hahas. grats to marcus.. lucas.. maria.. jasmine... etc etc.. WELL DONE people. done IC proud. :) hahas.
anyways.. i'm fucking tired.. with sore throat and i have a feeling that i'm gonna fall sick SOON!!! hahas.
well.. blog again when i wake upp? nw most important is i get enough sleep! :)
bevan! COME BACK SOON!! I WANNA SEE YOU!! AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! :) <3
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
it's all over.. but i give him my blessings.. :)
last night.. right under zac's house. we're over.. officially.. we had an arguement before and wednesday i went to st james.. and ben they all came to fetch me.. and i went off with them.. stayed over at ben's sentosa house.. haix.. actually everything started because he went out to have dinner with chloe.. well.. let me just do a short introduction about this girl..
CHLOE : a girl with two horoscope.. a girl who's older than zac.. a girl who can afford more things for zac than me.. can drive him around in her car.. a girl who simply... like zac. and zac is giving consideration about her as his girlfriend. well, since we're over.. i give him my blessing. yes.. :)
yarh.. surprisingly.. i'm letting go without much sadness with me.. thanks to ben, keegan, dylan, khairul and mahesh.. :) anyway, they're people i know recently.. but brought me happiness during my unhappy times. well, i knew ben long ago though. hahas. =D ben, keegan and dylan is going back to australia soon. hahas. will upload their pictures soon. took pictures with them before they leave. how cool yeah? :) LOL.
well, let me just do some recap. hmm..
tuesday:
went to work in the afternoon. from zac's house.. then work until 9pm. and zac say he doesn't wanna meet me. so i went home. before that ben called to ask if i wanna meet. and i say i'll call him back. right after zac told me he's not meeting me, i called ben to tell him i can meet him. and so he picked me upp from my house that night. and we were out the whole night. without zac's knowledge. anyway, me and zac is over.. so there's nothing to hide anymore. yarh.. it's my fault for not telling zac in the first place. but telling him i'm going to meet ben will only lead us to quarrels. and so i decided not to say anything. yupps. i stayed over at ben's house that night.. yarh.. i know i shouldn't be doing that.. but i wanna see chloe. ohh well, this chloe i'm mentioning here is not zac's girlfriend. this chloe is much cuter. and i love her like mad.. too cute to resist. :) hahas. baby chloe i love you. :) slept around 7am. yupps. slept in the living room cause the guys took the room. the wanted to let me have the room but i was thinking that there are freaking so many of them and they wanna squeeze in the living room? a bit not nice. so i let them have the room. yupps. i slept in the living room.
wednesday:
woke upp quite early actually.. cause chloe woke me upp. she wanted me to play with her. but i was too tired. so i got upp to entertain her a while and i sleep again. i could hear her bell ringing.. i mean the bell on her anklet. so cute. hahas. and she was calling me " jie jie " so lovely. took picture with her. yupps. then i sleep until around 2pm then wake upp. then play with chloe until around 3pm. eat my lunch.. then go to work with taxi. but when i reach there.. i was told that my schedule actually changed. from 4pm to 6pm. but i wasn't informed. so i'm like.. what the hell? but never mind. start work at 4pm still. until closing. i was pissed at zac for going out with chloe and not even telling me about it at all. supposingly, we're going st james together.. but end upp i don't feel like going with him.. so i meet ben instead. meet him at his house.. then i bathe etc.. feel like going st james.. so ben send me there by car. reach st james around 2am. dance until 3 plus. then ben come over to st james to fetch me.. and here is where zac was pissed. yarh.. it's my fault. but what's done is done. it can't be undone. so now, i shouldn't give a shit anymore. yupps. was a little drunk that night cause i wasn't in good mood. so drink five shot in one go. just to get myself high. yupps. i got high and because of this.. problem arise. well, i don't blame zac for anything. fucking no point. =D all i hope for now is myself being happy. yupps. of course.. hope he's happy with his girlfriend too. hahas. that night after i call zac at 5am.. i couldn't get him til the next day night time. he message me yarh.. i stayed over at ben's sentosa house that night.
thursday:
woke upp damn late. around 4pm. then got ready and we went to katong. eat and play pool and stuffs. until around 10pm.. zac message me.. cause i've been trying to get him since 7am. it's either the phone is off or he don't wanna pick upp the calls.. well.. fine then.. his message was.. and my reply was..
zac : if u think what u did yesterday is not wrong.. so be it. do what ever u wan. as what we agreed, our times is out, take care. i will take care of myself in camp.
kat : i didn't say i did the right thing. i also didn't do anything with them. where are you now?
zac : home. u even allow ben to kan me.. wtf.. i went insane yesterday.. i doubt u even care. u r enjoying with 5guys in ben hse. do i do all these shit? think..
kat : he say he wanna talk to you. and he was a little drunk last night. i didn't do anything with them also. i didn't do anything unfaithful.
zac : if u r loyal to me will u even go with them? will u allow them to scold me? scold me idiot and bastard etc.. wtf.. the guys drunk, u drunk,who know what happen?
kat : they bought me tea to let me sobber upp. only ben is tipsy. the rest was okay. and ben was okay after a while also. i was very clear of what i'm doing.
zac : u wan u come find me now. i got no time to entertain u. i will slp by 11pm.
kat : okay. see you.
zac : didnt expect u will do something unfaithful to me even before i go in. good. at least i really see your true colour.. i had gave u last chance to meet me. nvm.
kat : i said i'm coming! which part of it you don't understand!
zac : don get offended if i say anything nasty.. my mood is really bad. and i must slp by 11.
kat : i'll accompany you tonight and send you off tomorrow.
zac : no need. i don wan to be sad.
kat : i just wanna be by your side. i've looking for you the whole day yet you off your phone and you don't pick upp my calls.
zac : pls. u send me some nasty msg. pls make up your mind!
kat : what nasty message? i've been trying to get you since 7am.
zac : u go read your send item..
kat : the only one i send you was telling you about not to test my patience.
yarh.. that was the conversation before i meet him under his block. and when i was under the block with him, terry and joel.. he questioned me about the night before with ben they all.. what we did and stuffs. i told him we did nothing but he don't believe. and we sort of have an arguement. and he went home not long after that.. i stayed under the block with terry and joel to talk. yupps. and zac's house key was with me. so i decided to go upp and return him the key. but when i step in the house.. wanting to go in to his room.. i heard that he was on the phone with a girl.. so i stand outside to listen to what they're talking.. well.. all i heard was zac flirting with her and telling her how good the impression was on her etc. and that she's cute and saying that his friends ask him to consider her etc. standing outside and listening to the conversation.. i have two feelings.. first was feeling upset and yes, i cried outside the door. standing there for a while.. my heart sank. i called ben to ask where is he and asked if he could come and fetch me. and ben could tell i was sad.. so he said okay. and i told him to call me when he reach. around 2:20am.. ben called and said he's downstairs. but i was waiting for zac to end his conversation.. cause i don't wanna break into his conversation just like that.. and i was lucky enough.. he hang upp soon after ben's call. so i went in, on the light and left his key on the table. and tell him i wish him good luck on his new relationship. and i left. i called terry not to meet me cause someone is waiting for me downstairs. and terry asked if it was ben i said yarh.. then i ran off to meet them.. and zac follow me.. and he have some arguement with ben and they almost started a fight. thank god they didn't and we left.. but i could tell zac was pissed and devastated. but ben and friends also pissed.. after leaving there.. we went to east coast to buy macs. terry called and ask me to go back. but i don't really want to go the first place.. but terry say it'll be better if i go back.. so i went back.. together with the guys. and THE WHOLE STORY IS FUCKING LONG. I LAZY TO BLOG DOWN. ASK ME NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME. AND BLAH BLAH BLAH.. then i told zac i'm letting go.. and giving him all my blessings and i'm back there.. to tell him all the best. i could tell sadness in his eyes.. but i'm sorry.. i could tell both of us is tired.. both of us is really tired. so i'm making a decision which will do us better. yarh.. i'm letting go now.. yes i am..
zac message me when i was on the way back to sentosa house.
zac : take care..
kat : sorry. i think you feel happier without me. even though i wished i could always tell you i love you.. but what i heard just now, i think you'll feel better without me. i've settled the police. don't worry. you're not involved.
zac : happier? .. haha.. hopefully.. enjoy your days with all those guys ba.. i wont find them anymore.. and.. no matter what.. u r still in my heart..
kat : but from what i heard when you're on the phone with that girl, i think i'm no longer the only one in your heart. so yarh, i hope you're happier. i think i brought you nothing but miseries. i'm not a good girlfriend of yours.
zac : true, u r only part of my memories.. a sad one.. now i can choose among all gals.. better then u of cos. i will be happier then u! i wasted my 5 yrs.. its ok.
kat : yarh i guess i am. yupps. i think it's better for us to stay as friends now. i believe what mine is mine. what's not mine will never be mine. sorry is all i can say to you. YOU, are my memories. and i'm glad you're part of me no matter what.. you may choose not to talk to me or not to be friends. but it's upp to you, to be friends or not. all your call. i won't force you. for the years i've been with you, all that i've given you. i don't regret. thanks for all the memories you left me with. thanks for all that you've done for me. and sorry.. i can't be the girl you want me to be. sorry..
zac : jus take very good care of yourself..
kat : yarh i will. :) you too.
yarh.. that's all about it. and before i sleep. it was about 6:30am. i drop him a message saying..
kat : take care of yourself in camp. i can't be there for you. but i can always be there for you, not as a girlfriend, but as a friend. :)
zac : i go camp le.
that all we have for that day. yupps. i went to sleep right after the message. =_= -tired.
