it has been a week...

well.. it has been a week since me and zac separated.. i miss him.. i miss him dearly.. but.. there's nothing much i can do now..

last saturday we had a talk.. and.. yarh.. he shouted at me in front of ivan.. i'm like??? what the hell is this? cause tuesday morning he messaged me and said he'll try to give in to me.. and he said he thought through already.. but is this what you meant by thinking through, zac???? this is not what i meant by thinking through... this is not.. i don't want a boyfriend like that.. i don't want.. do you understand?? i don't want... haix.. i felt totally disgusted after talking to him at zola.. so after we left zola i went to the beach.. sit down there and think through about me and zac.. then zac came over to talk to me.. he told me a lot of things and hisattitude towards me was a total different when we were at zola.. i was very touched by what he said.. very very touched.. but.. i'm very frighten the same thing will happen to us again.. that's why i dare not tell him i wanna be back to him.. he left me with a last sentence saying that he'll wait for me this time round.. he'll wait for me to be ready to be back to him again.. to be with him again.. i don't know what should i do.. all i know is, i don't want the same thing to always happen, even after we patched...

holiday already.. and.. i'm going to help out at IC, working there i think.. yarh.. and the local instructor attachment is from next monday to wednesday.. plus the test will be in this three days as well.. haix.. ohh godd. what should i do?? i never at once in my life taught people to skate?? as an instructor?? lol. hahas. just go bahh.. kat.. believe you can and you will.. :) hahas. :)

hmm.. okays lahh.. gotta go already.. meeting kai xiang they all going to pasir ris.. hahas. :) lols. :) takle care peoples. *loves.

i'll be waiting for you.... until the day you ask me not..

i guess some of you doesn't know what happened.. well.. me and zac has separated.. yes we have.. since last sunday.. 9pm. but somehow, we've come to a conclusion to separate, and i'll wait for him until he's ready to start all over again.. i'll wait for him.. until he really wants me back, needs me back.. yarh.. i'll wait.. all i can do is wait.. WAIT!!!

it has been four days since we're apart.. today's 24.. it's suppose to be our anniversary.. our 49th month anniversary.. four years one month.. 1491 days.. haix.. i don't know when will we be happy, back as a couple again.. i don't know. :( i yearn for his love, his care, his hugs, his kiss and holding his hand.. i yearn for all these.. but.. not possible for now.. i gotta be strong and move on with life.. time don't stop just because i'm sad.. time don't stop for anybody.. the time tickles away every second.. how long will he take to think through about our relationship? how long do i have to wait? i don't know.. all i know is, i won't be able to let go of this four years relationship.. never will i be able to let go.. maybe two years ago, i can.. but not for now.. the love and feeling for him.. has grown to an extend where it is irresistable.. uncontrollable.. it's not gonna be easy if i were to choose to forgethim totally.. i won't be able to do it.. even if i have my friends with me.. i won't be able to do it.. all i can say is.. it's not possible for me to let go of him.. not possible.... yarh.. never.. i don't know what else should i say about zac.. maybe i should just let nature takes its courses bahh.. don't think so muchh.. concentrate on my exam and enjoy myself is what i should do now!!!! :) hahahahahahahahas! yarh.. i should be optimistic all the time.. then it's the correct me.. the actual kat!! :) hahas.

haix.. i missed the ELTECH exam on monday.. wasn't feeling well and went to see doctor.. doctor say i kinda over strecth a little of my appendic's muscle. yarh.. so under medication for the past few day.. feeling better lerx.. yarh.. :) yesterday went to skate.. with kai xiang and ivan.. yarh.. then took bus back with them. hahas. so funny lahh. :) but ivan's very nice.. send me all the way to yck's mrt station.. :) then he walk home.. :p hahahas. lols. yarh.. kai xiang also, make me laugh the whole day lahh. so funny sia he.. with him around, my days will be happy lahh. such a joker lohh.. hahas. yarh.. so nice having him around.. :) lols.. young brother.. hahas.

