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Hi people, back lerx. Like damn long never blog lerx lolz. Haiz, have been feeling very sad and disappointed. With both dear and myself. Feeling so tired, not physically but mentally.

For the pass week, got back almost all my prelim's results. And they became my second sadness. My first sadness was dear, and he's my first disappointment. I am very disappointed with him. He made miee lose trust and faith in him. A relationship that causes either party to lose trust and faith, watt can I say? Feeling tired of this relationship. Thinking back, I have not been talking to him for almost one week. I cannot write out in details watt he has done until I put in my password. Or maybe I should not say watt happened before I got myself into trouble. This is the don't know how many times of the year he made miee lose trust and faith in him. Then when I tell him he did this and that has caused miee to lose this two important 'thing', he will say '' Don't be with miee if youu don't trust miee ''. I mean, youu are the one who caused the whole thing and now youu are telling miee this. Sometimes I really feel like telling him '' Leave then leave, it's no big deal leaving youu. ''. I did not do that because on my birthday that night, when we were messaging each other, he is the one who say '' please don't leave miee can lerx. '' And when we were talking on the phone, he's the one who said '' I have lose youu once, I never want to lose youu again. '' Words so sweet and be out from his mouth and words so nasty is also from his mouth. I cannot believe this, I feel totally insulted and, useless. For times, he asks miee to trust him and I did. Is this watt I am supposed to get back? Feeling regret for doing so? I cried for him again. This is the third time i am crying for him ever since we patched.

First time I had this feeling was because of Elizabeth, his ex-girlfriend, but it did not last long because he told miee many things about her. Many explanations were said and I trusted him. Second time I had this feeling was because of Maria, currently my daughter by name. =) It lasted for a very long time. Nevertheless, Maria explained a lot too, right? I am feeling much better because of Maria's explanations and I could see that she is really trying her best to many miee her friend instead of enemy. However, though I feel better, but I was not that relieved after all. I am too, trying my best to make Maria my friend now. I am trying not to be prejudice towards her. =P and I did that! Cause I am no longer that possessive. It is dear turn lerx! Hmpff! I have learnt to take things lightly. That is why I accepted Maria. Hahaz. I hope that Maria and I could become friends, without doubts. Kekeke. Now, this is the third time I am feeling this way and I very sick of listening to all his excuses. All his excuses, i find it meaningless to tell miee because he will never do watt he said. Feel so devastated. Haiz. Sometimes, I really have the urge to end my life because I find life, kind of, meaningless. Yaa, meaningless. I have a boyfriend who does not give miee the sense of security that he is suppose to give miee and cannot assure miee with everlasting relationship. Secondly, I have a family that is like, breakdown? Haiz. Then friendship also. Haiz, GOD!!! IF YOUU WANT SOMEONE TO LEAVE THIS WONDERFUL WORLD, MAKE MIEE YOURR CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sick of living. Sick of this world, humans, relationship with friends and dear. I shouldn't have born in the first place. Haiz. I am feeling so pessimistic now. I used to be so optimistic. Haiz~

Major exam will commence in about 5 weeks time!!!!!!!! My coming days will not be good then. Everyday stay back until very late. Attending night classes, tons and tons of works to be done. Burning midnight oil and sleeping late at night. I hope my body can take these stress that will be coming my way and I hope I will not collapse half way. I cannot afford to do so. Maria, pray for mummy. Heheez. No laa. I will be crossing my fingers and work hard on my own. Also, I need to get rid of my exam fright!!!! I will be doom to fail if I don't. Arghh!!

Okiee laa, have to end here lerx. Anyway I don't know watt else to blog in. no mood suddenly. -_-'''' alright, people, take care.