friday. woke upp at 3pm. get ready and stuffs.. go katong and played pool.. had dinner at sentosa golf club. ben's dad drive us there. then we're back to sentosa house. at night.. went to old CH. i got freaked out. FUCK! damn fucking scary lahh. got out and i never wanna go in ever. called bevan and told him about it. he just came home from party. so he was tired. chat for a while then we hang upp. after that back to sentosa house and here i am.. blogging. :) yupps. i think i suits going nice places better. HAHAS! lols. told bevan what happened last night. and he was like.. then? then? and then? cause i guess that's the only thing he can say. =_= HAHAS.
okay.. it's almost 7am now. i needa sleep and get upp early. update soon! :) bye all ~ LOVES.
will upload photos soon! :) :P
CHLOE : a girl with two horoscope.. a girl who's older than zac.. a girl who can afford more things for zac than me.. can drive him around in her car.. a girl who simply... like zac. and zac is giving consideration about her as his girlfriend. well, since we're over.. i give him my blessing. yes.. :)
yarh.. surprisingly.. i'm letting go without much sadness with me.. thanks to ben, keegan, dylan, khairul and mahesh.. :) anyway, they're people i know recently.. but brought me happiness during my unhappy times. well, i knew ben long ago though. hahas. =D ben, keegan and dylan is going back to australia soon. hahas. will upload their pictures soon. took pictures with them before they leave. how cool yeah? :) LOL.
well, let me just do some recap. hmm..
tuesday:
went to work in the afternoon. from zac's house.. then work until 9pm. and zac say he doesn't wanna meet me. so i went home. before that ben called to ask if i wanna meet. and i say i'll call him back. right after zac told me he's not meeting me, i called ben to tell him i can meet him. and so he picked me upp from my house that night. and we were out the whole night. without zac's knowledge. anyway, me and zac is over.. so there's nothing to hide anymore. yarh.. it's my fault for not telling zac in the first place. but telling him i'm going to meet ben will only lead us to quarrels. and so i decided not to say anything. yupps. i stayed over at ben's house that night.. yarh.. i know i shouldn't be doing that.. but i wanna see chloe. ohh well, this chloe i'm mentioning here is not zac's girlfriend. this chloe is much cuter. and i love her like mad.. too cute to resist. :) hahas. baby chloe i love you. :) slept around 7am. yupps. slept in the living room cause the guys took the room. the wanted to let me have the room but i was thinking that there are freaking so many of them and they wanna squeeze in the living room? a bit not nice. so i let them have the room. yupps. i slept in the living room.
wednesday:
woke upp quite early actually.. cause chloe woke me upp. she wanted me to play with her. but i was too tired. so i got upp to entertain her a while and i sleep again. i could hear her bell ringing.. i mean the bell on her anklet. so cute. hahas. and she was calling me " jie jie " so lovely. took picture with her. yupps. then i sleep until around 2pm then wake upp. then play with chloe until around 3pm. eat my lunch.. then go to work with taxi. but when i reach there.. i was told that my schedule actually changed. from 4pm to 6pm. but i wasn't informed. so i'm like.. what the hell? but never mind. start work at 4pm still. until closing. i was pissed at zac for going out with chloe and not even telling me about it at all. supposingly, we're going st james together.. but end upp i don't feel like going with him.. so i meet ben instead. meet him at his house.. then i bathe etc.. feel like going st james.. so ben send me there by car. reach st james around 2am. dance until 3 plus. then ben come over to st james to fetch me.. and here is where zac was pissed. yarh.. it's my fault. but what's done is done. it can't be undone. so now, i shouldn't give a shit anymore. yupps. was a little drunk that night cause i wasn't in good mood. so drink five shot in one go. just to get myself high. yupps. i got high and because of this.. problem arise. well, i don't blame zac for anything. fucking no point. =D all i hope for now is myself being happy. yupps. of course.. hope he's happy with his girlfriend too. hahas. that night after i call zac at 5am.. i couldn't get him til the next day night time. he message me yarh.. i stayed over at ben's sentosa house that night.
thursday:
woke upp damn late. around 4pm. then got ready and we went to katong. eat and play pool and stuffs. until around 10pm.. zac message me.. cause i've been trying to get him since 7am. it's either the phone is off or he don't wanna pick upp the calls.. well.. fine then.. his message was.. and my reply was..
zac : if u think what u did yesterday is not wrong.. so be it. do what ever u wan. as what we agreed, our times is out, take care. i will take care of myself in camp.
kat : i didn't say i did the right thing. i also didn't do anything with them. where are you now?
zac : home. u even allow ben to kan me.. wtf.. i went insane yesterday.. i doubt u even care. u r enjoying with 5guys in ben hse. do i do all these shit? think..
kat : he say he wanna talk to you. and he was a little drunk last night. i didn't do anything with them also. i didn't do anything unfaithful.
zac : if u r loyal to me will u even go with them? will u allow them to scold me? scold me idiot and bastard etc.. wtf.. the guys drunk, u drunk,who know what happen?
kat : they bought me tea to let me sobber upp. only ben is tipsy. the rest was okay. and ben was okay after a while also. i was very clear of what i'm doing.
zac : u wan u come find me now. i got no time to entertain u. i will slp by 11pm.
kat : okay. see you.
zac : didnt expect u will do something unfaithful to me even before i go in. good. at least i really see your true colour.. i had gave u last chance to meet me. nvm.
kat : i said i'm coming! which part of it you don't understand!
zac : don get offended if i say anything nasty.. my mood is really bad. and i must slp by 11.
kat : i'll accompany you tonight and send you off tomorrow.
zac : no need. i don wan to be sad.
kat : i just wanna be by your side. i've looking for you the whole day yet you off your phone and you don't pick upp my calls.
zac : pls. u send me some nasty msg. pls make up your mind!
kat : what nasty message? i've been trying to get you since 7am.
zac : u go read your send item..
kat : the only one i send you was telling you about not to test my patience.
yarh.. that was the conversation before i meet him under his block. and when i was under the block with him, terry and joel.. he questioned me about the night before with ben they all.. what we did and stuffs. i told him we did nothing but he don't believe. and we sort of have an arguement. and he went home not long after that.. i stayed under the block with terry and joel to talk. yupps. and zac's house key was with me. so i decided to go upp and return him the key. but when i step in the house.. wanting to go in to his room.. i heard that he was on the phone with a girl.. so i stand outside to listen to what they're talking.. well.. all i heard was zac flirting with her and telling her how good the impression was on her etc. and that she's cute and saying that his friends ask him to consider her etc. standing outside and listening to the conversation.. i have two feelings.. first was feeling upset and yes, i cried outside the door. standing there for a while.. my heart sank. i called ben to ask where is he and asked if he could come and fetch me. and ben could tell i was sad.. so he said okay. and i told him to call me when he reach. around 2:20am.. ben called and said he's downstairs. but i was waiting for zac to end his conversation.. cause i don't wanna break into his conversation just like that.. and i was lucky enough.. he hang upp soon after ben's call. so i went in, on the light and left his key on the table. and tell him i wish him good luck on his new relationship. and i left. i called terry not to meet me cause someone is waiting for me downstairs. and terry asked if it was ben i said yarh.. then i ran off to meet them.. and zac follow me.. and he have some arguement with ben and they almost started a fight. thank god they didn't and we left.. but i could tell zac was pissed and devastated. but ben and friends also pissed.. after leaving there.. we went to east coast to buy macs. terry called and ask me to go back. but i don't really want to go the first place.. but terry say it'll be better if i go back.. so i went back.. together with the guys. and THE WHOLE STORY IS FUCKING LONG. I LAZY TO BLOG DOWN. ASK ME NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME. AND BLAH BLAH BLAH.. then i told zac i'm letting go.. and giving him all my blessings and i'm back there.. to tell him all the best. i could tell sadness in his eyes.. but i'm sorry.. i could tell both of us is tired.. both of us is really tired. so i'm making a decision which will do us better. yarh.. i'm letting go now.. yes i am..
zac message me when i was on the way back to sentosa house.
zac : take care..
kat : sorry. i think you feel happier without me. even though i wished i could always tell you i love you.. but what i heard just now, i think you'll feel better without me. i've settled the police. don't worry. you're not involved.
zac : happier? .. haha.. hopefully.. enjoy your days with all those guys ba.. i wont find them anymore.. and.. no matter what.. u r still in my heart..
kat : but from what i heard when you're on the phone with that girl, i think i'm no longer the only one in your heart. so yarh, i hope you're happier. i think i brought you nothing but miseries. i'm not a good girlfriend of yours.
zac : true, u r only part of my memories.. a sad one.. now i can choose among all gals.. better then u of cos. i will be happier then u! i wasted my 5 yrs.. its ok.
kat : yarh i guess i am. yupps. i think it's better for us to stay as friends now. i believe what mine is mine. what's not mine will never be mine. sorry is all i can say to you. YOU, are my memories. and i'm glad you're part of me no matter what.. you may choose not to talk to me or not to be friends. but it's upp to you, to be friends or not. all your call. i won't force you. for the years i've been with you, all that i've given you. i don't regret. thanks for all the memories you left me with. thanks for all that you've done for me. and sorry.. i can't be the girl you want me to be. sorry..
zac : jus take very good care of yourself..
kat : yarh i will. :) you too.
yarh.. that's all about it. and before i sleep. it was about 6:30am. i drop him a message saying..
kat : take care of yourself in camp. i can't be there for you. but i can always be there for you, not as a girlfriend, but as a friend. :)
zac : i go camp le.
that all we have for that day. yupps. i went to sleep right after the message. =_= -tired.
friday. woke upp at 3pm. get ready and stuffs.. go katong and played pool.. had dinner at sentosa golf club. ben's dad drive us there. then we're back to sentosa house. at night.. went to old CH. i got freaked out. FUCK! damn fucking scary lahh. got out and i never wanna go in ever. called bevan and told him about it. he just came home from party. so he was tired. chat for a while then we hang upp. after that back to sentosa house and here i am.. blogging. :) yupps. i think i suits going nice places better. HAHAS! lols. told bevan what happened last night. and he was like.. then? then? and then? cause i guess that's the only thing he can say. =_= HAHAS.
