七个对不起，让你懂得什么是爱。

男孩和女孩从小就认识，男孩经常约女孩一起去村外的池塘边捉小虾，每次男孩总是满载而归，女孩却是两手空空，女孩总是失落的含着眼泪，独自一个人回到家，然后闷闷不乐。晚饭前，男孩敲响女孩家的门，女孩一见是男孩，扭头就走，男孩追上前，对女孩说：“对不起，我把你的虾都捉走了，给，我把它们养在小鱼缸里，送给你。”女孩眉头一放，慧心的笑了，就这样反复着他们纯纯的童年，转眼，他们各自成长着。

——纯纯的“对不起” 。


男孩总是喜欢戏弄女孩，经常会把女孩逗到哭，然后又去哄女孩到她笑为止，直到长大后，也是如此。
男孩经常偷偷的把女孩的自行车轮胎的气放到没有，然后躲在远处，看女孩着急的走投无路，等着女孩拨通他的手机，然后破口大骂他的小贼行为。可男孩，依旧那么喜欢这样的女孩。他窃窃的从远处走来，灰溜溜的为女孩推着那辆没了气的自行车，任由女孩在一旁发牢骚，男孩却暗自窃喜，然后委屈的对女孩说：“对不起，我知道错了。”随即，女孩便会柔弱下来，告诉男孩下次不允许那样，男孩点头，于是，那时的他们每天都充满着笑容。

—— “对不起”的快乐 。



大学毕业后，男孩和女孩各自有了工作，男孩的工作总是很忙，有时一个月都休息不到一次，而女孩总是抱怨男孩冷落了她，终于，他们有了第一次的吵架。女孩委屈的哭起来，可男孩却很理直气壮的告诉女孩：“这是为了我的工作。”这场冷战持续了很久。终于，女孩还是忍不住，主动和男孩和好了。后来很多次男孩和女孩都因为这样的小事而吵得不可开交，可每次，都是女孩先妥协。
那年，女孩生日，男孩答应女孩要给他过一个浪漫的生日，女孩欣喜不已，她在家精心打扮，等着男孩回来陪她渡过这个美妙的生日，这一等就是凌晨，女孩在睡梦中醒来，脸上挂着泪痕，男孩见到女孩，心疼的为女孩擦去脸庞的泪痕：“对不起，嫁给我好吗？”于是男孩拿出一枚戒指。

—— “对不起”也是一种承诺。



婚后，男孩的事业大有成就，经常有许多应酬，而女孩已经成为一个专职太太了，每天在家为男孩准备热菜热饭，把家里收拾的干干净净，她经常会去菜场买回一些小河虾放在鱼缸里养着，男孩总问他为什么，女孩却总是慧心的一笑。
慢慢的，男孩每次回家，身上总是充满了不同的香水味道，而每次没等女孩问，男孩总是忙着解释说应酬太多。女孩黯然，那时起，女孩不太爱说话了，也不像以前那么开朗了，她总是喜欢成天的呆在家里，抱着枕头看韩剧，然后随着剧情哭泣，夜深时，就会疯狂的大哭。以后的日子里，男孩回来时，身上的香水味只有一种味道了，女孩从来不问，可是男孩依旧说：“对不起，今天又去应酬了。”

—— “对不起”，谎言的开始。


渐渐的，男孩开始不回家，或总是在外出差，男孩的事业越来越好，身边都是奉承的人，他每天都在别人的恭维下自豪的笑着，而女孩，几乎不出门了，她总会去超市买上很多方便面，和一些必要的日用品，然后把自己关在家里，这一呆就是很久。从前，女孩会经常和男孩一起聊聊天，而现在，她孤身一人，身边没有一个可以说话的人，每次打电话问男孩什么时候回家，男孩总是仓促的回答到：“对不起，我太忙了。”女孩，失落的扣上电话，那以后她再也没有问男孩什么时候会回家。

