just celebrated steph's birthday with the gelare people. :) made her cry. hahas. =D lols. actually, feeling unhappy.. haix.. VEXED. why am i living in reality??? which i hate soooooooooo sooooooo soooooooooooooo soooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!! LIFE SUCKS WITH REALITY. WHY CAN'T I LIVE IN MY OWN FAIRYTALES?? WHERE ONLY HAPPINESS EXIST????????????????????????????????????????????
never mind. now i don't wish to talk about unhappy stuffs.back to where i was.. today's celebration. yes. it all started once upon a time.........
ermm.. hahas. celebrated at gelare. had our supper there.. and followed by the present surprise. :) hahahahhas. at the beach. yupps. hmm, steph is happy. that's good. i just hope she'll be happy. well, next time when i upload the pictures already then i post bahh.. yarh.. feeling tired actually.. didn't have enough rest the past week. work and work. home, then use com until don't know what time. =_= hahas. my fault. yupps. i almost doze off.. lols. i think i go sleep first bahh.. too tired.. tomorrow then continue.. :)
TO HIM, CONGRATS! ON YOUR MSN NICK, ALL THE BEST TO YOU!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
random post - WILL HE DO THIS FOR ME???
well, i got this from friendster.. and guess what??? i hope that guy can always do this.. the guy who will be my the other half, my love partner..
1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss her slowly
are you remembering this?
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends
keep reading
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more,deny it. fight back.
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.
Are you thinking about someone?
16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her.
17-kiss her unexpectedly.
18-***HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THEWAIST!!!***
19-tell her shes beautiful not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!
21-u need to show her you mean it too
22-kiss her on the lips
23-DON'T ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER stuff
24-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD
25-make her feel loved
26-buy her stuff. small things can still help makes her feel special.
27-DON'T LIE TO HER.
28-DON'T CHEAT ON HER.
29-take her anywhere she wants
30-text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day atschool, and how much you miss her
31-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you,just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you are you still reading this u better be its important
32-Hold her close when she's cold andshe can hold you too.
33-When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
34-Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (itwill give her the hint that you want to kiss them).
35-While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt herchinup and kiss her lightly.
36-Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her
37-When people disturb her, stand up for her.
38-Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
39-Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she resets her eyes and listens to you.
40-When walking next to each other grabher hand.
41-When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
42-Call her at night to wish her sweetdreams.
43-Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
44-Take her for long walks at night
45-Dedicate a song to her.
46-Always Remind her how much you love her.youll never know when she needs just a lil more love.
isn't it sweet if a guy can always do these? i know guys will say it's unfair and stuffs.. but isn't it suppose to be a guy's job to make their girlfriend happy and feel totally loved by them? and not have the feeling of ' not needed ' or ' unwanted '. that's pathetic lohh. my own boyfriend actually makes me feel this way.. it's worse than dying. and people always say.. [[ WORDS FROM A HUMAN'S MOUTH COULD KILL A PERSON. ]] well, for my case, it's won't kill me.. but it will makes me lost faith.. lost hope.. cause afterall, the relationship that i'm having then, is not what i wanted. i will choose to give up and i believe someone else will be able to do a better job than me to make the person i love a happier person. and as for me, the mister right has yet to come then.. so all i can do in the meanwhile is, make friends make friends and MAKE FRIENDS!! hahas. LOLS. anyway, now too busy to go and make friends lahh.. catch up with friends also got problem already lohh. =_= hahas.
well, now is almost 5am. i'm suppose to be sleeping. but the sudden thought of blogging is up so i'm here now, BLOGGING! :) yupps. hahahahahas. okays. nothing much to say actually. went to work.. do the usual stuffs. learn a little of gourmet today. :) but i did waffles station today. :) i LOVE waffles. hahas. :) i'm so guai today!! only smoked ONE stick!! hahas. surprisingly. fuck. no wonder i feel so restless while working today. hahas. time to smoke more to keep myself awake! -peace out- hahas. :)
anyways, mummy, daddy and the two kids are going on cruise on the 14th feb. of all days, VALENTINE'S DAY. ass. hmphh. never mind.. i'll be working until closing. =_= hahahahas. :) okays. i wonder if my girls will be meeting me.. NO NEWS FROM THEM YET!! ohh me god. hahas. well, i'm tired. =_= hahahahas. today work until 11pm. then go home. -tired out-
wow~ TWO MORE DAYS TO VALENTINE'SDAY! FUCKING HELL. hahas. =_= I WISH EVERYBODY HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. I LOVE ALL OF YOU PLENTY PLENTY.. :) <3
hmm.. don't know what to write here lerx.. blog again when i feel like bahh. nights people. needa get my clothes done before turning in. :) hahas. take cares. *LOVES.
1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss her slowly
are you remembering this?
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends
keep reading
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more,deny it. fight back.
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.
Are you thinking about someone?
16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her.
17-kiss her unexpectedly.
18-***HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THEWAIST!!!***
19-tell her shes beautiful not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!
21-u need to show her you mean it too
22-kiss her on the lips
23-DON'T ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER stuff
24-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD
25-make her feel loved
26-buy her stuff. small things can still help makes her feel special.
27-DON'T LIE TO HER.
28-DON'T CHEAT ON HER.
29-take her anywhere she wants
30-text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day atschool, and how much you miss her
31-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you,just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you are you still reading this u better be its important
32-Hold her close when she's cold andshe can hold you too.
33-When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
34-Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (itwill give her the hint that you want to kiss them).
35-While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt herchinup and kiss her lightly.
36-Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her
37-When people disturb her, stand up for her.
38-Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
39-Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she resets her eyes and listens to you.
40-When walking next to each other grabher hand.
41-When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
42-Call her at night to wish her sweetdreams.
43-Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
44-Take her for long walks at night
45-Dedicate a song to her.
46-Always Remind her how much you love her.youll never know when she needs just a lil more love.
isn't it sweet if a guy can always do these? i know guys will say it's unfair and stuffs.. but isn't it suppose to be a guy's job to make their girlfriend happy and feel totally loved by them? and not have the feeling of ' not needed ' or ' unwanted '. that's pathetic lohh. my own boyfriend actually makes me feel this way.. it's worse than dying. and people always say.. [[ WORDS FROM A HUMAN'S MOUTH COULD KILL A PERSON. ]] well, for my case, it's won't kill me.. but it will makes me lost faith.. lost hope.. cause afterall, the relationship that i'm having then, is not what i wanted. i will choose to give up and i believe someone else will be able to do a better job than me to make the person i love a happier person. and as for me, the mister right has yet to come then.. so all i can do in the meanwhile is, make friends make friends and MAKE FRIENDS!! hahas. LOLS. anyway, now too busy to go and make friends lahh.. catch up with friends also got problem already lohh. =_= hahas.
well, now is almost 5am. i'm suppose to be sleeping. but the sudden thought of blogging is up so i'm here now, BLOGGING! :) yupps. hahahahahas. okays. nothing much to say actually. went to work.. do the usual stuffs. learn a little of gourmet today. :) but i did waffles station today. :) i LOVE waffles. hahas. :) i'm so guai today!! only smoked ONE stick!! hahas. surprisingly. fuck. no wonder i feel so restless while working today. hahas. time to smoke more to keep myself awake! -peace out- hahas. :)
anyways, mummy, daddy and the two kids are going on cruise on the 14th feb. of all days, VALENTINE'S DAY. ass. hmphh. never mind.. i'll be working until closing. =_= hahahahas. :) okays. i wonder if my girls will be meeting me.. NO NEWS FROM THEM YET!! ohh me god. hahas. well, i'm tired. =_= hahahahas. today work until 11pm. then go home. -tired out-
wow~ TWO MORE DAYS TO VALENTINE'SDAY! FUCKING HELL. hahas. =_= I WISH EVERYBODY HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. I LOVE ALL OF YOU PLENTY PLENTY.. :) <3
hmm.. don't know what to write here lerx.. blog again when i feel like bahh. nights people. needa get my clothes done before turning in. :) hahas. take cares. *LOVES.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
second day of work..hahas. =D
well. i just came home not long ago. :) yupps. today.. work from 5pm to closing, which is 12am. ermm.. i'm late for work. =_= hahas. oops. forgot to take something.. then went home to take. =_= LOLS. anyways, enjoyed myself today.. surviving with just four sticks. =_= fuck. hahas. yupps.
