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Hi. i'm back. today's outing is cancelled. Because they say, they couldn't make it and therefore, it is cancelled.

Luckily, I still haven't got out of my house. If not i'm really going to get pissed and blast at jun Rong on the phone!! Haix. Feeling tired actually. I couldn't sleep until early this morning. Around 7.30am. don't know whyy. Maybe because of dada bahh. Haix. Today dada is going to Edmond's house to stay until Friday, or maybe Thursday night. For whatever reason it may be bahh. Just hope that he's well and I know with Edmond around, nothing bad will happen to him.

Got to know from dada yesterday that ms shek called him and told him that he's being rejected for going back to school and reason being was that he didn't do well for his N level last year. Like whatt bullshit lohh! Whatt nonsense!!! Bedok south is bullshit with that fat ass penguin as the principal lohh! she's a principal who breaks promise and never gain the student's trust like Mr Tay used to. In fact, nobody would want her to be our principal, if we have a choice! She can never communicate as well as Mr Tay with us. Mr Tay is just a few billions better than she is! she's just a fucking useless penguin!!! Arghh! Really very pissed off with whatever nonsense she has lahh. Like all craps lohh! she's only good at ruining people's future lahh! that's the best she could do out of nothing mann! Now Edmond say he would want to help dada, i'm more relieved lahh. With Edmond around, I doubt he couldn't do whatt he wants to.

Kayys, let's drop this. Haix. Miss dada. Will be spending my Christmas eve with him. it's our 41 months anniversary too! Hahas. Hmm, okiee lahh, lazy to blog lerx. Hope I update soon. Hehees. :)

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Now is almost 5.30am. I'm feeling unhappy. that's whyy this entry is here.

Argued with dada just now. Over little stuffs. Haix. I want him to sleep earlier because Edmond wants him to wake upp at nine in the morning. But he refuses. Therefore, I threaten him. By saying that i'll go out with someone whom he doesn't like. And it works! But he ask miee whyy I want to go out with that person and I told him that it was suppose to be a threat to make him go to bed. My intention was to make him sleep earlier so that he won't get scolding from Edmond. But ended upp he got angry. I apologized and everything was okiee after that. Until he suddenly mention the threat again and he got himself angry over it. He then pushes the blame to miee and says I was the one that started it. I mean, whatt cann I say? He said it that way and whatt cann I do? So I kept quiet. He then scolds miee for keeping quiet. Like, I talk also cannot, don't talk also cannot. Whatt does he want miee to do? Then I wanted to hang upp but he doesn't want. So I continued to keep quiet and he demand miee to say something nice to him. But I told him I can't because I don't like to talk when i'm unhappy. Then he keep asking miee to try but the problem is, I CAN'T!!!!! Like, whatt cann I do? Then I got frustrated and insist that I want to hang upp but he doesn't want to! And that really irritates miee!!! At last we finally hang upp because his battery is running low. Now i'm here blogging to make myself feel better. Hopefully after blogging, i'll feel much better and I could fall asleep cause there's a banditx outing today! Hope that he can sleep earlier so that he won't get scolding from Edmond for being tired today. Haix. Whyy can't he understand this? I don't want him to be scolded.

Everything was fine yesterday. We went to bugis, I bought the Christmas presents, and we went to have dinner at Breko cafe before going home. Whyy must unhappiness came in at the end of the day? Haix. Like so sad lohh! Sobs. Kayys lahh, feel better now. will blog again. Tatax. Take care.

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Hellos. I'm back. Well, I haven't been happy for the past week or more. Like, because of some NCOs. Feeling upset and disappointed with them. I should have listened to dada. don't always hang out with people whom I don't really understand. They can be friends for entertainment but not friends for truth. Dada, sorry. I made myself sad and throw my tantrum on youu. Moreover, it's because of people whom i'm not really close to. So sorry.