okay.. it's almost 7am now. i needa sleep and get upp early. update soon! :) bye all ~ LOVES.
will upload photos soon! :) :P
Friday, April 6, 2007
-confused.
well, just came home. was on leave the past few days. yupps. and i went to skate yesterday. reach east coast aound 4:30pm. bought new wheels and got an alan key from shirley. she give me. :) how nice. and she told me about the competition on 15th april. she ask me to take part in the freestyle and speed slalom. well, i guess i'm going for it. to gain some experience. :) hahahahas. :) yupps.
skated the whole day mann!! went to gelare in the evening. =D hahas. cause receieved a message from john telling me that i'll be going to work at a catering with fennie for some event.. to scoop ice cream. -.- like DOTS!!! of all people, why me? =_= hahas. then went over to ask john for the details. yupps. then go back to rink again. SKATE!!!!!!!!! yuppies. :) hahas. terence taught me a new slide.. J SLIDE!! i've been wanting to learn.. but no one really taught me the method. so i gave upp initially. until today terence teach me. =D thanks terence!!!!! hahas. i didn't even practice my speed slalom.. hahas. i only wanna take part in the speed slalom.. HAHAS!! yupps. not freestyle. not confident yet. speed is enough. kakakaka. LOL.
had gelare for dinner. got a little craving for waffles.. so go over and eat. hahas. :)then back to rink and skate all the way until 1am. took cab with zac and lucas to meet terry.. cause he wanna drink. -.- LOL. then drink with the both of them.. i don't really feel like drinking.. just there to accompany them lahh. not in the mood to drink. LOL. and terry was drunk. -.- hahahas. then went home lohh.. yupps. rest a while a zac's house.. then went to eat breakfast with him and home i go.. :) I MISS MY BED.. I JUST FEEL LIKE JUMPING INTO MY BED NOW.. but i wanna blog finish first.. :) hahahahhahahahhahahas. i love blogging!! =D
anyways, ben should be back in singapore already i guess.. well, not too sure though. hahas. :) -misses. hahas. call me soon ben!! i wanna talk to you!!!!!!!!!!! =D
well, had an arguement with zac.. over his NS thing again.. haix.. everytime because of this then we quarrel.. fucked upp topic to talk about. fuck the NS lahh. KNN. whatever~
okays.. i'm superb ultraly tired.. nights everyone.. bye~ *yawns*
skated the whole day mann!! went to gelare in the evening. =D hahas. cause receieved a message from john telling me that i'll be going to work at a catering with fennie for some event.. to scoop ice cream. -.- like DOTS!!! of all people, why me? =_= hahas. then went over to ask john for the details. yupps. then go back to rink again. SKATE!!!!!!!!! yuppies. :) hahas. terence taught me a new slide.. J SLIDE!! i've been wanting to learn.. but no one really taught me the method. so i gave upp initially. until today terence teach me. =D thanks terence!!!!! hahas. i didn't even practice my speed slalom.. hahas. i only wanna take part in the speed slalom.. HAHAS!! yupps. not freestyle. not confident yet. speed is enough. kakakaka. LOL.
had gelare for dinner. got a little craving for waffles.. so go over and eat. hahas. :)then back to rink and skate all the way until 1am. took cab with zac and lucas to meet terry.. cause he wanna drink. -.- LOL. then drink with the both of them.. i don't really feel like drinking.. just there to accompany them lahh. not in the mood to drink. LOL. and terry was drunk. -.- hahahas. then went home lohh.. yupps. rest a while a zac's house.. then went to eat breakfast with him and home i go.. :) I MISS MY BED.. I JUST FEEL LIKE JUMPING INTO MY BED NOW.. but i wanna blog finish first.. :) hahahahhahahahhahahas. i love blogging!! =D
anyways, ben should be back in singapore already i guess.. well, not too sure though. hahas. :) -misses. hahas. call me soon ben!! i wanna talk to you!!!!!!!!!!! =D
well, had an arguement with zac.. over his NS thing again.. haix.. everytime because of this then we quarrel.. fucked upp topic to talk about. fuck the NS lahh. KNN. whatever~
okays.. i'm superb ultraly tired.. nights everyone.. bye~ *yawns*
Thursday, April 5, 2007
-broken.
a broken trust. a broken love. a broken relationship. how do i salvage? how should i salvage?
sometimes, life seems to have a lot of harsh decision to be made. and those decision you made change your entire life. not a little bit but the ENTIRE!! making decisions is so important so you won't feel regret. but a bad point of me is that sometimes even though i know it's not right to make that decision, i stubbornly go against the wind and make the wrong decision. yet, unknowingly, troubles appear. is being soft-hearted a bad point? is being soft-hearted a wrong thing to do? how should i change this weak point of mine? how should i stop this weak point of mine? i wish i could.. i wish i really could.....
i used to believe in forever.. i used to believe in everlasting. but everything vanished, in just a split second. i thought my life could be easy.. but i doubt so now. i used to believe that as long as you love a person, to do what it takes to see the smile on their face is good enough. i seems to be a fool.. to be only sparing a thought for others instead of myself.. and right now when i spare a thought for myself first.. or rather all about myself, i'm being told i'm selfish, i never spare a thought for others. is this what life is? to make one feel so lousy basically almost everyday? for a long time, i've been living in a life which i have to put on a false front, just to see the smile from him.. keeping almost everything to myself just because i'm afraid i would make him worry.. make him feel irritated. and just so when i couldn't take the stress anymore.. i exploded.. why must you do this to me? i thought we were doing fine.. but.. i realised i've been forcing myself. forcing myself to do things that i don't like to do.. i'm not myself.. i'm no longer the cheesim i used to be when i was secondary one or even primary school. and when i question myself why am i doing all these.. the only reply i always give myself is because i love him. and i always believed i do.. however.. all i got back for the past years.. was backstabbing.. heartache.. disbelieve.. disappointments.. betrayals.. what more could i take? feel so vexed. i thought i could be smiling.. but i didn't.. what the heck is happening now? i messed upp my life..
' love doesn't come from being scared ' well said. but why am i still like this? i'm a bad girl.. i'm not sweet, i'm not lovely, i'm not cute, i'm not beautiful. i'm nothing.. nothing in every one's eyes. including zac. i'm nothing compared to other girls. sometimes i really wonder why am i born.. why am i on this earth.. why do i meet people.. why am i human. -i have a feeling of dying.
if a shooting stars were to appear right now, i'd pray for god to shorten my life and end my life soon. life is getting tougher and i doubt i could take it.. bevan, i'm weak, i admit. if you ever read my blog, i hope you know.. i'm weak.. in everything. -weak.
anyways, i just came back from batam with the skaters. well, i don't really enjoy myself. except for the part when we're playing with the outdoor activities. go cart and atv. and paint ball. only this three is fun. just a short recap on what i've done at batam.
first day:
leave singapore at 12:50pm. reach there around 1:50pm. eat our lunch and did a little shopping at hypermart. then head for the resort. and guess what? the whole resort.. seems to be only having us as their guest. -.- hell shit. gotta know roy's friends. they're okay from what i see. well, a little hostile though. well, first day only ivan, wilson, zac and me. -boring. they went to turi beach with the other group of people and i stayed behind to rest. hell boring.. but no choice. told zac i'll be there to accompany him.. so i'm there. well, from what i see, the three guys are all interested in a girl named tiffany. hmm, well, go ahead then. -not interested. the first impression the girls gave me was that they're not friendly. the guys were okay. well anyways, they're back around 9pm. after bathing eating and chiling at the chalet, we went upp to roy's chalet to drink. play poker cards and we were all drinking shots. -.- at first i was okay until i start to sleep. then feel like vomitting. fucking the feeling sucks. worse than the last time i was drunk. second time of the year i was drunk.. -.- zac helped me back to the chalet and he went back there again. called bevan.. cause suddenly think of him.. well, i can't really remember what he told me. i think he asked where am i and if i'm drunk. -.- then i KO until the next day.
second day:
woke upp around ten.. got ready then go and have breakfast at the restaurant. then went back to the chalet.. I SLEEP AGAIN!!! -.- until zhuzhu they all come.. and i'm still sleeping. -.- woke upp around 3pm. then got ready and go to waterfront city. and we played ATV. it's damn fun. :) then went to nagoya hills to have dinner and happen to meet roy they all. but we go separate ways. shop around then went back around 10pm singapore time. then slack a while. around 11:30pm.. we went to the swimming pool to celebrate wilson's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEE MAI!!!!!!!!!!!! hahas. hope you have a good one. :) had some ice breaking games and stuffs. quite bored actually. nothing to do. then we went back to the chalet.. i was with foul mood then. yarh.. tired i guess. then got KO around 3am. drank a little with zac. cause the vodka is left with a little bit. so we finish it. yupps. then KO..
last day:
woke upp around 10am. get ready and go to waterfront city again.. played paint ball and go cart. paint ball is damn fun lahh can! :) hahas. i like. hmm, after paint ball, slack at the holiday inn lobby. had a tiff with zac.. over the group photo which i think is of no use argueing over about. then after that went to go cart. ohh i love go cart!! damn fucking fun lahh. shiok can!! had two rounds of it. NICE!!!! hahahas. then we head to batam centre to take our ferry.. back to singapore. yupps. slept on the way back. yupps. then had dinner at vivocity. then home we go. and now i'm here blogging..
