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my NCo friends. i miss them so much! haiz.

haiz. memories. so sweet!!

i want them all back!!!

haizzzzzzzzzzz

Hi people, back lerx. Like damn long never blog lerx lolz. Haiz, have been feeling very sad and disappointed. With both dear and myself. Feeling so tired, not physically but mentally.

For the pass week, got back almost all my prelim's results. And they became my second sadness. My first sadness was dear, and he's my first disappointment. I am very disappointed with him. He made miee lose trust and faith in him. A relationship that causes either party to lose trust and faith, watt can I say? Feeling tired of this relationship. Thinking back, I have not been talking to him for almost one week. I cannot write out in details watt he has done until I put in my password. Or maybe I should not say watt happened before I got myself into trouble. This is the don't know how many times of the year he made miee lose trust and faith in him. Then when I tell him he did this and that has caused miee to lose this two important 'thing', he will say '' Don't be with miee if youu don't trust miee ''. I mean, youu are the one who caused the whole thing and now youu are telling miee this. Sometimes I really feel like telling him '' Leave then leave, it's no big deal leaving youu. ''. I did not do that because on my birthday that night, when we were messaging each other, he is the one who say '' please don't leave miee can lerx. '' And when we were talking on the phone, he's the one who said '' I have lose youu once, I never want to lose youu again. '' Words so sweet and be out from his mouth and words so nasty is also from his mouth. I cannot believe this, I feel totally insulted and, useless. For times, he asks miee to trust him and I did. Is this watt I am supposed to get back? Feeling regret for doing so? I cried for him again. This is the third time i am crying for him ever since we patched.

First time I had this feeling was because of Elizabeth, his ex-girlfriend, but it did not last long because he told miee many things about her. Many explanations were said and I trusted him. Second time I had this feeling was because of Maria, currently my daughter by name. =) It lasted for a very long time. Nevertheless, Maria explained a lot too, right? I am feeling much better because of Maria's explanations and I could see that she is really trying her best to many miee her friend instead of enemy. However, though I feel better, but I was not that relieved after all. I am too, trying my best to make Maria my friend now. I am trying not to be prejudice towards her. =P and I did that! Cause I am no longer that possessive. It is dear turn lerx! Hmpff! I have learnt to take things lightly. That is why I accepted Maria. Hahaz. I hope that Maria and I could become friends, without doubts. Kekeke. Now, this is the third time I am feeling this way and I very sick of listening to all his excuses. All his excuses, i find it meaningless to tell miee because he will never do watt he said. Feel so devastated. Haiz. Sometimes, I really have the urge to end my life because I find life, kind of, meaningless. Yaa, meaningless. I have a boyfriend who does not give miee the sense of security that he is suppose to give miee and cannot assure miee with everlasting relationship. Secondly, I have a family that is like, breakdown? Haiz. Then friendship also. Haiz, GOD!!! IF YOUU WANT SOMEONE TO LEAVE THIS WONDERFUL WORLD, MAKE MIEE YOURR CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sick of living. Sick of this world, humans, relationship with friends and dear. I shouldn't have born in the first place. Haiz. I am feeling so pessimistic now. I used to be so optimistic. Haiz~

Major exam will commence in about 5 weeks time!!!!!!!! My coming days will not be good then. Everyday stay back until very late. Attending night classes, tons and tons of works to be done. Burning midnight oil and sleeping late at night. I hope my body can take these stress that will be coming my way and I hope I will not collapse half way. I cannot afford to do so. Maria, pray for mummy. Heheez. No laa. I will be crossing my fingers and work hard on my own. Also, I need to get rid of my exam fright!!!! I will be doom to fail if I don't. Arghh!!

Okiee laa, have to end here lerx. Anyway I don't know watt else to blog in. no mood suddenly. -_-'''' alright, people, take care.

hellos.

hii, i'm back lerx. so long didn't update. people, got miss miee? heheez. hahaz

i think i flunk my prelims. haix. so stupid horx? can't even study well. so dumb of miee. haix. going to be screw by my mom when i get back my results like, in two weeks time? ohhh goshh, help laa. hmm, i don't know watt to write here sia. only know i miss a lot of people. miss all my darlings, my baby, my primary school friends. haix. hope to meet upp with my primary school friends soon. hahaz.

okiee laa. don't know watt to say lerx. will update soon. take care to all. =p

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Hahaz. i'm back lerx. Same laa. No much difference from yesterday.