—— “对不起”，只是个敷衍的方式。



女孩学着电视上的样子，开始打扮自己，她觉得男孩不回家，也许是看腻了她，她决定不再颓废，自己的幸福应该靠自己争取，而不是无谓的后退。
那天，女孩心血来潮，按照地址去了男孩工作的地方，那是女孩第一次去，也是唯一的一次。女孩涩涩的按下电梯，来到这个男孩经常说忙的地方，她细细的观察这个公司的每个角落，这里的一切，她都觉得很好看。终于，绕过长长的办公走廊，她来到男孩的办公室，轻轻的推开门……女孩愣住了，眼前看到的不是自己的丈夫，也不是那个经常弄坏她自行车的那个贼小子，更不是那个把虾放在小鱼缸里的男孩，而是一个正在和别的女人做爱的男人。那个女人坐在桌子上，******的发出微弱的呻吟声，那个男人，仿佛山林里饿极了的野兽……
许久，男孩才发现了女孩，男孩惊慌失措，忙把衣裤捡起来穿好。可女孩，转身离开了。男孩飞奔出去，追着女孩，那晚，大雨袭击了整个城市。女孩不顾男孩的叫喊，径直往前跑，往回家的方向跑，男孩在女孩后面大喊：“对不起，我还是爱你的，对不起，我真的只爱你。”可女孩，始终没有听见。

—— 这样的“对不起”太伤人。


男孩一直都没有找到女孩，女孩失踪很久了。男孩的世界已经一片黑暗，无心工作，无心花天酒地，他想不到女孩可以去哪里，因为女孩没有朋友，她唯一的朋友就是男孩，男孩终日守着电话机，手机24小时不关机，怕错过了女孩的电话。这一等就是半年多。
快递为男孩送来一个盒子。
男孩打开一看，里面是许多河虾的标本，有的在树叶边休息，有的在水草里躲着，各式各样的河虾标本，旁边放着一封信。

“ 我始终没有勇气再见到你，可能是我太懦弱，也或许是我根本不想见到你，我想这些『警告：注意文明用语！』应该过的没什么两样吧，我很好，我学会了离开你怎么让自己存活，我懂得了怎样赚钱养活自己，而不用每天等着你回家，为你烧一桌热腾腾的饭菜，直到凉了也不见你的人，我的手机已经不用了，因为我已经不会再为你24小时的不关机，让自己饱受辐射的折磨。我懂得怎样去爱惜自己，珍惜自己的本来应该美好的生活。我想，我是可以忘记怎么去爱你的，因为你把我的爱弄得遍地麟伤。
离婚协议书，就压在鱼缸的底下，你签完字，按照地址给我寄过来就行了。
对不起，我想我是真的累了。”

男孩按照地址找去，他满心希望能够见到女孩，然后让女孩原谅，并且告诉女孩自己不能没有她，可是打开门的却是女孩的父亲，而女孩就站在她父亲的身后——是女孩的遗像。
女孩的父亲告诉男孩，女孩在写完这封信后，跳楼自杀了，血肉一片模糊。

—— 原来“对不起”也可以是种结束。

那一年，男孩疯了。

每个人在自己的生命里头，一定会遇到一个自己真正该珍惜的人。请你好好的珍惜那一个人，不是每一句的对不起，都可以换来每一句的没关系……千万不要辜负了自己心爱的人，那对谁，都不好……把这个故事传下去，让你的朋友们知道，不要随意地说出对不起......



看了有什麽感觸嗎?
心疼?
傷心?

Of What Used To Be..

I used to be very happy that you would make an effort to spend your weekends with me, going to places that I want to go. 

I used to be very happy that you would plan a date for us.

I used to be very happy that you make it a point to visit me at my place, even if it were to be only 5 minutes. 

I used to be very happy that you would try means and ways just to make me happy.

I used to be very happy that you would confide in me. 

I used to be very happy that you would make time to have lunch with me off your busy work schedule.