had a chat with ivan on the way back. sometimes, a person's words will leads you to have some deep thoughts. well, that's when i have some thought on the way home and this is why i seems to be moody.. wanted to go clubbing.. st james.. but zac say he's tired.. so i decided not to go. but i feel like going dxo tomorrow.. but zac don't wanna go.. end upp he tell me terry got some problem etc. that's why he can't go with me.. at first he was so against it.. then suddenly he tell me about terry.. actually, i don't quite believe what he say.. but i've decided not to go.. maybe i should stay at home or something. i guess that's what he wants from me. -to be an obedient girl. yarh.. so i'm not going.. maybe if there's band tomorrow, i shall give them a visit.. heard bds co got gold for syf.. well, actually i'm not bothered. and i'm not a little interested at all cause all my friends left bds already. co is not band. it don't bothers me. anyways, i've never respect their conductor cause their conductor is someone who doesn't deserve respect. well, i don't care if it's offensive.. this is the impression he left me with. -disrespectful.
well, i'm bored.. maybe i should maple a while then sleep lerx. BEVAN!! WHY AREN'T YOU HOME YET!! LOL. happen to see him online. chat with him a while and he then tells me he's going home. so i'm asking. bye~
sometimes, life seems to have a lot of harsh decision to be made. and those decision you made change your entire life. not a little bit but the ENTIRE!! making decisions is so important so you won't feel regret. but a bad point of me is that sometimes even though i know it's not right to make that decision, i stubbornly go against the wind and make the wrong decision. yet, unknowingly, troubles appear. is being soft-hearted a bad point? is being soft-hearted a wrong thing to do? how should i change this weak point of mine? how should i stop this weak point of mine? i wish i could.. i wish i really could.....
i used to believe in forever.. i used to believe in everlasting. but everything vanished, in just a split second. i thought my life could be easy.. but i doubt so now. i used to believe that as long as you love a person, to do what it takes to see the smile on their face is good enough. i seems to be a fool.. to be only sparing a thought for others instead of myself.. and right now when i spare a thought for myself first.. or rather all about myself, i'm being told i'm selfish, i never spare a thought for others. is this what life is? to make one feel so lousy basically almost everyday? for a long time, i've been living in a life which i have to put on a false front, just to see the smile from him.. keeping almost everything to myself just because i'm afraid i would make him worry.. make him feel irritated. and just so when i couldn't take the stress anymore.. i exploded.. why must you do this to me? i thought we were doing fine.. but.. i realised i've been forcing myself. forcing myself to do things that i don't like to do.. i'm not myself.. i'm no longer the cheesim i used to be when i was secondary one or even primary school. and when i question myself why am i doing all these.. the only reply i always give myself is because i love him. and i always believed i do.. however.. all i got back for the past years.. was backstabbing.. heartache.. disbelieve.. disappointments.. betrayals.. what more could i take? feel so vexed. i thought i could be smiling.. but i didn't.. what the heck is happening now? i messed upp my life..
' love doesn't come from being scared ' well said. but why am i still like this? i'm a bad girl.. i'm not sweet, i'm not lovely, i'm not cute, i'm not beautiful. i'm nothing.. nothing in every one's eyes. including zac. i'm nothing compared to other girls. sometimes i really wonder why am i born.. why am i on this earth.. why do i meet people.. why am i human. -i have a feeling of dying.
if a shooting stars were to appear right now, i'd pray for god to shorten my life and end my life soon. life is getting tougher and i doubt i could take it.. bevan, i'm weak, i admit. if you ever read my blog, i hope you know.. i'm weak.. in everything. -weak.
anyways, i just came back from batam with the skaters. well, i don't really enjoy myself. except for the part when we're playing with the outdoor activities. go cart and atv. and paint ball. only this three is fun. just a short recap on what i've done at batam.
first day:
leave singapore at 12:50pm. reach there around 1:50pm. eat our lunch and did a little shopping at hypermart. then head for the resort. and guess what? the whole resort.. seems to be only having us as their guest. -.- hell shit. gotta know roy's friends. they're okay from what i see. well, a little hostile though. well, first day only ivan, wilson, zac and me. -boring. they went to turi beach with the other group of people and i stayed behind to rest. hell boring.. but no choice. told zac i'll be there to accompany him.. so i'm there. well, from what i see, the three guys are all interested in a girl named tiffany. hmm, well, go ahead then. -not interested. the first impression the girls gave me was that they're not friendly. the guys were okay. well anyways, they're back around 9pm. after bathing eating and chiling at the chalet, we went upp to roy's chalet to drink. play poker cards and we were all drinking shots. -.- at first i was okay until i start to sleep. then feel like vomitting. fucking the feeling sucks. worse than the last time i was drunk. second time of the year i was drunk.. -.- zac helped me back to the chalet and he went back there again. called bevan.. cause suddenly think of him.. well, i can't really remember what he told me. i think he asked where am i and if i'm drunk. -.- then i KO until the next day.
second day:
woke upp around ten.. got ready then go and have breakfast at the restaurant. then went back to the chalet.. I SLEEP AGAIN!!! -.- until zhuzhu they all come.. and i'm still sleeping. -.- woke upp around 3pm. then got ready and go to waterfront city. and we played ATV. it's damn fun. :) then went to nagoya hills to have dinner and happen to meet roy they all. but we go separate ways. shop around then went back around 10pm singapore time. then slack a while. around 11:30pm.. we went to the swimming pool to celebrate wilson's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEE MAI!!!!!!!!!!!! hahas. hope you have a good one. :) had some ice breaking games and stuffs. quite bored actually. nothing to do. then we went back to the chalet.. i was with foul mood then. yarh.. tired i guess. then got KO around 3am. drank a little with zac. cause the vodka is left with a little bit. so we finish it. yupps. then KO..
last day:
woke upp around 10am. get ready and go to waterfront city again.. played paint ball and go cart. paint ball is damn fun lahh can! :) hahas. i like. hmm, after paint ball, slack at the holiday inn lobby. had a tiff with zac.. over the group photo which i think is of no use argueing over about. then after that went to go cart. ohh i love go cart!! damn fucking fun lahh. shiok can!! had two rounds of it. NICE!!!! hahahas. then we head to batam centre to take our ferry.. back to singapore. yupps. slept on the way back. yupps. then had dinner at vivocity. then home we go. and now i'm here blogging..
had a chat with ivan on the way back. sometimes, a person's words will leads you to have some deep thoughts. well, that's when i have some thought on the way home and this is why i seems to be moody.. wanted to go clubbing.. st james.. but zac say he's tired.. so i decided not to go. but i feel like going dxo tomorrow.. but zac don't wanna go.. end upp he tell me terry got some problem etc. that's why he can't go with me.. at first he was so against it.. then suddenly he tell me about terry.. actually, i don't quite believe what he say.. but i've decided not to go.. maybe i should stay at home or something. i guess that's what he wants from me. -to be an obedient girl. yarh.. so i'm not going.. maybe if there's band tomorrow, i shall give them a visit.. heard bds co got gold for syf.. well, actually i'm not bothered. and i'm not a little interested at all cause all my friends left bds already. co is not band. it don't bothers me. anyways, i've never respect their conductor cause their conductor is someone who doesn't deserve respect. well, i don't care if it's offensive.. this is the impression he left me with. -disrespectful.
well, i'm bored.. maybe i should maple a while then sleep lerx. BEVAN!! WHY AREN'T YOU HOME YET!! LOL. happen to see him online. chat with him a while and he then tells me he's going home. so i'm asking. bye~
Friday, March 30, 2007
the last fourteen days.
i told zac that i will spend the last fourteen days with him happily. and i hope throughout this fourteen days.. nothing nasty will happen and turn me off. yuppps.
i actually had an arguement with zac just now. over what krinze told me on the phone just now and stuffs. ohh wells, i don't wish to actually. i didn't wanna tell him who was it that told me something. but he force me to. and i ended upp telling him though. haix.. yarh.. and so we got an arguement. =_= kinda useless to argue over this i feel. :| anyways, KAT IS GONNA KEEP SMILING FOR THE COMING FOURTEEN DAYS. SO PLEASE MAKE HER SMILE. SHE'LL LOVE ALL OF YOU WHO MAKE HER SMILE AND BRIGHTENS HER DAYS. <3 -loves.
yupps, smiling for the coming fourteen days. and hopefully marcus don't pissed me off. anyways i'm going back to ECP on sunday. I LOVE ECP. :) ohh mann, have my menses like today? tummy cramp? -ouchh. hahas. :) talk to ben on msn today.. he's coming back on thursday morning. hahas. looking forward to his return actually. he said he will call me once he's home. well, how sweet and nice. :) and we agreed to meet upp soon. but he's gonna be here only for two weeks. so sad. not like the last time.. stay for so long.. :( ben!! i wanna hear you play your guitar again!!!!!! all out love!!! drops of jupiter!! :) downloading drops of jupiter now. gonna put as my blog song. :) HAHAHAHAS. this song reminds me of ben and james singing together can! hahas. so funny. anyway.. chatted with bevan over the phone the other day.. yesterday i mean.. bevan is not gonna be back. he can't come back for the moment. cause of some permit stuffs. but anyway, hope he's fine over there at the other side of the earth. take care! :)
well, today.. woke up like at freaking 12pm!! then get ready to go work. work at 1pm. i left my house at 12.30pm. lols. reach there at 1.30pm lols. anyway i called to tell them i'll be there by 1.30pm. actually i reach there at 1.20pm lahh. hahahahahas. it's because it's HOUGANG that's why! i want ECP!!! listening to ' nothing's gonna change my love for you. ' reminds me of the time zac sang the song to me. lols. damn hilarious. -interesting. hahahahas. that's actually a copyrighted word. lols. :) hahas.
steph will be leaving for beijing on sunday. and i'm working at ECP 10am to 6pm. and i guess i'm gonna have dinner with steph on sunday and send her off at the airport. GIRL MUST MISS ME PLENTY ALRIGHT!!!!! then i guess i'm going home straight lerx bahh. and if everything goes well, i'll be leaving for batam on monday and be back on thursday. going there for a holiday with zac and the IC skaters. yupps. and start working on friday again. and life's gonna return to where it starts. lols. listening to drops of jupiter now. damn nice! :) hahahahahas. well, memories mann.. nice memories.. =D hahaa.