Ohhh yaa, yesterday forget to blog in that I visited band. Hahaz. =) heard the band when I was having my A Maths paper. Then went to visit band for 'a while'. Ahahaz. At first was thinking of going for a while then go home de. Ended upp leaving at 5pm. Heheez. As naughty as ever lolz. Diaoz. =X. watt to do. Miss band wadd. Kekeke. Recently heard some news. Feel quite sad about it laa. Haiz. Never mind. Better not care so much bax. =)

Dear is supposed to be back from Malaysia today. However, until now I have yet to receive any message or call from him. Therefore, I assume that he might not be returning today bax. Maybe it is a good thing bax. -_-'''' cause I can concentrate better without his presence. Hmm, I am still wondering, how is the veronica from Henderson going to tag my board when she does not even know my password? God. Hmm, maybe I shall take out my password for a while first. Then ask her to add miee in msn or something so I can tell her. Hahaz. Heheez. If not she cannot tag my board, I like very bad like that lolz. So far, only six people know my password. Hahaz.

Ehh, need to study lerx. Tomorrow is geography and Chinese paper 1. need to Cheong lerx. Hahaz. =) take care to all. Tatax.

hahaz

Haiz. Back lerx. With lots of disappointments with myself. Of course, it is because of prelim. Haiz. Wondering watt I should do now. aiyaa. don't know laa.

Tomorrow dear is returning from Malaysia. It has been almost a week since I last saw him. Somehow, I got used to the days without him lerx. I don't know why, but I seems to be trying to get use to it from the start. Haiz. Somewhat, my mind is blur. Haiz. Hope it is because by the stress from prelims and that it will not last long. =)

Hmm, didn't do well for the first few papers of prelims. Haiz. Try harder bax. =P ehh, Ohhh yaa, for those who have been reading my blog, my apology first. Because I am going to put password into my blog and I am afraid youu all will not be able to read my blog after that. Maria, don't worry, mummy will give youu the password. Okiee? =) as for that OMG friend of yours, ehh, sorry okiee? Hahaz. Reason as to why I am doing this is because I do not want some people to visit my blog, but if I think that I can take out the password, i will do it. =D err, recently I have been trying to catch upp with my studies. Hope I can do well, or maybe just a normal grade will do for my prelims. I don't ask for excellent grade but I hope I can meet my targets. Hahaz. This somehow seems to be difficult now. Heheez.

Hmm, okiee laa. Have to go lerx. I am going to study and memorise chemistry stuffs lerx. Take care to all. =)

haiz

Hellos, back lerx. Yupps. Hmm, feeling a little sad today. Haiz. Sleep around 5am this morning. Haiz~

This morning, before I sleep, I read dear's messages. Feel so hurt when he actually ask miee not to be with him if I don't trust him and the one he say I did not treat him any better ever since we patch. Yeshh, maybe he is right. There might be another day when we actually say goodbye to each other like last year. However, I know if we do, there will be no more turning points again. I treasure this relationship very much. For it, I pinned lots of hope, faith, time, effort and trust. Nevertheless, I know I will not be able to stop if it is going to end. I have to be prepared for the worst. Yeshh I have to. However, all that I can do now is to remain faithful to dear and do my best to give him the happiness he ought to have in a relationship. Somehow, I know, this will be the best solution bax. =) Though I might not know watt will happen in the next second, but I can try, my best to create watt will happen next. =). Chim? Hahaz. Not at all actually. Don't understand never mind. As long as I understand, can lerx. =P

These two days when dear is away, many things crossed my mind. Wondering if it is a good thing or a bad omen. Haiz. It has been quite some time since I last thought about all these stuffs lerx. Haiz. Miss dear so much. Wonder if he misses miee or not. Baby, I miss youu so much. Haiz. Ohhh god, the feeling of missing someone is so terrible. Damn it. Tomorrow is prelim lerx. Haiz~ Watt should I do? Aiyaa. Go study lerx laa. Take care everybody! All the best to those having exams. Good luck!!!

heheez

Hellos, I am back again, for the day. Hahaz. Well, miss my dear so much! Cannot really sleep last night, I mean, this 'morning'. Hahaz. Cause I came home late wadd. Hahaz. Ohh yaa, today is abiel's birthday! Happy birthday to youu!

Hmm, didn't really do many things today. Feeling tired! At night must Cheong lerx lolz. Hahaz. Today didn't go out with Kris darling cause mom wants miee to stay at home. Haiz. Boring lolz. Thought of going to the lotus lantern thingy to pray for my grandma and dear's family de. But was screwed. Diaoz. Hahaz. Never mind. =)

Ehh, don't know watt to say lerx. Have to go lerx. Need to finish upp the chores and revise the school works lerx. Lucky tomorrow no need to go school cause no paper. Hahaz. Well, take care to all.

sad

Now is 1:31am. Yupps. Haiz, dear is back to Malaysia lerx. Missing him now. How? So sad. Sobs. Baby, I miss youu!!!