First of all. I would want to tell, whichever NCO reads my blog. Listen upp!! I suppose they knew whom I am referring to. I don't care who pass those comments but I only heard about the two of youu and they are the worse thing youu ever did as a leader! I can never imagine leaders as HYPOCRITES!! Talking behind people's back and scolding them like some gossipers. I thought leaders ought to be straightforward? I thought leaders ought to talk things out face to face? But whyy did it turn out the other way? So disappointed. Ohhh my! I mean, lucky my character is not like that. Or else, my whole band would be like that. Well, cann I ask something? When someone who is not a little related to youu but because of your friends, he supplies youu with 200 cutleries free, would youu want to in any way thank this person back? Unless your face is so thick lahh. Take people's stuffs free and don't even know whatt courtesy is lahh. Too bad, that's youu, not miee! I know i'm suppose to be grateful to people who offered help when yourr're in need. Imagine how much his parent could have earn if he don't supply us with the cutleries. it's not whatt youu cann imagine. Although he's a rich guy, but that doesn't give youu the right to take him for granted. Leader must be able to understand this, do youu have this understanding? NO YOUU DON'T. Youu think things come when it is suppose to come? Take out your money and buy the cutleries, calculate how much youu actually need to spend on them!! Talk to miee about money. Although I could have been less calculative towards money with youu guys, but yiang shan wrote it in her blog until it is really overboard! So does Justin! $29.90 is not money is it? Take out your own money and buy the stuffs! I bought the stuffs and yet I didn't really touch them, is it fair? My ADM, Kelvin provide us with all the 200 cutleries, it could have cost more than 20 bucks, youu pay for them is it? And listen upp, I asked youu if he could go for the BBQ!!!!!! And youu said yeshh!!!!! that's whyy he's there! Kris help to carry the stuffs and youu guys invited her to the BBQ too!! Though both of them went, they didn't eat much. Or rather should I say they only drink! They eat only the sausage. My boyfriend went but he didn't even eat a single thing until someone brought upp the extra foods and said no one is eating anymore and ask us to finish the food. Watch your mouth when youu talk please! don't complain youu didn't eat much. Youu're one of those who sit downstairs with the rest to BBQ the extra foods. Is youu yourself didn't want to eat, it's no one's fault. i've already help to clean the whole house the night before so that the next day youu guys won't have to clean it again. I've done whatt I think I cann do! Youu think cleaning the whole house is so easy? Do it yourself then! The house is so damn bloody big and it took miee almost an hour plus to finally clean it properly. And by then whatt are youu guys doing? Eating outside at the BBQ pit! Whatt did I say? I said nothing. Neither did I grumble. About the two couples sharing one room, listen! I asked them if they would want to share the same room as us but none wants to! If youu don't know whatt is going on, just keep your mouth shut! I could have been more vulgar here but I refrain myself from using nasty words towards youu guys, just because of 30th NCO! If not youu think, I wouldn't be using words like 'bitch', 'bastard', 'fuck', 'knn'? I admit I am a vulgar person, i'm not a person whose mouth is full of sweet talks and only know how to carry favour others. I cann be nice to youu and of course, I can be nasty towards youu. I am a straightforward person, I never like backstabber. So once I published this entry, I will refrain myself from mixing with people whom I treat as HYPOCRITES! And Justin, youu jolly well listen upp, MY BOYFRIEND HAS NEVER IN ANY WAY THREATEN YOUU! Youu gave us bad attitude in the first place. He talks to youu nicely and yet youu gave him bad attitude! Isn't this whatt we call the 'er ren xian gao zhuang'? Well, youu won't have good ending if youu carry on like this. Lie through your life. Sue him? Well, go ahead. there're so many people there and they heard the way youu spoke to him! Come on mann, how much do youu understand laws? Youu think youu're going to be lawyer? Or youu're studying law now? Think back lahh, youu gave us bad attitude and after that youu just left like that okiee? We didn't say anything after that! Mind youu words! Lastly, yiang shan, if youu think that youu won't want to invite miee to the chalet next time. Well, I tell youu, I don't give a damn. Go there have to pay extra money, do extra work and enjoy little, who would want to go? Then, have fun with your group of close friends bahh. Youu have your close friends, so do i! don't be sorry after scolding miee and ask miee to forget the unhappiness and continue the 30th NCO spirit. it's useless. When a vase is broken, no matter how youu try to fix it, there will still be scar. Remember this, whatt is done cannot be undone. Mind your language next time. It might not take miee a short period of time to fully forget whatt youu have done to hurt my feelings. It would take even a longer period of time for miee to accept youu once more. If youu would want to blame anyone for this ending, blame yourself. Same for Justin and those gossipers. I might not know who the gossipers are but once I find out, most likely the ending of yours would be the same. i'm not someone who forgive and forget for no reasons! Like yiang shan said, i'm just damn bloody pissed! that's whyy this entry is here!!!!!

