i'm so vexed. i don't know whether to stay at gelare or not. haix. sally told me that day that she can offer me a better paid job if i go over to her cafe and help. so now, i don't know if i should leave or not.
reasons for me to stay :
1. i like gelare actually.
2. i have many friends there.
3. i feel bad if i leave after they taught me so many things.
reasons for me to leave :
1. sally offers me a much higher pay.
2. i need more money since i stopped studying.
3. it's also a cafe kinda job, so if i go over, it's actually quite okay for me.
4. my mom and zac supports me to change job?
i seems to have more reasons to leave rather than stay. but fennie they all have been really nice to me. and i don't wanna be like chee wha like that. -a disappointment in their eyes. what should i do? haix. FAN ARHH!
well, marcus spoke to me.. told me about wanting me to start running shifts and start doing ordering soon. well, i don't really wanna do these kind of things. i just wanna be a normal staff. i know lahh, i can't be thinking of this for long term.. but it's just seems too soon for me to start all these responsibilities. haix.. don't know lahh. help! and marcus spoke to me about promoting me also. i'm like, WHAT THE FUCK?!?! promote? madd lohh. i freaking work there like, less than two months? they mad or what? wanna think of promoting me. haix.. siao already. anyway, i don't wanna be bothered by these.. but marcus keep telling me it's not the matter of how long you've work, it's whether you want or not. well, experience is important also wadd. and he keep telling me that i can make it de. just that i don't want.. yarh.. it's true, i don't want.. i don't wanna be promoted so soon. it's seriously too fast already. and i don't think i can't take this responsibility now. i can't.
anyway, i'm tired. will blog again. bye~
Friday, March 16, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
i had fun at st james! =D
hahas. i had fun at st james the past two days. =D especially tonight. hahahahas. know some new friends. nice nice! hahahahahas. went with zac, henry, sally, ivy and leonard. hahahahahas. enjoyed my night dancing. and the guys are WEAK! hahas. they simply can't stand dancing for long hours. -retarded. hehees. :)
hmm, alchohol makes me high. i love to drink. :) :)
thanks zac for the night. =D
lady's night. *loves.
i love st james. :)
hmm, alchohol makes me high. i love to drink. :) :)
thanks zac for the night. =D
lady's night. *loves.
i love st james. :)
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
feel like blogging. so i'm here.
i feel like blogging. but don't know what to say. =_= well, later on today.. gonna work. until 6pm. then rush home. bathe and change and get ready to go st james powerhouse. YAYY! it has been some time since i clubbed. hahas. missed the feeling of dancing. hahas. with loud music and everyone mambo together. hahas. if only i had started clubbing since 16. then i guess the clubs in singapore, i would gone like almost all? hahahahas.
anyway, coming saturday maybe going to st james powerhouse again. cause i got two free tickets. then steph say can go with me. =D i think zac also will wanna follow. okays. i don't mind. as long as he don't give anyone trouble. :) yupps. i hate trouble makers. hahas. and i think henry will go also. cause henry is member, so can bring friends in. and zac can go in for free. =_= i think i also wanna apply membership already. but every year $228 lehh. not cheap lehh. somemore i don't everyday go mahh. hahahahahahas. whatever~
hmm, later work 12pm - 6pm. yupps. then meeting maria at dhoby ghaut first before going to harbour front. hahas. meeing desmond at harbour front itself cause it's more convenient for him there. yupps. ermm..... i think i wanna stop here lerx, need to get upp at 7:30am later. gotta get my work permit done. yupps. nights all.. i mean.. morning all. it's 18 minutes to 6am. bye. <3
anyway, coming saturday maybe going to st james powerhouse again. cause i got two free tickets. then steph say can go with me. =D i think zac also will wanna follow. okays. i don't mind. as long as he don't give anyone trouble. :) yupps. i hate trouble makers. hahas. and i think henry will go also. cause henry is member, so can bring friends in. and zac can go in for free. =_= i think i also wanna apply membership already. but every year $228 lehh. not cheap lehh. somemore i don't everyday go mahh. hahahahahahas. whatever~
hmm, later work 12pm - 6pm. yupps. then meeting maria at dhoby ghaut first before going to harbour front. hahas. meeing desmond at harbour front itself cause it's more convenient for him there. yupps. ermm..... i think i wanna stop here lerx, need to get upp at 7:30am later. gotta get my work permit done. yupps. nights all.. i mean.. morning all. it's 18 minutes to 6am. bye. <3
Monday, March 12, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Friday, March 9, 2007
am i happy now?