Haiz. Just return from airport about 30mins ago. Went to study with Mitchell didi and Gavin. Hahaz. Maths and sciences. Yupps. Half way through, went to take dinner at Popeye. Heheez. Cool? Hahaz. Then after dinner Gavin went home, left with miee and Mitchell. Then miee and Mitchell study on our own. Until about 9+ or later, Kiang Tuck joins us. Then benedict came also. So nice seeing him. The 'gangster' who used to be in BDS and then transferred out to Ping Yi. Then I do finish my Maths, Mitchell marks his paper1 based on my Maths answer. Then listen stories, talk craps and crack lame jokes. Of course, leisure after works. Hahaz. =). Well, heard some 'news' from Mitchell today, was like stunned and kind of pissed, Haiz, better not talk about it before my blood starts boiling. Hmm, well, had a fun day with Mitchell they all, learned my mole concept and probability. Hahaz. Cool! Thanks dude. =)

Ohhh yaa, Edmond went overseas today. Went to Bangkok. Hahaz. He is really a very nice person! Used to hate him last year because I find him very idiotic and damn irritating. Cause every time I call dear on the phone he will pick upp and scold miee. Like so damn noisy lolz. Heheez. No longer now. Hahaz. Well, that was when miee and dear quarrel like fuck that period of time laa. This is like, over now. Hahaz. Well, past is better not mentioned. Kekeke. It pissed people off when we try to recall it. Heheez. So, forget about it!! Hahaz. However, sometimes dear still rake upp the past lehz. Then we will quarrel. Haiz. Nevertheless, I myself also at fault laa. Cause I talk back maa, then also bring upp the past also. Then make the whole thing worst. So watt should I do? SORRY BABY!! Hahaz. Apologise! Heheez. =P

Hmm, prelims are just in like, two days time? Ohhh god, this exam will determine whether i will pass or fail my Os. Damn. I am staring to panic. Because I have not been doing anything! Simply Maths only? Alternatively, science? God, these two subjects are the ones I really pay more attention to lolz. The rest like, didn't really touch. Goshh, dear!! Help miee! (I know useless calling for help from him, because he will say he does not know anything!). Well, there's one thing he can be of help, don't tempt miee to go skating now!!! And give miee his support. Hahaz. Thank god, he will be away for a few days or else I don't think I can concentrate on my studies lolz. Sorry baby, mummy said this when youu are away. Hahaz. However, it is true laa, youu will distract miee lolz. -_-''''. Heheez. Because i will have to like, pay more attention to youu, spend more time with youu maa. Hahaz. Ehh, of course not forever don't want to spend time with youu laa, after my exams okiee? Hahaz. =)

Well, had a fun week. Only when I am with my dear and darlings! Hahaz. Hmm, did I blog in about miee went for the wheelathon on Friday? I don't think so lehz. Hahaz. Yupps. I went for it, with dear and Edmond they all. 5km. diaoz. First time miee taking part in this kind of event lolz. I was like, dots when dear told miee that I am going for it. I thought he was kidding!!! Then in the end still went for it. Quite fun laa. Saw inline culture's demo team playing. Like so fun. Hahaz. It is nice laa, to see them play. However, I doubt I can do it lolz. Talking about skating, I found out today that Mitchell and Gavin know how to skate!! Next time ask them along when I go ECP with dear. Heheez.

Ha. Damn it, I lost my key when I am on my way back from woodlands on Thursday night, on the bus!!! I am going to like, spend don't know how much on duplicating keys lerx lolz! Ohhh mann! Arghh!!

Okiee laa, tired lerx, but still have to finish upp my works first. Take care people. Miss youu guys! =)

Dear, miss youu sooooo much!!!!!!!!

haiz

Hellos. i'm back to blogging lerx. Haiz. In two days time, my dear is going away for Malaysia for five days. Going to miss him terribly lerx. Sobs!

Haiz. Such a long time since I last updated. Almost a month right? don't have the time to go blogging laa, partly cause i'm lazy and cause i'm busy. Busy going hospital and ECP, recently. Hahaz. Hospital for grandma and ECP for skating. Went there on last Saturday, this Monday and the day before yesterday, which was Tuesday laa. Hahaz. Dots. Went there skate with dear and of course Edmond they all lolz. Yupp. Watt else can I do when I'm at ECP nowadays? Hahaz. Monday night when I was in rollerline, I saw a pair of skate I love so much! It cost 469 bucks lolz. Dots. So ex lehz. Wanted to buy, but no money now, have to save upp first. Hmm, but dear ask miee to buy lightning. Haiz. So confused, which one should I buy? Lightning or the one I like? Haiz. Ask dear again bax. Hahaz. =)