Finally, i've said out something that has been in my heart for a long time. Finally, I feel better. Dada, I finally feel happier lerx. No more troubles lerx. Hahas. :) okiee, i'll blog again! :)

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Hellos. Suddenly feel like blogging lohh. Now is almost 2am. Hahas. Yupps. So long since I last blogged. Well, many things happened of course. Hehees.

I went back to Malaysia, to perm my hair. Also to dye and highlight. Well, the colour wasn't very bright but was okiee to miee. Hahas. And the digital perm I did was fantastic. Err, I wasn't used to it the first two days but after that was okiee. it's nice lohh. don't play play arhh. Hahas. Was back to Singapore last Friday. Then immediately went to ECP after reaching home. Kind of miss ECP. Hahas. Then gave dear a surprise! Hehees. He was so shock to see miee there. :P i'm a naughty girl sometimes. Hahas. Then skate a while, go home. Cause my dear tired after working mah, must understand. So went home by cabbie. Those who saw miee that was like, ''whatt happened to your hair??'' hahas. Like so cute arhh? Almost all said the same sentence. :)

Saturday went to ECP too. A nice day to skate wor. Hahas. Windy and cooling. Dear came to find miee then left to meet Edmond for dinner after that. Then I skate alone until around 12plus dear came to join miee again. Yupps. Then we skate at rink until 1 plus then go home. Yupps. Then like that lohh. Hahas.

Kayys lahh, tired lerx. Blog again bahh.

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Hellos. Back today. :) had been enjoying my days with Kris darling. Hahas. Sorry didn't update for so long. Lazy arhh. Hehees. :) had a mirthful week bahh. Hehees.

Hmm, Wednesday (23 November), went to watch ''Harry Potter'' with chuti, yuzhen, qianhui, jasmine, Jeffery, jun feng, jun qiang. The movie was so nice!! I don't mind watching it again! Hehees. I mean, to miee lahh, I find that it's better than the previous two. Kekeke. Jasmine thought so too. Hahas. Haix, the outing wasn't as happy as I thought it could be. Like, something saddening happened. Haix. Don't want to mention lahh, not appropriate. :(

Well, Thursday (24 November), went to skate with Kris. Hehees. she's so weak! Skate for two hours and she grumbles that her leg is tired! God! Darling, youu must go skating more often with miee lohh. Dumb girl! Hahas. She fell three times in total. It wasn't bad fall lohh and she's like,??? Diaoz. Dumb dumb! People fall is like 'pa' then sat on the floor with a painful butt, but she is slow motion fall lohh. Dots. -_-'' stupid girl! Hahas. Then we skate to fort road, err, haven't reach there lahh, half way only. Then go back lerx. Hahas. Then went to coffee and rest. After that went to rent bicycle with Kris. Then we went to Bedok jetty. Hahas. Then err, back to bicycle shop by 7+ then go to Mac. Kris ate and I drink. While she was eating, I went rink, saw patience and Aunty Anne and that bastard Alan. Hahas. Stare at miee like never see miee before. Then looks like a damn idiot! Ohh god, take his life away lahh, he's such a nuisance to the earth! Go to hell lahh. (Oopps, i'm not holy. Hahas) then went to run fort road with patience. Hahas. So long didn't run lerx. Hehees. Had so much fun. Then after that, we went to PP, and then went to shop around after I had my dinner. Hehees. Then go home lerx. Hahas. :) Great day mann!