now that zac left me. i should be feeling happy. but why am i upset? i don't know. my mind is fucked upp. what should i do? this time, it's my fault.
what happened was i found out he lied. and when i ask him. he continued with his lie. and so i got angry.. and want to leave. but he stopped me and ask me to stay. but i was too angry to even listen to his explainations. all i was thinking is to leave the place right away. i didn't want to listen to explainations. i'm too lazy to blog down what has happened. whatever it is, it's my fault. i called my mom and told her what happened. and she wants me home. but i stayed there and terry was with me all the way. drink a little. and zac left with henry. i know he's upset. and after i cooled myself down. and i think back. i know i'm at fault. but whatever it is. too late to say anything now. my mom say she don't want me to get back to him. she ask me to take this patch as he was taking revenge on me. ask me to forget everything. i can't believe this.. i was actually crying when i told my mom what happened. but when i was facing zac, listening to all the things he told me.. i can't believe i didn't cry. i was calm, listening to him. i can't believe i did all those things. i can't believe i still cry for him.
actually, zac changed a lot since we patched.. he was nice to me. i guess i wasn't convince enough that's why i wasn't nice to him. i've not been nice to him. it's my fault. i should be blame. he has been a nice boyfriend since the day we patched. i'll miss the feeling during this period of time.
zac, thanks for what you've done during this period of time. you've been a nice boyfriend. for once, i thought so. and it's a nice feeling. regarding what you've told me last night.. i'll take it as you said those things cause you're angry. and i want to let you know, for the past years we've been together.. i was really serious about you. never a day i have the thought of fooling around with you. now that this is happening between us, i believe fate has brought us here. i'm sorry for not letting you to explain. i'm sorry i was harsh. i'm sorry i made you cried. sorry for everything. please take care of yourself.
today, i went to tangjong pagar. was suppose to be there to get my permit done. but i was a little too late. so i gotta go back tomorrow. i spend the day walking around alone. after that i went to meet zac up. was suppose to return him his shirt. but i requested he go parkway with me. and so he did. at first he was reluctant. but he did in the end. i went to 77th street. got a billabong cap and belt. it was for zac. cause i owe him presents. so i bought him back. i returned all the presents i owe him today. but when i told him it was for him, he told me he wasn't interested. but still, i left the presents to him and left. after today, i might not be even seeing him anymore in the future. life's gonna get back to normal. i, going to work and stuffs. my mom called zac.. cause i told her what happened. and she told me what she told him. i kept quiet.. now, my family is all asking me to give upp. should i listen to them? i know everyone meant well.. but, feelings are hard to say. i may be able to move on, but not now.
i find myself sucks. i sucks. KAT SUCKS. I ONLY KNOW HOW TO BRING MISERY TO EVERYONE'S LIFE. zac.. bevan.. i brought misery to their life. and i make them revolve around my life. what the fuck am i doing? KAT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING NOW??? i'm confused. zac or bevan.. or neither of them? i don't know. how come things become like this? it's all my fault. solely my fault....
i guess i'm mad. i'm messing upp my life..
am i really happy now?
i'm mad.. i'm insane.
what happened was i found out he lied. and when i ask him. he continued with his lie. and so i got angry.. and want to leave. but he stopped me and ask me to stay. but i was too angry to even listen to his explainations. all i was thinking is to leave the place right away. i didn't want to listen to explainations. i'm too lazy to blog down what has happened. whatever it is, it's my fault. i called my mom and told her what happened. and she wants me home. but i stayed there and terry was with me all the way. drink a little. and zac left with henry. i know he's upset. and after i cooled myself down. and i think back. i know i'm at fault. but whatever it is. too late to say anything now. my mom say she don't want me to get back to him. she ask me to take this patch as he was taking revenge on me. ask me to forget everything. i can't believe this.. i was actually crying when i told my mom what happened. but when i was facing zac, listening to all the things he told me.. i can't believe i didn't cry. i was calm, listening to him. i can't believe i did all those things. i can't believe i still cry for him.