anyway.. i think i'm gonna change my blogskin soon. good lehhh. hahas. i've been using this skin for very long already. since last year's december until now i think. hahas. freaking long lahh. lols. it's time to change. :) yupps. downloaded some skins but have yet to change lahh. :) anyway, heard the news that terry and dolly patched. good for them but hope that they will be fine from now onwards. no more kiddy quarrels please. :P hahas. :) ohh wells, maybe i should change my tagboard also. lols. hahas.
yayy! successfully uploaded my song. gonna change it now. and i mean, NOW!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahas. ohh i love to smiles. AND ZAC WAS SO LUCKY TO HAVE PICKED UPP A N73 ME!!!!! I WANNA BUY THAT PHONE!!!!! :( -bleahs. i'll get it SOON!!! :)
kkays. bye all. take cares. <3
i actually had an arguement with zac just now. over what krinze told me on the phone just now and stuffs. ohh wells, i don't wish to actually. i didn't wanna tell him who was it that told me something. but he force me to. and i ended upp telling him though. haix.. yarh.. and so we got an arguement. =_= kinda useless to argue over this i feel. :| anyways, KAT IS GONNA KEEP SMILING FOR THE COMING FOURTEEN DAYS. SO PLEASE MAKE HER SMILE. SHE'LL LOVE ALL OF YOU WHO MAKE HER SMILE AND BRIGHTENS HER DAYS. <3 -loves.
yupps, smiling for the coming fourteen days. and hopefully marcus don't pissed me off. anyways i'm going back to ECP on sunday. I LOVE ECP. :) ohh mann, have my menses like today? tummy cramp? -ouchh. hahas. :) talk to ben on msn today.. he's coming back on thursday morning. hahas. looking forward to his return actually. he said he will call me once he's home. well, how sweet and nice. :) and we agreed to meet upp soon. but he's gonna be here only for two weeks. so sad. not like the last time.. stay for so long.. :( ben!! i wanna hear you play your guitar again!!!!!! all out love!!! drops of jupiter!! :) downloading drops of jupiter now. gonna put as my blog song. :) HAHAHAHAS. this song reminds me of ben and james singing together can! hahas. so funny. anyway.. chatted with bevan over the phone the other day.. yesterday i mean.. bevan is not gonna be back. he can't come back for the moment. cause of some permit stuffs. but anyway, hope he's fine over there at the other side of the earth. take care! :)
well, today.. woke up like at freaking 12pm!! then get ready to go work. work at 1pm. i left my house at 12.30pm. lols. reach there at 1.30pm lols. anyway i called to tell them i'll be there by 1.30pm. actually i reach there at 1.20pm lahh. hahahahahas. it's because it's HOUGANG that's why! i want ECP!!! listening to ' nothing's gonna change my love for you. ' reminds me of the time zac sang the song to me. lols. damn hilarious. -interesting. hahahahas. that's actually a copyrighted word. lols. :) hahas.
steph will be leaving for beijing on sunday. and i'm working at ECP 10am to 6pm. and i guess i'm gonna have dinner with steph on sunday and send her off at the airport. GIRL MUST MISS ME PLENTY ALRIGHT!!!!! then i guess i'm going home straight lerx bahh. and if everything goes well, i'll be leaving for batam on monday and be back on thursday. going there for a holiday with zac and the IC skaters. yupps. and start working on friday again. and life's gonna return to where it starts. lols. listening to drops of jupiter now. damn nice! :) hahahahahas. well, memories mann.. nice memories.. =D hahaa.
anyway.. i think i'm gonna change my blogskin soon. good lehhh. hahas. i've been using this skin for very long already. since last year's december until now i think. hahas. freaking long lahh. lols. it's time to change. :) yupps. downloaded some skins but have yet to change lahh. :) anyway, heard the news that terry and dolly patched. good for them but hope that they will be fine from now onwards. no more kiddy quarrels please. :P hahas. :) ohh wells, maybe i should change my tagboard also. lols. hahas.
yayy! successfully uploaded my song. gonna change it now. and i mean, NOW!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahas. ohh i love to smiles. AND ZAC WAS SO LUCKY TO HAVE PICKED UPP A N73 ME!!!!! I WANNA BUY THAT PHONE!!!!! :( -bleahs. i'll get it SOON!!! :)
kkays. bye all. take cares. <3
Monday, March 26, 2007
he's upset. wait or not to wait?
i'm home. went to urban skate with zac, guangliang and zhi wei last night after work. yarh.. then went to zac's house after that. bathe and etc. then i go home. and zac send me to mrt station.
zac is behaving oddly just now after i came out from the bathroom. he was like, rushing out of the house and i ask him where is he going.. he say he's gonna buy cigarette. and he left the house. then i went back to the room. on the monitor and i saw that he just read my blog. well, obviously he was behaving weirdly after he read my blog. he was quiet all the way. i tried asking him what happened.. but he just keep telling me nothing. well, how to believe nothing happened when i know something did happened? i don't know. i tried to prompt him to tell me what happen but he refuse. so i just leave it.
on the way he send me to mrt station.. after we cross the road.. he suddenly remembered that he usually don't send me that far.. so he ask if i want him to send me to the mrt station.. i said " up to you. " i could sense he's waiting for me to tell him that i want him to send me there. but still, the choice is up to him to decide. not for me to decide. but still, he send me to the mrt station. so on the way there.. again, i tried to ask him what happened.. but still, he refuse to say and keep pretending nothing happened. i somehow know the reason.. and was waiting for him to tell me what's bothering him. but yet he kept quiet.. i could see his eyes was watery.. he was trying to be strong in front of me.. yes, i can sense that.. but.. but.. but.. seeing him like that.. pains me.. :(
i was paranoid.. so i called him and ask him to tell me what's going on.. end up.. he was telling me that he hope that i could tell him i will wait for him before he go in NS. well, what can i do now? maybe i should sit down and have a good chat with my mom. also, on the way to mrt station.. he suddenly ask me " what's the song that represent our relationship? " i answered " right here waiting. " then he say.. " i think we should change to another song. " of course, i asked why. then he say. " no lahh.. change to something else lohh. " i find it weird.. so i ask again.. why.. and he say " are you waiting? " and i keep quiet.. then he say he find it stupid when i'm not waiting. for years.. this song has been a song with relate us together. but now he tell me that. i was stun. but in the end i tell him, " up to you lahh.. you wanna change then change lohh.. " and both of us silence.
on the way back on mrt.. i actually think a lot. about me and zac's past. our happiness and sadness. and for the years we've been together.. what have we done together.. a lot.. we've gone through a lot.. and i was wondering.. if we could pass this round. he told me just now that on march 13.. he asked for a chance to be nice to me again.. just one month.. and now the time is upp. and he say he just wanna be happy with me for the last 17 days. is it really gonna be just 17 days? or it could be longer? i don't know.. but if i were the last time kat.. i believe it will be longer than just a 17 days. now.. i'm no longer the same.. i don't believe in things which i can't tell if it can come true. i want prove to assure myself. yes, zac has been nice to me.. even though he pissed me off a little here and there. but he was nice to me. he give in to me.. etc etc. but.. but.. to promise him to wait for him is gonna be another thing already. it's not easy waiting for a guy to serve NS. it's a tough decision to make. but.. i know i have to give him an answer to at least ease his worries. haix..
ben talked to me yesterday before i go for work. he say that bevan is not gonna come back for holiday. well, his decision. i can' decide for him anyway. take care then bahh. study hard.
my mind went blank now. i guess i'm tired. i need some rest before work. bye. later i'm working 1pm - 11pm. 10 hours of work. =_= happy yeah? -dream on.
zac is behaving oddly just now after i came out from the bathroom. he was like, rushing out of the house and i ask him where is he going.. he say he's gonna buy cigarette. and he left the house. then i went back to the room. on the monitor and i saw that he just read my blog. well, obviously he was behaving weirdly after he read my blog. he was quiet all the way. i tried asking him what happened.. but he just keep telling me nothing. well, how to believe nothing happened when i know something did happened? i don't know. i tried to prompt him to tell me what happen but he refuse. so i just leave it.
on the way he send me to mrt station.. after we cross the road.. he suddenly remembered that he usually don't send me that far.. so he ask if i want him to send me to the mrt station.. i said " up to you. " i could sense he's waiting for me to tell him that i want him to send me there. but still, the choice is up to him to decide. not for me to decide. but still, he send me to the mrt station. so on the way there.. again, i tried to ask him what happened.. but still, he refuse to say and keep pretending nothing happened. i somehow know the reason.. and was waiting for him to tell me what's bothering him. but yet he kept quiet.. i could see his eyes was watery.. he was trying to be strong in front of me.. yes, i can sense that.. but.. but.. but.. seeing him like that.. pains me.. :(
i was paranoid.. so i called him and ask him to tell me what's going on.. end up.. he was telling me that he hope that i could tell him i will wait for him before he go in NS. well, what can i do now? maybe i should sit down and have a good chat with my mom. also, on the way to mrt station.. he suddenly ask me " what's the song that represent our relationship? " i answered " right here waiting. " then he say.. " i think we should change to another song. " of course, i asked why. then he say. " no lahh.. change to something else lohh. " i find it weird.. so i ask again.. why.. and he say " are you waiting? " and i keep quiet.. then he say he find it stupid when i'm not waiting. for years.. this song has been a song with relate us together. but now he tell me that. i was stun. but in the end i tell him, " up to you lahh.. you wanna change then change lohh.. " and both of us silence.
