just so happen..

i read zac's blog. reading the way he wrote about me. telling everyone he's not going bother about me and stuffs before his enlistment.. telling everyone he don't know if he should move on.. i have some feelings in me..

he made me feel that he want to be with me is not because he loves me. is because he's just used to having me by his side. cause from what he said.. ( five years of time will be WASTED if he were to move on ). and all he want to do is to skate. and nothing else. then what for? what for keep telling me that he will sacrifice everything, including skating for me. for i know he will never do that. and what for tell me all sorts of things? like missing me and stuffs. why? you know i'll get soft hearted. so stop doing all these. i don't want myself to end up with lots of disappointments again.. i don't want myself to fall back in again.. i don't want myself to get hurt.. nor want myself to cry over you again.

you said in your blog, once it's gone, it's gone forever... then why bother coming back? ain't it supposed to be gone forever? you said you're gonna tell me the last time you're missing me.. then why keep on telling me even until now? you said you gave up.. you're gonna forget about everything and move on.. 8 march 07, you said :


***8 March 07 , 6am, i decided to give up completely on kat. im not waiting anymore.. i got to move on.

Kat, the 5yrs being with u.. there is up & down, happiness & sadness.. now, we decided not to be togther anymore, hopefully will be a wise move. Sry Kat, i need a girl who will love me more! Not a girl wh is half hearted! i dun wan to be sharing a gal with the other guy. And i need someone who is more understanding & lady like, unlike u, yours voice is always the loudest, jus like Terence. ***

this is what you wrote exactly. i'm never the girl for you. i've been the one. what do you see in me? why do you keep coming back and leaving again? what do you want to do to me? confusing my feelings times and again.. throwing me away as and when you like.. why? we were never like this.. the first 2 years we were fine.. but why?

-quote from zac's blog, 16 February 07-

Again.. i gave up.. ( For my Beloved Zixin..)

once agn.. i gave up hope.. but i had no regrets. I had done my part to make u happy, make u smile, give in to u, give u my utmost care & concern but not jealousy or demanding. im glad i can really treat a girl nicely, as a girlfriend. Thx for allowing me to proof my love towards u, and thx for allowing me to treat u like my princess..jus like fairy tales..

But one thing u wouldnt wish to know.. the Dark Truth of Fairy Tales is that all Fairy Tales comes with a bad ending.
& this is the reason why i gave up believing in fairy tales..

If there is a chance to let me take care of u, not for a moment, but for a life time, let me know. I will do my very best to make u a happier person, add colours to your life & be your companion of your life time...

Luv u always..
zac

***

you have always been giving up on me. you have always been thinking of ways to 'play' around with my feelings don't you? you said :

*** i got to enjoy myself and hv all the fun that i nv had thx to kat!! Becos of her, my life = no life.***

with me around.. you're having no life.. then why bother wanting me back? you should just move on.. and not coming back anymore. like what you said.. we could be a much happier person this way.. but why? why come back and tell me all those things? why do you have to do this to me all the time? leaving.. and after you left.. tell me all sorts of things to make me soft hearted.. why do you have to do this to me? WHY?

*** For kat..

Being with u all this 5yrs.. im really happy..even tho we quarrel, im still happy..being with u makes me happy.. and my happy moment ended here.. My dream die at this very moment.. For the very last time.. Kat.. i love u..

Hope everything goes well for u.. see u...

luv, zac ***

dream died. your last time. everything is not what was said. you still wanna come back..

did you see what you've done to me the past years? can you see what you've done to me?! did you see what kind of a person you've turn me to? every of my changes take place because of you. if not for you, i wouldn't be harsh. if not for you, this relationship could have been stable by now. if not for your ' bitch, cheap, slut and causing miseries to your life ', i wouldn't have change. things wouldn't have change.

and now, if not for your ' fuck off from my life ', we wouldn't be like this. can you see? can you see what have you turned me into? can you see what kind of a person you turn me to? can you see? the current kat, is who you've turn her into over the years.

think about it yourself, if you were me.. what would you have done? what would you do now? you left me with a confusing mind.. expecting me to be there for you still. want me to spend the rest of my life with you.. want me by your side forever.. with all these past memories.. what will you do, if you were to be me?