actually, zac changed a lot since we patched.. he was nice to me. i guess i wasn't convince enough that's why i wasn't nice to him. i've not been nice to him. it's my fault. i should be blame. he has been a nice boyfriend since the day we patched. i'll miss the feeling during this period of time.
zac, thanks for what you've done during this period of time. you've been a nice boyfriend. for once, i thought so. and it's a nice feeling. regarding what you've told me last night.. i'll take it as you said those things cause you're angry. and i want to let you know, for the past years we've been together.. i was really serious about you. never a day i have the thought of fooling around with you. now that this is happening between us, i believe fate has brought us here. i'm sorry for not letting you to explain. i'm sorry i was harsh. i'm sorry i made you cried. sorry for everything. please take care of yourself.
today, i went to tangjong pagar. was suppose to be there to get my permit done. but i was a little too late. so i gotta go back tomorrow. i spend the day walking around alone. after that i went to meet zac up. was suppose to return him his shirt. but i requested he go parkway with me. and so he did. at first he was reluctant. but he did in the end. i went to 77th street. got a billabong cap and belt. it was for zac. cause i owe him presents. so i bought him back. i returned all the presents i owe him today. but when i told him it was for him, he told me he wasn't interested. but still, i left the presents to him and left. after today, i might not be even seeing him anymore in the future. life's gonna get back to normal. i, going to work and stuffs. my mom called zac.. cause i told her what happened. and she told me what she told him. i kept quiet.. now, my family is all asking me to give upp. should i listen to them? i know everyone meant well.. but, feelings are hard to say. i may be able to move on, but not now.
i find myself sucks. i sucks. KAT SUCKS. I ONLY KNOW HOW TO BRING MISERY TO EVERYONE'S LIFE. zac.. bevan.. i brought misery to their life. and i make them revolve around my life. what the fuck am i doing? KAT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING NOW??? i'm confused. zac or bevan.. or neither of them? i don't know. how come things become like this? it's all my fault. solely my fault....
i guess i'm mad. i'm messing upp my life..
am i really happy now?
i'm mad.. i'm insane.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
i feel like i've made the wrong decision...
i ain't happy. i ain't happy at all. now, one thing i must say here before i could say out what has happened.. i patched with zac. and i told bevan yesterday. i didn't tell him directly through talking, not even on msn. i have no courage to tell him at all. because i mind a lot about how he think of me. i care a lot.
his reply yesterday was telling me that he lost trust and hope in me. and that i'm a disappointment inhis eyes. i was upset. very upset with what he told me. if only he has ask me to wait for him, then things wouldn't be like now. but he didn't. i understand that he has his reason for not asking me to wait. but if he had asked me to wait.. it would have been another story. i've waited for some time, for him to ask me to wait. but he didn't. yet he told me that he doesn't want me to miss him always. i'm going crazy.. after reading his reply.. i'm seriously going nuts. this is not what i wanted.. this is not. i don't want this. i seriously don't want this. but... the one i feared most happened now, right now. what am i to do? i feel lost.. i miss bevan.. his memories keep flashing back.. i feel hurt..
i know i'm like being unfaithful now, somehow. i'm with zac now and i'm missing bevan also. but zac is giving me a hard time now.. keep throwing me questions that has to do with bevan.. i hate it whenever he does that..things always turn out nasty whenever he ask me about bevan. i don't wanna talk so much about bevan in front of him.. but he don't seems to get it. i don't know when i will burst the ballon that i'm blowing within me again.
things are not going the way i hope it will.. i felt like i've made the wrong decision. help me please. what am i suppose to do?
his reply yesterday was telling me that he lost trust and hope in me. and that i'm a disappointment inhis eyes. i was upset. very upset with what he told me. if only he has ask me to wait for him, then things wouldn't be like now. but he didn't. i understand that he has his reason for not asking me to wait. but if he had asked me to wait.. it would have been another story. i've waited for some time, for him to ask me to wait. but he didn't. yet he told me that he doesn't want me to miss him always. i'm going crazy.. after reading his reply.. i'm seriously going nuts. this is not what i wanted.. this is not. i don't want this. i seriously don't want this. but... the one i feared most happened now, right now. what am i to do? i feel lost.. i miss bevan.. his memories keep flashing back.. i feel hurt..
i know i'm like being unfaithful now, somehow. i'm with zac now and i'm missing bevan also. but zac is giving me a hard time now.. keep throwing me questions that has to do with bevan.. i hate it whenever he does that..things always turn out nasty whenever he ask me about bevan. i don't wanna talk so much about bevan in front of him.. but he don't seems to get it. i don't know when i will burst the ballon that i'm blowing within me again.
things are not going the way i hope it will.. i felt like i've made the wrong decision. help me please. what am i suppose to do?
