i'm confused......

haix~ back here FINALLY!!!! feel kinda sad.. yahh.. don't know why.. i mean, i know but don't feel like saying it out here. haix~ well, i think it's better for me to say out bahh. so i'll feel better and not sad yeah? haix~

recently, i suddenly feel that i'm unable to give dada happiness. it's like, i don't seems to be able to be the perfect girl in his eyes. i can't change myself for him.. caus ei find that once i change myself, im no longer me. i wanna ba who i am now and not anyone else. i'm better off being myself. i seriously feel this way.. but..... dada wants me to change myself to another personality and i feel really uncomfortable doing it.. thus, i feel that i'm not a good girlfriend and i think he'll really be better without me. saying all these, i'm feeling upset but.. what can i do? i really feel very confused now. what should i do? i wanna keep hiim with me. but i don't wanna see him sad.. it's not just i love him now. i want him to stay happy always. but i can't do it.. i didn't make this happen.

haix~ so vexed over this the pasrt two days. yupps. wanna let my sorrows out but feel that i shouldn't trouble anyone. cause they have their own problems too. why should i add on to their burdens? i feel kinda bad doing that.

exams are coming.. shouldn't i care about my studies now instead of all these? but nothing can stop me from thinking about him. simply nothing can. even myself also cannot. i just can't help but to think about him. even when i'm angry with him, he's still in my mind. every second.. every minute.. why? maybe he can't even be bothered with whether i'm happy or sad? maybe he won't even wanna know what's in my mind now. cause he simply doesn't care.. all he care about is himself..

haix~ don't know lahh. i feel kinda sick? mentally? yahh.. feel so lousy and sucks now. seems like i'm making my life difficult for myself because i care too much? but.. isn't this what i'm suppose to do when i'm in a relationship?? it takes two to clap but why he don't understand this? haix~ don't know lahh.. ARgHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

school also don't seems to good either. rumours have been passing around about me and sam being an item by darren. i hate him mann! i seriously hate him. can he just stay out of my peaceful life? can he stop all these nonsense? can't he understand that whatvever he does will affect the friendship between me and sam? and it might affect both me and dada, sam and yvonne[my primary school friend, sam's girlfriend.]? he better not cross the line before i eventually go over to him and give him a tight slap. he's getting up my nerve. he better be remorseful now. ArGhhH!!! sucker!

life's getting from bad to worse. i feel so much stress coming towards me now. feeling very very stress. i need to find a way to reduce my stress. i seriously need to. i know i have been cheerful all these while. but it's just to cover up my unhappiness and stressfulness. this is the only way i can keep my friends and loved ones no worries. i don't want them to think so much about me. yahh.. haix~ i'll be okays. so no need to worry also.

hmm, okays bahh. enough of all these ler lahh. wanna put my present's pictures lerx..



Blue Rose From Dada.


Dolphin Pendant from Mummy! :)


Necklace From Maria and Wilson2


Watch From Yuzhen and Chuti.


Present From Qianhui and Junfeng.



all my presents!! :P

i'm confused......

haix~ back here FINALLY!!!! feel kinda sad.. yahh.. don't know why.. i mean, i know but don't feel like saying it out here. haix~ well, i think it's better for me to say out bahh. so i'll feel better and not sad yeah? haix~

recently, i suddenly feel that i'm unable to give dada happiness. it's like, i don't seems to be able to be the perfect girl in his eyes. i can't change myself for him.. caus ei find that once i change myself, im no longer me. i wanna ba who i am now and not anyone else. i'm better off being myself. i seriously feel this way.. but..... dada wants me to change myself to another personality and i feel really uncomfortable doing it.. thus, i feel that i'm not a good girlfriend and i think he'll really be better without me. saying all these, i'm feeling upset but.. what can i do? i really feel very confused now. what should i do? i wanna keep hiim with me. but i don't wanna see him sad.. it's not just i love him now. i want him to stay happy always. but i can't do it.. i didn't make this happen.

haix~ so vexed over this the pasrt two days. yupps. wanna let my sorrows out but feel that i shouldn't trouble anyone. cause they have their own problems too. why should i add on to their burdens? i feel kinda bad doing that.