well, my hand not pain already.. i mean, not that pain.. hahas. :) yupps. but now my feet. =_= wear the shoe for hours, and i feel so painful.. worse than wearing skates. =_= lols. but anyways, i endure all the way okay! yupps. maybe the shoe don't suits me. trying to make me waste money to buy another pair. =_=.. yarh.. i will.. when i'm free to do some shopping. =_= hahahahahas. :) yupps. now no time. next week.. i'll be spending my weekdays with gelare.. =_=
schedule for coming two weeks! =_=
12 feb - 3pm - 10pm
13 feb - 4pm to 11pm
14 feb - 3pm - 10pm
15 feb - 2pm - 10pm
16 feb - 5pm - 12am
17 feb - off
18 feb - PH
19 feb - 2pm - 10pm
20 feb - 2pm - 11pm
21 feb - off
22 feb - 6pm - 10pm
23 feb - 6pm - 12am
24 feb - 4pm - 12am
25 feb - 3pm - 10pm
WOW! what a hectic weeks!! lols. anyway.. full-timer wadd. no choice. but i'm trying to change my 24th's work to 21st. cause 24th suppose to be going DXO party. T.T hahas. but 24th is a saturday.. and i guess they might need people to work and it's gonna be hard for me to as for my off. =_= lols.hope i can bahh.. i'll tell xinyan or janet soon. :) yupps. hmm.. today.. from evening onwards.. not much customer until night around 9pm. hahas. it's like POOFF!! all the orders came in. so fun! hahas. i don't like when there's no customer. hahas. like damn boring lahh. =_= hahahahahas.
had subway for dinner. hahas. :) thanks reuben for helping me to buy. :) hahas. well, he's a sweet boyfriend of steph! she's lucky. I WANT BLUE ROSE FOR VALENTINE!!!! MY GIRLS, DON'T FORGET WE'RE SUPPOSE TO EXCHANGE PRESSIES! :) hahas. i mean, exchange rose? hahas. COME GELARE FIND ME!!! hahas. cause i'll be working. (x well, know a new colleague today.. nicholas. plum plum boy. so funny. he's quite quiet arhh.. lols. today work with xinyan, faris, dennis and nicholas. hahas. five of us damn lame lahh. hahas. funny. :) yupps.
hmm.. today our closing was done quite fast.. cause we started to prepare to close at around 11 plus! of course lahh! so around 12:30 - 12:45am the closing is done already. :) hahahahas. :) oops. today clean waffles station. hahas. yesterday was ice-cream. :) and today have two new ice-cream.. mocha chips and low fat strawberry. :) hahas. FARIS PANTAT! I TOLD YOU I CAN REMEMBER ALL THE ICE-CREAMS RIGHT???!!! don't believe me. hahas. steph tested me today.. and i really remember all okay! hahahahahahahahahahas. YAYY!! :)
after work, i went to rink. cause today i'm going back alone. i stay the furthest wadd. then the other four share cab. :) ermm.. then, skated for a while. learn slalom move from clarence and clement. hahas. :) with michelle. fun! hahas. so long since i skated. i mean, almost a week. hahas. saw steven and xiaozhu today. in the evening. with i go for my smoking break. went to the rink. had the feeling of abandoning my work and skate! hahahahas. but didn't lahh. keep my craving until work ends. saw action at rink. =_= hahas. he went to skate with his friends. yuppies. =D hahas. had macdonald's as supper. well.. FATS! and i wanna be FAT!! =D hahas.
then skated until 2 plus. cab home. hahas. before going home, went to seven eleven and bought something.. well, actually i didn't buy anything.. it was michelle.. she bought some drinks and we accompanied her. clement and clarence went too.. and they urban home after that. you know what? they're PRO! from east coast to hougang. hahas. actually it can be done lahh. hahas. singapore so small.. anywhere also possible. hahahas. :) depends on how long you take. :) yuppies. I WANT URBAN SKATE!!! hahas. from east coast to orchard??? someone organise please? hahahahahahahas. well, i guess now the weather is predictable already right? hahas. :)
spoke to james on msn just now. that botak! hahas. i wanna see him with his botak. hahas. i asked if he missed bevan.. he said.. " OF CORS! " hahaas. funny. this two gays. =D nice though. :) yupps. nice hanging out with james. cause he always have everlasting lame jokes that makes me feel like laughing! HAHAHAHAS. i miss james somehow. for his stupid jokes. =D hahahas.
anyways, ERIC YOU SUCK OKAY! YOU SAID YOU COMING TO FIND ME AND YOU DIDN'T. =_= AND WHEN I LEAVE THE RINK, YOU MESSAGE ME AND SAY THE RINK IS EMPTY. OF COURSE LAHH, WHAT TIME YOU COME?? STUPID IDIOT. HAHAS. come at the wrong timing. =_= -retarded- YOU'RE AN ASS!!! >.< hahahahahahahahas. LOSERIC! hahas. =D
well, i think i'm gonna bathe and play game for a while.. then SLEEP!! TIRED. shagged. hahas. :P yupps. NIGHTS PEOPLE. LOVE ALL OF YOU PLENTY PLENTY!! :)
<3 *LOVES
well, my hand not pain already.. i mean, not that pain.. hahas. :) yupps. but now my feet. =_= wear the shoe for hours, and i feel so painful.. worse than wearing skates. =_= lols. but anyways, i endure all the way okay! yupps. maybe the shoe don't suits me. trying to make me waste money to buy another pair. =_=.. yarh.. i will.. when i'm free to do some shopping. =_= hahahahahas. :) yupps. now no time. next week.. i'll be spending my weekdays with gelare.. =_=
schedule for coming two weeks! =_=
12 feb - 3pm - 10pm
13 feb - 4pm to 11pm
14 feb - 3pm - 10pm
15 feb - 2pm - 10pm
16 feb - 5pm - 12am
17 feb - off
18 feb - PH
19 feb - 2pm - 10pm
20 feb - 2pm - 11pm
21 feb - off
22 feb - 6pm - 10pm
23 feb - 6pm - 12am
24 feb - 4pm - 12am
25 feb - 3pm - 10pm
WOW! what a hectic weeks!! lols. anyway.. full-timer wadd. no choice. but i'm trying to change my 24th's work to 21st. cause 24th suppose to be going DXO party. T.T hahas. but 24th is a saturday.. and i guess they might need people to work and it's gonna be hard for me to as for my off. =_= lols.hope i can bahh.. i'll tell xinyan or janet soon. :) yupps. hmm.. today.. from evening onwards.. not much customer until night around 9pm. hahas. it's like POOFF!! all the orders came in. so fun! hahas. i don't like when there's no customer. hahas. like damn boring lahh. =_= hahahahahas.
had subway for dinner. hahas. :) thanks reuben for helping me to buy. :) hahas. well, he's a sweet boyfriend of steph! she's lucky. I WANT BLUE ROSE FOR VALENTINE!!!! MY GIRLS, DON'T FORGET WE'RE SUPPOSE TO EXCHANGE PRESSIES! :) hahas. i mean, exchange rose? hahas. COME GELARE FIND ME!!! hahas. cause i'll be working. (x well, know a new colleague today.. nicholas. plum plum boy. so funny. he's quite quiet arhh.. lols. today work with xinyan, faris, dennis and nicholas. hahas. five of us damn lame lahh. hahas. funny. :) yupps.