Sunday, March 4, 2007
did i make the right decision?
okays. first of all.. TOMORROW I'M OFF! hahas. damn tired. : hahas. lucky tomorrow off. but i can't sleep for the whole day also. need to go tanjong pagar to settle my permit thingy. : supposed to get it done on last week. but delayed it. =_= i'm lazy lahh. hahas. recently, i'm crazy over the song DON'T MATTER BY AKON. :) it's nice.
Konvict Konvict
Oh
Ohoohwooe
Oooh
Ooohhwooe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
nobody thought we'd last forever
I feel I'm hopin' and prayin'
things between us gon' get better
Men steady comin' after you
women steady comin' after me
Seem like everybody wanna go for self
and don't wanna respect boundaries
Tellin' you all those lies
just to get on your side
But I must admit there was a couple secrets
I held inside
But just know that I tried
to always apologize
And I'ma have you first always in my heart
to keep you satisfied
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Got every right to wanna leave
got every right to wanna go
got every right to hit the road
and never talk to me no more
you don't even have to call
even check for me at all
because the way I been actin' lately
has been off the wall
Especially toward you P
uttin' girls before you
and they watchin' everything
I been doin' just to hurt you
most of it just ain't you ain't true
and they won't show you
how much of a queen you are to me
and why I love you baby
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Oh oh oh oh oh
Cause I got you
cause I got you
Ooooh
cause I got you babe
cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
well, nice song. next time i put it as my blog song kkays? just change my song.. don't wanna change so soon. :) anyway, i made a decision which i don't know if it's right. i don't really wish to blog down what is it. however.. i don't wish to tell him yet. i'm afraid he'll lose trust in me. i don't wanna lose his trust just like that. i don't want. but i hope if i ever take upp my courage and tell him, he will understand my feelings. and i know he will. just that right now, i don't have the courage to tell him yet. i hope, i wish, i could do it soon.
i'm feeling guilty.. very guilty. i don't know what should i do now. actually to work is one way for me to not think so much. and i hope it helped me in a way or so. working is another good way of forgetting. i hope i forget soon. i know it's not gonna be easy. but i have to. if not, not only i will feel terrible.. another person will feel terrible too. and it's gonna be hard.
+ i hope after YOU read this entry, YOU know what i'm trying to do now. if YOU don't understand, there's nothing more i could do to make things better. i'd give upp. +
i'm feeling stress. yes i am. and i've been trying hard to release stress. i thought by working and not having spare time to do anything else, i'd feel better. i doubt i'm right. i seems to be adding stress to myself even more. i expect myself to do everything extremely well during work. but i have one problem with me now. - my lateness. i don't know why, working at hougang, i tend to be late more often. i'm trying to not be late always. now, with the baby at my house, i feel even more like not leaving my house for work. i hope i won't be like this no more. -hope-
everyday when i'm on my way to work.. walking to the mrt station.. i think a lot. and i feel stress. think until i feel like crying sometimes. i don't know what i should do. i feel very vexed. i feel helpless. i feel lost. all along, i just hope for a life which i won't feel so much stress. but my life don't seems to flow with me. my life is opposing me. everything is just not right. the only comfort i have now is to see the smile from the baby when i wake upp in the morning and reach home at night. to carry him and talk to him. that's when i feel that little of comfort. but how long can this last? the baby is going back next week. he can't be here forever. i will miss playing with him when he's gone. i can't go on like this.. i know.. but i don't seems to be able to find a win-win solution to solve my problems. what am i to do?? help me.. i just wanna be a girl who need not think so much and to be happy always.. my smiles are gone.. again... someone, bring back my smiles please.. this time, not bevan. not him anymore. i have been wondering.. should i see him again? even after he return to singapore. now i got my answer. after i return him his chain. i guess i'm not seeing him anymore. i'm not severing ties with him or not gonna be-friend him. we'll still be friends. but i think things will be better off that way. i can't always depend on him when he's around and depend on someone else when he's away. not anymore. i'm not gonna do that anymore. anyway, i need to get out of my sadness soon. real soon...... i hate the way i am now. i seriously hate it. the life i have now, is not the life i'm expecting. i don't want this life.