I used to be very happy that you would ask me how was my day.

I used to be very happy that you greet me good morning, via a simple text. 

I used to be very happy that you would go all the way to my place just to send me to work in the morning.

I used to be very happy that you didn't mind waiting for 4hrs under my block just so you could go out with me.

I used to be very happy that you would end work earlier just to have dinner with me and spend the rest of the night with me doing nothing at home.

I used to be very happy that you would hug me each time you send me home.

I used to be very happy that you would listen to my feelings.

I used to be very happy that you care a lot more than I do.

I used to be very happy that you value the time spent with me.

I used to be very happy that you would hold my hand everywhere we go. 

I used to be very happy that you would be protective towards me.

I used to be very happy that you would always spare a thought for how I feel.

I used to be very happy that you would want me to rely on you.

I used to be very happy that you make me feel that I mattered a lot to you. 

I used to be very happy that you make me feel like I was the center of your world. 

I used to be very happy that you view this reunion of us as a significant part of your life. 

I used to be very happy that you would always go that extra miles for me. 

I used to be very happy that you never let any issues between us pass the night without talking it out.

I used to be very happy that you make sure that I smile to sleep.

They were the reasons I started believing in you, believing in this relationship. They were the reasons why we're we today. They were the reasons why there's us today. 

But what happened?.. 

Devastated I may be but I'm greatly disappointed. 

You promised to give me happiness, promised never to fail me again. 

But yet this is what you're giving me. 

Do you remember the days when you would bring me to pet farm to spend the whole afternoon looking at animals? Do you remember the days when you would drop by my place, talk to me for 5 minutes and left? Do you remember the days when you would meet me for lunch just because you're nearby my office? Do you remember the days when we would go out with friends for some drinks? Do you remember the days we would just stay home and talk about no tomorrow? 

All I wanted was us to be happy.We were, we really were. 

But why the change? Why the change along with our marital status? 

We were doing fine.. Why make such changes to us? 

If I had known what marriage would have done to us, I wouldn't choose to get married. 

If I had known that you're not ready to commit to a marriage, a family and as a husband, I wouldn't choose to get married. 

I shouldn't have try so hard to give you assurance by marrying you. 

I love you. Yes I do, through poverty or wealth. I love you.

But don't take my love for granted, don't take my presence for granted. 

I would sacrifice my life for anything or anyone I love. But don't make me feel like you're taking me for granted. 

Just don't. 

Don't make me give up on you. 

Life of Miss Law to Mrs Lim.

A drastic change I would say. It caused a lot of unhappiness and frustrations. 

And I hate changes. I always do. I never ever like any kind of changes. 

Almost every girl wish that even though marital status change, things would remain. But the hard truth is it will never be. 

Being Miss Law, I don't need to bother or care about anything else except for myself and my family. 

Boyfriend is not a priority as compared to my family. I mean, not top of my list. 

Being Mrs Lim, I need to prioritize my husband and everything I do, I have to think for my husband. 

Being Miss Law, my life was happier because I care lesser. Because my commitment and responsibilities level are not high. I'm responsible for myself. 

Being Mrs Lim, my husband's well-being became my responsibilities. My life is unhappy because I have to teach my husband how to commit to a marriage, not a boy/girl relationship. I became a 'mother' of my husband suddenly. I hate having to nag at people because I hate to be nagged at. 

My list could go on and on. 

No doubt, life of being someone's wife, I'm not that happy. 

Not happy in the sense that it seems that the responsibilities for this marriage is being thrown to me like as if it's mother nature thing. Not happy that I have to deal with all the pressures coming to me due to my husband's doings and behaviours. Honestly, as much as I wish not to be nagged/questioned at for his behaviours etc, it is just inevitable. Feedback and comments just keep coming to me. I believe this is a family's culture. My family don't have such practice. 