hmm.. today our closing was done quite fast.. cause we started to prepare to close at around 11 plus! of course lahh! so around 12:30 - 12:45am the closing is done already. :) hahahahas. :) oops. today clean waffles station. hahas. yesterday was ice-cream. :) and today have two new ice-cream.. mocha chips and low fat strawberry. :) hahas. FARIS PANTAT! I TOLD YOU I CAN REMEMBER ALL THE ICE-CREAMS RIGHT???!!! don't believe me. hahas. steph tested me today.. and i really remember all okay! hahahahahahahahahahas. YAYY!! :)
after work, i went to rink. cause today i'm going back alone. i stay the furthest wadd. then the other four share cab. :) ermm.. then, skated for a while. learn slalom move from clarence and clement. hahas. :) with michelle. fun! hahas. so long since i skated. i mean, almost a week. hahas. saw steven and xiaozhu today. in the evening. with i go for my smoking break. went to the rink. had the feeling of abandoning my work and skate! hahahahas. but didn't lahh. keep my craving until work ends. saw action at rink. =_= hahas. he went to skate with his friends. yuppies. =D hahas. had macdonald's as supper. well.. FATS! and i wanna be FAT!! =D hahas.
then skated until 2 plus. cab home. hahas. before going home, went to seven eleven and bought something.. well, actually i didn't buy anything.. it was michelle.. she bought some drinks and we accompanied her. clement and clarence went too.. and they urban home after that. you know what? they're PRO! from east coast to hougang. hahas. actually it can be done lahh. hahas. singapore so small.. anywhere also possible. hahahas. :) depends on how long you take. :) yuppies. I WANT URBAN SKATE!!! hahas. from east coast to orchard??? someone organise please? hahahahahahahas. well, i guess now the weather is predictable already right? hahas. :)
spoke to james on msn just now. that botak! hahas. i wanna see him with his botak. hahas. i asked if he missed bevan.. he said.. " OF CORS! " hahaas. funny. this two gays. =D nice though. :) yupps. nice hanging out with james. cause he always have everlasting lame jokes that makes me feel like laughing! HAHAHAHAS. i miss james somehow. for his stupid jokes. =D hahahas.
anyways, ERIC YOU SUCK OKAY! YOU SAID YOU COMING TO FIND ME AND YOU DIDN'T. =_= AND WHEN I LEAVE THE RINK, YOU MESSAGE ME AND SAY THE RINK IS EMPTY. OF COURSE LAHH, WHAT TIME YOU COME?? STUPID IDIOT. HAHAS. come at the wrong timing. =_= -retarded- YOU'RE AN ASS!!! >.< hahahahahahahahas. LOSERIC! hahas. =D
well, i think i'm gonna bathe and play game for a while.. then SLEEP!! TIRED. shagged. hahas. :P yupps. NIGHTS PEOPLE. LOVE ALL OF YOU PLENTY PLENTY!! :)
<3 *LOVES
Saturday, February 10, 2007
new experience. :)
just came back from work. haven't bathe yet! =_= hahas. immediately sit in front of com already. PRO! hahas.
well, first day of work.. nice experience. :) yupps. i quite enjoy actually. :) hahas. learn a lot of things today. :) hahas. NICE! to learn new stuffs. hmm.. but now my hand pain. =_= cause scoop ice-cream. hahas. and guess what?! my next week schedule is out! and i'm working during valentine's day. =_= okays. well, it's good anyways.. work keeps me off my mind. :) GOOD! hahas. yupps. guess i'm not meeting my girls already bahh. :( ohh no.. i didn't see them for so long. i miss them. :( sobs.
well.. tomorrow steph is working in the morning.. 11am to 6pm. i'm working from 5pm to closing. hahas. share cab with reuben and faris today. :) home i mean. hahas. freaking $31.20. fuck. hahas. so expensive lahh. and my fucking mother is fucking giving me fucking attitude again. fuck off lahh. ass. giving me attitude at the wrong time. fucker. ARGHH! whatever~
anyway.. back to where i was.. ermm.. tired actually. :( hahas. now hand pain.. worse still. and my little finger got scalded by the waffle machine today! PAIN!! :( sobs. hahas. but i like making waffles. :) hehees. i hate scooping all white chocolate chips. the ice-cream like frozen ice like that. so hard.. =_= hahas. make me hand so pain! hmphh. anyways, eric say he's gonna find me tomorrow at gelare! of all days, tomorrow! =_= what the hell.. lols. hahas.
okays lahh.. i'm feeling tired. nights. BYE! <3
well, first day of work.. nice experience. :) yupps. i quite enjoy actually. :) hahas. learn a lot of things today. :) hahas. NICE! to learn new stuffs. hmm.. but now my hand pain. =_= cause scoop ice-cream. hahas. and guess what?! my next week schedule is out! and i'm working during valentine's day. =_= okays. well, it's good anyways.. work keeps me off my mind. :) GOOD! hahas. yupps. guess i'm not meeting my girls already bahh. :( ohh no.. i didn't see them for so long. i miss them. :( sobs.
well.. tomorrow steph is working in the morning.. 11am to 6pm. i'm working from 5pm to closing. hahas. share cab with reuben and faris today. :) home i mean. hahas. freaking $31.20. fuck. hahas. so expensive lahh. and my fucking mother is fucking giving me fucking attitude again. fuck off lahh. ass. giving me attitude at the wrong time. fucker. ARGHH! whatever~
anyway.. back to where i was.. ermm.. tired actually. :( hahas. now hand pain.. worse still. and my little finger got scalded by the waffle machine today! PAIN!! :( sobs. hahas. but i like making waffles. :) hehees. i hate scooping all white chocolate chips. the ice-cream like frozen ice like that. so hard.. =_= hahas. make me hand so pain! hmphh. anyways, eric say he's gonna find me tomorrow at gelare! of all days, tomorrow! =_= what the hell.. lols. hahas.
okays lahh.. i'm feeling tired. nights. BYE! <3
Friday, February 9, 2007
first day of work. :))
hahas. today is the first day of work.. mustn't be late! =_= hahas. well, oops. i didn't manage to go for the medical check up today! =_= SHIT! but tomorrow morning i'll go lahh. i think i'll go to polyclinic. yupps. well, tomorrow polyclinic got open? =_= hahas. okay. i think have. :)
kkays.now go get ready for work! :) GELARE HERE I COME!! =D hahas. :) :) :) :) :)
kkays.now go get ready for work! :) GELARE HERE I COME!! =D hahas. :) :) :) :) :)
Thursday, February 8, 2007
finally starting work tomorrow. :)
okay. finally i'm gonna start work tomorrow. =D yayy! but today i need to go for medical check up and buy a pair of black shoe. :) yupps. :) hahas. now gotta get ready to go out. :) hahas.
schedule for this week :
FRIDAY : 3PM - CLOSING
SATURDAY : 5PM - CLOSING
SUNDAY : 3PM - CLOSING
hahas. yupps. that's the schedule for this week. hope i enjoy my days at gelare. :) i'm going to east coast outlet!!!! :) yayy!! okays.. i gotta get ready now. BYE! <3
schedule for this week :
FRIDAY : 3PM - CLOSING
SATURDAY : 5PM - CLOSING
SUNDAY : 3PM - CLOSING
hahas. yupps. that's the schedule for this week. hope i enjoy my days at gelare. :) i'm going to east coast outlet!!!! :) yayy!! okays.. i gotta get ready now. BYE! <3
Sunday, February 4, 2007
a night out with my girls.. a girls' night..
yesterday.. went out at 8pm.. reach parkway.. meet steph and hanifah.. at mac cafe. at mac cafe, i complaint to them about zac.. and told them about bevan. they were like, " don't so agitated and don't so sad. " as usual, i told them i'm okay.
after that, went to play pool. spent like an hour or so there.. played quite a lot of match.. and i lost!! =_= hahas. when it wasn't my turn.. i sat at one corner.. looking at them and my phone. reading the messages that bevan sent me. from the ones he sent me last time.. to the one he sent me yesterday.. i was quite moody when he sent me the message. so when i reply him.. i was quite harsh..and i think i hurts his feelings. so after i calm down.. i said sorry to him.. hope he's feeling better now. :)
and also, because of jun ming.. bevan and i seems to have some misunderstanding.. so i told jun ming that we shalln't contact. and he told me a lot of things. so i thought not to be totally mean.. and i told him we could still contact.. but not more of calling each other. and contact lesser. and he say if this is what i've decided.. he'll respect my decision. and i told him my girls will always be with me.. no matter what happens. then he say okay.. yupps. that's about me and jun ming for now.