Ehh, Friday, which is yesterday, (25 November), met Kris 1pm but I was late. Sorry darling. Went to church! At katong, the Odeon Katong. Church name was cornerstone, Generation. Hahas. Had fun lahh. Hahas. Celebration of the church's fifth year. Hahas. Then got to know Kris's friends, Joel and Donavan (or is it Donaven?). Then at church knew Donavan's little brother, err, don't know how to spell his name. Hehees. Then err, know Justin, then the fatty and stinko etc. Hahas. Well, don't really know them lahh. Hmm, when Joel asked miee if I would want to join the church, I was interested lahh. However, don't know whether to join or not. Cause my mommy and dear was against miee joining Christianity lahh. Haix. Well, i'll talk to them about it again lahh. I was very enthralled by the whole thing lahh. Hahas. (Well, I just spoke to my grandma about it, but she was against it. Haix. So sad.) Haix, really feel so, like, err, sad? Arghh!!! Don't know lahh, will discuss it with dear lahh, if he doesn't allow then i'll drop the idea bahh. Haix. Then went to take dinner at Mos Burger, PP. then go home. Haix, just now sms Edmond. He says their flight will land around midnight, ask miee don't bother to fetch them from the airport and say that dear misses miee much. Hahas. Like so sad arhh? Dear come back than i'll go back to Malaysia on the 2 December or 3 December.

And lastly, today, the 26 November. Went out with Jaryl, darling, susu and yiang shan. To buy the BBQ stuffs for chalet. Hahas. Yupps. Today dear coming back. So happy. Finally he's back. Miss him dearly mann. Kekeke. :) then darling came to my place to put the stuffs then we went out again. Look for my dad's birthday present as well as for Jaryl. Then go home lerx. Haix. Like miss dear very much. Hope he landed early today. :)

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Heyy! I'm back lerx. Yupps. Finally, Os ended. It's time for miee to enjoy myself to the fullest! Studied for so long, time for miee to enjoy lerx. Hahas. Hehees. Have been for today! :)

Haix, though happy cause exam ended, but sad cause i'm leaving BDS. i've been in BDS for four long years and now it's time to say goodbye, say not sad is actually a lie. My feelings for BDS, has grown to be much more than I thought it was as years past. I realize I can't bear to part with BDS, the teachers and the friends whom I know for the four years in BDS. Time pass very fast when we are really enjoying ourselves. Haix. I mean, whatt can I do in order to stop the clock from tickling? There's simply nothing I could do. :) Today, I found out that actually, BDS was such a nice place to be, except for the rules to be followed. Hehees. Sometimes, people will only get to realize the importance of certain things when they are parting or when they actually lose them once. Well, i've never lose BDS cause it doesn't belongs to miee, but i'm parting it. Of course, many others would feel the same at this point of time. Before we left this hectic place, we would want to get out of it as soon as possible. However, when the day come we have to separate with it, many just can't bear to leave. People out there, BDSians, ask yourself, aren’t this whatt youu feel? If youu aren't feeling this way, then I can understand that maybe there are too many unhappy things happened throughout this four years that makes youu really detest this 'second home'. :)