Today is 21st century, we no longer live in the olden days when women had to listen to men, do what the men told them to do. This generation, BOTH parties are responsible for a marriage. BOTH parties are responsible for upholding the marriage. BOTH parties have to work TOGETHER for the marriage.BOTH parties are responsible for their own house etc etc. It is not just the WIFE's responsibility. 

Honestly speaking, when a guy decide to propose and be married, he's old enough to think and do things with a level headed mind. 

He should know what's right or wrong.

He should know what he should do.

He should know what is called prioritizing. 

How many man in this world actually thinks that getting a wife is for them to take care of everything single things in his life, big or small, important or not? Regret to inform, this service is only available at maid agencies. 

Yes I know, a lot of other men don't treat their wife like that, a lot of other men are much more considerate compared to the others. But for those who thinks otherwise, WHAT WORLD ARE YOU LIVING IN? It's as good as telling me you thought your mother gave birth to you by shitting you out. HELLO?????

A man who is not ready to commit to a family should not get married. 

A man who only care about himself should not get married.

A man who only wants to enjoy himself should not get married. 

A man who doesn't know how to prioritize his life should not get married. 

Personally I don't believe in marriage. Just because we got married doesn't guarantee we will be happy. I believe I've always emphasized this to anyone. Yes, anyone. Don't be so silly to think that getting married means happily ever after. It may and may not be. 

Why is it that people get married? To put it bluntly, to make it legal to have sex. But does it matters nowadays? People look at you and they think 'confirm not virgin' (of my age I mean) whether you are or not. Okay, let's not talk about my age, some people of younger age than I am. So, what's the difference between married and in a relationship? 

I'm frustrated, very frustrated. Frustrated about the whole marriage, frustrated about the wedding. Most frustrated about the changes marriage had done to my life!! 

When is this frustration going to leave? 

Because I'm really going crazy and I have no idea what I'm going to do next. 

Irony.

To the person who said no man would want a girl like me. 

I'm sorry to disappoint you. Lol. 

Baby Plans.

Now that ROM is over. People are asking us when are we gonna have Monster Z. LOL. 

Not so soon I believe. We still have our Photoshoot next year April followed by our customary in October. I suppose baby plan will be after customary. So now, let me have a small break because one xiaobai is headache enough!  

But I can't deny how much she made us love her. :')

Watching xiaobai growing up slowly everyday and learning things everyday.. It's very amazing and we love to watch her. Everyday we bring her down for a walk and she definitely loves it. Seeing her so happy it makes us happy too. ^.^

 

Ever since she came, the house is noisier but happier. A lot more laughter and everyday everyone will look for her. She somehow became everyone's priority. It's like she's a baby and needed our attention so everyone will give her the attention she wants. Funny it may be but yes it happened.

 

She's not some expensive dogs but August found her at the woods. Vet said she's a Mongrel but she doesn't even look like one. We all thought she's a Labrador mix. Whatever it is, it doesn't really matter to us. We saved her and we feels that she's perfect the way she is. I just hope she's gonna grow up well because somehow I feel her eyesight has some problems. Not sure if it's because she's young or it's natural.

 

Okay, back to my topic. Can't stop talking about her once I start. Hahahaha.

Baby plans.. probably 2016. =)

MARRIED!

"I Law Chee Sim, take you Lim Zhanyu to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I hope you know that right from the start it has been you, it is you and it will always be you. Today I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live." - my wedding vow for Love.

 Officially Mrs Lim. :')

ROM Preparation

Actually there's nothing much to prepare for ROM.

I settle for something which I wanted; a pool garden theme! ^.^

ROM is only for our immediate family. I've sent in appeal to allow my Uncle to come in to Singapore to join us and I'm seriously crossing my fingers hoping that they can approve that. =( **Please Please Please**

He's my only Uncle and he's just like my father. So I hope he can be here to witness my happiness and give me his blessing personally on this special day.

Counting down to ROM, 9 more days!