after pool.. we went to east coast.. steph and hanifah went to gelare.. i went to the rink. skated for a while. then steph call me.. tell me that hani cried.. ask me to look for her. so i went to the beach there to find here. lucky enough. i found her sitting there alone.. sobbing. i went up to give her a hug. and ask her to tell me what happened. but she refuse. so i tried to divert her attetion to something else. but she don't seems to be listening to me. :( then she wanted to burn her hand! and lucky i saw..i hit her hand.. then no choice.. cause she told me she want to try skating.. so i ask her if she wanna skate.. then finally, we left the beach and head for the rink. then i help her with the skates and teach her how to skate. and finally, i saw her smile. :) hahas. she had fun and she DIDN'T fall! how nice! :) hahas. cause i'm her instructor! hahas. :) then steph and xin yan came to rink and find us. time to go and drink! hahas. :) but hani was still skating. then i ask themto wait a whle more. let hani skate first. then they wait. after about half an hour.. hani seems exhausted. then they left for the beach first. i stay at the rink for awhile more. then hani came to find me and we go to the beach together. :) by then was 2am. hahas. lols. then.. drink.....
after drinking.. went to mac and i bought food.. take away.. cause steph need to go home already.. house calling. then four of us share cab together. i went to stay over at steph's house last night. reach her house.. while she's bathing.. i'm eating. :) and.. SHE BATHE SUPER FAST! ohh my god. =_= hahas. then.. ermm.. after eating i go and bathe.. and see her do her work a while.. then i go back to her room and lie down on the bed.. looking through all the messages.. happiness.. sadness.. everything is there. haix.. read a few of zac's messages. haix.. don't wanna think about it now. zac change his msn nick.. to " if you give yourself a second chance, you will still be my only one. " well, obviously he's trying to say something.. but i choose to ignore now. yarh.. ignorance is a kind of release.. release myself from stress. yes.. so i'm gonna ignore now. :)
maybe i shall say bye to all the things that i've been thinking of.. bevan.. zac.. everything.. i should just enjoy myself now.. and treat both of them as my friends. :) yarh.. i should.. maybe i'll be happier that way.. and sorry to both of them..
bevan.. sorry.. only now then i realised what you meant by hard for us. also just i realised you already know what will happen that's why you made that choice.. yet i was blaming you for being harsh.. mean.. sorry about it. well, so i'm telling you.. i won't wait for you.. i'll live my life as per normal.. and remember.. i can also always be there for you, as a friend.. :) like what you told me. and i guess, this is enough. hope you find a good girlfriend soon. BUT! i won't forget you.. hahas. :) cause you're someone who brought a lot of laughters. i'll remember you.. for that! thanks ASS! hahas. take care always and don't smoke so much since you're coughing a lot. study hard and all the best for your year 12! JIA YOU! hahas. you can make it to uni! =D hahas. thank you so much for bringing back my smiles. :) i believe even without you, i can find back my smiles.. by myself. :) thanks anyway.. it's wonderful being with you for this short period of time. i'll treasure those moments. :) and i find that it's nice to actually look back at the past. at least the moments are sweet and nice. :) thank you plenty plenty. :) hahas. so yeah.. take care.. :) =D =D
zac.. sorry for being nasty to you.. i know you found my blog.. and has been reading it. well, it's okay. i have nothing to hide from you.. but like i said.. each time you read my blog, you'll write some shit in yours. oops. sorry about it. i'm kinda pissed. at your blog. yupps. well, my anger won't last. i don't know why.. but my anger towards you won't last.. but i really hope, for now, we can just be friends. and i hope things will be better of this way. :) i can still be there for you.. but only as friend. i'm sorry to tell you this. but i doubt it's possible for us to get back together now.. cause for now, i seriously think it's not possible. both of us have bad temper, and it's hard for us.. not about distance.. but character wise. right now, i'm choosing anyone. so stop saying things about bevan in front of me. if you're gonna do that.. sorry zac.. pardon me for not talking to you.. and i read your blog.. if you wanna hate me and bevan.. i can only tell you.. there's nothing we can do also. i won't purpose do things that will help to stop you from hating me. but if hating me makes you feel better, go ahead. like your msn personal message says, we'll meet if fate cross our path. fate has left us.. for now.. as for future.. i don't know. i won't ask you to wait. live your life happily. even as a friend, i hope i can bring some happiness to you. so yeah.. take care.. see ya around in the rink!! :) and please arhh.. i want my lightning's wheels back!! hahas. :) thanks.
okay! i'm done.. with the two guys.. and i have something to annouce!!!!!! MY MUMMY JUST BOUGHT THE FUCKING N73 ME!!!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!!!!!! shit her. hmphh!! hahas. never mind.. i will change to it one day. or maybe just buy the phone only. :) hahas. i'm quite happy with my current phone. it's nice. and i like slide phone. :) yupps. hahas. ohh well.. i think i need to upload some pictures. :) that time i went back to malaysia.. i took a lot of pictures. hahas. well, now is 2:55pm.. i think this post will be publish about an hour later.. causei'm gonna upload my photos now!! hahahahahas. :) yo my photobucket. :) yuppies. :)
yarh mann!! HERE COMES THE PHOTOS!!! =D
my uncle's house.
hahas. dying my hair! :)
the baby boy. one month old already!!!!!! =D so cute.
after that, went to play pool. spent like an hour or so there.. played quite a lot of match.. and i lost!! =_= hahas. when it wasn't my turn.. i sat at one corner.. looking at them and my phone. reading the messages that bevan sent me. from the ones he sent me last time.. to the one he sent me yesterday.. i was quite moody when he sent me the message. so when i reply him.. i was quite harsh..and i think i hurts his feelings. so after i calm down.. i said sorry to him.. hope he's feeling better now. :)
and also, because of jun ming.. bevan and i seems to have some misunderstanding.. so i told jun ming that we shalln't contact. and he told me a lot of things. so i thought not to be totally mean.. and i told him we could still contact.. but not more of calling each other. and contact lesser. and he say if this is what i've decided.. he'll respect my decision. and i told him my girls will always be with me.. no matter what happens. then he say okay.. yupps. that's about me and jun ming for now.
after pool.. we went to east coast.. steph and hanifah went to gelare.. i went to the rink. skated for a while. then steph call me.. tell me that hani cried.. ask me to look for her. so i went to the beach there to find here. lucky enough. i found her sitting there alone.. sobbing. i went up to give her a hug. and ask her to tell me what happened. but she refuse. so i tried to divert her attetion to something else. but she don't seems to be listening to me. :( then she wanted to burn her hand! and lucky i saw..i hit her hand.. then no choice.. cause she told me she want to try skating.. so i ask her if she wanna skate.. then finally, we left the beach and head for the rink. then i help her with the skates and teach her how to skate. and finally, i saw her smile. :) hahas. she had fun and she DIDN'T fall! how nice! :) hahas. cause i'm her instructor! hahas. :) then steph and xin yan came to rink and find us. time to go and drink! hahas. :) but hani was still skating. then i ask themto wait a whle more. let hani skate first. then they wait. after about half an hour.. hani seems exhausted. then they left for the beach first. i stay at the rink for awhile more. then hani came to find me and we go to the beach together. :) by then was 2am. hahas. lols. then.. drink.....
after drinking.. went to mac and i bought food.. take away.. cause steph need to go home already.. house calling. then four of us share cab together. i went to stay over at steph's house last night. reach her house.. while she's bathing.. i'm eating. :) and.. SHE BATHE SUPER FAST! ohh my god. =_= hahas. then.. ermm.. after eating i go and bathe.. and see her do her work a while.. then i go back to her room and lie down on the bed.. looking through all the messages.. happiness.. sadness.. everything is there. haix.. read a few of zac's messages. haix.. don't wanna think about it now. zac change his msn nick.. to " if you give yourself a second chance, you will still be my only one. " well, obviously he's trying to say something.. but i choose to ignore now. yarh.. ignorance is a kind of release.. release myself from stress. yes.. so i'm gonna ignore now. :)
maybe i shall say bye to all the things that i've been thinking of.. bevan.. zac.. everything.. i should just enjoy myself now.. and treat both of them as my friends. :) yarh.. i should.. maybe i'll be happier that way.. and sorry to both of them..
