ZacKat Junior!

***drafted since 13August 2015***

13 August 2015

Yes. Zac and I will be having a baby. =)

And somehow I decided to start jotting down the pregnancy. 

We found out about the pregnancy on 11 August 2015. By then I was about 2-3 weeks, indicated by the test kit. 

I missed my menses which was scheduled and predicted to be on 06 August. Didn't think too much into it cause I messed up the dates and thought my menses was predicted to be on 08 Aug while I was in Hong Kong with the girlfriends. So when it was 10 Aug I thought I was just 2 days late and that's normal cause it happens sometimes. I am quite on the dot when it comes to menses but there are a few rare times when it came late like 2-3days (max) so I thought that was fine. 

Back in Singapore on 10 August and went to Joonjek's girlfriend's birthday chalet etc and everything was normal. Didn't felt uncomfortable except that I get tired easily. I have been feeling very bloated for quite a while and it is normal to me because I get bloatiness very easily. So again, I didn't think too much into anything! No morning sickness or any other symptoms yet except tiredness. Lol. 

When we went home that night, I told Love that my water retention seems to be getting worse (I get water retention easily). My rings are getting harder to remove and my feet looks bloated too. =( Love was telling me that I should do something to it (cause we both thought I was getting fat) and then it hit me suddenly that momsie told me before that pregnant lady will experience water retention. So I went to check my Pinkpad and realized my predicted menses date is earlier than I thought and I was more than just 2days late which is quite abnormal for myself. So the next day I went to buy 2 test kit, different ones and tried. First try in the morning, positive. But the second blue line was quite faint so I waited until noon again to try with a digital one. This time the word "Pregnant" showed up and a while after that it indicated 2-3. At that moment, it was a moment of confusion and.. Lost? So I messaged Love to inform him of the news and he kinda went gaga over it and told me that he wants to tell everyone about it. LOL. But I told him not to tell anyone first cause I would like to go to the Gynae to have check up first. He told chew anyway cause he was just beside him when I told him the news. So we kept this from almost everyone except chew and Kelly, who just got to know last night. 

We met chew and Kelly for dinner last night and I kinda felt bad and damn paiseh cause they seems to be so careful with me and very accommodating. I felt there's no such need cause I feel perfectly fine. I just hope they treat me normally. After dinner we went to watch movie and what was so unbearable the entire movie was the smell of McDonald. A group of people sitting behind us came in to the theater with McDonald and I couldn't figure what was that the whole time until I turned my head and saw them eating Mac!! But the whole time when I smell the McDonald I felt like vomiting. This is the first time I have such reaction and Love said that's because Baby doesn't like McDonald. LOL! I went online to do some reading and it mentioned that I would experience more stuffs when I hit 6 weeks onward. I hope I won't have morning sickness. =( 

What I think was worse is on the day we went for chalet and not knowing I'm pregnant, we got into an accident. Thankfully nobody is injured. Of course, we are hoping that the little one would be fine as we have yet to see my Gynae due to his packed schedule this week. We will be meeting the little one on Love's birthday. =) that's the earliest slot they have and Love wants me to arrange the earliest slot. So tadah! We will be going on Monday afternoon. =)  

15-16 August 2015

Love has been extra caring and loving ever since we found out about the pregnancy. Worry that I don't have enough food and always making sure I eat what I want to. And not to mention he has been fetching me from work since the day I told him about the news. Haha. Love said he wants to take photo of my tummy every month to see his baby's growth. -.- I told him there's not gonna be much movements until about 4months. Everyday he will be so careful with me now. No bending, no squatting, no carrying of heavy stuffs. I'm just like a royal highness suddenly. LOL. Well, privilege of preggy. And xiaobai is definite not allowed to jump on me anymore. Hahaha. Love keeps telling xiaobai "mummy got baby cannot jump ok!" Hahaha. He would also sillily talk to my tummy and say things like "hello baby Zac, how are you? You will see papa soon ok?" Lol. 

So far through the pregnancy I've been feeling fine, glad that I've not had morning sickness. Praying I won't encounter any of them either. I get tired and hungry very easily. Gets tired about every 4-5hrs. And gets hungry about every 2-3hrs. Fml. Told Love that this baby is out to make me fat. I also drink a lot more water and I pee a lot. -.- not sure if that's a good or bad news when I get water retention so easily. -.-

17 August 2015

Love made me angry this morning. He went to play poker with Eddy they all and told me he'll be done by 2am. He ended up being home at 4+am! How frustrating when we are visiting the Gynae today and I've emphasized to him on how packed my gynae's schedules are and that we cannot be late! We waited one week for this check up. -.- he came home at 4+ and ended up sleeping at 9am. Why I don't want him to be out late because I know he knows no limit and will not stop. Worse thing is people around him doesn't stop him either. Okay, for this instance I can't blame anyone because no one knows about the baby yet. Though chew knows but I know he can't do anything now too. 