There are just too many things that makes miee can't bear to leave BDS. First of all, the band, which i've been with for four years. The second family of mine in BDS. Band, I love youu! Since I was secondary two, Mr. Jais wants miee to take over the band as an unofficial drum major. I was just a welfare leader then. I wasn't willing to take the post as this post has arisen unhappy things to happen thereafter. Since I was secondary one, I just wish to be a normal member who doesn't hold any post and play my instrument well but never did I expect Mr. Jais to think so highly of miee. Many a times, I wanted to give upp but he has always been there to talk miee out and encourage miee never to give upp and must do my best to bring the band upp. Therefore, with the support of many others and Mr. Jais, I started to work for the band, appeal for many things that has yet to happen for the past years. Finally, I was the official drum major of the band last year. Actually, I don't feel surprise when I was announced the drum major. Should I say by then, I was feeling tired and is hoping for someone else to take over my job. Well, I have no right to say anything about selecting the leaders. Hahas. Definitely, I never want my members to always think that i'm abusing my rank. Therefore, I try my best to blend in with them, listen to their suggestions and to meet their needs in band. Hmm, maybe to some others, I was selected as leader is because of Mr. Jais but I can tell youu people, I never ever ask Mr. Jais to give miee the rank. Neither do I curry favour the teachers-in-charge. I never like hypocrites. Some of those who are closer to miee should know that I once beg the teacher to strip miee off the CCA leader but she doesn't allow. Well, it's now the past. Hahas. Four years, i've attend the SYF twice. Both are bronze, of course, I feel sad and disappointed when the result was released. Hmm, I thought something better would be achieved the second round but it didn't. Hahas. I mean, I can't say much about this as it is over lerx. :) Anyway, band, I would still be visiting youu people next year, must continue to work hard. Jia you! :D

Secondly, my friends. For the four years, there are just too many misunderstandings and hurt was created. First year, i've my beloved sisters, S-Sarah, M-Mabel, A-Amelia, L-Jazren and L-CheeSim and we formed S.M.A.L.L + Mae- Kamae. I love all of them. For they are my very first few friends and they meant a lot to miee at that point of time. They are more than just friends are. Even until now, I still love them like before. :) Then second year, I got to know Nicole, viki and shina. They were my closest friends for the second year. I mean of course I still keep in contact with my S.M.A.L.L + Mae. However, some misunderstanding occurs and we weren't as close as ever. It was very upsetting I mean, but sometimes friendship could be stronger this way. Hahas. It didn't turn out to be whatt I mean. Well, that's life. Nevertheless, we got back together again the third year and things gets better since then. Followed by qianhui, yuzhen, chuti and Ifah. Not forgetting Trevor, Faris, Jimmy and Kelvin. In addition, some others whom I didn't mention but I know they've got into my life. They got into my life and we became best friends then. I lost Ifah due to some problems and I know it is almost impossible to get back this friendship, as I was hurt. I no longer hate her but I just don't have the courage to accept her. Until fourth year, miee, qianhui, yuzhen and chuti seems to be leading 'on-off' friendship. We are close sometimes and we are not sometimes. This is the part where it saddens miee a lot. I treasure all of them but I don't know whyy somehow, our friendship lacks of something. Well, obviously I hope that things would get better and we would then be back to the past again. :) Haix, hopefully I could get whatt I want. :) Friends are gifts from god. I agree totally to this. Friends, I love youu all!

Lastly, the last reason for miee not wanting to leave this school is the teachers. I specially want to thank Mr. Roskhaider, Ms Abraham, ms shek, Mdm Tan BB and Mrs Djie. They've help miee along the way and never fail to encourage miee to do better than before. I know I let some of them down. Sorry teachers, i'm really sorry.

Well, these are the main reasons whyy I can't bear to leave BDS. Haix. So many things, so many people. i'm really going to miss them all. I bet i'll be thinking of all the past when I leave BDS bahh. Kekeke.

Hmm, I think I had enough for today lerx. Going to stop here now. will update soon. Hahas. Take care to all. Hehees.
*can't wait for my NCO chalet!!! 28-30November!!!*

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Hellos. Back lerx. However, I said the next entry would be on the 22 November. But I'm back here today. It has been a month since I last blog. Hmm, many things happened. Happy and sad, both have.