hmm.. yarhh.. tomorrow i'm meeting sam to study first before going to IC. yarh.. needa study for eltech lahh. if not sure fail de lohh. tonight also must chiong lerx.. all my eltech arhh.. like rubbish like that.. haix.. ohh yahh!! today's jazren's birthday too!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAZREN!!!!! SEVENTEEN ALREADY.. :) yarh.. she's having a chalet.. in september yeah? 18-20th.. nicole told me about it already.. i'll be going i guess. :) hahas. since nicole's going.. i shall go too!! :) i'll enjoy myself then.. hahas. :) *LOVES* hehees. :)

well.. tomorrow's urban cancel.. so we'll be slacking at ecp. good also lahh. time to practice.. hahas!!!! :) lols. hmm.. okays lahh. time to go lerx.. update soon?? hahas. take care to all. *loves

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADA!!!!

dada.. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!! :)

dada.. 18 years old lerx.. please.. two years ago.. i told you to think as an adult but you failed to.. now you really have to learn to think as an adult lerx.. no time for you to waste...

take care..

love you always..

huggs..

muacks..

[[ your dardar, kat ]]

steven is angry and disappointed.. demo team.. no training.. so many changes....

recently, so many things happened.. and i don't really have the time to blog.. quite busy recently too.. haix.. didn't expect so much changes.. really didn't.. i thought life will always be the same for me now. i thought it would never change.. until recently.. until recently.......

ABOUT ZAC :
all these while, i thought me and zac will make a perfect couple.. with comprism, true love and patience. somehow, i'm losing everything. i lost everything.. i don't know what should i do now. i'm very confused.. as to stay or leave. recently, i found out i'm losing patience.. in our relationship. trust is losing.. everything is losing.. like i said, we're no longer like before. we're totally different from before. i can understand that human change but this isn't an excuse for zac to give me empty promises and to take this chance to test my patience and tolerance. i may be nice and i can be nasty as well. i don't wanna always to under his control and have to tolerate all his nonsense.. backstabbing, bad-mouth, unreasonable actions and behaviour. well, i admit and won't deny that i'm stubborn, sometimes childish.. i mean, who won't?? but at least i won't be like him.. refuse to admit and deny. he's like a rotten apple now.. seems attractive but is actually rotten. i'm silly enough to eat this rotten apple and got myself sick. totally sick and disgusted. i feel so horrible now.. the feeling sucks okays!!! it's not nice!!! i can't imagine all these while, i've been tolerating him.. ohh god!!! i'm damn pissed at him.. irritated by him.. i've been a total silly girl.. to believe that fairy tales does exist in this world. to believe that i can be with zac forever. i regard him as my life but he treat me like a thrash. what's this???? life is soooo unfair????? i thought god was nice and fair.. but looks like i trusted the wrong beliefs. i feel so cheated. ohhh godd. ZAC!!! I TOLD YOU BEFORE, LEAVE ME IF YOU WANT TO, I WON'T STOP YOU, NOT ANYMORE. why must you once and again make me feel so sad and diappointed?? feel betrayed and unwanted. you bring me high and drop me low. what's this???? you give me faith and hopes and tarnish them the next moment.. why??? why can't have a stable relationship?? all i ask for to be with him is a promise of love, a promise of eternity.. but he can't do it.. why? i seriously need that from him.. i need.. when can he give me these? when? when? i'm afraid i'll lost forever.. until the day i die also i won't get those promise from him..... i don't want.. i don't know.. i'm feeling confused.. i don't know if i still have feelings for him.. but i want him to be with me.. maybe i'm just too used to having him with me.. or maybe i'm really stressed upp recently. maybe.. maybe.. maybe i should take a good rest. maybe i should just let everything go at this moment and rest well.. maybe i should. maybe... so many maybe but which should i do? which is the best choice? i don't know. i need guidance.. i need........ i'm seriously feeling upset about our relationship.. i don't know what should i do.. i don't know..


ABOUT STEVEN :
recently all of us made steven angry cause we're always late for training and not everyone is practicing.. and steven got really pissed.. haix.. i don't know what should i say lahh.. about this.. i think i shouldn't elaborate much bahh.. yarh..

well.. exams are coming and holidays as well. as promised, i will prove to steven i really appreciate his teaching and him. i will and i mean it. though i gotta take my o levels also. but i definitely will practice doubly hard during weekends. i promise. i don't want moomoo to be sad and disappointed again.. once is enough. and i got to know it the hard way.. i will remember it. hmm.. krazeric.. sorry. recently didn't contact you much cause i'm busy with school works and preparing for exams. i'll contact you once my exam finish. :) okays lahh. i don't wanna talk so much already lahh. take care everyone. :)

happy 4 YEARS ANNIVERSARY!!!!!

ermm.. yarh.. back here today. last month.. on the 24th july is the fourth year anniversary of me and dada. i'm lazy to blog so didn't wish him happy anniversary on blog. so today say it lohh. yarh.. HAPPY 4TH YEAR ANNIVERSARY DEAR..