Things which we have done so far:

1. Gown and suit fitting
2. Booked venue
3. Reserved JP
4. Filed marriage
5. Ring pillow and pen arrived
6. Wedding Shoes for both of us 
7. ROM documents verification
8. Hair "Grooming"
9. Hand bouquet, pre-ordered. =) 
10. Groom's corsage, pre-ordered. =) 

Things to be done: 

1. Wedding band, to be done by this week. 
2. Manicure and Pedicure, to be done by this week. 

More or less done! We have somehow or rather adopted Xiaobai. She's kind of part of the family now. Growing up so fast that it's so scary. She was barely a month when she came over and now she's two months old and took her first vaccination already. 

Xiaobai and her toy at about one month old. LOL

Two months old with her raw bite and socks. HAHA.

Momsie bought her the bed and collar that comes with a leash and she loves them! 

Sometimes I feel, getting married can bring a couple closer together or it can break them apart. Because sometimes when I'm preparing all the weddings stuffs, doing all the researches and liaising with different people yet have to juggle my work at the same time, the stress level is something I've never experienced. Even though work has it's own level of stress but planning wedding, it's a totally different thing. 

As I am aware of how important wedding is to me, well okay, it's important but not that important. To a lot of people, getting means having an official status as "wife". As important as people sees it, it's not the official status I want. I just want us to be happy. I've mentioned to Love before I don't mind us not getting married, staying together, being together and happily ever after. Haha. People must be thinking "stupid woman why want to do this to herself?" Well, because I can. Because to me, marriage doesn't mean happily ever after. Yes, it's once in a lifetime. But it doesn't guarantee happiness. I know what I want for us. I want us to be happy and us being together again is already a huge miracle which I'm happy about. I'm contented to be with the man whom I love with my life. And knowing that he loves me just as much is good enough. People may say I'm silly, I'm dumb and ridiculous. Well, this is my life, you can have your opinions and views but I don't care. Yes, I'm stubborn like this. And I like that I'm stubborn. Stubbornness has been a good and bad thing for me. But I still like me being stubborn. =p 

So if I can choose, I would rather not get married, just be together happily and live our lives being silly and happy. Hahahaha. Or maybe just go to Barcelona and get married there, just the two of us. Lol. But I can't do so I have to deal with this. As much as I want to get things over and done with, it wouldn't be over until next year October. Well well well. I can do this! 

Half way there already and I gotta admit that the initial stage really is a big headache cause too many options and choices and Love is so 'chin chai' until I'm so annoyed! But after I told him how I felt things got better. Hahahaha! Quite often I was so annoyed and pissed off that all I wanted to do was to call off the wedding. Cause to me, getting married and preparing for wedding makes us unhappy and that's not what I want! If getting married and preparing for wedding is the root of our unhappiness, I don't want it. That's why getting married is not exactly that important to me compared to other girls. Being together happily is what is more important to me. A piece of paper will not make me happy. 

But well, I'm glad things got better after I told Love how I felt. Cause I think it's important that we both lay our cards on the table, being all honest and truthful in this relationship, that's what I want. And I know this man, will do all it takes to never lie to me. Because he loves me this much. To him, I'm that important that he can forgo his friends. Haha. Well, of course I don't need him to do that cause most of his friends are mine. We have too many common friends. Lol. 300+ friends in common since secondary school days, what else can I say/do right? Haha.  We have too many things in common already..

Seemingly in this relationship, Love has been the giving in party while I'm the taking in party. I don't deny, because that's true. Love give in a lot to me because he don't want to argue with me. Well, not exactly argue, more like bicker. HAHA. But I also won't deny that I love to disturb him just to see his reactions. =P Like I will tell him once in a while that I will 離家出走 and go back to my place and he will be like ' Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ' and I'll start laughing like some crazy woman. hahaha. Okay our own inside jokes. Hmm.  Anyway he gives in to me most of the time and I know it's because he doesn't want me to be unhappy. He hates all kinds of arguments with me and he will try his best to stop all of them as soon as he can though sometimes he have his temper and would go mad too. But MOST of the time, he gives in.. But well, having said that, I do give in to him also okay.. just not MOST of the time. =P Because I love to be pampered by him and he pampers me too much. LOL. 