ohh yarh, schedule is out for next week. but i can only remember a few days. the rest i will update again.
monday- OFF
tuesday- 5pm-closing (ECP)
wednesday - 12pm - closing (HOUGANG)
thursday - 1pm - 10pm (HOUGANG)
friday - claim PH.
saturday -3pm to closing (HOUGANG)
sunday - either 1pm/3pm - closing (HOUGANG)
WOW! surprisingly, i remember the schedule. =_= not confirm for saturday and sunday though. still have time to check de lahh. well, i've been spending a lot of time at hougang. well, i understand that they're short of staffs. so i don't mind going to help. but i miss east coast. i wanna go back to east coast. and marcus is gonna be away to clear away his hours this thursday onwards. and i think it's gonna be busy then. much busier than usual i guess. though sales may not be good or something. but short of one staff, the rest are bound to be more busy. yarh..
well, finally i'm not working on a FRIDAY! CAN GO FOR TRAINING! :) ohh yarh.. i saw sky at hougang mall today. he's with his ' girl-friend '. just the two of them only OKAY! =D then chat with him a while. i was doing closing then. about ten plus? yupps. then he left without even saying bye! how NICE of him. >.< anyway, it has been such a long time since i skated. LONG TIME okay! half a month i guess. everytime i wanna skate then it'll rain. so sad. the weather is against me. -pissed- hope it's gonna be good on the coming friday.
hmm, tomorrow off, maybe i should visit the band. :) yupps. feel like skating lehh.. but the weather is so unpredictable. : so sad. never mind. tomorrow i need to get my things done too. and i wanna spend my whole day with the adorable baby! so maybe after i get my things done, i'll visit the band a while then go home and spend the rest of my day with baby. and friday's PH. i should be spending it with my girls. going to sing with them i think. :) yupps. have been missing them plenty. i love you my girls. MSSK. :) i wanna watch the crocodile movie! i forgot the title. but the advertisment is good. so maybe i should go and watch when i'm free. it's out on the 8th. :) yupps.
*yawns* okays. i'm feeling tired. wanna play maple for while then go and sleep lerx. nights all. bye. update soon. :)
Konvict Konvict
Oh
Ohoohwooe
Oooh
Ooohhwooe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
nobody thought we'd last forever
I feel I'm hopin' and prayin'
things between us gon' get better
Men steady comin' after you
women steady comin' after me
Seem like everybody wanna go for self
and don't wanna respect boundaries
Tellin' you all those lies
just to get on your side
But I must admit there was a couple secrets
I held inside
But just know that I tried
to always apologize
And I'ma have you first always in my heart
to keep you satisfied
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Got every right to wanna leave
got every right to wanna go
got every right to hit the road
and never talk to me no more
you don't even have to call
even check for me at all
because the way I been actin' lately
has been off the wall
Especially toward you P
uttin' girls before you
and they watchin' everything
I been doin' just to hurt you
most of it just ain't you ain't true
and they won't show you
how much of a queen you are to me
and why I love you baby
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Oh oh oh oh oh
Cause I got you
cause I got you
Ooooh
cause I got you babe
cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you babe
Cause we gon' fight
oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
we gon' fight
fight for our right to love yeah
Nobody wanna see us together
but it don't matter no
Cause I got you
well, nice song. next time i put it as my blog song kkays? just change my song.. don't wanna change so soon. :) anyway, i made a decision which i don't know if it's right. i don't really wish to blog down what is it. however.. i don't wish to tell him yet. i'm afraid he'll lose trust in me. i don't wanna lose his trust just like that. i don't want. but i hope if i ever take upp my courage and tell him, he will understand my feelings. and i know he will. just that right now, i don't have the courage to tell him yet. i hope, i wish, i could do it soon.
i'm feeling guilty.. very guilty. i don't know what should i do now. actually to work is one way for me to not think so much. and i hope it helped me in a way or so. working is another good way of forgetting. i hope i forget soon. i know it's not gonna be easy. but i have to. if not, not only i will feel terrible.. another person will feel terrible too. and it's gonna be hard.