bevan.. sorry.. only now then i realised what you meant by hard for us. also just i realised you already know what will happen that's why you made that choice.. yet i was blaming you for being harsh.. mean.. sorry about it. well, so i'm telling you.. i won't wait for you.. i'll live my life as per normal.. and remember.. i can also always be there for you, as a friend.. :) like what you told me. and i guess, this is enough. hope you find a good girlfriend soon. BUT! i won't forget you.. hahas. :) cause you're someone who brought a lot of laughters. i'll remember you.. for that! thanks ASS! hahas. take care always and don't smoke so much since you're coughing a lot. study hard and all the best for your year 12! JIA YOU! hahas. you can make it to uni! =D hahas. thank you so much for bringing back my smiles. :) i believe even without you, i can find back my smiles.. by myself. :) thanks anyway.. it's wonderful being with you for this short period of time. i'll treasure those moments. :) and i find that it's nice to actually look back at the past. at least the moments are sweet and nice. :) thank you plenty plenty. :) hahas. so yeah.. take care.. :) =D =D
zac.. sorry for being nasty to you.. i know you found my blog.. and has been reading it. well, it's okay. i have nothing to hide from you.. but like i said.. each time you read my blog, you'll write some shit in yours. oops. sorry about it. i'm kinda pissed. at your blog. yupps. well, my anger won't last. i don't know why.. but my anger towards you won't last.. but i really hope, for now, we can just be friends. and i hope things will be better of this way. :) i can still be there for you.. but only as friend. i'm sorry to tell you this. but i doubt it's possible for us to get back together now.. cause for now, i seriously think it's not possible. both of us have bad temper, and it's hard for us.. not about distance.. but character wise. right now, i'm choosing anyone. so stop saying things about bevan in front of me. if you're gonna do that.. sorry zac.. pardon me for not talking to you.. and i read your blog.. if you wanna hate me and bevan.. i can only tell you.. there's nothing we can do also. i won't purpose do things that will help to stop you from hating me. but if hating me makes you feel better, go ahead. like your msn personal message says, we'll meet if fate cross our path. fate has left us.. for now.. as for future.. i don't know. i won't ask you to wait. live your life happily. even as a friend, i hope i can bring some happiness to you. so yeah.. take care.. see ya around in the rink!! :) and please arhh.. i want my lightning's wheels back!! hahas. :) thanks.
okay! i'm done.. with the two guys.. and i have something to annouce!!!!!! MY MUMMY JUST BOUGHT THE FUCKING N73 ME!!!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!!!!!! shit her. hmphh!! hahas. never mind.. i will change to it one day. or maybe just buy the phone only. :) hahas. i'm quite happy with my current phone. it's nice. and i like slide phone. :) yupps. hahas. ohh well.. i think i need to upload some pictures. :) that time i went back to malaysia.. i took a lot of pictures. hahas. well, now is 2:55pm.. i think this post will be publish about an hour later.. causei'm gonna upload my photos now!! hahahahahas. :) yo my photobucket. :) yuppies. :)
yarh mann!! HERE COMES THE PHOTOS!!! =D
my uncle's house.
hahas. dying my hair! :)
the baby boy. one month old already!!!!!! =D so cute.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
a life with no more courage to carry on.
didn't have a good day yesterday.. well.. i thought things would be better of the way it was but i doubt i'm right.
last night had a quarrel with my mom.. quite a fierce one. and i'm super duper pissed at her. so when i leave home last night.. i didn't plan to go home actually. yarh.. i went to east coast after leaving home. reach east coast about 10:30pm. then skate until about 12am. then urban to bedok skate park with lucas, bong and zac. well, at that point of time.. me and zac were treating each other as friends. and things were good. then reach bedok skate park around 12:45am. wait for marcus and kaishi to be here. edwin met us too. cause he stay at bedok. yarh. then i sat at place alone for quite some time. talk to jun ming on the phone. and it just so happen zac walk to where i was and ask who am i talking to. so i told him it's jun ming. and sarcastically, he said " didn't know you got a new boyfriend " and he walk off like that. i'm like, what the hell. friends also wanna treat me like that. at first i was like, whatever~ and i got over it. and continue talking to jun ming. yarh.. then because everyone was on the skating ground.. i move my butt and go to skating ground. well, sit there.. i also didn't do anything. i shouldn't have gone there yesterday.. i should just stay at east coast and maybe things will be better.
last night when i was still at east coast, i called terry and zac was talking to me.. then terry goes like, " you all patch already arhh? " i said NO! crazy. well, in his dream i guess. sorry.. not in good mood..sorry if i'm offensive. then i told terry i'm gonna meet him later. he said okay. yarh.. after the call, we head to bedok. all the way was fine. and what happen at the skate park.. was written above. and after i go to the skating ground, i was still talking to jun ming. and zac say he wanna talk to jun ming.. so i pass the phone to him. and he was telling jun ming.. " you sounds like bevan.. " then he goes.. " you know what happen to me and her already right? " after which, he said, " i won't give up the forest because of a tree " and after that he goes like, " ohh no no.. i won't give up a forest cause of a grass " and he said it right in front of me. and i was like, okay. never mind.. then he pass the phone back to me. second time on the same day he did this kind of things to me. and i just simply forget it. then i went to skate a while.. cause jun ming put down as he needs to go for a conference. then skated a while. then tired. so i went to join them and watch death note 2 animate. then marcus, kaishi and lucas went to look for lynn.. it's left with the few of us there then. then i saw marcus mp3. and i saw the song " i wanna fuck you " inside. so i wanna listen.. then zac went like, " i hate that song. " then i was like, " your problem lahh, i like wadd. " then he was like,those who like this song is cheap. like whatever? and i told him " it's just a song wadd. you don't like then don't listen lahh. i listen myself. " and i walk away. after i finish listening to the song then i go back and join them to continue watching the show. but basically, me and bong is simply TALKING about it.. instead of wacthing it. =_= yarh.. -retarded- after watching the show, zac grumbles that he wants to go back already. cause we're going the same way.. we're suppose to share cab back. lucas is suppose to come with us. but end upp he didn't. so left with me and zac. i scolded him stupid last night and he kick upp a big fuss over it. i'm like, whatever~ you're stupid. and he was like " non of my friends dare to scold me stupid. " i don't give a damn. rightfully, we're not gonna share cab. but he was like, " wo da ren bu ji xiao ren guo. " fuck it mann. who's the xiao ren lohh. please lahh. whatever~
on the way back.. i was talking to jun ming.. then zac say he got something to tell jun ming. but jun ming say he don't wanna talk to him. so i told zac that he doesn't wanna talk to him. and zac got pissed. he say jun ming show him no respect. and say jun ming is rude. i'm like.. people already made it clear that he doesn't wanna talk to you. why you force him? who do you think you are? president arhh? even president also don't force people. please lahh.. i think he seriously don't know the situation lohh. i think he thinks he's AT HOME, a place where everybody listen to him. but too bad, he's not now. he's OUTSIDE. i think he's just feeling lousy cause he lost his ego. whatever~ then he beat me for not passing him the phone. at first i don't care.end upp he's hitting me harder and harder. i'm like, " what lahh! stop hitting me! " he demand to talk to jun ming. and i refuse to pass him the phone cause jun ming doesn't wanna talk to him. so i let him be. when we reach his house there.. he was super pissed.. then he insist he wanna talk to jun ming. seeing the situation, jun ming say he put down the phone first. then i say okay. and when i'm at the void deck. i called terry.. told him i'm here already. then he told me okay, he's coming down to meet me. so i waited there. but zac was calling terry.. asking him not to meet me. and he made terry promise him that he won't meet me. i'm pissed also already.. then i say to him " never mind, i can stay here alone. you can go up now, i don't wanna see you. GO HOME! " then he went to the lift lobby.. a while later, he came back, put his skates down.. and i'm like, " what are you doing here? go upp lahh.. i don't wanna see you. you can go home. " and he went like, " i just.. pity you " and i said, " in the whole of this world, everyone can pity me except you. you can go home now, i don't wanna see you! " but instead of going back.. he sat down. so i told him to go away. and he said " this place you buy one arhh? " and angrily, i told him " okay, fine, you stay here. I'LL LEAVE! " so i took my stuffs. and walk towards the playground. and at the playground..