Dear just went to Hong Kong this morning with Edmond, daisy and one of their friends whom I don't know whatt his name was. I didn't have the chance to say bye to him cause I fall asleep while waiting for him to reply my message. Hahaz. Start to miss him lerx. Arghh! I feel like crying! Well, honestly speaking, I am somewhat happy when he is away. Hahaz. Err, I don't mean I doesn't want him back. I want, but sometimes his presence stress miee upp cause he got jealous over my friends. Hehees. I need him but don't want to be stress upp by him cause of friends. I don't think it's worth it bahh. Kekeke. he'll be back next week. Haix. Such a long week mann. Missing him can be so de terrible worx. Hehees. Haix. Hope he take good care of himself there cause he just got himself injured while skating on Thursday. Missing him so much. Haix. Dear, please be home safe and sound. I'll be waiting for youu. :)

Went out with Kris darling yesterday. Went to catch a movie at cenileisure. ''The Exorcism of Emily Rose''. Hehees. To miee, it was scary! However, Kris like, nothing happen like that. Hmpff. Then met Karen etc in the cinema while leaving. Hahaz. So coincident. Went shopping with darling, bought much stuff! Darling bought miee much stuff when she went to Hong Kong last week. Hehees. So sweet yeah?

Hahaz. Like got not much to say lehx. Update again bahh. Take care peoples.

To qianhui, girl, don't know whyy, we seems to get further apart again. I hope we will get back closer like before. I know I haven't been spending much tie with youu, but it doesn't mean I want to leave. Hope youu understand.

To zhen, darling, finally see youu happier after that bastard thing. Hope youu and him will last til the end. Jia you! True love doesn't come by easily.

To chuti, laogong, youu seems to be very stressed upp during this Os period, exam ending soon, must tell yourself to relax after that alright? Hope youu and your dear will last too. All the best.

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Today back again. Haiz. I suppose this might be my last blog entry until my O levels end on the 22 Nov bax. Maybe I will drop by to tag at my board but not making an entry bax. Haiz.

don't know watt to write here. Find that i'm getting lesser and lesser things to blog in lerx lolz. Haiz. Watt should I do now? I feel so irk. By studies and that stupid dear of mine. Ohhh goshh, this period of time, I shouldn't be thinking of him. Yeshh, he should be out of my mine until exams finish. i'm meeting Kris darling next Saturday. Her birthday is coming, need to spend some time with her. Bringing her to a dinner. Hahaz. Oops. I think if she gets to read this, she will be like, diaoz. Hahaz. =) darling, think of watt youu want to eat alright? I bring youu there. Or youu let miee decide? I bring youu to somewhere romantic. Heheez. =) kekeke. Darling, I miss youu so much!

Hmm, talking about her. It has been some time since we last meet upp right? Ohhh, was it the St Pat's concert? Can't remember, roughly there I think. Hahaz. I was suppose to meet her on Tuesday after lessons to jurong to repair her brother's Zen Micro but in the end she say let miee rest cause I just had my prelims. However, the truth was I stayed back in school to study until quite late that day. Heheez. Haiz. Somehow, I miss the days going to ECP lehx. Feel like skating, but I can't. Haiz~ talk about skating after O levels bax. Ohhh yaa, talk about skating, I think I buying lightning. Hahaz. Will be going down to rollerline to look at it after Os. Heheez. Stella told miee lightning 3 cost $279. Then if I buying Kelvin will give miee some more discount. Hahaz. Diaoz. After O levels, I am really going to enjoy myself to the core lolz.

Hahaz. Meeting Jaryl on next Saturday to pass him the NCO chalet money. Heheez. $15. The dates also change to 28-30 November. Jaryl's birthday lolz. On the 30th. Throw him into the sea arhh. Smash the cake at him. Hahaz. So lucky to have us to celebrate with him lolz. So good. My birthday not even one NCO people celebrated with miee lolz. Heheez. But got him laa. Aiyaa~ don't know laa. Mention his name I feel so vex. don't want to talk about him lerx laa. Let my mind rest. Hmpff.

