.. waiting for her to upload them. =] hahas. yupps.

after gathering everyone, we went to watch iron man at the grand cathay. =] fucking funny lahhs the show! i rate it 4.5/5. hahas. don't mind watching it again though. ^^ hahas. have yet to watch forbidden kingdom.. skater leon said he's gonna watch with me! =] HAHAS. yesssssss. but don't know when we'll be free.. lol.. hopefully soon. =] hahas. after the movie, meet outside cathay.. smoking session.. and see the WG members again.. they're heading towards MOS.. then yifan ask me to go.. hahas. then.... hmm.... okays.. decided to go with them cause they skaters have yet to made up their mind. so yeahh.. before i go off to MOS, had a talk with zac for about half an hour.. then cab to MOS with yifan and jaslyn. hahas. meet my cousin at MOS's taxi stand. then to MOS we go! =] hahas. it's my cousin's first time ever clubbing in singapore. -.- funny.. she's 21 this year okay! hahas. but hope she enjoyed herself. (: AND.. AND.. i SHUFFLED! (: finally after so long.. manage to shuffle a little.. hahas. cool~ hehees. yupps. then clubbed until 3:45am. go to macdonald's and slack. cab home with yifan, jaslyn and my cousin. sleep soon after i reach home. =] I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! and i'm gonna be 21 next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehees. >.<


woke up at 2pm on friday.. get ready and go down to katong shop.. dinner at aston.. then head to east coast.. cause no one at rink.. so went to lan shop.. played DOTA! =] hahas. last time i didn't play.. find the character damn fugly.. well.. it's still fugly.. but the game is quite nice to play lahhs. =] hahahas. cool!~ i like~ hahas. hook on to DOTA like that. =] hahas. later at night DM they all came.. then i skate to bedok jetty with him.. wanted to see the people to catch sotong.. but not a good day i guess.. didn't have the chance to see. :( slack at bedok jetty for a while then we head to lagoon to get some drinks. and head back to the rink. had some heart to heart chat with DM.. well, thanks Micheal for the support.. (: and thanks for telling me all those things to make me realise what have been happening. well well... it's not actually complicated isn't it? i didn't in any way show any interest. he's just a friend! nothing else. no chemistry, no interest, nothing. yes, nothing. no feeling at all.. back home around 3am after eating supper with the skaters. hahas. sleep after one match of dota. =]


saturday woke up at 3pm. then slackkk... omg. i'm so lazy to type out everything. -.- okays. went to east coast, dinner at hong kong cafe. skate until 1.30am. drink until 4.30am. back home.. sleep after bathe. okays. that's it.


today woke up at 3pm. get ready and go out after eating. went to bugis. wanted to plug eyebrown but the shop is closed today. so shop around. then head to cathay to watch movie. after movie slack at starbucks. chatted with the partners. then went home with jess, jia en and zaki, all are my colleagues. =] hahas.

ohh yeah! tomorrow i'm starting workkk.. =] hahas. yes!! finally. closing for me tomorrow! actually is closing for the whole week.. off on thursday and friday.. =] cool~~ (: yesssa. okays. nothing much to blog. i wanna sleep already... NIGHTS...


谢谢你愿意改变自己，
来融入我的生活。
我爱你...


presents time... =]


from pris, eric, micheal and jaslyn..


from lynnee and lucas..


from micheal's family. ^^


from sky, eddy and eric (IC's).


from ziwei.. THIS WAS SENT TO MY HOUSE!!! (:


from vivian.. =]


from leon (IC's), amy, fei and some others i forgot. hahas.=]

AND NOW, MY BABY AND ME!! (:




CATHAY! (:



okays. off to bed. nights.