i message jun ming to call me. and he called. so he accompanied me by talking to me. and unknowingly, i feel like crying.. and i cried. then terry called. ask me if i'm okay or not. then i say not really. and i was crying then. and dolly say she's coming down to meet me. when i was crying.. i suddenly miss bevan a lot. and so i gave him a call.. but he didn't pick upp.. at that moment.. i really hope he'll be there for me. at least he'll comfort me. console me. and to calm me from my anger. but he's not here. and i know he won't be here. jun ming told me to move on. for the first time in this year.. i felt myself so weak. i have always thought i could be strong enough. but no, i'm not. i need someone who i can depend on. and when i need him to be with me, he can't and he won't. now i understand what bevan meant by it's hard for us. i finally understood. but no, i still hope i can depend on him. rely on him. i guess i'm totally wrong. i can't do that anymore. there won't be a shoulder for me to cry on no more. there won't be a hug to comfort me no more. everything is gone.. on the day he left. i guess i'm not back to reality yet.. and i believe i need to.. soon.. no matter how much i miss bevan, things will always be hard if he's away. he realised this earlier than me. that's one he choose to be harsh on me. so that i could wake upp.. but i realised it only now.. now, maybe like what nicole tell me, everything wait until bevan is back then decide. well, i guess i should. yarh.. i should.
stayed at playground with terry and dolly all the way.. zac came down for a while.. he apologised. and he went upp.. i didn't talk to him at all.. not even looking at him. he knows i cried.. and he ask me not to cry already.. like i told jun ming.. is it because i owe him in my last life that's why now i'm returning to him? why does he have to do this to me? i thought things will be better of as friends.. but i doubt i'm right about it. after that he messaged me.. saying sorry and that yesterday is his bad day.. and he wasn't happy this few days.. ask me to understand. actually after the cry and a night there with terry and dolly's companionship, i feel much better. and i wasn't angry anymore. throughout the whole night.. all i'm thinking about is the happy moments that bevan left me with. and three of us chatted a lot. catching upp with each other. at last, me and dolly came to a conclusion,
LEO -> EGOISTIC.
LIBRA -> UNDERSTANDING.
well, quite true actually. haix.. i don't know. all along, bevan didn't tell me to wait. he didn't. if he left me with an answer. i'd know what i should do. but now i'm lost. very lost. i don't know what to. ben just told me.. bevan won't want me to wait. cause waiting is very tong ku. and ben told me to do whatever i wanna do cause if i wait.. i'm wasting my time. but ever since bevan went back.. i don't feel like going anywhere. i just wanna stay at home. and true enough.. i'm almost at home every single day. except for some days which i need to go and do some stuffs. or else.. i won't have the mood to go out either. i don't know. i just don't wanna go out. haix....
i don't klnow what else to write already. getting emo. i think i'm gonna get ready to go skating. don't wanna see my mom at home. and rink is the only place i feel like going now. no where else.
i miss bevan... at 4:22pm.
last night had a quarrel with my mom.. quite a fierce one. and i'm super duper pissed at her. so when i leave home last night.. i didn't plan to go home actually. yarh.. i went to east coast after leaving home. reach east coast about 10:30pm. then skate until about 12am. then urban to bedok skate park with lucas, bong and zac. well, at that point of time.. me and zac were treating each other as friends. and things were good. then reach bedok skate park around 12:45am. wait for marcus and kaishi to be here. edwin met us too. cause he stay at bedok. yarh. then i sat at place alone for quite some time. talk to jun ming on the phone. and it just so happen zac walk to where i was and ask who am i talking to. so i told him it's jun ming. and sarcastically, he said " didn't know you got a new boyfriend " and he walk off like that. i'm like, what the hell. friends also wanna treat me like that. at first i was like, whatever~ and i got over it. and continue talking to jun ming. yarh.. then because everyone was on the skating ground.. i move my butt and go to skating ground. well, sit there.. i also didn't do anything. i shouldn't have gone there yesterday.. i should just stay at east coast and maybe things will be better.
last night when i was still at east coast, i called terry and zac was talking to me.. then terry goes like, " you all patch already arhh? " i said NO! crazy. well, in his dream i guess. sorry.. not in good mood..sorry if i'm offensive. then i told terry i'm gonna meet him later. he said okay. yarh.. after the call, we head to bedok. all the way was fine. and what happen at the skate park.. was written above. and after i go to the skating ground, i was still talking to jun ming. and zac say he wanna talk to jun ming.. so i pass the phone to him. and he was telling jun ming.. " you sounds like bevan.. " then he goes.. " you know what happen to me and her already right? " after which, he said, " i won't give up the forest because of a tree " and after that he goes like, " ohh no no.. i won't give up a forest cause of a grass " and he said it right in front of me. and i was like, okay. never mind.. then he pass the phone back to me. second time on the same day he did this kind of things to me. and i just simply forget it. then i went to skate a while.. cause jun ming put down as he needs to go for a conference. then skated a while. then tired. so i went to join them and watch death note 2 animate. then marcus, kaishi and lucas went to look for lynn.. it's left with the few of us there then. then i saw marcus mp3. and i saw the song " i wanna fuck you " inside. so i wanna listen.. then zac went like, " i hate that song. " then i was like, " your problem lahh, i like wadd. " then he was like,those who like this song is cheap. like whatever? and i told him " it's just a song wadd. you don't like then don't listen lahh. i listen myself. " and i walk away. after i finish listening to the song then i go back and join them to continue watching the show. but basically, me and bong is simply TALKING about it.. instead of wacthing it. =_= yarh.. -retarded- after watching the show, zac grumbles that he wants to go back already. cause we're going the same way.. we're suppose to share cab back. lucas is suppose to come with us. but end upp he didn't. so left with me and zac. i scolded him stupid last night and he kick upp a big fuss over it. i'm like, whatever~ you're stupid. and he was like " non of my friends dare to scold me stupid. " i don't give a damn. rightfully, we're not gonna share cab. but he was like, " wo da ren bu ji xiao ren guo. " fuck it mann. who's the xiao ren lohh. please lahh. whatever~
on the way back.. i was talking to jun ming.. then zac say he got something to tell jun ming. but jun ming say he don't wanna talk to him. so i told zac that he doesn't wanna talk to him. and zac got pissed. he say jun ming show him no respect. and say jun ming is rude. i'm like.. people already made it clear that he doesn't wanna talk to you. why you force him? who do you think you are? president arhh? even president also don't force people. please lahh.. i think he seriously don't know the situation lohh. i think he thinks he's AT HOME, a place where everybody listen to him. but too bad, he's not now. he's OUTSIDE. i think he's just feeling lousy cause he lost his ego. whatever~ then he beat me for not passing him the phone. at first i don't care.end upp he's hitting me harder and harder. i'm like, " what lahh! stop hitting me! " he demand to talk to jun ming. and i refuse to pass him the phone cause jun ming doesn't wanna talk to him. so i let him be. when we reach his house there.. he was super pissed.. then he insist he wanna talk to jun ming. seeing the situation, jun ming say he put down the phone first. then i say okay. and when i'm at the void deck. i called terry.. told him i'm here already. then he told me okay, he's coming down to meet me. so i waited there. but zac was calling terry.. asking him not to meet me. and he made terry promise him that he won't meet me. i'm pissed also already.. then i say to him " never mind, i can stay here alone. you can go up now, i don't wanna see you. GO HOME! " then he went to the lift lobby.. a while later, he came back, put his skates down.. and i'm like, " what are you doing here? go upp lahh.. i don't wanna see you. you can go home. " and he went like, " i just.. pity you " and i said, " in the whole of this world, everyone can pity me except you. you can go home now, i don't wanna see you! " but instead of going back.. he sat down. so i told him to go away. and he said " this place you buy one arhh? " and angrily, i told him " okay, fine, you stay here. I'LL LEAVE! " so i took my stuffs. and walk towards the playground. and at the playground..