即使我是爱你的，
我也很难回到你身边。
想要和你在一起的心虽有，
可是伤心比快乐还要多。
与其你我都伤心。。。
不如让我放了你，
让你寻找你的幸福。
不能让你我开心，
只好我放了你，
让你开心。

i just want you to be happy, that's all.

1st may 2008.

marks the day i'm 20. (:

old already. no more teenage life. yupps. time to settle down lers.

am looking forward to the dinner and movie with the skaters. total a 22 of them will be going. (: so happy! (: hahas. gonna be such a havoc. hopefully we'll have an enjoyable night yeah! (: yupps. for two years, i'm celebrating my birthday as a single status. last year also single. this year also. well.. too bad for myself then.

though i hope every year i will have someone, dropping by my house and giving me a bouquet of my favourite blue roses. and bring me out on a romantic date. but so far.. it haven't happen for the past twenty years. and i guess it won't be happening any near future. for now, i just hope i can be happy and people around me happy can lers. i just hope i'll have peaceful days. even if i got into a relationship one fine day.. i hope to have a peaceful and happy one. i have no more strength to fight anymore. i'm tired of always fighting. i just wanna have a simple relationship and have it last forever. but it just seems so hard to fulfill. hais. my life is not meant to be smooth. which is so fuck up. and it's a fuck up feeling having life like this. i wish i can change my life. well, sucks to be me.

anyways, today is my birthday! i'm the princess of the family now! my queen is so jealous of me having so many friends with me to celebrate with me. aww queen, i'll celebrate with you on yours k? (: hahas. mummy i love you and you know!~ (:

okays. i think i should go and sleep lers. later jaslyn coming over to my place.. (: ICIANS DAY OUT! woots~!!

one day!

and it'll be my birthday. =]=]=]=]=]

today is wilson's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILSON! (:

thank you those who wished me an advance birthday. (: thanks for remembering.. hahas. much appreciated.

okays. went to watch movie with my friends today.. ' doomsday ' yupps. the storyline is okay lahhs. but i like the female lead. so cool...

rate : 3/5.

hahas. not bad..

okays. i wanna sleep early today.. (:

Loyang Tau Pek Gong.

just reached about an hour ago from loyang.. went there with jaslyn and leon.. went to pray and help my family to pray also. before that was at chong pang with jaslyn, leon and DM. then the sudden thought of going to loyang.. so after sending DM to admiralty, we went to loyang.. was there for about an hour.. then leon send me home.. yupps. took the ping an fu for baby boy and my family.. just hope he don't vomit and cry so much already. :( see him like that i heartache sia.. :( hais..

my birthday is just 2 days away.. and i'm 20.. hahas. (: yayy! next year is 21. and i can have my golden keys.. =] hehees.. LOL. hahahahaahahahahahahaha.

had a chat with chloe today on msn.. she seems to be still feeling very down from her break up. just hope she'll be better soon. well, actually i'm in no position to tell her anything. because my relationship wise is not even stable. but well.. just hope she'll be fine.. asked her out to join me for supper actually. but she say she's full.. and was telling me maybe on my birthday.. told her about the possibility of going to double o for chilling session. then asked her along.. she say see how.. well.. wait till thursday bahhs. yupps. hmm.. most probably will be watching the movie, IRON MAN with the skaters on thursday bahhs. hahas. still thinking where to have dinner eys.. hais.. hmm.. hahas.

omg.. i'm so in love with songs by Secondhand Serenade lahhs! (:(:(: their songs are so nice. lyrics very meaningful.. DM say i'm the sentimental kind that's why i'll like.. -.- lol.. hahas. but well.. i'm a girl wadd. -.- idiot. hahas. (: I KILL YOU! >.< hahahas.

okays lahhs i wanna sleep early tonight. (: so i'm gonna post some photos first.. (: photos of my baby boy!!! (: gonna miss him so so much since he's going back already.. :( sad sia... :( sobs sobs..















this is the elder brother of my baby boy.. (:


amy and kat. vivian's birthday celebration at east coast hub. =]


oops. end up still have my photoss. =x

facebook. LOL.

i shall let pictures speaks k? (: tsktsk.