on the way back on mrt.. i actually think a lot. about me and zac's past. our happiness and sadness. and for the years we've been together.. what have we done together.. a lot.. we've gone through a lot.. and i was wondering.. if we could pass this round. he told me just now that on march 13.. he asked for a chance to be nice to me again.. just one month.. and now the time is upp. and he say he just wanna be happy with me for the last 17 days. is it really gonna be just 17 days? or it could be longer? i don't know.. but if i were the last time kat.. i believe it will be longer than just a 17 days. now.. i'm no longer the same.. i don't believe in things which i can't tell if it can come true. i want prove to assure myself. yes, zac has been nice to me.. even though he pissed me off a little here and there. but he was nice to me. he give in to me.. etc etc. but.. but.. to promise him to wait for him is gonna be another thing already. it's not easy waiting for a guy to serve NS. it's a tough decision to make. but.. i know i have to give him an answer to at least ease his worries. haix..
ben talked to me yesterday before i go for work. he say that bevan is not gonna come back for holiday. well, his decision. i can' decide for him anyway. take care then bahh. study hard.
my mind went blank now. i guess i'm tired. i need some rest before work. bye. later i'm working 1pm - 11pm. 10 hours of work. =_= happy yeah? -dream on.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
maybe he should tell me this..
this is a random post.. i was cooking noodles in the kitchen when the thought of bevan saying he'll cook for me when i'm hungry cross my mind. well, unknowingly, he came across my mind sometimes. i hope things are alright for him in australia. ben told me that he hasn't been doing very well for his studies. i believe he can do it. JIA YOU BEV!! :)
well, sometimes i wonder.. why am i so concern about him? am i still pinning hopes on him? but when i spare a thought for zac.. i know i can't do that. i know i can't do that.. things will go back to where it is. i don't know when will bevan return and i don't know what will happen. i can't promise zac i'll wait and i won't do so. NS has been my fear all these years.. but right now, it's gonna happen in just 18 days. bye to zac and NS he go. even if i'm not with zac.. and IF i'm with bevan.. i'll face the same thing next year.. cause bevan is going NS next year. so things will go back to square one. maybe when bevan is back.. maybe if he tells me that he no longer carry a torch for me, no longer have hopes on me.. then that will be the day i fully release myself from him. cause right now, SOMETIMES, he still flash back in my mind. and i mean sometimes only.. zac, please don't be sensitive. i hope you understand. if you're unhappy reading this, call me and talk to me. okay? :) smile!
well, this is a random post like i said.. so now.. it should ends randomly. bye~
well, sometimes i wonder.. why am i so concern about him? am i still pinning hopes on him? but when i spare a thought for zac.. i know i can't do that. i know i can't do that.. things will go back to where it is. i don't know when will bevan return and i don't know what will happen. i can't promise zac i'll wait and i won't do so. NS has been my fear all these years.. but right now, it's gonna happen in just 18 days. bye to zac and NS he go. even if i'm not with zac.. and IF i'm with bevan.. i'll face the same thing next year.. cause bevan is going NS next year. so things will go back to square one. maybe when bevan is back.. maybe if he tells me that he no longer carry a torch for me, no longer have hopes on me.. then that will be the day i fully release myself from him. cause right now, SOMETIMES, he still flash back in my mind. and i mean sometimes only.. zac, please don't be sensitive. i hope you understand. if you're unhappy reading this, call me and talk to me. okay? :) smile!
well, this is a random post like i said.. so now.. it should ends randomly. bye~
should i leave? 18 days to his enlistment.
well, SHOULD I LEAVE GELARE???? ohh my godd. sally is offering me another job which is a HIGHER pay now lohh. what should i do? and i hate to work with marcus. he fucking pissed me off like madd today lohh. he fucking PMS lohh. he make me feel like saying bye to gelare. i wanna go back to ECP. ECP is my home. i wanna go back there. i hate hougang.
anyway.. i doubt i can tolerate him any longer. and i've stayed at hougang long enough. i had enough of marcus and hougang. his temper. his way of doing things and his way of cutting cost. NONSENSE to me. where got people work for company like that? spoil company's name only lohh. cut cost. cut the name i think. fucking crappy. whatever~
i do the way ECP ask me to do. not the way he wants me to do. cause ECP is LAW BY LAW. ECP rocks! :) i love ECP!! :)
anyway.. off this topic. well, i enjoyed my days at ECP. but not hougang. haix. how? so long as i stay in gelare as full timer.. i'm bound to go to hougang to help. which i strongly DON"T WANT. can't stand working there. the only time i enjoy working at hougang is during sufian's shift.. with marie. other than that.. NO WAY!!
FUCK IT. i'm suppose to stop this topic. grrr. fell in love with the song.. sweet escape. by gwen stefani ft akon. hahas. cute song. hahas. sweet also. well, i think i'm gonna bathe and sleep now. :) bye all. update soon.
to wilson and maria :
you all can try going to corduroy to ask for a job. but my friend quit there already. i just know. but she say you all can try going for interview. it's at vivocity #01-106. Tell: 65639895 =D
anyway.. i doubt i can tolerate him any longer. and i've stayed at hougang long enough. i had enough of marcus and hougang. his temper. his way of doing things and his way of cutting cost. NONSENSE to me. where got people work for company like that? spoil company's name only lohh. cut cost. cut the name i think. fucking crappy. whatever~
i do the way ECP ask me to do. not the way he wants me to do. cause ECP is LAW BY LAW. ECP rocks! :) i love ECP!! :)
anyway.. off this topic. well, i enjoyed my days at ECP. but not hougang. haix. how? so long as i stay in gelare as full timer.. i'm bound to go to hougang to help. which i strongly DON"T WANT. can't stand working there. the only time i enjoy working at hougang is during sufian's shift.. with marie. other than that.. NO WAY!!
FUCK IT. i'm suppose to stop this topic. grrr. fell in love with the song.. sweet escape. by gwen stefani ft akon. hahas. cute song. hahas. sweet also. well, i think i'm gonna bathe and sleep now. :) bye all. update soon.
to wilson and maria :
you all can try going to corduroy to ask for a job. but my friend quit there already. i just know. but she say you all can try going for interview. it's at vivocity #01-106. Tell: 65639895 =D
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
am i suppose to be treated this way? a tragic.
my family just quarrelled. from the oldest to the youngest. everyone quarrelled. and this is hell. seriously hell to me. i'm like, sick? and yet this kind of fucking problem is here now. yes, i'm happy that bitch (geline) is being chase out of the house. she deserve it. for her disrespectfulness to everyone at home. and i won't help her no more.
my dad hit her. right in front of me. and warned me that if i ever does the same thing to my mom, he will do the same t me. at that point of time, i was thinking. no matter how bad tempered i am, i won't hit my mom. i'm not geline. and i will never scold my mom because of my boyfriend. whereas geline, always does that. those of you who have seen my sister before. first impression she will give everyone is that she's sweet and lovely. but to all if you all's dismay. she's not. she's not as sweet as she seems to be. and she's not as lovely as she seems to be. she always like to leave good impression to my friends whom i bring home. ha. but so sorry.. they seems to have known more about her now. and i don't regret telling my friends what she has done, to my mom. and now, she left the house. andshe was crying like as if the pig is being slaughter outside the house. but who give a damn? like nobody? then my dad actually went out to take a look. and he came upp and went out again after changing. now my mom is very upset. and i don't wanna upset her further. i wanted to accompany her. but she wants me to rest cause i'm having flu. so now, i'm suppose to be sleeping. but i'll do so after blogging.
and, i'm quite displease with zac. after all that has happened just now. i wanted to call him to tell him what happened and stuffs. and i thought he should be understanding enough to know that i wasn't feeling nice. and i was expecting some console from him. but, instead of console, he argued with me. the worst part is when i told him about when my dad is angry, nobody can stop him from doing anything. yet he wanna keep telling me that " if you say i can't stop him means you're wrong ". like what the fuck? i'm just trying to tell you his personality and the consequences of him getting angry. what's the point of telling me you have the strength to stop him and stuffs? fuck it. any guy who is stronger than him can do so lahh. nobody can stop him from doing what he wants to do. if he wanna whack my sister, no matter where, what time. he will just get it done. I WANT CONSOLE FROM YOU AND NOT YOU TELLING ME WHAT'S RIGHT AND WHAT'S WRONG. IF YOU'RE IN MY SHOE, HOW WILL YOU FEEL???? think about it.
i don't have the mood to do anything else now. maybe wednesday night i'm not going st james. neither is saturday. i'm not going anywhere. i'm not meeting anyone. other than workplace, i'll be back home. i'm sick and tired of being backfired by my BOYFRIEND. you need to be more sensible to understand the situation between YOUR family and MY family. don't always think that every family is like yours. mine is NOT!
- i'm pissed.. -
my dad hit her. right in front of me. and warned me that if i ever does the same thing to my mom, he will do the same t me. at that point of time, i was thinking. no matter how bad tempered i am, i won't hit my mom. i'm not geline. and i will never scold my mom because of my boyfriend. whereas geline, always does that. those of you who have seen my sister before. first impression she will give everyone is that she's sweet and lovely. but to all if you all's dismay. she's not. she's not as sweet as she seems to be. and she's not as lovely as she seems to be. she always like to leave good impression to my friends whom i bring home. ha. but so sorry.. they seems to have known more about her now. and i don't regret telling my friends what she has done, to my mom. and now, she left the house. andshe was crying like as if the pig is being slaughter outside the house. but who give a damn? like nobody? then my dad actually went out to take a look. and he came upp and went out again after changing. now my mom is very upset. and i don't wanna upset her further. i wanted to accompany her. but she wants me to rest cause i'm having flu. so now, i'm suppose to be sleeping. but i'll do so after blogging.
and, i'm quite displease with zac. after all that has happened just now. i wanted to call him to tell him what happened and stuffs. and i thought he should be understanding enough to know that i wasn't feeling nice. and i was expecting some console from him. but, instead of console, he argued with me. the worst part is when i told him about when my dad is angry, nobody can stop him from doing anything. yet he wanna keep telling me that " if you say i can't stop him means you're wrong ". like what the fuck? i'm just trying to tell you his personality and the consequences of him getting angry. what's the point of telling me you have the strength to stop him and stuffs? fuck it. any guy who is stronger than him can do so lahh. nobody can stop him from doing what he wants to do. if he wanna whack my sister, no matter where, what time. he will just get it done. I WANT CONSOLE FROM YOU AND NOT YOU TELLING ME WHAT'S RIGHT AND WHAT'S WRONG. IF YOU'RE IN MY SHOE, HOW WILL YOU FEEL???? think about it.
i don't have the mood to do anything else now. maybe wednesday night i'm not going st james. neither is saturday. i'm not going anywhere. i'm not meeting anyone. other than workplace, i'll be back home. i'm sick and tired of being backfired by my BOYFRIEND. you need to be more sensible to understand the situation between YOUR family and MY family. don't always think that every family is like yours. mine is NOT!
