i want a new blog skin... :)

hahas.. see my title?? I'M LOOKING FOR NEW BLOG SKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yarhh.. hahas! well.. i'm late for school for the past two days.. reached school at 9am today.. yesterday 9:45am. woah~ like i'm gonna receive letter and email for being 'absent'. stupid NP.. late for half an hour consider absent. like that might as well don't go to school if late right? sometimes it's not i wanna be late de lohh. now cab fare rised. i don't wanna take cab so often lahh. plus cab issue has been a problem between me and dada, can prevent then prevent lohh. better don't take cab so often bahh. hahas! hmm... don't know lehh.. feel so tired.. not enough rest i guess? maybe i should sleep early?? hmm.. yarhh.. MAYBE.. hahas! XD

hahas! long chat with dada last night. so long since we've chatted like last night. hahas. :) so happy. ohh i miss him now.. really miss him.. he's sleeping lahh. not working today he sure sleep de lohh. naughty boy!! so lazy. hahas! yupps. he told me he actuslly wanted to go for hockey yesterday but end up didn't go cause steven's busy. he gotta look after the shop. then.. my heart was like.. ' lynn's there? i don't know ' arghh. irritating.. i always ask myself whether lynn will be there or not if dada go certain place. even when he go east coast and i didn't go.. ohh my.. i'm so sensitive now. godd.. help me. i don't wanna feel this way but i can't stop myself. nis it some kind of mental breakdown or something? is it abnormal? i don't know. come on kat! don't be pessimistic. be more optimistic. life will be better. not worse. :) hahas! okays. yupps. must be happy. don't be sad. :) kekeke. lols.

hmm.. eric messaged me this morning. yarh.. we talked craps lahh. hahas! then saw justin this morning when i leave EG1 lesson. he was outside the class. then he asked if i'm going to NYP today. to their skate club. then i'm like.. no? i gotta do project after lessons today. it's gonna be a busy day today mann. yupps. hahas! go NYP see tammy? hahas! kidding lahh. don't even know who is she sia. lols. hehees. justin himself also not going. his lesson ends at 6pm. hahas. mine at 5pm. but gonna do project after that mahh. so.. count me out! don't know if sebast and sky will be going or not lehh. hahas! ask them go.. thrash everyone there. :) kekeke. how nice? lols. ohh yahh!!!! eric's gonna treat me gelare!!! on friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahas! he promised to treat me and he finally remember yesterday!!!!!!! hehees! but i gotta treat him as well. like no difference? hahas! but i can take what i can eat mahh. lols. he also. hahas! hmm.. he not coming skate club tomorrow? cause this two days his army there off? then he's booking in tomorrow? lols. haix. hopefully he can book out on friday andd go east coast bahh.. I WANT MY GELARE's TREAT!!!!!! hahas! :p hmm.. ehh...

[[i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..
i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada.. i miss dada..]] ------> 99 ' i miss dada'.. i'll miss him forever. hahas! :)

hmm.. kinda bored now. NOTHING TO DO........ ohh BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okays lahh.. i gotta go lerx. wanna eat then do my EG1 tutorial lerx.. hahas! okays. take care all.. *LOVE

i feel so blessed.. god is with me.. :) *i love all of you..*

ohh yeshh.. i feel sooo blessed now.. whyy??
cause....

1. 
   i've got a dear who loves me so deeply yet... i still doubt him.. (no longer).. cause i've placed my trust on him.. [[ honey i love you.. always!!! ]] [[ zac lim.. zhanyu ]]
2. 
   i've got a mummy who loves me more than anyone else and i love her too!! she's the most perfect mom oon earth.. i love her lots!!!! :) [[ willy lai ]]
3. 
   i've got a group of beloved friends.. a group of friends who will go through ups and downs with me.. who loves me like their family.. hahas! of course.. i love them as well.. hehees. [[ NICOLE, qianhui, yuzhen, chuti, *kristeena, zeyi, jun feng, kelvin(brother), trevor, ah poh, ayie, jazren, kamae, mabel, amelia, sarah, jeffery, jonathan, jimmy, juffri, karen, huiwah, beewah, abaish, alson, andrea and err.. don't know who else already.. hahas!! ]] sorry if i forget anyone..
4. 
   i've got the group of skate kakis from inline culture.. who made my life in east coast so great!!!!! so happening.. without them.. the days in east coast will be bored.. lols. hahas! :) [[ STEVEN!, wilson part two, maria, kaishi, reeve, elbryy, jasmine, lynn, xiaozhu, greg, brandon, bong, charles, eric, darren, gavin, javier, jonathan, marcus(med), marcus(small), peck ann, piku, quan yang, ron, roy, samuel, sebast, simon, sky, wilson part one, zhenyu and zhenyuan!! ]]