+ i hope after YOU read this entry, YOU know what i'm trying to do now. if YOU don't understand, there's nothing more i could do to make things better. i'd give upp. +
i'm feeling stress. yes i am. and i've been trying hard to release stress. i thought by working and not having spare time to do anything else, i'd feel better. i doubt i'm right. i seems to be adding stress to myself even more. i expect myself to do everything extremely well during work. but i have one problem with me now. - my lateness. i don't know why, working at hougang, i tend to be late more often. i'm trying to not be late always. now, with the baby at my house, i feel even more like not leaving my house for work. i hope i won't be like this no more. -hope-
everyday when i'm on my way to work.. walking to the mrt station.. i think a lot. and i feel stress. think until i feel like crying sometimes. i don't know what i should do. i feel very vexed. i feel helpless. i feel lost. all along, i just hope for a life which i won't feel so much stress. but my life don't seems to flow with me. my life is opposing me. everything is just not right. the only comfort i have now is to see the smile from the baby when i wake upp in the morning and reach home at night. to carry him and talk to him. that's when i feel that little of comfort. but how long can this last? the baby is going back next week. he can't be here forever. i will miss playing with him when he's gone. i can't go on like this.. i know.. but i don't seems to be able to find a win-win solution to solve my problems. what am i to do?? help me.. i just wanna be a girl who need not think so much and to be happy always.. my smiles are gone.. again... someone, bring back my smiles please.. this time, not bevan. not him anymore. i have been wondering.. should i see him again? even after he return to singapore. now i got my answer. after i return him his chain. i guess i'm not seeing him anymore. i'm not severing ties with him or not gonna be-friend him. we'll still be friends. but i think things will be better off that way. i can't always depend on him when he's around and depend on someone else when he's away. not anymore. i'm not gonna do that anymore. anyway, i need to get out of my sadness soon. real soon...... i hate the way i am now. i seriously hate it. the life i have now, is not the life i'm expecting. i don't want this life.
ohh yarh, schedule is out for next week. but i can only remember a few days. the rest i will update again.
monday- OFF
tuesday- 5pm-closing (ECP)
wednesday - 12pm - closing (HOUGANG)
thursday - 1pm - 10pm (HOUGANG)
friday - claim PH.
saturday -3pm to closing (HOUGANG)
sunday - either 1pm/3pm - closing (HOUGANG)
WOW! surprisingly, i remember the schedule. =_= not confirm for saturday and sunday though. still have time to check de lahh. well, i've been spending a lot of time at hougang. well, i understand that they're short of staffs. so i don't mind going to help. but i miss east coast. i wanna go back to east coast. and marcus is gonna be away to clear away his hours this thursday onwards. and i think it's gonna be busy then. much busier than usual i guess. though sales may not be good or something. but short of one staff, the rest are bound to be more busy. yarh..
well, finally i'm not working on a FRIDAY! CAN GO FOR TRAINING! :) ohh yarh.. i saw sky at hougang mall today. he's with his ' girl-friend '. just the two of them only OKAY! =D then chat with him a while. i was doing closing then. about ten plus? yupps. then he left without even saying bye! how NICE of him. >.< anyway, it has been such a long time since i skated. LONG TIME okay! half a month i guess. everytime i wanna skate then it'll rain. so sad. the weather is against me. -pissed- hope it's gonna be good on the coming friday.
hmm, tomorrow off, maybe i should visit the band. :) yupps. feel like skating lehh.. but the weather is so unpredictable. : so sad. never mind. tomorrow i need to get my things done too. and i wanna spend my whole day with the adorable baby! so maybe after i get my things done, i'll visit the band a while then go home and spend the rest of my day with baby. and friday's PH. i should be spending it with my girls. going to sing with them i think. :) yupps. have been missing them plenty. i love you my girls. MSSK. :) i wanna watch the crocodile movie! i forgot the title. but the advertisment is good. so maybe i should go and watch when i'm free. it's out on the 8th. :) yupps.