- i'm pissed.. -
Sunday, March 18, 2007
am i your stress or happiness?
i just read zac's blog.
Kat, even tho we patch after all, i felt something is missing.. i dun feel much love for u like last time.. maybe u r angry becos i saw something i shldnt know, but i didnt blame u for not telling me.. i had forgive u.. reason being i love u.. Cant u tell hw much i need u? To keep u by my side, i had changed for u.. i dun raise my voice.. i give in.. i spend more time with u.. i take initiative to call u.. all i hope is that u will appreciate what im doing for u.. cant u see the diff in me?? i had been very nice to u!! what did i get back in return?? all your scolding.. your black faces.. ignoring me.. the coldness towards me.. im wondering.. we patch is it becos of u pitying me?.. yes.. im pathetic.. i cant get over u.. i cant fall in love with any other gal.. im so weak..mentally.. pls.. all i wan is simply u talking to me nicely, dun raise your voice at me & allow me to ask question.. i will definitly appreciate it alot. Pls treat me as your loved one, not your dog.
rite now my onli worry going in ns is.. will u even wait for me?.. The answer is very impt to me.. i dun wanna get hurt when im in army.. that kind of feeling is unbearable. Pls assure me with an answer.. an pls stop telling pp we got no future.. if that what u think, no one will see a future in us. I wan to know that u really love, really wish to stay by my side forever.. cos i only wish to love u..
sry.. im jus feeling not very gd.. i need rest..
above in blue, is what he has written. and now, i think i should give him a reply. the first highlight " don't feel much love for you like last time. '' well then, why are you wanting us to patch and keep telling me how much you love me and stuffs? are you actually lying anyway? and, i wasn't angry with you for reading my chat logs and knowing what has happened between me and bevan. i'm okay with it. cause i know all along, your only purpose of viewing my chat logs is just to find out what has happened between me and bevan. i don't bother deleting my chat logs.. cause i know there shouldn't things i should hide. whereas you, delete away chat logs to hide things from me. and i find it stupid when you ask me to be truthful yet you're not. i find myself a stupid fool to believe everything you say. BUT! never mind. i believe god will be fair to me. whatever you've done.. god will give me what's mine too. so long as i'm clear conscience, i will be fine with it.
okays, now the second highlight. " you will appreciate what i'm doing for you ". let me ask you, when one is appreciative, do you know? like last time, when i do almost everything on earth, hoping you will appreciate and cherish me more.. what happened? now that you are the one who is doing things and you grumbles about me not being appreciative? ha. maybe love is blind. until you can't tell whether i'm appreciating you or not. maybe when one is only thinking about their own feelings, they can't see others tiredness.. they can't tell whether the other party appreciate them or not. i've been through this stage where i only spare a thought for myself. but now i've opened upp and is trying hard to spare a thought for others. maybe, zac, you're impatient. well, now, all i can do is.. try to forget about the past and be happy with you. maybe until the day IF we part once more, then you will realise i actually appreciated you. maybe..
well, listneing to " open arms " now.. getting emo.. =_= and the next song is " when you believe "
okay.. now the third highlight. " we patch is it because you pitying me? " well, zac, i'm not. and if your mind is always brooding about what i told you last time, i seriously see no point for me to explain. and i find it useless.. cause no matter what i tell you, how i explain.. i'm just wasting my time.. cause you keep thinking about the past. well, i admit. i do think about your past.. but i always ask myself to keep it to myself for as long as i can. but do you realise whenever we argue or whatsoever.. you will mention why am i like this or like that.. and sometimes you even mention the past. and at that point of time, do you even jolly well know i could mention your past too? you said i talked about the past. yes i do. but who mind about the past most? you! so do you think my explainations will works on you? ha. i doubt so. i was disappointed. with what you always write in your blog. what you tell me and what you blog down seems to be different in some ways. am i wrong to trust you again? are you lying to me again? i don't know. if you are lying to me again.. i think i'm really the most stupidest girl on earth, like what bevan scolded me. what more can i say? we've patched for some time already. yet you wanna think i'm pitying you. ha. go ahead and have your own thinking then. i'm tired of explaining. i just don't wanna be thinking of all the questions you always like to ask me. i hate to think and I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
anyway, just heard " i'll be loving you forever by damage." now is " truely madly deeply by savage garden "
here in your arms playing now. ha. =D well, now, my fourth highlight. " please treat me as your loved one, not your dog. " i seriously hate it when someone whom i treat as a boyfriend tells me i treats him like a dog. which part of me actually written " MY BOYFRIEND IS MY DOG! " ?? like, what the fuck? if i treat you like a dog then why i bothers meeting a dog? going out with a dog? club with a dog and even eat with a dog? like what the hell lahh. now i seriously wonder.. why is he always blogging about the sad times he had with me? is it because he wanna tell the world i'm toturing him? or tarnishing my name again like years ago? woah.. i'm the dumbest dumb ever. hahas. well, my mood now - UNSTABLE AND A LITTLE PISSED. i don't know why am i pissed.. perharps is because of what zac always write in his blog. he make the world feel that i'm ill-treating him.. and to ask myself this question, " kat, can you tolerate all these during this one month agreement? " my answer is IF THIS KIND OF THINGS HAPPENS EVERYDAY.. I RATHER GO AND DIE. CAUSE I WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT. whoo.. feel better now.. after replying. :) cause normally i will just read and keep my mouth shut. but this time round i can't take it anymore. :) zac, it's not i don't let you ask questions.. is sometimes the questions you ask, i don't feel like replying. and you will keep asking until i finds it a total irritant. if i don't wanna answer you, just stop sking the same question. and i guess things will be better. it's okay if you ask things ONCE. not keep REPEATING. it'll become irritating then. maybe things will be better between us when you know how to stop asking me question the second time when i don't feel like answering. and remember, I DON'T LIKE TO BE FORCED.
hmm, here is the last highlight. " will you even wait for me? " aHH! i will NEVER answer this question. not to any guys. cause if i say yes i'll wait then it's a promise. it's because i don't know if i can wait. now, we're talking about two years lohh. not two months lehh. two years later.. i'm 21 years old. most probably busy with my work and stuffs. and when he come out from army.. he will get his job. and maybe he's in love with another girl then. then what? i freaking wasted my two years waiting for you? wait for you to come out from army and see you with another girl? ohh my godd. no way please. i will never promise any guys when they ask me this question before they go for NS. if you ask if i can wait for you to come back from a holiday.. okay lahh. this kind of course can. after you come back you can accompany me again.. but NS is different. it's totally different. last time i used to worry a lot about zac going to NS. but then i realised.. no used worrying.. cause i don't know what will happen in the future. so better not think about what will happen. the best is to cherish every moment i had with him. that's all i ask for.
" the reason " playing now. hahahahas. :) nice song. and now, zac, i'm telling you.. enjoy the days you have with me. no point seeing into the future when you don't even know what will happen. what comes may. all i hope for now is both of us cherish the times we had together. as simple as that. your enlistment wasn't a nice news to me either. but the date is coming nearer but we seems to have a lot more to do with not enough time. i rather you think of how are we going to complete the things we wanna do all along. not to always think of all these stuffs which i think is of no use thinking. so yeah, don't think about the rest of the stuffs bahh. just be happy with me when we're together. and remember, don't always ask me questions which i don't wanna answer. pointless asking. cause you'll just piss me off. sorry.. i'm being harsh. i wasn't in a good mood. and as for your latest post.. i guess i'm part of your stress. and i think you need a break from me too. okay. i will give you. i shall see you only after you've finish skating. cause right now, what you said was you wanna skate only. so okay. i'll give it to you. i won't bother you now. just remember to take care can lerx. happy skating then. 26 days to your enlistment. maybe i should let you skate for this 26 days. :) okays, can, if this is what you want. don't misunderstand what i'm saying here. i'm not adding stress to you. cause you say you don't have time to skate mahh.. so i'm giving you the time you want now lohh. if you want, you can always drop me a call and come and find me. if not you can go and skate the whole day. skate 24 hours also can.. just remember to eat can already. yupps. :)
okays. now, i'm done with zac. i mean, finish telling him what i wanna say. yupps. hmm, I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I FUCKING DISOWN MY SISTER, GELINE LAW CHEE TING. cause i don't and no longer see her as my sister. she whacked my mom and that's the day i disown her already. i gave her one chance.. and if she ever touch my mom again.. to girls home she go. i don't give a damn about her. she's just a useless person in my eyes. like what my grandma says about her and abiel (her boyfriend.) which i think i should agree. all they know is to stay at my house.. eat what my mom bought.. and never appreciate what my mom did. fucking my mom have to buy food for them everytime they stay at home. can't they buy it themselves. no money? don't eat lahh. starve to death for all i care. i wished she can just die like that. cause i hate her. my mom buy food for them and they didn't even say thank you. i don't wanna even see her at home now. whenever she's at home, there will never be peace. she's just a trouble maker. i hope god shorten her live to HALF for whacking my mom. she deserves to die for that. yes she does. i hate her.. this is how bad it can be when i hate someone. she's just a piece of trash in everyone's eyes. she's NOTHING. cause she is a fucked upp person. yes she is. and she's NOT my sister. i don't know a person like her. my whole family, i only have two younger sister.. jiayi and jiamin. i don't remember having one more. :) yupps.