It is very frustrating why should I be the one to deal with all the shit whereas he gets to go out until late, enjoying himself. It pisses me off. Making me not want any kids because I want my freedom too. -.- selfish thought it may be but who isn't selfish? People who think that married woman must give birth are also selfish. Why MUST they give birth?! Honestly speaking no woman is obligated to give birth okay! So when you set this kind of demand on others you better ask yourself what can you sacrifice or provide?! There's a price to pay for everything you want. You want a kid, use your time and freedom to pay for it. -.- 

Baby @ approximately 6 weeks. You can't even see anything yet!

// 

Hi baby, we went for the first visit with Dr Phua today and we saw the tiny you on the screen. 

Pardon mummy for having some kind of selfish thoughts because mummy felt that daddy is not ready to sacrifice and your arrival now is not the right time. As much as I anticipate and welcome your arrival, I don't want the consequences to be mummy and daddy to be quarreling over you and your responsibilities etc etc. Because knowing your daddy, he's not ready to commit to a baby and same time, knowing myself, I would not be able to tolerate your daddy being the way he is now.. There are a lot to consider now knowing your existence. Things could be a lot more easier and simpler without you. Of course I hope daddy can learn to be more mature and sensible and not always in his own world anymore. After all, Daddy wants to keep you and honestly, mummy doesn't want to lose a baby.

We will see how things goes. 

//

My dad passed away on the same day we went for Gynae check up. We were at the hospital with him after the check up. He looked normal and is able to talk to us. We went downstairs for a break and came back up at about 5ish he was still looking fine. He could still request to sit on the chair and managed to do that. He even asked for papaya to eat. He looked perfectly fine. We bid him goodbye cause we were going for dinner and he could still wave us goodbye. Telling us to go ahead. We left the hospital, sent my sister and cousin back home and then went for our dinner appointment. Just as we step into the restaurant, my mom called and I knew something is not right. She told me that my dad has stopped breathing. We rushed back to the hospital only to see him lying there, motionless. He wasn't the same as before we left the hospital. It was too sudden. It all happened too fast that I can't seems to react properly. I don't seems to have time to react to what just happened. 

Then the whole week was about the wake, funeral and settling dad down at his new place. 

31st August 205

Baby @ 7 weeks 4days. We can see a little of it! =)

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Hi baby, we heard your heartbeat today. =) and that's probably the only thing that mummy worry the most by far. The next thing I'm worry about will be down syndromes and hepatitis B issues. I hope when we do Oscar test everything will turn out well. 

You've been a good baby, not giving mummy much problems except always feeling hungry and tired at very wrong timings. Oh, and causing mummy's back to ache and sore really badly. Haha. Now, continue to grow well, grow healthy and be good okay.. =) 

Daddy has been a good boy lately too. Applying pain relief gel for mummy every night and bringing me to eat whenever I'm hungry. Except that he always laze in bed as he sleep late. I hope your arrival will turn his body clock so drastically that it will go back to normal. I hope your existence will change his life, of course for the better. And somehow I hope you're here to torture him too. Hahaha. Grandma ever told me that if the parent is very horrible, the baby will be more horrible for the parent to deal with. A taste of its own medicine. I hope you're daddy's medicine in this sense. Heh. 

//

01 Sep 2015

Unknowingly, dad has passed on for 2 weeks. How time flies.. Sigh.. Sometimes I wonder why is time passing so fast.. =\ I don't seems to have enough time everyday. 

I wish time could turn back at times. 

Oh my dear baby, you're making my eyes close at this time.. 10pm..

03 Sep 2015

Omg baby, I'm sorry for sleeping late last night. It's only 11:40am and you're making mummy's eyes so sleepy. I could barely open my eyes. =( no no.. T.T

Baby you're 8 weeks old today. >.< Please continue to be a good baby.. =)

19 Sep 2015

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Hi baby, what is happening to you inside of me? Mummy noticed spotting today and told grandma and daddy about it. Grandma said you're 10weeks 2days old you should be fine. But she asked me to speak to you and ask you to be a good baby. Because you're scaring mummy! Is it because mummy was feeling so angry just the day before? I'm sorry. Because mummy hates it when people try to take control of my life events. Mummy hates it when people try to overwrite my plans. Sorry if my emotion is the cause for you feeling upset. Mummy needs to be away from anyone who have potential to nag at mummy or try to control how mummy should live life. Bear with it for a while more, all these unstable emotion will end soon. 