LOLS. after so long lahh. dots? hahas. don't know lahh. i'm feeling quite confused. don't feel very nice in my heart.. feel so down.. kinda mood swing? arghh!! haix. don't know why.. i feel that the distance between me and zac seems to have drifted apart.. and we're getting lesser topics to talk about. we're no longer like last time. having so many things to talk.. can talk til the dawn kinda thing. we can't even talk for more than 30 mins now. cause all he care about is maple. haix. don't know lahh. he make me feel so unwanted by him. recently he like keep giving me attitude. a bit a bit only scold me, throw temper at me. like i did nothing wrong? then scold me for what sia. of course lahh, those who knows me will know that i will get pissed also. it's something no need to say de lohh. plus he used the word 'shut upo' on me, i can't even stand my lecturer using that word, how thw hell will i actually tolerate him using that on me? i'll just say, FUCK OFF!

i'm not someone who allows you to bully and just shut the hell upp without doing anything. if i'm in the wrong i can understand, but when i'm not in the wrong, you're gonna be dead. zac should be glad that i didn't use nasty words on his lohh. he's lucky. haix. but lucky me.. krazeric is always there for me to grumble.. listen to my grumbles. thank you krazeric!!! :)

arghh!! last friday went to mitch's house to celebrate his birthday, it was a surprise party for him. organised by kiang tuck, his buddy! hahas. had buffet lahh. then the whole thing was fun and nice lahh. :) i went with nicole. :p hahas! then we left at around 9:20pm. then i go down ecp for training. then yuzhen darling is celebrating her birthday too. at ecp, so i went to find them lohh. yarh. drink a little that day and it's a nice feeling. :) hahas. skated until 2am that day. then go home lohh. yupps. :) hahas.

saturday went to watch the fireworks festival at marina square with maria, wilson, eric, xiaotian, vivian, lionel, gary and one more guy, forget the name already lahh. hahas. so nice lahh the fireworks. :) hehees. after that went back to ecp for the uniform party. LOLS. it'd fun lahh. skate with uniform. hahas! then after lights off we urband to katong, to eat punggol nasi lemak. :) so delicious!!!! :) hehees. yupps. then go zac's place to stay over and i played maple okay!!! train krazeric and i died once at sleepywood lohh!!! so sad lahh. percent drop from 60+ to 58 sia. so sad lahh. end upp thank god i catch upp again, until 83%. hahas. :)

hahas. today didn't go school.. school only two hours.. go also boring. might as well stay at home sleep sia. right eric? hahas! :p yarh.. steven message me today. told me about the media corps interview on-air thingy. the shooting is on wednesday morning. national day that day lohh. hahas. :) how nice. later at night maybe going to meet them first. to discuss about how many skaters they need. lols. yupps.

hahas. yesterday's samsung is like, boring?? cause it rained half way. then kinda boring lahh. hahas. :) lucas break his record of jumping over 10 person lahh. it's 11 person now.. his record. hahas! eric, lionel and xiaotian came today. they saw lucas's jump lahh. :) damn pro lahh. hahas. :) yarh.. hmm.. don't know what else to say already lehh. -.-" hahas. okays lahh. update when i'm free. XD take care to all..

hellos.. like i disappeared?

ermm.. like i disappear from blog a few days? hahas! i didn't go to school yesterday. stomache. hahas! :x lols.

hmm.. actually nothing to blog also lahh. like nothing to say? hahas! lols. hmm.. don't know lehh.. my mood swing is coming.. i'm getting moody.. ohh no.. ohh no.. arghh!!! i don't wanna get moody.. SOMEBODY CHEER ME UPP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ME!!!! * ohh. godd.. what am i suppose to do?? i don't know.. i'm confused.. * haix.

ohh yarhh.. maria change her name to valencia already. last sunday i think. on the confirmation day. yarh. :p hmm. yarhh.. my mummy is going back to malaysia tomorrow. so what lahh. she going to pay respect to mother of goddess. cause she say recently she had bad dreams. and is afraid something bad might happen. so she decided to go back for a few days. like.. lols? hahas!!

