hellos all.. it really has been a LONG time since i last updated. almost a month. =_= hahas. yupps.
well.. a lot to say.. no time to write. has been working and working. like working 24 hours like tha. :) well.. ever since the first day of chinese new year, i have been working.. until sat? my off day.. and monday off day too. :) finally break. tired... but i enjoy this life now, no need to think so much.. just do my part when i'm working. i don't wanna think so much also. keep my mind off all loads. just wanna be some kind of free-from-thinking girl.. :) yupps.
bevan was back on the 16th's night. and he left on 18th's night. didn't get to see him.. it's okay.. doesn't matter i guess.. and even if we meet upp, i guess all i'm gonna do is just to return him the chain i took from him last time. the chain meant a lot to me once. but now that he insist he wants it back. it's time to let go. and he made it clear before we're gonna just be friends now. what morecould i do? keep brooding over him and make myself sad? he doesn't want me to be sad either.. i know. so i'm not gonna be sad. i may be troubled. but not gonna be sad. i may be stressed upp.. but not gonna be sad.. bevan, for you i stay strong. but remember, on the day you ask us to be friends.. we can only be friends. i know you're understanding.. i know you'll understand why i say this now. you want me to move on and not miss you always.. i'm doing it now. be glad and please, be proud of me kkays? :) really thank you for whatever you've done for me when we're together. i know you're true to me and i never doubt that. the time is short.. but you should know very well where you stand in me during that time. you were once special in my heart.. memories of you is sweet and lovely.. maybe it was just a beginning, that's why things is always smooth. but that's enough.. being part of my memories means you meant something. :) thank you for putting upp with me when i'm grumpy. thank you for spending time with me when i'm feeling lonely.. thank you for staying upp late to wait for me even though you're tired.. thank you for bringing me out to places i wanna go.. thank you for spending your sleeping hours chatting with me. thanks for everything, i mean, EVERYTHING. thank you. thanks for letting me feel that i'm really wanted and loved. thanks for everything. you're a great guy and i believe your dream will come true. :) remember the goal you want to achieve and you told me before? i believe you can achieve it. GOOD LUCK AND ALL THE BEST. BEE! buzz off kkays? hahas. take care boy. this may be the last dedication for you in my blog.. cause you're my memories. as usual, buzz buzz. =D i love to see that from your reply always. :) YOU'LL BE MISSED. i mean emotionally, not the other meaning you always thought it was okays!! :) take care boy!! *loves. =D
okays. done with this little dediction. now it's clear that me and bevan is gonna be just FRIENDS. so people, get this into your head. but i hope, no matter what i've decided next time on what i'm gonna do.. everybody will just give me their support and not to tell me ' i'm against it '. it hurts me more than changing my opinion. i hope bevan will do the same too. no matter what i do, he will still support me like the way he used to be. yupps. then only i will feel happier. i don't hope people to tell me ' i'm very disappointed with you. and it's not only me, but ALL your friends. ' please, i'm a human with deep feelings. and i'm a girl who can be easily affected by words.. especially from my friends. a true friend will NEVER say such hurtful sentence. no matter how unhappy you are with my decision. a true friend stand by you and help you with your decisions. not to reprimand you when you're feeling lost. YOU may be NICE to me ONCE. BUT what YOU said left a DEEP CUT in my HEART. and even until now when i think of it, it still HURTS A LOT. yes it hurts. and you NEVER know how much hurt you've given me. i THOUGHT you are my close friend BUT i'm TOTALLY WRONG. i was SO WRONG.
and i'm here to make it clear.. to everyone.. IF YOU THINK I MUST BE THE ONE TO SAY SORRY AND BE LIKE A FUCKING LOSER THEN I TELL YOU ' NO I'M NOT GONNA SAY SORRY. EVEN IF I'M SAYING, IT'S NEVER GONNA BE YOU ALL. I DONE NO WRONG TO YOU ALL. IF YOU ALL IS GONNA CONTINUE IGNORING ME, THEN FUCKING GO AHEAD.. I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A DAMN ABOUT FUCKING PEOPLE LIKE YOU. I DON'T OWE YOU A LIVING. I DON'T OWE YOU APOLOGY. I OWE YOU BASICALLY NOTHING. SO IF YOU THINK I'M OWING YOU. THEN GOODBYE CAUSE THERE'S ONLY TWO PERSON IN MY HEART I THINK I OWE SORRY TO. '
i think i'm losing control with my emotions. -cool down- okays. i have no mood to write lerx.. bye.
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