i message jun ming to call me. and he called. so he accompanied me by talking to me. and unknowingly, i feel like crying.. and i cried. then terry called. ask me if i'm okay or not. then i say not really. and i was crying then. and dolly say she's coming down to meet me. when i was crying.. i suddenly miss bevan a lot. and so i gave him a call.. but he didn't pick upp.. at that moment.. i really hope he'll be there for me. at least he'll comfort me. console me. and to calm me from my anger. but he's not here. and i know he won't be here. jun ming told me to move on. for the first time in this year.. i felt myself so weak. i have always thought i could be strong enough. but no, i'm not. i need someone who i can depend on. and when i need him to be with me, he can't and he won't. now i understand what bevan meant by it's hard for us. i finally understood. but no, i still hope i can depend on him. rely on him. i guess i'm totally wrong. i can't do that anymore. there won't be a shoulder for me to cry on no more. there won't be a hug to comfort me no more. everything is gone.. on the day he left. i guess i'm not back to reality yet.. and i believe i need to.. soon.. no matter how much i miss bevan, things will always be hard if he's away. he realised this earlier than me. that's one he choose to be harsh on me. so that i could wake upp.. but i realised it only now.. now, maybe like what nicole tell me, everything wait until bevan is back then decide. well, i guess i should. yarh.. i should.
stayed at playground with terry and dolly all the way.. zac came down for a while.. he apologised. and he went upp.. i didn't talk to him at all.. not even looking at him. he knows i cried.. and he ask me not to cry already.. like i told jun ming.. is it because i owe him in my last life that's why now i'm returning to him? why does he have to do this to me? i thought things will be better of as friends.. but i doubt i'm right about it. after that he messaged me.. saying sorry and that yesterday is his bad day.. and he wasn't happy this few days.. ask me to understand. actually after the cry and a night there with terry and dolly's companionship, i feel much better. and i wasn't angry anymore. throughout the whole night.. all i'm thinking about is the happy moments that bevan left me with. and three of us chatted a lot. catching upp with each other. at last, me and dolly came to a conclusion,
LEO -> EGOISTIC.
LIBRA -> UNDERSTANDING.
well, quite true actually. haix.. i don't know. all along, bevan didn't tell me to wait. he didn't. if he left me with an answer. i'd know what i should do. but now i'm lost. very lost. i don't know what to. ben just told me.. bevan won't want me to wait. cause waiting is very tong ku. and ben told me to do whatever i wanna do cause if i wait.. i'm wasting my time. but ever since bevan went back.. i don't feel like going anywhere. i just wanna stay at home. and true enough.. i'm almost at home every single day. except for some days which i need to go and do some stuffs. or else.. i won't have the mood to go out either. i don't know. i just don't wanna go out. haix....
i don't klnow what else to write already. getting emo. i think i'm gonna get ready to go skating. don't wanna see my mom at home. and rink is the only place i feel like going now. no where else.
i miss bevan... at 4:22pm.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
another boring day.. haix..
well.. slept at 6am. and woke upp at 12pm. well, at least i got some sleep. the past few days haven't been sleeping well.. haix.. hmm.. spoke to him last night. he was awken by his uncle. and i got a missed call from him so i call him back. yarh.. then.. ermm.. chatted for a while before he sleep. then chatted to ben on msn.. he called me on msn.. and we chatted.. cause using lappy.. have microphone to talk to him. chatted until around 5 plus. then he went to get ready for school.. there is about 6 plus. yupps. lols. reminds me of wen we're talking. bevan messaged ben telling him to shut upp. cause we're talkingtoo loudly i guess.. their room were next to each other. =_= lame.
hmm.. stayed at hom again.. i've been staying at home lately. don't really feel like going out. sians. just wanna lock myself at home. haix.. sleep and sleep.. but always end upp i didn't get to sleep. hahas. haix.. what the fuck happen to me???? everyday... feeling down.. until the time when he call.. then i'll be smiling. haix.. but that moment don't last. it don't last no more. my laughter has gone again.. my smiles vanished with him. ohh my god. everyday doing nothing but sitting in front of the com and doing nothing. i guess i shall start playing maple again. listenig to the song " all out of love " that ben send to me this morning. have been listening to it. the song.. is meaningful. is nice. so lost without you.. haix... what are you thinking of? what am i thinking of? i don't know. i don't wanna think. i wanna forget. but how can i forget? he left me with memories.. though the time is short.. but it means a lot to me. and i'm very happy during this period of time. then how am i suppose to forget? happy moments.. is not gonna leave one's mind so easily. if it is able to.. i guess i coud have done that long ago.. not only my happy moments with him.. it's the same for zac.. the happy moments we had together.. how to forget?
i guess too many things is going in my mind.. and i don't seems to be able to sort things out. :( i guess only at the moment when i hear his voice.. then only my heart will feel that short moment of happy.. only then i will smile unknowingly. what a life.. surviving on a phone call.. ohh my god. life sucks. now listening to " i love you " by david tao. ben send me also. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm so confused! don't know what to do. i guess i'm paranoid. haix.. watching a taiwan show.. nice show.. about love story. lols. ' love ' again... HAIIXXXX!!!!!!!!!! ohhhhhh myyyyyy godddddd... i wanna shut myself in a room and cry? or maybe just off my phone and not to be contacted by any other people? i don't know..
-feeling lost-
to my girls:
Steph:
thank you girl, for always being there for me.. and you'll always be the first to be there for me when i'm feeling down, upset and even wheni'm happy. thank you very much. and recently you seems very busy.. yarh i know exams are here. but please take good care of yourself. don't end up like me. don't know what you should do and feeling lost. but thank god, reuben is with you. he's a nice lad.. a nice boyfriend. a lot of us can see the love he has towards you. i know couple has arguements.. but whatever it is.. i hope both of you can work things out.. don't be like me.. i'm a failure in relationship.. but i don't wish to be failure in friendship now. i'm trying to take him as a friend now.. you know who i'm referring to. he told me the same thing " trying hard to just treat you as a friend ". and i'm obeying what he has told me now. things is hard.. i know. and i know i can't force. i know i have to let go.. girl, i really know.. but i'm feeling terrible.. very terrible deep down in my heart.. to forget. i don't wish to forget.. but i have no other way out now.. maybe for now, just by hearing his voice i'm contented. just by being friends.. i'll be happy also. i've been struggling with my own emotions recently.. to wait.. or not to wait.. to forget or not to forget.. i don't know.. i'm very confused.. all i wish for now is to have someone to give me tight hug and tell me " i'm here for you ". i know you're here for me. i thank you for that.. but this moment will end when we parted. well, thanks for being there girl. i love you..
Marie:
darling, i hope everythinggoes well for you and jeff.. but remember one thing.. if you're meant to be.. it will be.. don't always try hard to keep the relationship going but make yourself unhappy or sad. you still have a long way to go. you're only 18 this year.. you will have a bright future ahead of you.. not with him but you yourself. i'm talking your future, not a future with him.. but your career.. your life.. you mustn't only think of him and not yourself. please spare a thought for yourself. from what i see in you.. you're walking a path which i've walked before. and i don't wanna see you repeating my mistake. once you stepped into the deep hole, it's not gonna be easy for you to get out of the hole.. so darling, think twice about whatever you're doing. don't make a mistake and you regret. whatever you've been through.. remember.. i've been through them.. call me and let me know.. tell me what happened. and i might be able to help you. no matter what happened.. you know you have me.. love you always..