ehh.. actually planned to go sentosa on sunday with dada, abiel and geline. but last minute not going cause my mom wanna go back malaysia and is asking my sister to stay at home to look after the two young ones. yupps. lols. hmm.. okays. i'm wondering if i should still go ahead with dada or not. cause he already told steven he wants a day off to go out with me. but if didn't go out like very wasted arhh? don't know lehh. two of us go sentosa ourselves? like what the heck? diaos. okays. let's think about it then. maybe tonight or tomorrow then talk to him about it bahh. okays. hahas.

ehh.. suddenly feel like playing maple.. hahas!! bye then!!!!!!!!!! :)

my poly mates..

woah~ can't believe i didn't blog yesterday and is rushing my project!!! can you imagine me not blogging? lols. yupps. hahas! laziness is taking over me yeah? hahas!!! :) okays. dots. hahas!!
well.. dada went for his team fookers's chalet at downtown east. :( never bring me go lohh. so sad. haix~ lols. okays. hahas! but.... i got school anyways. lols. can't go too. :"( sOOOooo SaDDDD.... i miss him. yeah.. i miss him. hahas! lols. okays. yupps. :) hope he enjoy himself at the chalet bahh. :) hopefully he will!! :) anyway i bet he will lahh. since when he won't enjoy himself? hmphh. even when he's without me lohh. :( haix... ohh there goes my pessimism. sians. argHH! * leave me!!! *

hmm.. well.. guan cheng say i hardly mention about my poly mates in my blog. err. yarh. i agree. but, pardon me cause, i don't really feel like mentioning. hahas! not say i don't wanna let people know about my poly life. i just feel that.. don't know lehh. like nothing special happen mahh. lols. except for the F**Ker lahh. so noisy everyday. hahas. well, let me just write a short paragraph about my poly mates bahh. here goes..

in ngee ann, there're a few who is closer to me, as in, hang out more often, not outside but in campus. sam, guan cheng, ivor, douglas. obviously, they're boys. my course only have me and hayati, the two pathetic girls. but sad to say, i'm not that close to her. :( sam is from pingyi sec, so does ivor and douglas. they're from the same school, that's how i gotta know ivor and douglas. yarh. guan cheng is from yusof ishark sec. ermm, i don't know if i had the correct spelling. hahas! :p okays. yupps. sam's academic has been very consistent.. hmm.. guan cheng must depend on the module. same as me!!! hahas!! okays. hmm, ivor is not in the same class as us but i know his COMPRO is very good. hahas! he teach us okays!! don't play play arghh!! AD for COMPRO horx.. hehees! sam is very strong in his ELTECH. that's why everytime go to him for help. hahas! as for douglas, he's in the business school. so like, what he study we don't understand and what we study, he also don't understand. lols. yupps. but it's nice knowing them lahh. hahas!!! :) so nice. lols. okays. hmm.. what else should i say? ohh yarh.. heard from ivor that sam also got 'suan' in secondary school. but better already after he came to poly. and guan cheng said he from primary school until now still kena 'suan'. lols. ivor is damn good at suan-ing people lahh. if studies can be this pro good sia. hahas! :) hehees. hmm.. don't know what else to write lerx lehh.. next time got anything then write bahh. hahas! don't expect me to write down all the names right??? lols. hahas!!! XD

hmm.. yupps. dada met his cousin yesterday. she went to downtown east to find him. then they went to white sand. dada say when they walk pass a bridal shop, the sales promoter ask them if they wanna get married. i was like, lols? diaos. okays. * i'm not jealous, just find that dada seems to look old already is it? hahas!!! :) * hehees. *winks* old ah pek!!! lols. maybe he look aged bahh. everyday don't have enough sleep. how to don't aged? haix~ so naughty. don't sleep!!! hahas!

recycle is scarY!!!! dada i miss youu...