hahas.. lols. i'm enjoying my life now.. being pampered and loved by them all. hahas!! :) hehees.. i thank all of you for whatever you've done to add colours to my life.. :) love you all muchh.. :)

** this entry is copy from my friendster's blog.. i mean.. in case you all only visits this blog.. at least you know what's going on in my friendster's blog mahh.. so considerate horx? hahas! that's me mahh.. hehees. well. like got nothing to say today lehh.. hmm.. anything i'll write again lohh.. hahas! take care all.. ]]

*for you*

[[ i knew you'd be there for me..
but i don't know when will the time be..
for me to turn back and return to you..
the warm arms of yours..
the love from you..
and the understanding of yours..
however..
both of us know..
it may never come true..

we were happy..
we were blessed..
we were supposed to be..
we were meant to be..

but sorry my dear..
it's my fault..
i let go everything..
in return of sadness..
this is what i believe is retribution..
for hurting you badly..

and all i ask for now is..
for you to be happy always..
*LOVE ]]

hmm.. mom.. i love you...

well.. back here lerx.. see my title for today sure know got something to do with my mom lerx bahh?? yarh. last night quarrelled with her and i feel so sad about it..... i was talking on the phone with dada when she goes like this

mom (screaming): ' what time already?!!?? put down the phone then go and do your stuffs and sleep early!!!!'
me (talking on the phone, then a bit pissed): ' a while more lahh.'
mom (still screaming): ' i say now means now! what time already?!? later no need to study is it? no school is it??!!'
me (pissed): ' got lahh. i not sleeping right? got things to wadd.'
mom (yelling): ' what things you need to do?!? why can't you do it in the afternoon?!? got things to do still go east coast there?!? like that don't study lahh!! '
me (frustrated): ' you want you go study lahh! you think so easy arhh!??! '
dada(on the phone): ' okays lahh. don't quarrel, we put down first. okays? bye bye!'
me (talking to dada): ' don't want, i don't wanna drag our problems. settle it now! ' [cause he say we have yet to come to an agreement]
dada (worried): ' okays okays. we compromise each other and it's settled. okays? '
me (obey): ' okays, i call you back later.. bye '
dada: ' bye '
mom(still screaming and yelling): ' go and do your things now! immediately!! always talk on the phone, sleep late, next day go school you think you will have energy?? you think you robot arhh?!?! '
me (pissed and frustrated): ' i tired is my problem, no need you to care so much! ' [then i go and bathe]

.....come out from toilet.....

mom (angry): ' you come here! make things clear now!! what do you mean by no need me to care so much?!??! '

i kept quiet all the way and let her scold....

me (moody): ' nothing already right? '

mom kept quiet...
then i go and revise my works lerx....

yarh. revise all the way until 4.30am. meanwhile eric keep me informed about the final for world cup. he's at ngee ann, watching with the skate club people. lols. hahas! then 90 mins over, i lost to eric and i owe him a meal. sobs. he bet the match draw.. i bet france win.. arww~ so sAD he win money i still have to treat him.. so unfair!!!! arghHH!!! never mind, yuan du fu shu. hmphh. hahas! it's okay lahh. yupps. then tired mahh. so went to lie down a while, call dada to wake me uppp at 5.10am. then he said okays. so i went to rest a while. yupps. yarh.. he did called but i sleep again lohh. wake upp at 6.20am just. thenquickly get ready and go to school. expected to be late. hahas. lols.

before i leave home, i wrote a note for mom saying sorry.. yarh.. she must be very sad too. haix~ mom so sorry.. i love you....

okays lahh. don't wanna blog already.. anything i wanna say, maybe blog later bahh.. take care to all..

why is he still unhappy? why?