exams are coming.. shouldn't i care about my studies now instead of all these? but nothing can stop me from thinking about him. simply nothing can. even myself also cannot. i just can't help but to think about him. even when i'm angry with him, he's still in my mind. every second.. every minute.. why? maybe he can't even be bothered with whether i'm happy or sad? maybe he won't even wanna know what's in my mind now. cause he simply doesn't care.. all he care about is himself..

haix~ don't know lahh. i feel kinda sick? mentally? yahh.. feel so lousy and sucks now. seems like i'm making my life difficult for myself because i care too much? but.. isn't this what i'm suppose to do when i'm in a relationship?? it takes two to clap but why he don't understand this? haix~ don't know lahh.. ARgHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

school also don't seems to good either. rumours have been passing around about me and sam being an item by darren. i hate him mann! i seriously hate him. can he just stay out of my peaceful life? can he stop all these nonsense? can't he understand that whatvever he does will affect the friendship between me and sam? and it might affect both me and dada, sam and yvonne[my primary school friend, sam's girlfriend.]? he better not cross the line before i eventually go over to him and give him a tight slap. he's getting up my nerve. he better be remorseful now. ArGhhH!!! sucker!

life's getting from bad to worse. i feel so much stress coming towards me now. feeling very very stress. i need to find a way to reduce my stress. i seriously need to. i know i have been cheerful all these while. but it's just to cover up my unhappiness and stressfulness. this is the only way i can keep my friends and loved ones no worries. i don't want them to think so much about me. yahh.. haix~ i'll be okays. so no need to worry also.

hmm, okays bahh. enough of all these ler lahh. wanna put my present's pictures lerx..



Blue Rose From Dada.


Dolphin Pendant from Mummy! :)


Necklace From Maria and Wilson2


Watch From Yuzhen and Chuti.


Present From Qianhui and Junfeng.



all my presents!! :P

should i or should i not?? haix~

back here today. now having a two hours break. later maths for THREE hours!!!! then stay back do project a while. then maybe go inline culture. yupps. kinda feeling stress mann.. haix~ so sad.........

yupps. like so de whatt lohh. just started school for two weeks plus. and now gonna face exams lerx. like i'm not ready for it?? if i fail one module then i'll have to study that module again. plus! NO MORE SKATING!!! how can this happen to me?!?!?! so angry!! mummy's threatening me with skating! so unfair!! sobs. haix~

haiX~~ kinda feeling sad.. why do i feel neglected by dada again? the feeling is back. it's back again. why? why this feeling keep coming and going away? i feel so duhh.. like.. unhappy whenever it happens?? haix~ probably he doesn't know bahh. but what's the use of telling him?? what will he do to make me feel better? all he'll tell me is.. "i have nothing to say", "i have no comments". "don't know". other than these, there's nothing more i could think of what he might tell me if i tell him my feelings now. how i wish he can be here to console me.. spend some time talking to me.. rather than always care about his maple. :( don't know why.. he don't seems to be able to do this. nearly four years alreadyy and yet he can't do this. haix~~ i thought he is suppose to know me by now??? i know it's hard to understand a person. it may take years to do that.. but he has been with me for so long. should be more or less know me better than anyone else lerx bahh. haix~ don't know lahh. can't scold him or say him about this. later he angry then we'll quarrel again.. then super sian de lahh. everytime end up quarrelling. damn sick lahh. sick of quarrels lerx. haix~

hmm, should i go for the urban skating tomorrow?? don't know lehh.. later don't go steven say i pang seh.. [-_-"] hahas! steven go then i go okays? hehees. aiyaaa.. depend on whether dada want to go or not lahh. if he don't want then i don't go lohh. stay pei him lahh. or else later got problem again.. haix~ SHOULD I OR SHOULD I NOT??? i don't know.. hahas.

hmm, shoulder damn suan! don't know what happen sia. haix~ never mind. should be okay de bahh. hahas! :P no worries. i won't die de lahh. kekeke. okays lahh. update again bahh. gotta go lerx.. bye everyone. take care. my birthday presents's pictures i'll upload them another day bahh. sorry.-_-""" hahas!