Arghh~~!! No mood for blogging. Take care to all.

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my NCo friends. i miss them so much! haiz.

haiz. memories. so sweet!!

i want them all back!!!

haizzzzzzzzzzz

Hi people, back lerx. Like damn long never blog lerx lolz. Haiz, have been feeling very sad and disappointed. With both dear and myself. Feeling so tired, not physically but mentally.

For the pass week, got back almost all my prelim's results. And they became my second sadness. My first sadness was dear, and he's my first disappointment. I am very disappointed with him. He made miee lose trust and faith in him. A relationship that causes either party to lose trust and faith, watt can I say? Feeling tired of this relationship. Thinking back, I have not been talking to him for almost one week. I cannot write out in details watt he has done until I put in my password. Or maybe I should not say watt happened before I got myself into trouble. This is the don't know how many times of the year he made miee lose trust and faith in him. Then when I tell him he did this and that has caused miee to lose this two important 'thing', he will say '' Don't be with miee if youu don't trust miee ''. I mean, youu are the one who caused the whole thing and now youu are telling miee this. Sometimes I really feel like telling him '' Leave then leave, it's no big deal leaving youu. ''. I did not do that because on my birthday that night, when we were messaging each other, he is the one who say '' please don't leave miee can lerx. '' And when we were talking on the phone, he's the one who said '' I have lose youu once, I never want to lose youu again. '' Words so sweet and be out from his mouth and words so nasty is also from his mouth. I cannot believe this, I feel totally insulted and, useless. For times, he asks miee to trust him and I did. Is this watt I am supposed to get back? Feeling regret for doing so? I cried for him again. This is the third time i am crying for him ever since we patched.

First time I had this feeling was because of Elizabeth, his ex-girlfriend, but it did not last long because he told miee many things about her. Many explanations were said and I trusted him. Second time I had this feeling was because of Maria, currently my daughter by name. =) It lasted for a very long time. Nevertheless, Maria explained a lot too, right? I am feeling much better because of Maria's explanations and I could see that she is really trying her best to many miee her friend instead of enemy. However, though I feel better, but I was not that relieved after all. I am too, trying my best to make Maria my friend now. I am trying not to be prejudice towards her. =P and I did that! Cause I am no longer that possessive. It is dear turn lerx! Hmpff! I have learnt to take things lightly. That is why I accepted Maria. Hahaz. I hope that Maria and I could become friends, without doubts. Kekeke. Now, this is the third time I am feeling this way and I very sick of listening to all his excuses. All his excuses, i find it meaningless to tell miee because he will never do watt he said. Feel so devastated. Haiz. Sometimes, I really have the urge to end my life because I find life, kind of, meaningless. Yaa, meaningless. I have a boyfriend who does not give miee the sense of security that he is suppose to give miee and cannot assure miee with everlasting relationship. Secondly, I have a family that is like, breakdown? Haiz. Then friendship also. Haiz, GOD!!! IF YOUU WANT SOMEONE TO LEAVE THIS WONDERFUL WORLD, MAKE MIEE YOURR CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sick of living. Sick of this world, humans, relationship with friends and dear. I shouldn't have born in the first place. Haiz. I am feeling so pessimistic now. I used to be so optimistic. Haiz~

Major exam will commence in about 5 weeks time!!!!!!!! My coming days will not be good then. Everyday stay back until very late. Attending night classes, tons and tons of works to be done. Burning midnight oil and sleeping late at night. I hope my body can take these stress that will be coming my way and I hope I will not collapse half way. I cannot afford to do so. Maria, pray for mummy. Heheez. No laa. I will be crossing my fingers and work hard on my own. Also, I need to get rid of my exam fright!!!! I will be doom to fail if I don't. Arghh!!

Okiee laa, have to end here lerx. Anyway I don't know watt else to blog in. no mood suddenly. -_-'''' alright, people, take care.