hi all.. i'm back here today.. yarhh.. i'm feeling a little down today.. i don't know why.. i saw dada's msn nick.. with the message of " nt happy " and it makes me wonder why.......

i tried talking to him online.. but he didn't reply.. i called him before that and he didn't pick upp. i don't know why.. maybe he's sleeping or maybe he's busy. i don't know. i'm feeling very unhappy. i'm feeling sad. i don't know why. he's taking over me again. he's affected my mood again.. totally. arghH!!!! i hate this feeling. i hate it. why do i always care so much about what he say? why must i think so much about what he say? why his words can affect me so greatly?

why isn't he happy? why isn't he? why must he be unhappy? what is bothering him? what happened to him? can someone answer me? can someone please tell what is he thinking? why is he unhappy? can anyone please tell me? i don't know.. i'm feeling weird.. i feel so emotional now. feel so down. feel like talking to him. feel like hearing his voice. haix..

i spoke to andrea on msn yesterday.. and she told me she could cry reading my blog.. so sorry andrea.. really sorry. i was feeling very unhappy. just like now. haix. i read through my blog entries for april. and was wondering why didn't i put on any post for march.. and i realised that march, me and him was having some big quarrel.. and yarh.. that's when he confess to lynn and a lot more things happened. i feel so uncomfortable whenever i hear the name 'lynn'. i know i shouldn't be prejudice towards lynn. but i can't stop myself from it. i feel really weird. i wanna be close to her, like i used to be before i knew dada likes her before. but i don't seems to be able to find the feeling back. i know it'll take me a long time.. but i don't know how long it will take. as i recall why i could accept maria totally, i found out it was because she's with wilson and i'm feeling better. that's when i actually accepted her totally even though we talk in sms, or in my tagboard. i feel really sorry for lynn cause, i know i shouldn't be having feelings like that.. but i can't stop myself. she seems to be a 'thorn' in my heart now.. it might just hurt me anytime. it's out to hurt me. i don't mean that lynn hurt me deliberately, i know it's not her fault. i know, but i'm sad.. when i see her.. cause it reminds me of what dada had told me. though he promised me that he won't say that to me anymore, but i'm still feeling insecured. feeling very insecured. must i wait until lynn have boyfriend then i accept her totally? must i wait until that day then i feel better seeing her? i don't want to keep waiting for that day to arrive, i don't want.. i wanna be like last time, when i can tell her my happiness and unhappiness. when i can hug her like one close friend, tell her i love her as a friend. i don't know why.. but i can't do it now.. i'm so sad.. i'm afraid i'll lose this friendship. but it's fading away now. it's going away.. bacause of what he has told me, i'm losing this friendship. i'm afraid she'd become my fear. i'm afraid.. ohh godd.. what should i do?? what should i do??? i don't know.. i'm feeling moody.. very moody.. haix..

ever since i'm in inline culture, i found the joy of skating, the purpose of going to east coast, the meaning of going to east coast. also, i know a lot of new friends and had build a strong bond with the inline culture people. i love them all. they've been nice and i want them to be my friends forever cause i treasure them.. of course, there're closer ones to me, which is [[ steven, kaishi, reeve, maria and wilson part two. ]] i'm closer to them. and i feel much comfortable with them.. sorry to the rest. i may not be that close to you all but you guys still mean a lot to me. i can tell that they care about me and is concern about me.. so am i. i care about them too, is also very concern about them. [[ jas, elbry, lynn, xiaozhu, greg, bong, sky, javier, brandon, peckann, piku, charles, eric, gavin, jonathan, marcus, ron, samuel, sebast, simon, wilson part one, zhen yu and zhen yuan ]] they are really nice people.. i wanna maintain the current friendship with them. and i hope it will last forever.. i hope other than lynn, i won't be feeling uncomfortable towards anyone lerx. i hope nothing like this will happen anymore. one is enough.. one already make me feel really sad.. i don't want anymore sadness over these kind of things. it's hard to control the emotion. i don't like the feeling of having difficulty facing someone. haix.. i wanna feel nice seeing them.. yarhh..

hmm. don't know why today have so many feelings.. i called zhuang sen just now, he told me that dada is sleeping.. now i finally feel better knowing that he's actually sleeping. at least i know what is he doing and won't think so much mahh. hahas! ohh i miss nicole and kris. so long didn't see them. i wanna see them. but kris, i hardly got time to spend with her ever since school starts and i started spending time at east coast, skating. feel so sad. we're drifted apart cause of skating.. thank god i still get to see nicole cause she's working at east coast gelare. :) hahas! hmm.. okays lahh. enough for today lerx bahh.. take care to all. :)