ohh. finally back to blog. hahas! yupps. hmm. yarhh. feeling so WEIRD in me.. haix.. don't know.. i think my coming menses is taking over me. feeling extremely moody whenever it's nearing the end of the month!!! freak!! and this period of time sure have high posibility to end up quarrelling with dada. how i wish i can be smiling all the way.. no sadness.. no moodiness. no nothing. how i wish... * :: i wish :: i hope :: * haix. god bless me please... i wanna be happy. :) let this moodiness of kat leave at once. let me be the happy kat always.. cause all i want is to be happy. :)

i went for a movie on saturday midnight. before going for movie, i went to dada's house.. bathe and etc. yupps. at first he didn't want to go for the movie cause he wanna play maple. -_-".. :( then javier call him and ask him to go.. then he decided to go. by then, i was already like, no mood to go? then he want me to go. and keep asking why i moody.. unhappy.. i mean.. how to be happy? i already feel unhappy wadd. actually i also don't know why am i unhappy. really don't know lehh. because he don't wanna go for me? or because he wants to play maple? or both? i don't know. i only know.. if one day i hate maple, it's because of him.. cause because of maple, he neglect me.. and also because of maple.. he criticise my care for him. i know game is important to him.. but he has no right to in any way criticise my care and concern for him. it's so hurting whenever he say that i'm jealous over maple. i'm not. i'm just worry about his health. he always don't sleep and play maple until the next morning.. don't have enough rest then the next day events so many.. how not to worry about him?? how to like maple like that? how not to hate maple? haix. i don't deny i got pissed whenever he don't wanna talk to me because he wanna play maple. i'm not jealous over that stupid game.. i got pissed cause i want someone to talk to me.. but he don't wanna even spare me time to talk to him.. i feel neglected by him. seriously neglected by him. i don't wanna feel lonely when i actually have a boyfriend with me.. right by my side.. * i want you to hold me tight.. tell me you love me and will never let me go until the end of time. these are the words i wanna hear from youu but you've never tell me... what are you waiting for?? i don't wanna give up.. neither will i.. all i'll do is to keep on waiting.. waiting for youu til the end of time. yeshh, i'll wait for you..*

i watched recycle. it's so scary. :( scare the freak out of me mann!! arghh! watched it with lucas, lynn, elbry, javier and dada. yarh. after movie we went to play truth and dare in front of takashimaya there. like lols? hahas! lucas did the first dare. he has to take flag a cab and take a picture with the driver. hahas! okays. he did that. follow up was me. i was made to sing twinkle twinkle little stars at the stage there. in front of an angmo and a group of people who walked past? ohh my godd. like so embarrassing?? hahas! but it's okay lahh. nothing to do also mahh. hahas!! hahas! after playing then go to plaza singapura's macs. me and dada eat breakfast! at 6am. lols. then after eating is around 6:30am. javier left with dada and i go home myself, by cab. then reach home around 7am. call dada then i go sleep lerx. yesterday slept the whole day at home. so boring. not i don't wanna go and skate.. is too tired to skate already. -_-" lols. yarh. then mom nag at me. cause i came home in the morning. yarh..

today reach school at 8:30am. late again. lols. yarh. no mood to study. sians. poly life so sians!!! super sians!!!! arghh!!! no mood for blogging now.. wanna update template. bye bye.

lols.i miss skating.. yess.. uploaded... hahas! :P

hahas!!! finally my blog have some pictures already. after so long lahh. hehees. these are the quite recent photos.. nice? hahas! lols. i know ugly lahh.. :( sobs.

yupps. i just finish doing my IAC project report. woah~ the part which i'm supposed to do can be soooooooo darNNNNn long lahh.. like damn long?? a report so long.. wowww~~ it's supposed to be a group report but i did it like an individual one lahh. lols. hahas! :/ so idiotic lohh. hahas! lols.

aiya~ i a bit crazy now lahh. gotta go already. take care everyone.. :)

picturess too uPdate yoU alL abOut mEee.. :p

[[ Introducing my youngest daughter, Melissa. The three of us, at Jurong Ice Skating Rink.. Our Family Photo. Hahas! ]]

[[ My daughter and me. ]]

[[ our innocent looks? hahas! happy together!!! ]]

[[ Hahas! the day we went DXO.. at Inline Culture.. so sweet.. so loving.. :) ]]

[[ my mama, elbryy and me on the day we're going DXO. ]]

[[ hahas! the air-brush tattoo i had on the day i go sentosa with ICians. ]]

[[ this is my new hairstyle. hahas! looks a bit weird arhh? but i'm okay with it now. :) ]]

[[ the desert dada bought for me to eat at Hong Kong Cafe.. my supper. lols. :p ]]

[[ me and my cousins in malaysia.. ]]