Friends/Foes?

Recently I've been told that my ex colleagues are interested about my life, about Love and I and about his ex-girlfriend, Lynn Tan. It got me worried because I hate people whom I'm not very close to to be suddenly so concern about me or my life. I mean if you're not so close to me but you're stalking me quietly and I don't know, that's fine. I wouldn't be bothered. But asking people who are close to me about me, a bit over?

To be very honest, I don't think I need to explain so much for a girl who just want to gain sympathy from people by telling them her own side of imaginary stories. She has caused me to lose my best friend of 12 years, I really couldn't care less anymore. So long as she doesn't take away my family, me (which is quite impossible because in mind, I'm a very strong person) and my fiance (her ex boyfriend whom she ditched).

You know I don't sympathize people who only start doing things when shit got real and things are in a total mess. "TOO LATE", has it ever occur to her, or anyone with the exactly same situation? I tried not to picture Kris to be in the same picture as her, but somehow I just cannot. Or perhaps that's why she judged me like everyone else. That's fine because Love told me "It's their mouth, we cannot control. we just need to be happy together and that's what I want you to be that's why I want to be with you." I don't care how people look at me or us because people who knows what's going on will know what it really is. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

Stop trying to poke your nose into my business if you're not close to me.
I don't like it.

I'm sorry if you happen to find out about my blog and read this post and probably find me very offensive but I'm just stating my stands very clearly because I don't think you all are that stupid not to find out.

Don't poke your nose into my business for the sake of doing it, especially when you're not close to me.

Think Positive.

If you fail never give up because FAIL means First Attempt In Learning
 END is not the END ..means EFFORT NEVER DIES.
 If you get NO as an Answer remember NO means Next OPPORTUNITY .Think positive .Love is Inspiration

I've always loved how Capt Lee encourage us in work from time to time. =)

19 May Horoscope

Taurus: Special attention to and from a partner is what you should be trying for today. Set aside some private time so no one else can get in the way of the feelings you want to share. You need to use your imagination to make your love life as sensational as possible. The energies are working with you to give your fantasies a real boost. So if you can get your brain cells moving, you should be able to think up some wonderful ideas to amuse, delight, and seduce your latest heart throb. Remember that flattery will get you everywhere if you use it with that fine skill you have worked on for some time. Execute the plan you created and watch your loved one turn to putty at your feet. Enjoy the benefits of a hard day’s work.

14 May Horoscope

Taurus: If you have been feeling upset and resentful over certain events that have transpired recently then use this opportunity to take a step back, and see it all from a new and different perspective. Today’s energies will help you to see a difficult relationship situation in a new light. Listen closely to any small, persistent messages you may receive because they will add up to a bigger picture in your relationship. Now, don’t try to understand it all at once, just let the pieces of the puzzle put themselves together until everything is clear. All will be revealed in the end with a little patience. When everything is revealed then use humor to help heal this rift. When it comes to the wounds of the heart, nothing is better.

Running Away

Sudden urge to go overseas alone. 

Self Doubting.

Sometimes I guess it's inevitable to self doubt.

Doubt the abilities and capabilities that I have to keep what's so dear to me with me. 

I suppose I need to have an open heart to welcome whatever negative things that might come my way, even when things look so perfect now. 

A Dream Come True.

Okay, I really neglected my blog. Actually so is my dayre. I'm getting lazy to update. I haven't completed my Taiwan trip entry with Love. =\ I'll try to do it soon. Haha. 

So, today I return with the next phrase of my life..

I'm engaged..

To the man I would sacrifice my life for. =) 

Everything is still so surprising for me even until now. It's just a dream come true. The man I wanted to marry since I'm 16.. Too unbelievable. 

It was a successful surprise proposal which I wanted. I'm thankful for those who played a part in it and all keeping me in the dark! Can't believe there was almost 20 of us yet I'm the only one who doesn't know anything. Thinking back, I think I'm quite silly not to realize what was happening when Love dressed so formally which he don't normally do. Though I asked him why he wear until so nice but he told me it's for my birthday so I didn't think too much. He was smart enough to propose on that day cause I wouldn't have thought too much into it since it's a combine celebration for Wilson and I. Haha. 

So I'm soon-to-be a Mrs. We haven't set any dates yet and somehow we're taking things slow. Not in a rush anyway.. We have a lot of things to do from now on.. I need to give Love more time too. We haven't select our wedding band too.. Probably when Love is back from Vietnam next week. But he's gonna be busy with work so I guess we have to make some time for all these stuffs. 

Bridal fair next week and I'll be going with Livia to accompany her since her fiancé won't be in town and Love said he will go with us. Haha. =) BOWS wedding fair is coming too so I guess we might just go down to have a look too. Haha. 

Dates have yet to confirm but I guess it's good to be prepared for all these? ^.^ 

I feel my birthday this year is overrated. Love is over the top by proposing and giving a Tag Heuer watch on top of the proposal ring. We went to alter the ring size cause it seems too huge for me and since I'm on diet.. I'm afraid it can't fit once I slim down. =\ so I told Love that I want to alter it. It's gonna be a 10-14days wait for the alteration to be done. 

It's the first time since we're together that Love is going overseas for a few days and I'm not used to this. I'm okay with me being the one overseas but not the other way round. It's weird waking up not having Love next to me since we've been staying together. I'm back at my place today since he's away and it's Mother's Day so I can spend some time with momsie. I haven't been a good daughter because I've been spending too much time with Love. >.< 

Anyway, on top of the engagement, my PR has been granted on my first try! I'm so happy and excited!!! Finally I've gotten my PR!! It has been in my list for the longest time! Hahaha. It's a good thing now because Love and I are gonna view houses and get one soon. Love wants to get resales flat cause he doesn't want to wait for BTO and he feels that resale flats are bigger in space. He was told of a 5A flat at tampines is on sale so he wanted me to view it with him. We will do that when he's back from Vietnam as well. 