I'm so happy today.. finally clear my doubts and unhappiness.. :)

hellos eveyone.. i'm very happy today.. :) hahas! yupps. yesterday i spoke to him.. and we talked things out.. feel so relieved now.. no more doubts, no more sadness. i'm back to the normal me!! yayy!!! :)

yarhh. this saturday's concert, i'm going, not telling him i'm going. surprise him. hahas! cause he wanted me to celebrate nicole's birthday. cause i say i'll out with nicole.. then he say let me spend my day with niki. and so..

i ask him : " do you want me to be there?"
then he say : " of course i want, but it's nicole's birthady lehh. then you go with nicole bahh. "
then i say : " okays lohh. " ( but already told yoong king to reserve one ticket for me lerx. hahas! )

how funny. though we're back together, i'm kinda like, still frighten that the same thing will happen again and we'll have to separate again. my heart can't take this kind of things too often.. and also.. i'm frighten that he'll tell me that if not because of lynn, he won't be with me until now.. the feeling really hurts a lot. like, a knife poking your heart? the guy you love deeply tells you that.. it's worst than being backstab by my friends. it's seriously worst than that. haix.. i just hope we'll be back to last time.. when we gone through all happiness and unhappiness together no matter what.. the memories of our happy moments will be engraved in my heart, forever.. whether or not are we together.. he's someone dear to me, someone important to me.. someone who meant the whole world to me.. he added wonderful colours to my life.. just like my blog song now.. "a simple song.." to express my love..

[[ dada, i hope you know that our love is just like a river, once in a while, we'll meet obstacles.. and i want you to know, saying sweet talks to you, my only purpose is to tell you ''I LOVE YOU". maybe sometimes we're not talking or seeing each other, just like the flowers and the butterflies, they nevertheless, not forgeting to miss each other.. so i hope, we'll miss each other no matter where are we, what we're doing.. remember, distance between us will never drift us apart unless we want to. distance will not be our problem.. can we ensure this? i'm sure we can.. right? nothing can stop us from being together right? remember what you told me last time? that no matter what, our love will always be the strongest? do you remember promising me to let me be the happiest woman on earth? i hope you do.. cause i hope we'll be back to the old us.. back to the happy and loving us.. the days we could spend hours talking on phone.. imagine our future.. imagine our life.. talking about our past.. and the days we spent playing under the heavily rain and got ourselves sick? hahas! memories can be so sweet yeah? but without you, my memories won't exist.. so thank you for being here with you.. and i want you to be with mr still.. now and forever.. cause we're gonna have lots and lots of memories coming upp yeah? love you always.. ]]

okays lahh.. gtg already.. take care everyone..

hais.. i tried talking to him.. but..**i really miss those days..**

signs.. i tried talking to him today.. but he don't seems to be ready to talk.. haix.. i don't know.. i just feel very vexed and wanna sort things out with him as soon as possible.. but.. don't know lahh.. i'll call him later to see how.. cause if we continue to ignore each other, both of us will be sad still.. so solve the problem soon will be better bahh. haix. okays..

yarhh.. that's what i think.. even if the ending is not gonna be nice, i'll be sadder, but at least my mind has a goal, which is to forget him.. now, my mind is having him still and my heart still wanna be with him.. that's why.. i know it's hard to let go and forget about him.. but at least.. i know i'll have to.. so i won't be like now.. so confused.. haix.. i think only wilson and nicole understands my situation now bahh. haix.. i feel so horrible.. i feel so disgusted.. i made my own life so sad.. and make my friends so worried about me.. i'm a failure in life.. a failure friend. a lousy friend. what should i say.. i don't know.. he made me feel so terrible. he make me feel as though i'm a very bad.. haix.. don't know.. feel so vexed is all i can say now.. :(