should i or should i not?? haix~

back here today. now having a two hours break. later maths for THREE hours!!!! then stay back do project a while. then maybe go inline culture. yupps. kinda feeling stress mann.. haix~ so sad.........

yupps. like so de whatt lohh. just started school for two weeks plus. and now gonna face exams lerx. like i'm not ready for it?? if i fail one module then i'll have to study that module again. plus! NO MORE SKATING!!! how can this happen to me?!?!?! so angry!! mummy's threatening me with skating! so unfair!! sobs. haix~

haiX~~ kinda feeling sad.. why do i feel neglected by dada again? the feeling is back. it's back again. why? why this feeling keep coming and going away? i feel so duhh.. like.. unhappy whenever it happens?? haix~ probably he doesn't know bahh. but what's the use of telling him?? what will he do to make me feel better? all he'll tell me is.. "i have nothing to say", "i have no comments". "don't know". other than these, there's nothing more i could think of what he might tell me if i tell him my feelings now. how i wish he can be here to console me.. spend some time talking to me.. rather than always care about his maple. :( don't know why.. he don't seems to be able to do this. nearly four years alreadyy and yet he can't do this. haix~~ i thought he is suppose to know me by now??? i know it's hard to understand a person. it may take years to do that.. but he has been with me for so long. should be more or less know me better than anyone else lerx bahh. haix~ don't know lahh. can't scold him or say him about this. later he angry then we'll quarrel again.. then super sian de lahh. everytime end up quarrelling. damn sick lahh. sick of quarrels lerx. haix~

hmm, should i go for the urban skating tomorrow?? don't know lehh.. later don't go steven say i pang seh.. [-_-"] hahas! steven go then i go okays? hehees. aiyaaa.. depend on whether dada want to go or not lahh. if he don't want then i don't go lohh. stay pei him lahh. or else later got problem again.. haix~ SHOULD I OR SHOULD I NOT??? i don't know.. hahas.

hmm, shoulder damn suan! don't know what happen sia. haix~ never mind. should be okay de bahh. hahas! :P no worries. i won't die de lahh. kekeke. okays lahh. update again bahh. gotta go lerx.. bye everyone. take care. my birthday presents's pictures i'll upload them another day bahh. sorry.-_-""" hahas!

eh oh..

hahas! back here. in school now. supposed to be studying. but come to do blog stuffs! -_-" hahas.

yupps. just now received a message from fionna, ask me to go for an audition to act as a daughter who is flying off to a university. like so de sick? have to dress like a university student. lol. hahas. should i go? don't know lehh. so confused. ARGHH!!!!!!

Lucas is flying off to thailand soon. either today or tomorrow. hope he have a safe trip. and a happy one of course. hahas. want to send him off but dada ask me dont go. so don't go lohh. better be guais then quarrel with him over little stuffs. hahas. :0 kekeke.

hmm, boring.. hais. miss dada. i think he's sleeping now bahh. hais. hahas. he's in his lala land now.. hahas. :) hope he have a sweet dream. he didn't sleep last night. cause i wanna sleep and i want him to wake me up at 5:20am. so he stayed up. :) so sweet yeah? hehees. :P

today he's going skating with steven i think. finally steven is back on skate!! :P so happy to see him on skate again. hope he can recover fully soon. :) then can do all the tricks he used to be able to do. :) hahas. he rocks mann!! :) so lame, so cool, WHATEVER! hahas. [quote from i not stupid2] hehees. yupps.

hmm, like kinda miss skating now. feel like skating lohh. hais. ARGHH!!! when will weekends come?? so slow!!!!!!! BORING!!

yayy!! finally an take out my cast on thursday!!! so good!! hahas. haix.. talking about thursday.. i don't know if i should go for skate club or the urban skate. i want to go the urban skate. but at the same time i also wanna go for the skate club.. :( so sad. why am i so indecisive?? arghh!! irritating.. sobs.

hais~ okay lahh. i go upload my birthday presents photos then post them lerx. hehees. looking for new blog skin too! :)

eh oh..

hahas! back here. in school now. supposed to be studying. but come to do blog stuffs! -_-" hahas.

yupps. just now received a message from fionna, ask me to go for an audition to act as a daughter who is flying off to a university. like so de sick? have to dress like a university student. lol. hahas. should i go? don't know lehh. so confused. ARGHH!!!!!!