*yawns* okays. i'm feeling tired. wanna play maple for while then go and sleep lerx. nights all. bye. update soon. :)
Saturday, March 3, 2007
it has been really a long time.......
hellos all.. it really has been a LONG time since i last updated. almost a month. =_= hahas. yupps.
well.. a lot to say.. no time to write. has been working and working. like working 24 hours like tha. :) well.. ever since the first day of chinese new year, i have been working.. until sat? my off day.. and monday off day too. :) finally break. tired... but i enjoy this life now, no need to think so much.. just do my part when i'm working. i don't wanna think so much also. keep my mind off all loads. just wanna be some kind of free-from-thinking girl.. :) yupps.
bevan was back on the 16th's night. and he left on 18th's night. didn't get to see him.. it's okay.. doesn't matter i guess.. and even if we meet upp, i guess all i'm gonna do is just to return him the chain i took from him last time. the chain meant a lot to me once. but now that he insist he wants it back. it's time to let go. and he made it clear before we're gonna just be friends now. what morecould i do? keep brooding over him and make myself sad? he doesn't want me to be sad either.. i know. so i'm not gonna be sad. i may be troubled. but not gonna be sad. i may be stressed upp.. but not gonna be sad.. bevan, for you i stay strong. but remember, on the day you ask us to be friends.. we can only be friends. i know you're understanding.. i know you'll understand why i say this now. you want me to move on and not miss you always.. i'm doing it now. be glad and please, be proud of me kkays? :) really thank you for whatever you've done for me when we're together. i know you're true to me and i never doubt that. the time is short.. but you should know very well where you stand in me during that time. you were once special in my heart.. memories of you is sweet and lovely.. maybe it was just a beginning, that's why things is always smooth. but that's enough.. being part of my memories means you meant something. :) thank you for putting upp with me when i'm grumpy. thank you for spending time with me when i'm feeling lonely.. thank you for staying upp late to wait for me even though you're tired.. thank you for bringing me out to places i wanna go.. thank you for spending your sleeping hours chatting with me. thanks for everything, i mean, EVERYTHING. thank you. thanks for letting me feel that i'm really wanted and loved. thanks for everything. you're a great guy and i believe your dream will come true. :) remember the goal you want to achieve and you told me before? i believe you can achieve it. GOOD LUCK AND ALL THE BEST. BEE! buzz off kkays? hahas. take care boy. this may be the last dedication for you in my blog.. cause you're my memories. as usual, buzz buzz. =D i love to see that from your reply always. :) YOU'LL BE MISSED. i mean emotionally, not the other meaning you always thought it was okays!! :) take care boy!! *loves. =D
okays. done with this little dediction. now it's clear that me and bevan is gonna be just FRIENDS. so people, get this into your head. but i hope, no matter what i've decided next time on what i'm gonna do.. everybody will just give me their support and not to tell me ' i'm against it '. it hurts me more than changing my opinion. i hope bevan will do the same too. no matter what i do, he will still support me like the way he used to be. yupps. then only i will feel happier. i don't hope people to tell me ' i'm very disappointed with you. and it's not only me, but ALL your friends. ' please, i'm a human with deep feelings. and i'm a girl who can be easily affected by words.. especially from my friends. a true friend will NEVER say such hurtful sentence. no matter how unhappy you are with my decision. a true friend stand by you and help you with your decisions. not to reprimand you when you're feeling lost. YOU may be NICE to me ONCE. BUT what YOU said left a DEEP CUT in my HEART. and even until now when i think of it, it still HURTS A LOT. yes it hurts. and you NEVER know how much hurt you've given me. i THOUGHT you are my close friend BUT i'm TOTALLY WRONG. i was SO WRONG.
and i'm here to make it clear.. to everyone.. IF YOU THINK I MUST BE THE ONE TO SAY SORRY AND BE LIKE A FUCKING LOSER THEN I TELL YOU ' NO I'M NOT GONNA SAY SORRY. EVEN IF I'M SAYING, IT'S NEVER GONNA BE YOU ALL. I DONE NO WRONG TO YOU ALL. IF YOU ALL IS GONNA CONTINUE IGNORING ME, THEN FUCKING GO AHEAD.. I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A DAMN ABOUT FUCKING PEOPLE LIKE YOU. I DON'T OWE YOU A LIVING. I DON'T OWE YOU APOLOGY. I OWE YOU BASICALLY NOTHING. SO IF YOU THINK I'M OWING YOU. THEN GOODBYE CAUSE THERE'S ONLY TWO PERSON IN MY HEART I THINK I OWE SORRY TO. '
i think i'm losing control with my emotions. -cool down- okays. i have no mood to write lerx.. bye.