BBQ at DM's place.

firstly, thank you those who came. really appreciate it a lot. (:

those who didn't turn up, i'm sad.. but i understand that everyone of you have your own reasons.. so it's okay.. (:

i had fun and i enjoyed myself.. thank you.. (:

thank you pris.. you have been tossing here and there for me the past two days. troubled i'm sorry. but thanks for everything. i love the present you guys gave me. makes me feel like a princess. really. (: love the present! i know you love me too! anyways, good luck to your first day of work! (:

thanks leon, troubled you too. thanks for the big present you gave me. thank you so much. (:

michael.. thanks for lending your place to me.. hahaas. really appreciate it.. (: and thanks your mom for the present too. (: biggest bunny i ever had. (:

thanks denise and quimei for the present.. (: hahas.

omg. i wanna put pictures of my pressiesssss. wanna show you all..

okay lahhs. after i got my photos then i post.. (:

when you look me in the eyes..

JONAS BROTHERS LYRICS

"When You Look Me In The Eyes"

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head up high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms,
I know that it's forever.
I just gotta let you know,
I never wanna let you go.

When you look me in the eyes.

And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
Oh

fell in love with this song. so much. yeah.. haven't been blogging. sorry.. don't have much to talk about. and don't know what to say..

anyways, my cast's removed. there's still a bit of bruises.. but it's healing well.. (: don't worry people.. i'm dead remember? ha. nothing to worry about then.. yeah.. scar on my face.. well, it's okay.. though looks does matters to like, every girl.. but it's okay. i'm fine with it. (: most i be single forever. hahas. go and be nun. (: then sorry pris and eric.. you all will have no more god-children. hahas. =X

for the past two weeks i'm like, in my motherhood. -.- looking after a 2 months old baby.. and really love the baby so much. and i concluded something.. which, everyone agrees.. -I'M READY TO BE A MOM. hahas. - tsktsk. (: i just love babies so much. they're just so cute. but somehow they really brought me a lot of happiness. just by looking at them.. when they try to talk to you, when they keep wonder what's around them.. their expressions. all so adorable. (: babies are love!~

well, gonna have a be-early birthday bash at DM's place.. BBQ.. it's for seductive members though. but i invited some skaters along too. (: hahas. was thinking if wui boon still remembers my BBQ. told him long ago.. but oh well, call him tomorrow bahhs. (: thanks leon for having this BBQ as a birthday gift. really thank you very much.. hahas. (:

of course, i'm celebrating my actual birthday with the skaters. gonna go for a movie and dinner i guess. anyways my birthday is a public holiday.. everyone is free. hahas. i hope to spend this year's birthday with the skaters. (: last year spent it in club. with secondary schoolmates. this year have two different celebration.. i feel so lucky! kat is a lucky girl.. she's loved by all her friends, deeply. =] thank you everyone.. (: those who have been with me.. going through everything for the past 3 months.. billions of thank you..

kat is turning 20 in 4 days time.. and next year she'll be 21. gosh.. time flies. sians. getting older. -.- RAHH. i wanna be young can? hais..

okay lahhs. i shall update soon bahh. with more pictures~ (:


photos timeee..


my baby! (:





nissan - skyline r34



i, me, and myself. -princess-

i'm still dead.

yes. kat is dead. long time ago. lifeless. everything seems meaningless no more.

not getting any better. not thinking of anyone anymore. i'm serious. already let go of the one far away. since this is what the one from far away have been wanting. yes. i've let go. maybe it's unbelieveable. but well, i did.