Lucas is flying off to thailand soon. either today or tomorrow. hope he have a safe trip. and a happy one of course. hahas. want to send him off but dada ask me dont go. so don't go lohh. better be guais then quarrel with him over little stuffs. hahas. :0 kekeke.

hmm, boring.. hais. miss dada. i think he's sleeping now bahh. hais. hahas. he's in his lala land now.. hahas. :) hope he have a sweet dream. he didn't sleep last night. cause i wanna sleep and i want him to wake me up at 5:20am. so he stayed up. :) so sweet yeah? hehees. :P

today he's going skating with steven i think. finally steven is back on skate!! :P so happy to see him on skate again. hope he can recover fully soon. :) then can do all the tricks he used to be able to do. :) hahas. he rocks mann!! :) so lame, so cool, WHATEVER! hahas. [quote from i not stupid2] hehees. yupps.

hmm, like kinda miss skating now. feel like skating lohh. hais. ARGHH!!! when will weekends come?? so slow!!!!!!! BORING!!

yayy!! finally an take out my cast on thursday!!! so good!! hahas. haix.. talking about thursday.. i don't know if i should go for skate club or the urban skate. i want to go the urban skate. but at the same time i also wanna go for the skate club.. :( so sad. why am i so indecisive?? arghh!! irritating.. sobs.

hais~ okay lahh. i go upload my birthday presents photos then post them lerx. hehees. looking for new blog skin too! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! :)

HELLOS!!!! I'm back lerx. hahas. :) finally 18 years lerx. hahas. :)

yupps. had dinner with qianhui, junfeng, yuzhen, chuti, jimmy, kelvin and trevor. hahas. yupps. steamboat at junfeng's house. hehees. :P

then after that go meet dada at bedok to watch movie. hehees. watched "the wild". so funny. hahas. :) dada gave me blue rose. so sweet of him. chuti they all gave me watch, necklace, and bracelet. hahas. all dolphin. maria and wilson also gave me necklace. hahas. :)

maria is the first to wish me happy birthday. :) samuel is the last. haix~ never mind. at least he wished. hahas. :)

i'm like, lost for words now? too happy lerx bahh. hahas. :) dada, darlings, babies, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

okay lahh. gtg lerx lahh. take care to all.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! :)

HELLOS!!!! I'm back lerx. hahas. :) finally 18 years lerx. hahas. :)

yupps. had dinner with qianhui, junfeng, yuzhen, chuti, jimmy, kelvin and trevor. hahas. yupps. steamboat at junfeng's house. hehees. :P

then after that go meet dada at bedok to watch movie. hehees. watched "the wild". so funny. hahas. :) dada gave me blue rose. so sweet of him. chuti they all gave me watch, necklace, and bracelet. hahas. all dolphin. maria and wilson also gave me necklace. hahas. :)

maria is the first to wish me happy birthday. :) samuel is the last. haix~ never mind. at least he wished. hahas. :)

i'm like, lost for words now? too happy lerx bahh. hahas. :) dada, darlings, babies, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

okay lahh. gtg lerx lahh. take care to all.

HAPPY BDAE P2!!

Hellos! Hahas. Back here again! Today is Wilson part two's birthday! Hehees! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOY! After his birthday, it'll be mine on Monday! Like so.. hahas. Don't know how to say lahh. Just find it knida nice because it's rare to have a friend whose birthday is so close to yours isn't it? Hahas. Heard he was force to drink a lot as his birthday present! Hahas. Poor thing. Hope mine is going to be just fine. Please!!