i miss him.. it's true.. i want him, it's true too.. i can't bear to let go of him.. it's true too. but what should i do? i don't know. i really don't.. haix... i wanna be loved by him, pampered by him.. cared by him.. but why can't he give me those things? why can't he treat me the way he treats me four years ago?? the nicest boyfriend i ever had.. the best mann in my life.. my perfect boy.. the boy who always tell me how much he needs me, how much he loves me, how much he want me by his side.. the many 'i love you' a day.. the many 'i miss you' a day.. the many hugs a days. the many seeing see each other a day.. the many letters a day.. the sweet and loving moments of ours.. why must it vanish? why? i want those days back.. i miss those days.. the days when we spend time playing swing at the park.. spend time chatting at the park.. spend time playing in the rain.. taking a romantic stroll under the rain.. those loving days.. i miss them.. i miss those days.. haix.. but now, they vanished, i don't know where they've gone to, but i'm trying hard to seek for it still.. i'm still having hopes to find those days back.. i don't know when.. ut i hope it'll be back to me soon...

[[ the feeling has gone, with the flow of time,
the love has too, vanish with the flow of time..
we were once a happy couple..
and the moments we had are marvellous..
but sorry my dear i let you go..
it's just sorry i can say,
to decieve myself my guiltiness..
i hope you'll be happy,
is from the bottom of my heart..
and the last thing i wanna say..
take care my dear friend and i'll be missing you.. ]]

this little entry, is dedicated to someone who knows who he is.. i hope you'll be happy.. forever.. :)

Yarhh.. okays. no mood for blogging lerx.. tired.. take care to all..

hais.. i tried talking to him.. but..**i really miss those days..**

signs.. i tried talking to him today.. but he don't seems to be ready to talk.. haix.. i don't know.. i just feel very vexed and wanna sort things out with him as soon as possible.. but.. don't know lahh.. i'll call him later to see how.. cause if we continue to ignore each other, both of us will be sad still.. so solve the problem soon will be better bahh. haix. okays..

yarhh.. that's what i think.. even if the ending is not gonna be nice, i'll be sadder, but at least my mind has a goal, which is to forget him.. now, my mind is having him still and my heart still wanna be with him.. that's why.. i know it's hard to let go and forget about him.. but at least.. i know i'll have to.. so i won't be like now.. so confused.. haix.. i think only wilson and nicole understands my situation now bahh. haix.. i feel so horrible.. i feel so disgusted.. i made my own life so sad.. and make my friends so worried about me.. i'm a failure in life.. a failure friend. a lousy friend. what should i say.. i don't know.. he made me feel so terrible. he make me feel as though i'm a very bad.. haix.. don't know.. feel so vexed is all i can say now.. :(

i miss him.. it's true.. i want him, it's true too.. i can't bear to let go of him.. it's true too. but what should i do? i don't know. i really don't.. haix... i wanna be loved by him, pampered by him.. cared by him.. but why can't he give me those things? why can't he treat me the way he treats me four years ago?? the nicest boyfriend i ever had.. the best mann in my life.. my perfect boy.. the boy who always tell me how much he needs me, how much he loves me, how much he want me by his side.. the many 'i love you' a day.. the many 'i miss you' a day.. the many hugs a days. the many seeing see each other a day.. the many letters a day.. the sweet and loving moments of ours.. why must it vanish? why? i want those days back.. i miss those days.. the days when we spend time playing swing at the park.. spend time chatting at the park.. spend time playing in the rain.. taking a romantic stroll under the rain.. those loving days.. i miss them.. i miss those days.. haix.. but now, they vanished, i don't know where they've gone to, but i'm trying hard to seek for it still.. i'm still having hopes to find those days back.. i don't know when.. ut i hope it'll be back to me soon...

[[ the feeling has gone, with the flow of time,
the love has too, vanish with the flow of time..
we were once a happy couple..
and the moments we had are marvellous..
but sorry my dear i let you go..
it's just sorry i can say,
to decieve myself my guiltiness..
i hope you'll be happy,
is from the bottom of my heart..
and the last thing i wanna say..
take care my dear friend and i'll be missing you.. ]]

this little entry, is dedicated to someone who knows who he is.. i hope you'll be happy.. forever.. :)

Yarhh.. okays. no mood for blogging lerx.. tired.. take care to all..

ohh.. brazil lost.. so does england.. haix.. **i'm missing him once more.. i can't forget him..**

well.. finally i'm back to my blog.. yahh. hmm. i thought everything was fine the past few days. until i saw him.. i thought eveything was okays. but.. i got upset when i see him. i feel so down.. feel so unhappy.. haix.. my heart miss him already.. start to miss him terribly now..