//

23 Sep 2015

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Hi baby, we saw you again today! You've grown so much compared to the last visit! Your heartbeat is so loud and fast and daddy is so amazed by that! We were both worried about you because of the spotting that lasted quite a few days. But Dr Phua said you're doing fine. :D and he said you're in siting position today. Daddy said you looked so chill sitting there. 😂 you're now 4.32cm measuring from your head to your butt. So so tiny, so so fragile. Please grow up well and strong. Daddy and mummy will see you very soon. Like daddy said, he can't take care of you now because you're inside my womb so he have to take care of mummy now. Haha. 托你的福！And oh! Dr Phua said mummy lost weight since the last visit! How can that be?! Mummy have been eating! >.<

//

02 October 2015

Baby ZK is now 3 months 2 days old. Love announced to his family about the pregnancy during our food tasting with the restaurant that day. 

The reason why I didn't want Love's family to know is because I do not want them to tell the whole world about it. Knowing them, especially his mom, she would do that and I'm totally not comfortable to let so many people know. And all the more I don't want them to know after knowing Love's ah ma wants me to address her as lao ma(the way my kids should call her) during our tea serving ceremony which I'm totally against doing. 

I'm not the kind who would do things to please people for the sake of pleasing people. It's illogical and ridiculous to me because by doing that it's as good as telling me straight to my face that once I'm married into this family, my position is degraded to be the same as my child. Siao meh? They think I yearn for this status so badly that I would do this to myself? Nope. I don't really care about status actually. So no, don't force me. I can do all kinds of crazy things if people force me to do things I don't want to do. Wedding day has no exception. Not for anyone. You may call me stubborn but I like my stubbornness. Because this is the only way I can protect myself from anyone out of my comfort zone. Meh. 

05 Oct 2015

Baby @ 12 weeks 3 days.

Love and I went for check up at Thomson Medical last Saturday. Haha. We went there for Oscar Test (a test for down syndromes). The test involved doing an ultrasound for the baby and required my blood for testing too. 

Not so much of a problem when it comes to ultrasound except that the first scan baby was sleeping/taking a nap and doctor needs baby to be awake and shift to the position she needs. >.< so she asked us to go for a walk and wake the baby up. Love and I went to grab something light to eat and we kept talking to the tummy and asking the baby to wake up. Hahahaha! So after about 30mins, doctor called us in for a second scan. This time the baby is awake! Hahaha! It's so amazing because we saw so many movements from the baby! It's only about 6cm and the baby is so active! Heard the heartbeat and this is our main concern from the start. Second concern is the down syndromes. But we had a good news from the doctor that day that baby has very obvious nasal bone which is a very good news for down syndrome test because it's an indication that baby is all good! =)=)=)

We saw the baby drinking water, moving the mouth, doing stretching, turning around, lying on the side, crossing the legs and moving nonstop! Love was so so so amazed when he watch the screen. Hurhur. However, we didn't managed to see the baby's gender. Hahaha! Love's is pretty anxious about this because he said he would prefer a boy as he would really be stressed if the baby is a girl. He stressed because he would be so protective towards the baby girl. Hahaha. If it's a boy he wouldn't need to worry so much. Doctor said we would probably be able to tell the gender at about 16weeks -20weeks. And Love kept asking me to ask baby to open the legs in fear it's gonna be a girl. LOL!

I guess this baby is starting to change our life. The concern is all about the baby now. In my mom's case it's more about me because I'm losing weight from this pregnancy. Apparently mom said baby absorbed all the food I ate and is growing well. That's why I'm not absorbing any nutrients and is losing weight. So she's asking me to eat this and that now. But because I'm pregnant there's a lot of things I can't eat. :( 

Oscar test result will be out in about a week's time. Our check up with Dr Phua is next Wednesday so the result should be out by then. Crossing all my fingers and toes that baby will be all good! >.< 

And then, second part of the test requires my blood. This is the part I really hate and dread the most! Worse thing is Love can't go in to the room with me! :( so I ended up going alone and I screamed when the needle poke me. Tears almost fly out literally. Came out of the room and Love asked if I screamed. I said yeah and he said it was so loud that everyone outside was looking into the room. Okay that's embarrassing. =| Dr Phua said he will be drawing another tube of my blood for another test next week. Omg..... I hate blood test. Really hates it. =( I know. Baby is worth it blah blah blah. BUT IT STILL HURTS AND I'M STILL SCARED! 