Seems like there's so many things to be done but I don't seems to have enough time!!! =( 

I haven't been meeting up a lot of people because of work and my personal stuffs but soon I will...... Make time for people. I've been staying at home with Love too much until I MIA from people. Hahahaha. Typical 重色輕友. I don't deny I am. But only for Love I would. I've never given any other guys this treatment. Heh. 

Okay I'm tired. I should sleep now. Goodnight! 

Dayre.

http://dayre.me/d0lphiin

I have been updating on dayre instead. 

Short and sweet entries. 

But I'll still come back here whenever I feel like pouring my heart out. =) 

Dear YOU.

Again, I'm disappointed with you. Very disappointed. But I've said all I could and explaint all I can. This is what you choosed and I completely respect that. 

Having to hear from other people that it's you who wants to close up yourself from me somehow made me firm with my decision. 

You were my best friend, a friend whom I regard as more than a friend, more like a family, a sister I never had. But today, I decided, I'm letting this friendship go. I'm not gonna make anymore extra efforts to make things better. I believe I've given you enough time to sort whatever is in your mind and I've given you the due respect that a friend should be giving. 

12 years.. 12 years of friendship is nothing compared to someone you barely even know. I got your message. 

You feel injustice for her, 你为她感到不值. You listen to her story and choose to doubt me in return by believing her. Because of what? You feel you've been treated the same way? Or you feel that she's like you, regret for what she's done and she deserves a second chance? To be honest, she had her second chance and she destroyed her second chance herself. If she wants to blame me, I have nothing to say. If she feels that she deserves him more than I do, show me. If she's capable of keeping him, go ahead and ask him to be with her. 

"If you want to be with him so much, ask him to break up with me." This is what she told me before and yes, I did told him that before. But I told him, if he feels that he don't love her anymore then don't be with her. You said the same thing to me before and now you tell me "你为她感到不值"? Whatever happened to 'he should break up with her'? 

I have a complicated love life in the past but I'm done with that. I don't want that life anymore, am I wrong to go for what I want? You don't have the courage and determination to fight for what you really love, is that why? I just don't want any regrets. I don't want to regret what I could have done in the future, like you. You have so many 'could have(s)' but never did. I don't want to live with regrets and fucked up my own life. 

I'm angry, very angry. Angry for the fact that my best friend takes pity on someone she barely even know and bought her story as some pathetic girl being bullied and needs sympathy. I have a strong character, I have an independent self. But that doesn't mean I don't need to be taken care of and cared for. After all I'm still human and I need to be loved. 

The person who's in the wrong will never admit that they are. Have you? Will you? Have you ever felt that you relationship failed was because of yourself? We're you remorseful? Do you know what went wrong? You were never there since the day Eric left. You never helped in the process of this recovery from this fucked up guy. Who was there? Not you. We both broke up on the same day last year and I wanted to be there for you yet all you did was to push me away. Further and further away. Is that my fault? 

I'm upset, very upset. You had no idea how many times have I cried because of you, because of this friendship. But I've straighten out my thoughts. I'm giving up, I'm leaving, I'm letting go of this friendship. 

What is the point of me holding on to a friend who doesn't treasure this friendship as much as I do, as much as I valued her? Don't. Don't tell me sorry at this time. Don't send me requests on Facebook listing me as your sister when you obviously forgotten about me, this friendship and all that we've shared because of one stranger you just knew. 

Don't tell me anything now because I don't want to hear anything anymore. 

"好马不吃回头草" yes I did told a lot of people this back almost 6 years ago and a lot of people told me the same thing. Right now, I would say that this 回头草 I ate is the best thing I've ever eaten. I had my doubts when things started. It wasn't easy for me, nor him. I didn't trust him at the start. We came a long way to gain this trust again. And now that we're both doing fine, people want to ruin it? Why is it that whenever I have something pleasant in life, someone have to destroy it? Just like Eric and his fucked up certain friends. 

Ruin it for all I care. Destroy it for all you want. It's not like this is the first time someone do this to me. Tell her I said this and get her to do something about it. I'm not as cunning and scheming as her. I'm straightforward. I don't twist my words the way she do. I'm a Taurus not a Capricorn. Neither am I some Libra who likes to have a messy and confused life. I'm not afraid to be alone again. I'm not afraid to face this practical and realistic world by myself again. 

I'm done with these shits and that's it. I'm leaving for good. 

Goodbye to you, my 12 years of bestie. 

Irony

Ironically, the more you give your heart to someone, the more power they have to tarnish it. 

Sometimes it's not hurt hurts. But more of 'am I up for it?' kinda feeling. 

I love you, that's no doubt. Since day 1 we were together back in 2002. And I know you have no intention to hurt me this time other than providing me with the best you could. 

Problem is me I suppose. Am I able to keep up with the constant changes? Am I ready to concede defeat and lose myself all to you again? Am I ready to give you all I have now? I'm held back by my own wild thoughts and things that I've thought too far ahead. 

A stable and comfortable life, you're already giving me these. A man who loves me, yes you are. 

What is wrong with me? Feels like I'm like Christian Grey. Fifty shades of fucked up. 

Arghhh! I'm not saying we're not getting along well. We're very good together. Just that my mind is kinda fucked up. =(