i ain't happy. i ain't happy at all. now, one thing i must say here before i could say out what has happened.. i patched with zac. and i told bevan yesterday. i didn't tell him directly through talking, not even on msn. i have no courage to tell him at all. because i mind a lot about how he think of me. i care a lot.
his reply yesterday was telling me that he lost trust and hope in me. and that i'm a disappointment inhis eyes. i was upset. very upset with what he told me. if only he has ask me to wait for him, then things wouldn't be like now. but he didn't. i understand that he has his reason for not asking me to wait. but if he had asked me to wait.. it would have been another story. i've waited for some time, for him to ask me to wait. but he didn't. yet he told me that he doesn't want me to miss him always. i'm going crazy.. after reading his reply.. i'm seriously going nuts. this is not what i wanted.. this is not. i don't want this. i seriously don't want this. but... the one i feared most happened now, right now. what am i to do? i feel lost.. i miss bevan.. his memories keep flashing back.. i feel hurt..
i know i'm like being unfaithful now, somehow. i'm with zac now and i'm missing bevan also. but zac is giving me a hard time now.. keep throwing me questions that has to do with bevan.. i hate it whenever he does that..things always turn out nasty whenever he ask me about bevan. i don't wanna talk so much about bevan in front of him.. but he don't seems to get it. i don't know when i will burst the ballon that i'm blowing within me again.
things are not going the way i hope it will.. i felt like i've made the wrong decision. help me please. what am i suppose to do?
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