07 October 2015

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Hey baby, Dr Phua's clinic called this morning. It's regarding the Oscar test we went for on last Saturday. We were scheduled to visit Dr Phua next Wednesday but Dr Phua say he do not wish to wait until next week so mummy is scheduled to see him tomorrow morning last min. Informed daddy about this and he's been so worried the whole time. He requested for time off tomorrow morning so that he can see you too. What's happening to you? Are you okay? Mummy is trying hard not to think about what might happen. Please just be fine okay? Daddy and mummy is waiting for your arrival. =)

//

08 October 2015

// 

Hey baby, bad news from Dr Phua today. Oscar test result is 1:137 which makes you a high risk in getting down syndrome. We don't know what's the cause for this result. Maybe because mummy's body is weak in nature or maybe there's some other causes. Dr Phua suggested to go for NIPT or amniocentesis test. Daddy and I forgo amniocentesis because Dr Phua said there might be a chance for miscarriage and daddy doesn't want to put mummy through the pain. So we went for NIPT test which can give us a 99.9% of accuracy if you will be having any kind of down syndromes. Both daddy and mummy were kinda lost for words when Dr Phua announced the result to us. Somehow I could sense that daddy is puzzled and upset because all along he thought women at mummy's age would not fall into high risk. As upset as I can get, I know I have to be strong for you and daddy. Daddy is not a mentally strong guy so I can't show my upset side. So please baby, be safe, be strong and be well. If anything happens to you now, I believe both daddy and mummy won't be able to cope emotionally. =(

//

09 October 2015

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Hey baby, you see how dear you are to daddy now? He already love you before he even meet you. =) yesterday was quite a tough day for both of us. Mummy was feeling all exhausted from the excessive extract of blood for further tests and because it hurts so badly mummy somehow teared a little. ='( mummy is afraid all kinds of injections to be very honest. Within a week about 4 large tubes and 1 small tube of blood is drawn for test. I've never experienced this before. =( so yeah, after the blood test mummy and daddy went home to rest. Few moments of blackouts here and there at home but luckily I'm at home. Daddy was with me all the while. Thankful for his officer who allow him to take off to accompany mummy. :) 

//

12 October 2015

The past two days haven't been good. It was supposed to be good because we had our 過大禮 on Saturday. But instead, it didn't turn out well. Love told me in the morning that his parents will not be coming over. Only his brother will be and he said in his message that "legend said Zhang Bei cannot guo da Li" so I told mom what he said. Mom flared up and when they reach she told them that she will not be returning anything and asked them to leave. For this instance I don't agree with mom with the way she reacted because whatever it is things can be talked out nicely, there's no need to make it look so bad. There's no point cause it's supposed to be a happy occasion. And next thing is zac's grandma requested me to address her as 老嬤 during tea serving ceremony which mom strongly disagreed cause she felt that it's a form of degrading my position in his family and that his grandma is out to bully me even before customary. To be very honest I felt it's illogical to me and that's the reason why I disagree. I mean obviously I don't think so much into it like my mom. I'm just not comfortable because the tradition is to follow what your husband calls. I've asked so many people and all told me to follow my husband. 

In the end zac's parents decided not to ask his grandma over for tea ceremony since this is causing so many problems. So we will only be serving tea to his parents only. I know when his dad said that he's not very happy about it and I know he gave in by agreeing to what mom said. 

Zac's parents came over in the end cause mom was behaving like some crazy woman who doesn't talk reasonably. It upset both Zac and I a lot actually. Now Zac doesn't know how to face her and is refusing to come over to my place already. I tried to talk to mom but she just don't seems to be able to accept and listen to people. Sigh. 

//

23 October 2015

Baby @ 15 weeks. =) 

Finally, all the pain and agony is over. I don't have to deal with the "Lao ma" shit anymore. Anyway I've made up my mind about Love's ridiculously unreasonable  ah ma. 

To be very honest, a respectable person will always get their respect from everyone around them, in or out of their house. Look at my Popo, people in my village respect her naturally. Unlike Love's ah ma, getting respect only in the house just because she's "ah ma". Sorry to say, she's don't even have half of my Popo's vibe to be respected for. 😒 don't throw your weight at me because I don't freaking buy it. 

During the dinner she kept giving us that black face is enough. From now on I'm not gonna deal with her. Just get out of my life already. I don't normally say I don't like someone. But I don't like her and her attitude towards people. She have her rules, I have mine too. And her kind of rules will never be brought to my own family in the future. Never. 

Talking about her really can piss me off. Never mind about her. 