Well, heard my grandma is going to discharge soon, hopefully will be just in this week!!! can't wait for her to come home lolz. =) Heheez. Yesterday my Thomas called miee, so happy to receive a call from him. He is back from overseas. Well, don't misunderstand, he's someone who helped to solve a misunderstanding between miee and dear last year and he saved the relationship!! Thanks to him last year!! Kekeke. So nice that he actually he remembers miee lehz. I thought he would have forgotten about miee when he is away. Hahaz. So kind of him. He told miee he met dear at ECP. Then they played billiard. =) Saw Maria on Tuesday night at rink when I was back from jetty with jolyn they all, hahaz. =) she was with Ron they all, sitting at the usual corner lolz. Haiz, miee and Maria, don't seems to be able to talk naturally when we are facing each other lehz. I mean, I guess it is because of miee bax. Haiz. don't know lehz, we seems to be different when we're messaging each other. She doesn't seem happy that day. Maybe because of her Add-Math bax. Hmm, I thought of helping her, but I myself sucks at trigonometry, so I had better keep quiet, if not teach her wrongly. Hahaz. Nevertheless, I hope to see her smiling next time I sees her at ECP! Smile daughter! =)

Haiz. So many things happened for the past weeks. Happy and sad. Or rather more to sadness bax. Of course, with sadness, there will be disappointment. I am pretty sure nobody would want to encounter sadness if they can avoid. Somehow, we cannot avoid some of the sadness that is meant to happen. Haiz. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, how many of us can actually tell whether we will be happy or sad the next second? None of us. Temporary sadness is definitely better than long term. Who would want to be sad, crying, looking bored all the time? Haiz. Sometimes we human are just not sensible enough, not observant enough towards the surrounding. Sometimes our lack of understanding towards one person can make a person sad. The words from our mouth would give the person youu love a great blow. Haiz. How many of us actually encountered all these? And how many of us can face them bravely? Haiz. This is life, we human somehow have to face them, maybe not now but at a later part of lifetime. It is a sad thing that we can't get to know true friends for our life but it will be one great thing if we does. Haiz.

Haiz. Okiee laa, no mood for blogging suddenly, too many things are crossing my mind, I can't tell if i'm blogging the right things or not lerx. Take care people. Love youu my Kris baby and my beloved Bao Bei, always.

backed

Hellos. Back lerx. Haiz. So many things happened. I am so sad!! Discover someone like HER!!!! SOMEONE WHOM I NEVER EXPECT WILL BE LIKE HER!!!! I am so damn the hurt now. Feel like crying. Sad sad sad and sad!!!!!!

Haiz. All these while, I thought other than her, I will be able to get rid of all the liars and idiotic asshole in my life. I thought after HER, no one else would be like that anymore. I thought everything would be fine. However, it didn't turn out the way it is 'suppose' to be. i'm so hurt. Another person. Whom I trusted, betrayed the trust I had upon the person. I give. I want to give up. I no longer want to trust anyone, anymore. I no longer want to share my problems with others anymore, other than my Kris darling and dear, no more. Please scram, all the liars and idiots, fuck off!!! I hate youu all to the core, don't walk into my life, get out of here. I hate youu all, I hate youu all!! I never want to speak to youu all, I never want to see youu for another time, scram, fuck off, I don't give a damn to who youu are, where youu're from, just leave miee alone. I don't need liars as friends, I don't need all these assholes as friends. Youu can find yourself the best asshole ever, but not in miee. GET OUT OF MY LIFE AND LEAVE MIEE ALONE!!!! that's it!!!!!!!!

Because of this, miee and dear nearly broke upp. I hate all those who gave miee these problems. there's only one person who gave miee this bullshit. And the person knows it very well. I hope that person will wake upp soon and shut the fuck up and stop making upp stories that will kill people!!!! Just simply, I HATE YOUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haiz. Got very vexed recently, over studies, over watt dear had said, over friendship and teachers. Feel so damn fuck upp. Feel so hurt. My heart, torn into pieces, shattered into thousands pieces. Billions of needles poking my heart. It is so painful. So unbearable. Scolded by dear cause he thought I neglected my studies but has he ever seen miee trying to work hard for him? Has he ever notice all the things i have done, just for him? Does he know how teachers demoralize us when we are in school, does he know how sad I was when I am in school? Does he know I don't even feel like going to school nowadays? Does he know that school is totally hell for miee? Does he know I need more care and concern from him? Does he know he needs to be my motivation in order for miee to move on? I know when he asks miee to study, he meant well for miee, but I need more than this from him. He's not ordinary person to miee, he is someone I need very much. Can he be more understanding towards miee? Can he try to console miee when I need him to? Can he? ('':) sobs. I doubt he can. I doubt so. Sad. Sad. Haiz.

Tomorrow is band's BBQ lerx. don't know if I should go or not. Kris darling say she might not be going, it is so boring without her joking with miee, Haiz. If she can be there, everything will be great lerx. Everything. Though dear said he would be able to pei miee but I guess he would not want miee to stay at the pit de. Haiz. don't know laa. So sad nehx.

Okiee laa. Have to go lerx. Take care peoples.