okays. i'm tired already.. and i'm hungry. i wanna eat! better go and find some food to eat first. :) then go and sleep lohh.. :) bye bye~ nights nights~
Kat, even tho we patch after all, i felt something is missing.. i dun feel much love for u like last time.. maybe u r angry becos i saw something i shldnt know, but i didnt blame u for not telling me.. i had forgive u.. reason being i love u.. Cant u tell hw much i need u? To keep u by my side, i had changed for u.. i dun raise my voice.. i give in.. i spend more time with u.. i take initiative to call u.. all i hope is that u will appreciate what im doing for u.. cant u see the diff in me?? i had been very nice to u!! what did i get back in return?? all your scolding.. your black faces.. ignoring me.. the coldness towards me.. im wondering.. we patch is it becos of u pitying me?.. yes.. im pathetic.. i cant get over u.. i cant fall in love with any other gal.. im so weak..mentally.. pls.. all i wan is simply u talking to me nicely, dun raise your voice at me & allow me to ask question.. i will definitly appreciate it alot. Pls treat me as your loved one, not your dog.
rite now my onli worry going in ns is.. will u even wait for me?.. The answer is very impt to me.. i dun wanna get hurt when im in army.. that kind of feeling is unbearable. Pls assure me with an answer.. an pls stop telling pp we got no future.. if that what u think, no one will see a future in us. I wan to know that u really love, really wish to stay by my side forever.. cos i only wish to love u..
sry.. im jus feeling not very gd.. i need rest..
above in blue, is what he has written. and now, i think i should give him a reply. the first highlight " don't feel much love for you like last time. '' well then, why are you wanting us to patch and keep telling me how much you love me and stuffs? are you actually lying anyway? and, i wasn't angry with you for reading my chat logs and knowing what has happened between me and bevan. i'm okay with it. cause i know all along, your only purpose of viewing my chat logs is just to find out what has happened between me and bevan. i don't bother deleting my chat logs.. cause i know there shouldn't things i should hide. whereas you, delete away chat logs to hide things from me. and i find it stupid when you ask me to be truthful yet you're not. i find myself a stupid fool to believe everything you say. BUT! never mind. i believe god will be fair to me. whatever you've done.. god will give me what's mine too. so long as i'm clear conscience, i will be fine with it.
okays, now the second highlight. " you will appreciate what i'm doing for you ". let me ask you, when one is appreciative, do you know? like last time, when i do almost everything on earth, hoping you will appreciate and cherish me more.. what happened? now that you are the one who is doing things and you grumbles about me not being appreciative? ha. maybe love is blind. until you can't tell whether i'm appreciating you or not. maybe when one is only thinking about their own feelings, they can't see others tiredness.. they can't tell whether the other party appreciate them or not. i've been through this stage where i only spare a thought for myself. but now i've opened upp and is trying hard to spare a thought for others. maybe, zac, you're impatient. well, now, all i can do is.. try to forget about the past and be happy with you. maybe until the day IF we part once more, then you will realise i actually appreciated you. maybe..
well, listneing to " open arms " now.. getting emo.. =_= and the next song is " when you believe "
okay.. now the third highlight. " we patch is it because you pitying me? " well, zac, i'm not. and if your mind is always brooding about what i told you last time, i seriously see no point for me to explain. and i find it useless.. cause no matter what i tell you, how i explain.. i'm just wasting my time.. cause you keep thinking about the past. well, i admit. i do think about your past.. but i always ask myself to keep it to myself for as long as i can. but do you realise whenever we argue or whatsoever.. you will mention why am i like this or like that.. and sometimes you even mention the past. and at that point of time, do you even jolly well know i could mention your past too? you said i talked about the past. yes i do. but who mind about the past most? you! so do you think my explainations will works on you? ha. i doubt so. i was disappointed. with what you always write in your blog. what you tell me and what you blog down seems to be different in some ways. am i wrong to trust you again? are you lying to me again? i don't know. if you are lying to me again.. i think i'm really the most stupidest girl on earth, like what bevan scolded me. what more can i say? we've patched for some time already. yet you wanna think i'm pitying you. ha. go ahead and have your own thinking then. i'm tired of explaining. i just don't wanna be thinking of all the questions you always like to ask me. i hate to think and I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
anyway, just heard " i'll be loving you forever by damage." now is " truely madly deeply by savage garden "
here in your arms playing now. ha. =D well, now, my fourth highlight. " please treat me as your loved one, not your dog. " i seriously hate it when someone whom i treat as a boyfriend tells me i treats him like a dog. which part of me actually written " MY BOYFRIEND IS MY DOG! " ?? like, what the fuck? if i treat you like a dog then why i bothers meeting a dog? going out with a dog? club with a dog and even eat with a dog? like what the hell lahh. now i seriously wonder.. why is he always blogging about the sad times he had with me? is it because he wanna tell the world i'm toturing him? or tarnishing my name again like years ago? woah.. i'm the dumbest dumb ever. hahas. well, my mood now - UNSTABLE AND A LITTLE PISSED. i don't know why am i pissed.. perharps is because of what zac always write in his blog. he make the world feel that i'm ill-treating him.. and to ask myself this question, " kat, can you tolerate all these during this one month agreement? " my answer is IF THIS KIND OF THINGS HAPPENS EVERYDAY.. I RATHER GO AND DIE. CAUSE I WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT. whoo.. feel better now.. after replying. :) cause normally i will just read and keep my mouth shut. but this time round i can't take it anymore. :) zac, it's not i don't let you ask questions.. is sometimes the questions you ask, i don't feel like replying. and you will keep asking until i finds it a total irritant. if i don't wanna answer you, just stop sking the same question. and i guess things will be better. it's okay if you ask things ONCE. not keep REPEATING. it'll become irritating then. maybe things will be better between us when you know how to stop asking me question the second time when i don't feel like answering. and remember, I DON'T LIKE TO BE FORCED.
hmm, here is the last highlight. " will you even wait for me? " aHH! i will NEVER answer this question. not to any guys. cause if i say yes i'll wait then it's a promise. it's because i don't know if i can wait. now, we're talking about two years lohh. not two months lehh. two years later.. i'm 21 years old. most probably busy with my work and stuffs. and when he come out from army.. he will get his job. and maybe he's in love with another girl then. then what? i freaking wasted my two years waiting for you? wait for you to come out from army and see you with another girl? ohh my godd. no way please. i will never promise any guys when they ask me this question before they go for NS. if you ask if i can wait for you to come back from a holiday.. okay lahh. this kind of course can. after you come back you can accompany me again.. but NS is different. it's totally different. last time i used to worry a lot about zac going to NS. but then i realised.. no used worrying.. cause i don't know what will happen in the future. so better not think about what will happen. the best is to cherish every moment i had with him. that's all i ask for.
" the reason " playing now. hahahahas. :) nice song. and now, zac, i'm telling you.. enjoy the days you have with me. no point seeing into the future when you don't even know what will happen. what comes may. all i hope for now is both of us cherish the times we had together. as simple as that. your enlistment wasn't a nice news to me either. but the date is coming nearer but we seems to have a lot more to do with not enough time. i rather you think of how are we going to complete the things we wanna do all along. not to always think of all these stuffs which i think is of no use thinking. so yeah, don't think about the rest of the stuffs bahh. just be happy with me when we're together. and remember, don't always ask me questions which i don't wanna answer. pointless asking. cause you'll just piss me off. sorry.. i'm being harsh. i wasn't in a good mood. and as for your latest post.. i guess i'm part of your stress. and i think you need a break from me too. okay. i will give you. i shall see you only after you've finish skating. cause right now, what you said was you wanna skate only. so okay. i'll give it to you. i won't bother you now. just remember to take care can lerx. happy skating then. 26 days to your enlistment. maybe i should let you skate for this 26 days. :) okays, can, if this is what you want. don't misunderstand what i'm saying here. i'm not adding stress to you. cause you say you don't have time to skate mahh.. so i'm giving you the time you want now lohh. if you want, you can always drop me a call and come and find me. if not you can go and skate the whole day. skate 24 hours also can.. just remember to eat can already. yupps. :)
okays. now, i'm done with zac. i mean, finish telling him what i wanna say. yupps. hmm, I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I FUCKING DISOWN MY SISTER, GELINE LAW CHEE TING. cause i don't and no longer see her as my sister. she whacked my mom and that's the day i disown her already. i gave her one chance.. and if she ever touch my mom again.. to girls home she go. i don't give a damn about her. she's just a useless person in my eyes. like what my grandma says about her and abiel (her boyfriend.) which i think i should agree. all they know is to stay at my house.. eat what my mom bought.. and never appreciate what my mom did. fucking my mom have to buy food for them everytime they stay at home. can't they buy it themselves. no money? don't eat lahh. starve to death for all i care. i wished she can just die like that. cause i hate her. my mom buy food for them and they didn't even say thank you. i don't wanna even see her at home now. whenever she's at home, there will never be peace. she's just a trouble maker. i hope god shorten her live to HALF for whacking my mom. she deserves to die for that. yes she does. i hate her.. this is how bad it can be when i hate someone. she's just a piece of trash in everyone's eyes. she's NOTHING. cause she is a fucked upp person. yes she is. and she's NOT my sister. i don't know a person like her. my whole family, i only have two younger sister.. jiayi and jiamin. i don't remember having one more. :) yupps.
okays. i'm tired already.. and i'm hungry. i wanna eat! better go and find some food to eat first. :) then go and sleep lohh.. :) bye bye~ nights nights~
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