On a happier note, NIPT test result is out and baby is all fine, normal and healthy! And that's the best news for us during last week's roller coaster ride. ^.^ and next best news was uncle was approved to come over just two days before the dinner and I'm so happy!!! ^.^ threw away all unhappiness! And Love finally came over to my place and now he and mom are fine now. Mom gave him a hug when she saw him. :) 

Anyway, we went to see Dr Phua on Wednesday cause I was bleeding on Tuesday. I guess the whole wedding planning/saga plus not enough rest on wedding day has taken its toll on me. Dr Phua checked the baby, baby is fine and moving a lot. That's a very good news. :) it's so worrying but Dr Phua said my low placenta caused the bleeding and asked me not to move so much, no exercise, no running, no jumping and no walking too much. =\ oh and baby is a girl. She's so gonna be daddy's girl next time. Love is already telling that we have to treat her like a princess but teach her to be a queen. 😂 told Love he's spoiling her before she's even born and he told me "I'm supposed to spoil her, you're supposed to fix her" Hahahaha. 

Somehow I'm so glad for her existence. Because of her, Love and I are able to smile and laugh during such tough times. If not for her I think it's hard to get pass those difficult times. So please grow well my little Kat. :) 

I told Love that just the day before Dr Phua announced the gender of the baby, I dreamt of a baby girl with very big eyes and the hair is tied like a coconut tree. Very pretty and I've not seen her before. I shall take it as a sign that tells me the baby is a girl. Hahaha. I hope baby will grow up like the little girl in my dream. So pretty and adorable!

We are so looking forward to her arrival now. =)
//

30 October 2015

I love the way Love kiss my tummy and spend some time having silly talks with my tummy as well. Heh. Silly acts but it shows how much he loves her already. Somehow I can imagine how much Love is gonna spoil this daddy's girl already. Well of course I hope he would know his limits. Otherwise this girl is gonna grow up with unbearable 公主病 which I really don't want! Maybe because I grew up in a family where my mom placed a lot of expectations on me and also being the strictest with me. I wasn't given any rooms to be pampered and spoilt because mom constantly reminds me of the responsibilities I have for this family. My biological dad pamper and spoilt me in a way that no one would. Looking back I realized it's not a good thing for me. Because if I had grown up with him, I would be a rather useless princessy girl who only want things her way. And if I'm not given what I asked for, I would tear down the whole house kind of attitude. My dad was the youngest child of my grandma and my grandma dotes on him the most. So naturally when I was born my dad's child, she dotes on me the way she dotes on him. Yeap, I was actually born a spoilt brat until my mom took over my custody and raise me up in a way I couldn't understand when I was young but now I do. Having seen the different Singaporean girls growing up with different family backgrounds/upbringing, I doubt I would let my girl grow up being a spoilt princess. I want her to be independent and strong. Hahaha it may be hard to tell now but we will see how to deal with this daddy's girl. Of course, deal with the daddy too. Heh.

04 November 2015

You're 17 weeks today!

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Hey Baby! You're growing really fast! Look how time flies! You're 17 weeks now! ^.^ You're really not showing mercy on the baby bump anymore! =( Grandma said you've been waiting for this for too long already that's why you're showing yourself so quickly now. hurhur! Continue to grow well my little darling! =) Daddy and I can't wait to see you next Wednesday!
//

Things have been pretty much on track, leaving all those 不管重要的人 aside. Somehow in a way or another I've decided to eliminate those people who's gonna make my life difficult or unhappy for me regardless who they are. Like my FIL said, "we all live for ourselves." I will never forget this sentence. So yes, not gonna deal with shitty people in my life and make things so tough for myself anymore. Had enough of all the craps that was given to me. Enough is enough, when I start to don't give a shit, I don't give a single shit. Piss me off and you deal with how I'm gonna deal with you. Bloody morons. -.-

Anyway, on the side note, today is a good day!

Because it's flat selection day! ^.^

We managed to choose the unit we want! So so so so happy! That also means we need to work hard for this house now! With the baby coming our way soon as well, more money is needed! Although Love is making some good money but I always believe money don't come that easily. We have to work for it. And, too much money is never a problem, no money is a problem, especially in Singapore when money is so hard to earn. For the baby, for the house and for a better future, time to work harder! Jiayou jiayou! =)

So glad to know that we have neighbours already. Dennis and Jaslyn is just a 5mins walking distance away from us and I'm so happy that they're near us. Cause Jas has always been one of the few girls whom I'm close to. Further more Caijun is gonna be nearby too. Happen to also know that some of my secondary school friends are just a few streets away from us and that makes me feel like our choice is a good choice! TEEHEE. What can be better than having to be close with people whom you're familiar with? Tsk! Super glad for this!

Next up, need to settle baby's insurance soon too! Going to 18 weeks and we're looking at options! 20 weeks test will be done soon, hopefully everything will go well! =D