i thought i was getting fine with life until i saw him on friday night, at rink. i wanted to celebrate steven's birthday.. but he turn up.. and i totally have no mood already.. that's why i left early.. i just can't stay there any longer just to see him.. i feel so upset and vexed.. he's totally affected my mood.. i don't know lahh.. feel so vexed..

so sick.. arghh!! feel like settling problems with him soon.. but.. he don't seems to be ready.. what should i do? haix.. his concert is on this saturday.. but.. i don't think i'll be going.. wilson ask me to ask him if he wants me to go.. but what i got was.. "up to you" "u oso no tix" "i oso no tix". then? still thick face say can ask if there's anymore ticket mehh? then i say i not going lerx lohh. mayb meet yoong king on the concert day itself to pass him a present bahh. i mean, yoong king help me pass bahh. yarh. haix. this is all i can do now.. or maybe friday.. i go his house take thing that time pass to him or what bahh. don't know lahh. depends bahh. saturday meeting nicole go sentosa. i don't wanna rush here and there. so maybe meet yoong king on friday bahh. or pass to him myself. haix. don't know lahh. the thought of seeing him makes me sad.. but the thought of not seeing him makes me miss him.. what should i do? i really don't know. it's gonna be a week since we consider 'separated'. but.. i don't know lahh. i'm told to think of whether it's hard to be together.. i mean.. so what if it's hard? i love him. that's a fact. i wanna be with him. i know i'm stubborn.. but i wanna be with him.. i need him.. i'm feeling weird without him by my side.. i'm feeling unconfortable.. i'm feeling sad without him.. though i'm feeling sad being with him.. but the feeling of not having him with me is worst.. i know he hurt me a lot.. but my heart wants him.. my heart still think of him.. arghh!! what should i do?? i think i'm ready for a talk.. but.. what about him? haix..

well.. i've no mood for blogging already.. take care people..

ohh.. brazil lost.. so does england.. haix.. **i'm missing him once more.. i can't forget him..**

well.. finally i'm back to my blog.. yahh. hmm. i thought everything was fine the past few days. until i saw him.. i thought eveything was okays. but.. i got upset when i see him. i feel so down.. feel so unhappy.. haix.. my heart miss him already.. start to miss him terribly now..

i thought i was getting fine with life until i saw him on friday night, at rink. i wanted to celebrate steven's birthday.. but he turn up.. and i totally have no mood already.. that's why i left early.. i just can't stay there any longer just to see him.. i feel so upset and vexed.. he's totally affected my mood.. i don't know lahh.. feel so vexed..

so sick.. arghh!! feel like settling problems with him soon.. but.. he don't seems to be ready.. what should i do? haix.. his concert is on this saturday.. but.. i don't think i'll be going.. wilson ask me to ask him if he wants me to go.. but what i got was.. "up to you" "u oso no tix" "i oso no tix". then? still thick face say can ask if there's anymore ticket mehh? then i say i not going lerx lohh. mayb meet yoong king on the concert day itself to pass him a present bahh. i mean, yoong king help me pass bahh. yarh. haix. this is all i can do now.. or maybe friday.. i go his house take thing that time pass to him or what bahh. don't know lahh. depends bahh. saturday meeting nicole go sentosa. i don't wanna rush here and there. so maybe meet yoong king on friday bahh. or pass to him myself. haix. don't know lahh. the thought of seeing him makes me sad.. but the thought of not seeing him makes me miss him.. what should i do? i really don't know. it's gonna be a week since we consider 'separated'. but.. i don't know lahh. i'm told to think of whether it's hard to be together.. i mean.. so what if it's hard? i love him. that's a fact. i wanna be with him. i know i'm stubborn.. but i wanna be with him.. i need him.. i'm feeling weird without him by my side.. i'm feeling unconfortable.. i'm feeling sad without him.. though i'm feeling sad being with him.. but the feeling of not having him with me is worst.. i know he hurt me a lot.. but my heart wants him.. my heart still think of him.. arghh!! what should i do?? i think i'm ready for a talk.. but.. what about him? haix..

well.. i've no mood for blogging already.. take care people..