well.. a lot to say.. no time to write. has been working and working. like working 24 hours like tha. :) well.. ever since the first day of chinese new year, i have been working.. until sat? my off day.. and monday off day too. :) finally break. tired... but i enjoy this life now, no need to think so much.. just do my part when i'm working. i don't wanna think so much also. keep my mind off all loads. just wanna be some kind of free-from-thinking girl.. :) yupps.
bevan was back on the 16th's night. and he left on 18th's night. didn't get to see him.. it's okay.. doesn't matter i guess.. and even if we meet upp, i guess all i'm gonna do is just to return him the chain i took from him last time. the chain meant a lot to me once. but now that he insist he wants it back. it's time to let go. and he made it clear before we're gonna just be friends now. what morecould i do? keep brooding over him and make myself sad? he doesn't want me to be sad either.. i know. so i'm not gonna be sad. i may be troubled. but not gonna be sad. i may be stressed upp.. but not gonna be sad.. bevan, for you i stay strong. but remember, on the day you ask us to be friends.. we can only be friends. i know you're understanding.. i know you'll understand why i say this now. you want me to move on and not miss you always.. i'm doing it now. be glad and please, be proud of me kkays? :) really thank you for whatever you've done for me when we're together. i know you're true to me and i never doubt that. the time is short.. but you should know very well where you stand in me during that time. you were once special in my heart.. memories of you is sweet and lovely.. maybe it was just a beginning, that's why things is always smooth. but that's enough.. being part of my memories means you meant something. :) thank you for putting upp with me when i'm grumpy. thank you for spending time with me when i'm feeling lonely.. thank you for staying upp late to wait for me even though you're tired.. thank you for bringing me out to places i wanna go.. thank you for spending your sleeping hours chatting with me. thanks for everything, i mean, EVERYTHING. thank you. thanks for letting me feel that i'm really wanted and loved. thanks for everything. you're a great guy and i believe your dream will come true. :) remember the goal you want to achieve and you told me before? i believe you can achieve it. GOOD LUCK AND ALL THE BEST. BEE! buzz off kkays? hahas. take care boy. this may be the last dedication for you in my blog.. cause you're my memories. as usual, buzz buzz. =D i love to see that from your reply always. :) YOU'LL BE MISSED. i mean emotionally, not the other meaning you always thought it was okays!! :) take care boy!! *loves. =D
okays. done with this little dediction. now it's clear that me and bevan is gonna be just FRIENDS. so people, get this into your head. but i hope, no matter what i've decided next time on what i'm gonna do.. everybody will just give me their support and not to tell me ' i'm against it '. it hurts me more than changing my opinion. i hope bevan will do the same too. no matter what i do, he will still support me like the way he used to be. yupps. then only i will feel happier. i don't hope people to tell me ' i'm very disappointed with you. and it's not only me, but ALL your friends. ' please, i'm a human with deep feelings. and i'm a girl who can be easily affected by words.. especially from my friends. a true friend will NEVER say such hurtful sentence. no matter how unhappy you are with my decision. a true friend stand by you and help you with your decisions. not to reprimand you when you're feeling lost. YOU may be NICE to me ONCE. BUT what YOU said left a DEEP CUT in my HEART. and even until now when i think of it, it still HURTS A LOT. yes it hurts. and you NEVER know how much hurt you've given me. i THOUGHT you are my close friend BUT i'm TOTALLY WRONG. i was SO WRONG.
and i'm here to make it clear.. to everyone.. IF YOU THINK I MUST BE THE ONE TO SAY SORRY AND BE LIKE A FUCKING LOSER THEN I TELL YOU ' NO I'M NOT GONNA SAY SORRY. EVEN IF I'M SAYING, IT'S NEVER GONNA BE YOU ALL. I DONE NO WRONG TO YOU ALL. IF YOU ALL IS GONNA CONTINUE IGNORING ME, THEN FUCKING GO AHEAD.. I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A DAMN ABOUT FUCKING PEOPLE LIKE YOU. I DON'T OWE YOU A LIVING. I DON'T OWE YOU APOLOGY. I OWE YOU BASICALLY NOTHING. SO IF YOU THINK I'M OWING YOU. THEN GOODBYE CAUSE THERE'S ONLY TWO PERSON IN MY HEART I THINK I OWE SORRY TO. '
i think i'm losing control with my emotions. -cool down- okays. i have no mood to write lerx.. bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)