yes, the one near by is coming back. not just one. it's like, so many of them and they're getting scary.. maybe what DM said is right. the power from pris's necklace is passing to me. -to be a queen and be loved by people. and to meet someone who really loves me.- well, maybe it's working on me. -.- getting too close until it affects me? -.- LOL. cool~

but one by one.. i'm rejecting. DM ask me to choose slowly. since there's so many of them.. just choose slowly. but i'm not the type who likes to give false hopes. ohh well.. see how things goes.. if really cannot then cannot. no point letting them wait. HAHA. so please, stop asking me if you stand a chance. if you do stand a chance i'll let you know, someday. hahahahaha. friends is good enough for now. (:

who say kat cannot find boyfriend? hahas. can lohh. (: just that i don't want one.. i feel that i'm not ready yet. before i get myself hurt again, i rather stay as who am i now. i don't ask for anything more. i just wanna be happy. and i'm happy now.. with my friends around me. and my friends AREN'T GANGSTERS! they may look fierce but they're nice people. so, to SOMEONE, STOP USING YOUR RETARTED BRAIN TO JUDGE MY FRIENDS. such a jack ass. stupid.

well.. leaving a simple life.. still on cast. the fucking cb doctor put back the cast for me. knn. actually take out already. then put back. idiot. i was like, scolding the medic and stuffs lahhs. want to cry lohh. i'm worry about my june's asia pacific comp. i want very much to go for that comp lohhs. :( well, i cried actually. for a while.. then i hold back my tears. hais.. somebody kill me please. i really don't want to miss my asia pacific.. :( hais....................................

kat's sad.. kat's down.. kat wanna cry.. kat wanna scream.. someone hug me tightly please.. let me cry out loud please.. let me your shoulder please.. skating was my life.. and i'm like, so far away from it. so near yet so far.. every friday i go down to east coast to see the skaters. but i can't skate. hais.. omg, so kat do have her weak side. hais.. i'm a girl afterall.. hahas. (:

okays.. i shall stop here. before i gets more emo..

all or nothing.

confused.

i'm just so confused now. why must this always happen to me? why must whenever i try to let go of someone, that person will start to linger around me and make me feel so terrible and difficult? why must he make things so hard for me? why do this to me? if you want to end it, make it a clear one.

i cut off all forms of contacts with you since that day. then just stay as that day. why come to me and tell me you're not hiding anymore? why tell me all sorts of things? don't confused my feelings. i'm confused enough. and too much heartaches. i don't want to be hurt anymore. i had enough. enough of all the shits a relationship needs to go through. i don't have so much tolerance and patience anymore. enough of all the distrusts and disbelieves. enough is enough. i don't have anymore energy to fight anymore. i don't have the energy to continue anymore. feel so terrible.
all or nothing. yes. all or nothing. i can give nothing. relationship is about giving it all or nothing. not hanging half way. it's either ALL or NOTHING. i can give nothing. i'm not ready for anything. i just want to be the little princess of my life. nothing else. i had enough. i used to fork out all of my heart but i got too much disappointment. enough of disappointments.. enough of heartaches. UNTIL YOU ARE SURE YOU WON'T HURT ME ANYMORE, IF NOT DON'T EVER COME TO ME!

feeling down.. really down.. want to cry, but my tears are dried up. want to scream, but my mouth is not moving. just wanna be quiet. that's all.......

all or nothing..

updateeesss.

here to update cause someone said i didn't update my blog also when i ask him to. RAHH!

recently, had the rookie competition last sunday. the results were craps. -.- suckie. never mind.. june's asia pacific cup, is now my aim. but before that i need to let my ankle recover first. yeah yeah.. (:

recefnlt didn't have much programmes. have been meeting up with DM, pris, eric and jaslyn.. lunch and dinner.. HAHAS. it's LUNCH AND DINNER K! not breakfast and supper anymore. hahas. (: then DM and pris have been skating every friday. (: so nice of them.. trying to blend in with the skaters. just hope the skaters wouldn't mind so much and welcome them though. hahas.

today went to appointment with pris and eric. thanks guys for accompany me! (: hahas. after check up went to bugis. had swensen as branch.. then went to get my baby-G watch! (: have been wanting to get one so badly since last time. (: hahas. then went to bugis village to get my hoodies. hahas. (: shop around and stuffs. hahas. cool~ hope my love love's love life will be good. (:

have been sleeping very early recenly.. yeah.. good right?

OKAY I GOTTA GO.. DINNER TIME!~~~~~