Hmm, now is 2:25am. Later gotta go down to custom. To 'chop' passport. Cause student pass expires today. Arww! How sad yeah? Then it's gonna be a tiring day for me? Hahas. I'm meeting Maria to study at East Coast Mac. Gotta do tutorials online plus my house is damn blooding noisy with the two young kids at home. ARGHH!!! Hahas. So i'm going out to study! Hahas!! :)

Going to skate I think. After my studies and stuffs bahh. If not just stay at Mac to play maple? Hahas. Okays. Hehees. Like so cool? Now got laptop, can blog anywhere, anytime. So nice. Keep you all updated about me all the time. Hahas. :)

Haix~ just now kinda like angry with dada. He piss me off lahh. I can understand that he wants to celebrate Wilson's birthday. But he promised young king that he will go CC for CO with him de mahh. Then every time last minute never go. So pang seh lohh. If I were young king, I wouldn't even be bothered to call him up again to ask him go anymore until he go there himself lohh. Why can't he fulfill his promises? It's so not nice of him to actually did that lohh. To break his promises as and when he like. Haix. I hate people who give empty promises. That's why sometimes I don't like his attitude towards me. It just sucks lahh. That why I can't be bothered to 'ai wu ji wu' that's nonsense lahh. Love a person means I have to tolerate ALL his bad attitude towards me? Once in s while still okay. But too often it's just so that I CANNOT TOLERATE! I don't think anyone can do it lahh. Hmphh. Even the least temper person has a limit to tolerance. How can a person like me don't have? Some more my temper isn't that good lohh. Haix~ can't be bothered now lahh. I need time to cool myself down.

Hmm, pass two days, i’m quite happy but on Thursday afternoon when i’m on my way to Inline Culture, i'm being disturb by a stupid old man on the bus. It’s just so irritating that he actually piss me off like fuck lahh. ASS! Go and die lahh. So angry!!! Hmphh!

Never mind lahh. Haix. Okays lahh. Update again later bahh. Take care to all. Once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILSON!! :)

HAPPY BDAE P2!!

Hellos! Hahas. Back here again! Today is Wilson part two's birthday! Hehees! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOY! After his birthday, it'll be mine on Monday! Like so.. hahas. Don't know how to say lahh. Just find it knida nice because it's rare to have a friend whose birthday is so close to yours isn't it? Hahas. Heard he was force to drink a lot as his birthday present! Hahas. Poor thing. Hope mine is going to be just fine. Please!!

Hmm, now is 2:25am. Later gotta go down to custom. To 'chop' passport. Cause student pass expires today. Arww! How sad yeah? Then it's gonna be a tiring day for me? Hahas. I'm meeting Maria to study at East Coast Mac. Gotta do tutorials online plus my house is damn blooding noisy with the two young kids at home. ARGHH!!! Hahas. So i'm going out to study! Hahas!! :)

Going to skate I think. After my studies and stuffs bahh. If not just stay at Mac to play maple? Hahas. Okays. Hehees. Like so cool? Now got laptop, can blog anywhere, anytime. So nice. Keep you all updated about me all the time. Hahas. :)

Haix~ just now kinda like angry with dada. He piss me off lahh. I can understand that he wants to celebrate Wilson's birthday. But he promised young king that he will go CC for CO with him de mahh. Then every time last minute never go. So pang seh lohh. If I were young king, I wouldn't even be bothered to call him up again to ask him go anymore until he go there himself lohh. Why can't he fulfill his promises? It's so not nice of him to actually did that lohh. To break his promises as and when he like. Haix. I hate people who give empty promises. That's why sometimes I don't like his attitude towards me. It just sucks lahh. That why I can't be bothered to 'ai wu ji wu' that's nonsense lahh. Love a person means I have to tolerate ALL his bad attitude towards me? Once in s while still okay. But too often it's just so that I CANNOT TOLERATE! I don't think anyone can do it lahh. Hmphh. Even the least temper person has a limit to tolerance. How can a person like me don't have? Some more my temper isn't that good lohh. Haix~ can't be bothered now lahh. I need time to cool myself down.

Hmm, pass two days, i’m quite happy but on Thursday afternoon when i’m on my way to Inline Culture, i'm being disturb by a stupid old man on the bus. It’s just so irritating that he actually piss me off like fuck lahh. ASS! Go and die lahh. So angry!!! Hmphh!

Never mind lahh. Haix. Okays lahh. Update again later bahh. Take care to all. Once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILSON!! :)