Sherine:
among all of us, you're the one i wanna pay more attention to.. but don't really have the chance to do so.. be it in distance or just by contacting.. both of us have the least to contact. but nevertheless.. i still love you.. you're still one of my sweetheart.. i wish you and kelvin all the best.. it's nice to hear that both of you finally got together. congratulation. :) if he bully you or what.. don't forget to tell me okay! :) take care dear.. love you..
okay.. i'm gonna have a valentine's day date with my girls.. gonna have dinner with them.. but as for where. it has yet to be decided.. but will be informed soon. :) *love them..
okays.. BYE! <3
hmm.. stayed at hom again.. i've been staying at home lately. don't really feel like going out. sians. just wanna lock myself at home. haix.. sleep and sleep.. but always end upp i didn't get to sleep. hahas. haix.. what the fuck happen to me???? everyday... feeling down.. until the time when he call.. then i'll be smiling. haix.. but that moment don't last. it don't last no more. my laughter has gone again.. my smiles vanished with him. ohh my god. everyday doing nothing but sitting in front of the com and doing nothing. i guess i shall start playing maple again. listenig to the song " all out of love " that ben send to me this morning. have been listening to it. the song.. is meaningful. is nice. so lost without you.. haix... what are you thinking of? what am i thinking of? i don't know. i don't wanna think. i wanna forget. but how can i forget? he left me with memories.. though the time is short.. but it means a lot to me. and i'm very happy during this period of time. then how am i suppose to forget? happy moments.. is not gonna leave one's mind so easily. if it is able to.. i guess i coud have done that long ago.. not only my happy moments with him.. it's the same for zac.. the happy moments we had together.. how to forget?
i guess too many things is going in my mind.. and i don't seems to be able to sort things out. :( i guess only at the moment when i hear his voice.. then only my heart will feel that short moment of happy.. only then i will smile unknowingly. what a life.. surviving on a phone call.. ohh my god. life sucks. now listening to " i love you " by david tao. ben send me also. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm so confused! don't know what to do. i guess i'm paranoid. haix.. watching a taiwan show.. nice show.. about love story. lols. ' love ' again... HAIIXXXX!!!!!!!!!! ohhhhhh myyyyyy godddddd... i wanna shut myself in a room and cry? or maybe just off my phone and not to be contacted by any other people? i don't know..
-feeling lost-
to my girls:
Steph:
thank you girl, for always being there for me.. and you'll always be the first to be there for me when i'm feeling down, upset and even wheni'm happy. thank you very much. and recently you seems very busy.. yarh i know exams are here. but please take good care of yourself. don't end up like me. don't know what you should do and feeling lost. but thank god, reuben is with you. he's a nice lad.. a nice boyfriend. a lot of us can see the love he has towards you. i know couple has arguements.. but whatever it is.. i hope both of you can work things out.. don't be like me.. i'm a failure in relationship.. but i don't wish to be failure in friendship now. i'm trying to take him as a friend now.. you know who i'm referring to. he told me the same thing " trying hard to just treat you as a friend ". and i'm obeying what he has told me now. things is hard.. i know. and i know i can't force. i know i have to let go.. girl, i really know.. but i'm feeling terrible.. very terrible deep down in my heart.. to forget. i don't wish to forget.. but i have no other way out now.. maybe for now, just by hearing his voice i'm contented. just by being friends.. i'll be happy also. i've been struggling with my own emotions recently.. to wait.. or not to wait.. to forget or not to forget.. i don't know.. i'm very confused.. all i wish for now is to have someone to give me tight hug and tell me " i'm here for you ". i know you're here for me. i thank you for that.. but this moment will end when we parted. well, thanks for being there girl. i love you..
Marie:
darling, i hope everythinggoes well for you and jeff.. but remember one thing.. if you're meant to be.. it will be.. don't always try hard to keep the relationship going but make yourself unhappy or sad. you still have a long way to go. you're only 18 this year.. you will have a bright future ahead of you.. not with him but you yourself. i'm talking your future, not a future with him.. but your career.. your life.. you mustn't only think of him and not yourself. please spare a thought for yourself. from what i see in you.. you're walking a path which i've walked before. and i don't wanna see you repeating my mistake. once you stepped into the deep hole, it's not gonna be easy for you to get out of the hole.. so darling, think twice about whatever you're doing. don't make a mistake and you regret. whatever you've been through.. remember.. i've been through them.. call me and let me know.. tell me what happened. and i might be able to help you. no matter what happened.. you know you have me.. love you always..
Sherine:
among all of us, you're the one i wanna pay more attention to.. but don't really have the chance to do so.. be it in distance or just by contacting.. both of us have the least to contact. but nevertheless.. i still love you.. you're still one of my sweetheart.. i wish you and kelvin all the best.. it's nice to hear that both of you finally got together. congratulation. :) if he bully you or what.. don't forget to tell me okay! :) take care dear.. love you..
okay.. i'm gonna have a valentine's day date with my girls.. gonna have dinner with them.. but as for where. it has yet to be decided.. but will be informed soon. :) *love them..
okays.. BYE! <3
my lappy is finally here. :)
well, my lappy is finally here! hahas. :) hahas. i like.. nice. =D yuppss. well.. basically.. i did nothing today.. well, yesterday i mean. hahas. :) hmm.. well.. didn't really have a good day i guess. yupps.
haix.. like i said.. early morning.. read zac's blog.. and i was like.. a little affected. then after that i went back to sleep. yarh.. all the way until around 1pm. yarh.. then.. all the way at home.. slack. wasn't feeling well.. then.. ermm.. yarh lohh.. at home.. then... aiya.. don't know what to say lahh.. didn't go ICA. tomorrow morning then go bahh.. hopefully i'll feel better.
went to meet terry at his block to collect my stuffs, which was at zac's place. he help me take them from him.. and i take it back from terry.. cause i don't wanna see zac's family. so i meet terry under the block and take. sat under the block and chatted with him.. until 11pm then i leave. yupps. chatted a lot. about bevan and zac.. more of bevan.. how he make me happy and stuffs. hahas. :) lols.
anyways, HE CALLED ME AGAIN! so happy can? hahas. it's always nice to hear his voice. =D well, he don't sound okay.. coughing.. take care bevan. :) yupps. and.. he called me again before he go to bed. :) how nice. =D hahas.
well, got my new laptop home today.. i mean.. they delivered it here. hahas. :) lols. quite nice. :) black in colour. hahas. :) well.. today i' quite soft spoken.. okays. nights to all.. ohh yarh.. zac didn't stay out alone.. he went to chalet. =_= go chalet say lahh.. no need to tell me not going home cause don't feel like wadd.. lame.. =_=
haix.. like i said.. early morning.. read zac's blog.. and i was like.. a little affected. then after that i went back to sleep. yarh.. all the way until around 1pm. yarh.. then.. all the way at home.. slack. wasn't feeling well.. then.. ermm.. yarh lohh.. at home.. then... aiya.. don't know what to say lahh.. didn't go ICA. tomorrow morning then go bahh.. hopefully i'll feel better.
went to meet terry at his block to collect my stuffs, which was at zac's place. he help me take them from him.. and i take it back from terry.. cause i don't wanna see zac's family. so i meet terry under the block and take. sat under the block and chatted with him.. until 11pm then i leave. yupps. chatted a lot. about bevan and zac.. more of bevan.. how he make me happy and stuffs. hahas. :) lols.
anyways, HE CALLED ME AGAIN! so happy can? hahas. it's always nice to hear his voice. =D well, he don't sound okay.. coughing.. take care bevan. :) yupps. and.. he called me again before he go to bed. :) how nice. =D hahas.
well, got my new laptop home today.. i mean.. they delivered it here. hahas. :) lols. quite nice. :) black in colour. hahas. :) well.. today i' quite soft spoken.. okays. nights to all.. ohh yarh.. zac didn't stay out alone.. he went to chalet. =_= go chalet say lahh.. no need to tell me not going home cause don't feel like wadd.. lame.. =_=
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