Anyway, 9 more days to being a MRS. Am I nervous now, nope. Because I'll be on that day itself. LOL. I don't usually feel nervous until the very last minute. Horrible woman, I know. But my dearest fiance somewhat inculcated this habit to me, take my own sweet time. -.- HAHA okay, I should improve on that. 

Now that almost everything is settled, I hope to have ample rest until next weekend. I don't want to look like some zombie in the morning when I go and meet my MUA at the Bridal Shop. 

MRS LIM, kind of not used to it. Love tested it on me and I felt so alien to that. I guess it takes time. =) Love has started telling people that I'm his 太太 and having to hear him say that over the phone, it sounded quite weird. LOL. 

10 Oct.

Today is Kris's birthday.
That also means it's Bevan's birthday.

Needs VS Demands.

Sometimes it got me thinking if I actually demand things from Love. 

Needing his attention, is that demanding?

Needing his TLC, is that demanding?

Needing his quality time, is that demanding? 

But, all these are needs that I can never buy using money. 

If all these can be bought, problem could be pretty much solved easily and there will not be a need for boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. 

Sadly, it can't and that's why it becomes a need. 

Just like human needs to eat, it's a need. 

All these needs are what I need to maintain our relationship and I view them very importantly. 

So often he's on his phone playing game and I felt so neglected but I've been keeping numb because I thought as time goes by, I could get used to it. But I'm sorry, I can't.

I don't spend 24hrs with him even though we live together for the past one year plus, so I treasure every minute I see him after my work before I go to bed. He doesn't sleep the same time as me because of his sleeping habit (he usually sleeps after I get up for work) and working hours so when I come home after work, he's always wide awake while I'm drained from work. The only time our "time zone" is the same is during weekends. Of course I tried to accommodate by staying up late to spend more time with him but I realized this way only made me more tired. And being tired was a "good enough" reason for Love to nag at me to ask me to quit my job and stay at home. Reason and excuses I give myself for keeping numb. But I can't hold this for long. Because I know myself that I need to be heard before I eventually erupt in a much worse manner. 

As much as I want to be like the last time me, to accommodate to him, to do what he loves, to learn to love what he loves, I can't do that anymore. I have my own mind and I cannot bear to bring myself back to be like the old me. 

Yes, Love is like no other people, no other guys. He have all my attention and basically anything he asked of me to be. But one thing I cannot compromise is the few hours of quality time and attention that I need. 

Which girl doesn't need attention? Or in fact, which HUMAN doesn't need attention? It's just a matter of "HOW MUCH". I don't require Love's attention all the time but at least when I'm with him, make sure I will have his full attention. 

Perhaps he's the only guy whom I would seek attention from. I don't do this to any other of my ex-boyfriends. Okay, except for Francis because at times I rely on him a lot, especially whenever I don't feel good about anything and I don't really feel like talking to anyone else. 

So yes, it's only towards Love I behave like this and I don't know why. I used to be so independent and I don't even need anyone to be with me to do anything. But things are different now. I start to rely on Love a lot, mainly his presence and this is a very very bad thing for me. At least that's what I feel.

How often do you see an independent girl being so reliant on someone? Barely. 

But he made me one. 

So after having said so much, I just hope that guys sometimes should really understand that girls needs attention from them. Like those full, undivided attention. 

我的白馬王子!

我的白馬王子。

The only man who deserves the whole of me, the whole of my heart and the whole of my life. ❤️

So excited for our ROM already!!! Can't wait! >.< 

Love collected my first ever Taobao shopping! Teehee! So happy now! Can't wait to open it!! =D